OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[OhMari]

Ok, I think I just released a million endorphins. Gosh, I can't breath.

Did you ever power walk by yourself, it is like weight lifting, I think you suck a lot of air in when you exercise. Anyway, when this happens, I look behind me to see if anyone is there and I shock even myself how loud they are . I take my sisters dog along when she isn't walking with me and the dog either whines if he is behind me or he barks wondering what the noise is.

When I walk with my 3 sisters, my one sister calls it squishing ducks. "OH, I just squished a duck".

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

TOO FREEKIN' FUNNY!!!

When I was in my 20's my friend and I were big into weight lifting. We actually considered body building but that's a whole different story. Anyway,we went to a party and Trish got really hammered. I look over at the group she was talkin' to and hear her say to some guy,"I could lift you,no problem", and she proceeds to lift him,and lets the biggest fart rip!!!! She was so embarrassed she went off and cried! I stilll laugh when I think of it.
She still hates when I remind her of it!!!!!

Oh my god, I laughing hysterically at work!!!! I can't breathe!!!

 

[rascalmom]

My little dog will growl or bark at his rear when he farts - I think he thinks something is trying to sneak up on him (and boy are they stinky!)

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

My dog will fart and quickly jump up and turn in circles trying to figure out what just happened.

 

[sunsprinkle24]

we were at the go cart tracks a couple years ago and theres a sign with all the warnings, etc of who should not ride and someone had changed the H in heart problems to an F and blacked out the e.....making it Fart problems. The kids and I laughed and laughed and to this day when we are at go cart tracks one of us will mutter, 'fart problems'. (maybe you had to be there )

There is a joke I received once about a woman who loves beans but they give her gas so badly she doesn't eat them often. So one day she decides to really pig out on them. That afternoon her boyfriend picks her up and takes her to his house, and tells her he has a surprise for her. He blindfolds her as they walk in and sits her at the table. Just then the phone rings...while he is on the phone in the other room, she has to fart. So she does, several times, each one worse than the first. Boyfriend comes back, takes off the blindfold, and there at the table is a cake and a group of their friends ....

 

[disney funseeker]

this thread is a toot!

A friend I used to work with used to sneak up behind me occasionally and poke a finger on each side of my body. You can guess the sound that sometimes came out, and it wasn't a scream.
This is the same person who was walking ahead of me up some stairs, swinging her arms pretty freely and managed to land a finger up one of my nostrils.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

This is the same person who was walking ahead of me up some stairs, swinging her arms pretty freely and managed to land a finger up one of my nostrils.

Now how in the world could that have happened? I would have loved to have been there to have seen that.

 

[disney funseeker]

Now how in the world could that have happened? I would have loved to have been there to have seen that.

I was following too closely behind her and looked up when it happened. It was so funny, I still remember it years later.

 

[arminnie]

One time my mother and 3 of her sisters were visiting in Blanchard Springs, some beautiful caverns in Northern Arkansas. The guide giving the tour was discusssing the bat guano, and how the bat guano was hundreds of years old.

My deadly gasiferous aunt proceeds to do what she does best (totally oblivious - maybe her sense of smell is as bad as her hearing). Anyway - one of the other tourist tells the tour director "I think I can smell that bat guano."

My mother and the other two sisters just totally lost it. The guilty one is a little out of it and has no idea what she did nor why her sisters are rolling on the floor laughing.

A few years later my father and I are taking the same tour. When they came to the bat guano part of the tour - I proceed to tell my dad the story of Aunt X. He starts laughing so hard that I thought we were going to have to leave the tour.

 

[belle_of_the_ball]

im on here while im doing my homework...shhhhhhhh!

i have a very funny thing to say though..when my little brother started band..he took up the tuba (what kid takes up the tuba???) lets just say..he couldnt position his lips right..so every time he'd play it would sound more like a fart than a regular tuba..I couldnt go in my house and hear him practice w/o laughing soooo hard i wet my pants

He no longer plays the tuba (thank the lord) he plays guitar..hes good at that

 

[luvflorida]

As my mother and I were shopping one day we came upon an aisle in which there were 2 little old ladies. One went around the corner, farted a horribly stinky fart (and by the way loud but I guess it's kinda like a tree in the woods). She then called over to her friend in the next aisle "Don't come over here Mary!!" Mary didn't and neither did we. Now whenever I have to let loose in public I go around the corner, come back and tell DSis not to go over there.

Wow! You people didn't disappoint me! I just got back home and I have to leave again in a few minutes, but I HAD to check in on this thread.

Once again, I'm laughing like a crazy person and the tears are starting! My sides are aching!

"Don't come over here Mary!!"

I didn't think they could get any funnier, but this one put me over the edge!!

Keep them coming!!!!!!!

 

[Poohnatic]

These are all cracking me up!

Several of these resemble my DH, lol!!!

A favorite show of mine has a who routine about farting-Space Ghost. I'm off to find the transcripts, but I have it on a CD. DS6 loves the cd, but now when someone farts "What died in here?" like Brak does!

Found it. Funnier when watching "Cartoon Planet", funnier still when listening on CD, but still amusing


Space Ghost:
Okay, who let a fluffy?
Zorak:
Fluffy?
Space Ghost:
It's mighty smelly in here. Zorak, did you let a fluffy?
Zorak:
What are you talking about?
Space Ghost:
Come on, you know what fluffies are!
Zorak:
Is that like a pootie?
Space Ghost:
What's a pootie?
Zorak:
You know, pootie. Poo-tie.
Space Ghost:
No, I don't think so. I swear, somebody let a fluffy!
Brak:
Shooo! What died in here?!

 

[swankybeth]

These stories are great!

 

[airhead]

This thread was my contribution to dinner talk. My partner thinks I'm immature
and i don't care!!!! fffpphhhhhh!

More stories please!!!!

 

[Jen_in_NH]

When DH and I started dating, both of us were really careful never to fart in front of each other. One day, we were going out somewhere, and on the way there, I had the worst gas cramps. I kept holding it in as long as I could. When I realized it was now or never, I turned the radio up really loud. Thank God, because it must have been the world's loudest, smelliest fart. Too bad I didn't roll down the window too

DH turns to me, and says "I've been waiting months for you to do that so I wouldn't be the first one" Considering some of the stuff I've smelled from him, I wish I could take back that fart.

This thread is wicked funny. Keep it comin'

Jen

 

[geetey]

Considering some of the stuff I've smelled from him, I wish I could take back that fart.
Jen

OMG!!!!!! hahahahahahhahahahhahahahaaa! That statement is TOO funny! And SO True!

 

[RickinNYC]

See Rick, that's the thing. I would understand if a real-live person hung up on me...BUT IT WAS A COMPUTER!

Oh no! LOLOLOL!!!

 

[mrsheppo]

OMG you guys have given me my best laugh of the day

My story was of my dear father(God rest his soul) drinking carrot juice one day. Carrot juice gave him the worst gas. He was getting ready for bed and let one rip. The noxious fumes were so bad that our poor cat came racing out of the bedroom as fast as he could, ran straight into the bathroom door and knocked himself out cold. Poor kitty stayed away from my dad after that.

 

[mssocks]

I was not present at this event, but it had achieved greatness in our family lore. DSis was and is known for the worst smellers you can imagine. We all appreciate a good effort, but these make you put your shirt over your nose. So DSis and other DSis are shopping with DMom in an upscale department store, in the winter coat section no less. Infamous DSis drops one that would have stopped Godzilla in his tracks. Poor Mom nearby. Both DSis turn and say loudly, "Oh MOTHER!!!!". Bet they had to throw those coats away....

We do a similar thing to "Don't come over here, Mary". Our code phrase is "We need to leave the area NOW". No one questions, we all run!

I love my Mom's remarks - "It smells like something crawled up inside of you and died!" She can, of course, criticize because hers are not that smelly but are the best LOUD ones I've ever heard. KaBOOM and then "aaaahhhhhhh".

Since I tattled on my family I will confess also. I was holding one in at the office ( I was young then ) and tried to get to the Ladies Room to relieve myself. I bump into an elderly family friend ( read stuffy ) who asked me what was wrong with my foot. ( I was walking with cheeks clenched ) "Oh nothing" I replied, "these are just new shoes!"

At my current job, there was a girl who sat in the front of the room and was deaf in one ear. I was in the back and bent over to pick up a file. Of course out one came - a snapper at that! And SHE says "What was THAT???" It's pretty bad when the deaf girl hears them.

 

[Poohnatic]

At my current job, there was a girl who sat in the front of the room and was deaf in one ear. I was in the back and bent over to pick up a file. Of course out one came - a snapper at that! And SHE says "What was THAT???" It's pretty bad when the deaf girl hears them.

We have a winner!

Suzanne