OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Forevryoung]

My boyfriend's latest thing with me is "pull my finger"

After playing along a few times, now I take his pointed finger and point it toward the bathroom. He calls me a party pooper and lets it rip anyway

He thinks he was being charming when he promised to never cover my head with the blankets while he farted in bed (that's love for ya )

And to top it all off, he thought this youtube video was hysterical:
Farting in bed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1NwbIiA6vk

 

[Melwood23]

I am only on page 6 and my cat is staring, no...glaring at me, wondering what is wrong with me...

Oh..god I haven't laughed this hard in ages...Thanks!

I love the Mouse Gas.

I also get that when I go to WDW. Actually I get it when ever I go on vacation and eat alot of good food..

I don't eat onion rings very often, but when I do...even I chase myself out of the room

 

[goofygirl]

 

[snowwite]

Last yr my DS had a teacher who in all seriousness sent me a note to (and I quote) "address your child's habit of frequently eructating and flatulating". I went in to speak to Mr.S and I said something like, " So you want me to discipline him for farting?" He turned sooooo wicked red and flustered and told me that "we dont use that kind of language". I was laughing so hard. I said it is a body function. If he said excuse me I dont see the problem. We'll try to lay off the beans for a while. I came so close to sending in the book Everybody Poops as a teacher gift!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everyone_poops

 

[snowwite]

My boyfriend's latest thing with me is "pull my finger"

After playing along a few times, now I take his pointed finger and point it toward the bathroom. He calls me a party pooper and lets it rip anyway

He thinks he was being charming when he promised to never cover my head with the blankets while he farted in bed (that's love for ya )

And to top it all off, he thought this youtube video was hysterical:
Farting in bed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1NwbIiA6vk

Ah, young love

 

[zalansky]

I don't know how I ever missed this thread, especially when I was working a year ago and crusing the net a good deal of the time. Anything that would be entitled a FART THREAD would have caught my eye.

Can't believe the "dutch oven" was only mentioned one time and that it took till page 9 to be mentioned too!

Also, DH calls them Florida Barking Spiders too.

Keep em coming.

 

[Mickey1122]

Last yr my DS had a teacher who in all seriousness sent me a note to (and I quote) "address your child's habit of frequently eructating and flatulating". I went in to speak to Mr.S and I said something like, " So you want me to discipline him for farting?" He turned sooooo wicked red and flustered and told me that "we dont use that kind of language". I was laughing so hard. I said it is a body function. If he said excuse me I dont see the problem. We'll try to lay off the beans for a while. I came so close to sending in the book Everybody Poops as a teacher gift!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everyone_poops

How old was your DS?

 

[Lachesis00]

Flatulent Faux Pas Causes Emergency Jet Landing
Tuesday, December 05, 2006

E-MAIL STORY RESPOND TO EDITOR PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION
An American Airlines flight was brought to an unexpected stop Monday due to an excess of gas … and not the kind used for fuel.

A woman on board a flight bound for Dallas/Fort Worth apparently struck several matches in an attempt to hide a flatulent faux pas, reported the Tennessean.

The flight was brought in for an emergency landing after passengers reported a burning smell. After investigators began questioning people, the woman admitted to striking the matches while trying to hide her "body odor." She is from the Dallas area and reportedly has a medical condition.

When reports of the smells were heard, the plane landed in Nashville and all passengers and crew members were brought off board. Bomb-sniffing dogs were then called to the scene and they tracked down the used matches.

The flight took off again after the incident, but the woman was not allowed back on board. American Airlines has reportedly banned her for a long time. Although it is illegal to strike a match on a plane, the woman was not charged with any crime.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

OMG..I can't stop laughing and I'm really trying not to laugh TOO loud or I'll wake up DS.

The other night, I was giving him a bath and he stood up in the water. I told him to sit down, but at the same moment I said that, he cut a really gross fart. I waved my hand in front of my nose and said, "Eeew. Stinky!". DS grins the biggest grin he can grin and then cuts another one, just as bad.

TOV

 

[bettyann29]

Flatulent Faux Pas Causes Emergency Jet Landing
Tuesday, December 05, 2006

E-MAIL STORY RESPOND TO EDITOR PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION
An American Airlines flight was brought to an unexpected stop Monday due to an excess of gas … and not the kind used for fuel.

A woman on board a flight bound for Dallas/Fort Worth apparently struck several matches in an attempt to hide a flatulent faux pas, reported the Tennessean.

The flight was brought in for an emergency landing after passengers reported a burning smell. After investigators began questioning people, the woman admitted to striking the matches while trying to hide her "body odor." She is from the Dallas area and reportedly has a medical condition.

When reports of the smells were heard, the plane landed in Nashville and all passengers and crew members were brought off board. Bomb-sniffing dogs were then called to the scene and they tracked down the used matches.

The flight took off again after the incident, but the woman was not allowed back on board. American Airlines has reportedly banned her for a long time. Although it is illegal to strike a match on a plane, the woman was not charged with any crime.

are you sure she was banned for the matches or for smelling??

 

[bettyann29]

Last yr my DS had a teacher who in all seriousness sent me a note to (and I quote) "address your child's habit of frequently eructating and flatulating". I went in to speak to Mr.S and I said something like, " So you want me to discipline him for farting?" He turned sooooo wicked red and flustered and told me that "we dont use that kind of language". I was laughing so hard. I said it is a body function. If he said excuse me I dont see the problem. We'll try to lay off the beans for a while. I came so close to sending in the book Everybody Poops as a teacher gift!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everyone_poops

In all seriousness... when I was growing up we werent allowed to say the "F" word.. Fart that is.. This was a bad word in our house and if we said it we got punished.. the funny thing is my parents cuss like sailors and fart is a bad word to them..

 

[ClaraBug]

Can't believe the "dutch oven" was only mentioned one time and that it took till page 9 to be mentioned too!

Also, DH calls them Florida Barking Spiders too.

I have heard barking spiders before, dh calls them swedish ducks too.

DH is one of those people who sleeps with the covers over his head....so needless to say he has given himself a dutch oven multiple times. He has learned that if it "burns" comin' out to stick his head out from under the covers.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

You all are killing me!

 

[Chuck65]

Sad to say, but I've blamed them on the dog before Before I was married, my mom and I were sitting on the couch watching TV with my yellow lab right by my feet. I felt one really start to boil. So instead of getting up and leaving the room, I tilted to one side and let the cushion kind of muffle of the sound. About 5 seconds later my eyes start to cross. I start trying to discreetly blow this monster away from me when mom gets a whiff. She looks at me and I see her nose start to crinkle up. I immediately jump up and say,"Dang that dog stinks!" My dog looks at me like what the heck did I do? I put the dog in his pen, come back inside, and tell my mom that the last time I let him eat cheap dog food.

 

[photobob]

During my brother's wedding years ago, during a rather quiet part of the service someone in the back of the church let out an absolute elephant fart. I was a groomsman and was trying everything I could do to keep a straight face and I definately avoided making eye contact with my other brother and uncle.

I like to go shopping with my wife and leave a thick silent one with her and walk away so anyone coming down the aisle will think it was her.

 

[photobob]

If a woman farts in the woods and there is no one there to smell it, did the dog still do it?

 

[lilybelle]

My husband was reading this thread last night and says, "Yeah, but no one has almost caused a car accident by farting!" Then proceeds to tell me the following:

When he was in college he, his roommate, and another friend were going out. They all climbed in his roommate's car, with my husband in the back. As they start to pull out my husband feels the "need" and being a guy just lets it go. It was an SBD and he kind of chuckles because apparently it was BAD (he had chili earlier). So his roommate (who is driving) hears the chuckle and says, "What's so funny, did you fart back there?"

My husband says, "No!, I just remembered something funny."

Roommate: "Good! Because I almost did this!!" He then proceeds to turn toward the back seat and takes a HUGE sniff of the air back there. My husband says his roommate immediately began to gag and cough and the friend in the passenger's seat had to grab the steering wheel so they didn't hit a cement divider.

Judging by the way he told this story, I think it could be one of his proudest moments!

 

[Chuck65]

Every time I see these farting preacher videos I get cracked up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZMKWJ36ABQ&mode=related&search=

 

[disneyeveryyear]

A couple of weeks ago, exbf and I were just lounging around on my bed. He was on his stomach, I was on my back. He told me that he had to fart really badly, but it just wasn't happening

My DS12 has created a word for this condition (obviously he suffers from it also) - he calls it "constifarted."

We all rolled when he came up with this one (at WDW no less).

 

[bntlyclg89]

Ok so my DH and I call farts "doodles" I have no reason why....anyway there are a line of toys with "doodle" in the title, like Magna Doodle but the ones we can't help but laugh at are "Monster Doodle" (and trust me he's had some) and "Aqua Doodle". He likes this one so much I'm considering getting him one for Xmas.

We went to an office lunch the other day and used the word "doodle" for fart in a conversation and one of the ladies (not really quick on the uptake) said "What did they doodle?" DH and I cracked up and another woman looked at her and said "Jane, they farted" in a loud voice. The rest of the restaurant didn't look too pleased.