Oh no Nephew changed wedding to our cruise departure date UPDATE OP

[gillenkl]

I would not change your vacation plans - let your extended family know asap and send the couple a nice gift.

 

[princessmorgan]

I also say go on your cruise. You need to make the best decision for your family. I would make the call sooner than later though. It's only going to get harder the longer you wait.

 

[diznee25]

My SIL who got married a few years ago had an Aunt who couldn't come to the wedding....her mother's sister. As busy as she was that day being a bride and getting married, I don't think she dwelled on who wasn't there.

When Dh and I married 8 years ago, I had Aunts/Uncles who didn't show up. Heck, my Dad didn't even show. On the day of my wedding it didn't cross my mind who was there and who wasn't.....it was my special day.

Do what you want to do. I say keep your vacation and send them a nice gift!

diznee25

 

[sissy_ib]

This may sound harsh but I don't understand big weddings. The wedding should be for the bride and groom not a show. Their marriage will not suffer because you are not there. I say go on the cruise.

 

[mom2maggie]

None of my family came to my wedding -even though they knew 5 months in advance and I didn't change the date. In fact, one of them went on a cruise! (My aunt). Maybe that is why I'm saying GO GO GO!

 

[Mikey'swife]

I would go on your cruise. Not to be too harsh but you mentioned that other family told you about the change not the bride and groom- so technically you could not even know now

You made plans and took into consideration their date- your immediate family made a decision and you should be able to stick with it even through they changed their minds.

You can not please everyone, it is impossible.

 

[QVCshopper]

I would talk to your sister now and tell her the truth. My sister has decided on a destination wedding that will be fairly expensive for us to attend. When I told her my concerns about the price, location, etc., she said she'd move it to an adult resort if we couldn't come... No biggie. We are the only ones with young kids. She didn't feel like I was hurting her, although I was upset. If the price or location changes, we may change our minds though.

 

[Jey12]

I vote to go on the cruise. As far as your sister being mad at you, we have a saying in our family for things like that, "she can get happy in the same pants she got mad in." I agree family first, and that's exactly what you're doing, YOUR family first. Why is your sister's family more important than your own? It's a wedding, you are only going to see the bride and groom for a few minutes at most and the rest of the time will be spent chatting with other family members, wishing you were on your cruise. Why? I wouldn't blame your nephew for changing the date, it sounds like they have it well thought out and planned. Not to mention there's a good chance his deployment date will change again and maybe yet again before he actually deploys. If like any good family eventually and usually sooner rather than later another issue is going to happen and someone else will take your place as the black sheep. It's a cycle and usually all but one at some point gets to be that black sheep, because there's always the one person in any family that can do no wrong.

Personally it sounds like your family kind of has their nose too far into your personal life as it is. If they would look down upon you taking a cruise anyway because they think you don't have the finances. As long as you don't owe any of them money you don't have to explain a family vacation or any purchase to anyone. I'd call your sister and nephew both and apologize that if you've heard right their new wedding date is right in the middle of a cruise you've had planned for years. Explain you've looked into changing the date and if it becomes possible later in the year (sometimes Disney will offer other discounts the closer the sail dates get) that you would be happy to change your cruise and attend the wedding. As it stands right now you just don't have the funds to pay almost double the original cost to reschedule and that you'd like to celebrate their marriage in another way either before or after the wedding, and actually do it. As for anyone else in the family so be it, they really aren't involved and their thoughts would be important to me, but it wouldn't change my mind. Honestly what are the chances that your sister, other relatives that will get bent of of shape over this and others will all attend the weddings (or other as important events) of all of your children? You will probably be upset many years down the road to find the same consideration you are making now is not going to be extended to you and your children. Or at least that's been my personal experience.

 

[Pigeon]

I'd go on the cruise. I don't understand the need to be so irate if everyone can't make the wedding.

 

[Swan4Me]

One of my nephews got married out of town the day before we left for a Disney Vacation-we went on vacation
(Always had a bad vibe from the girl and he ended up kicking her out a couple years later for drug involvement-so I dint miss much)

 

[ancestry]

I would still go ony vacation and would explain we already had plans for the new date.

My sister-in-law planned her wedding on the weekend we had to move from PA to ME. We didn't go.

Immediate family comes first over extended family (ie nephew).

 

[LMN]

I say go on your cruise and have a great time! Honestly, they haven't even had the manners to notify you of the change in date personally. I say that since they haven't notified you, they don't also get the right to be ticked off at you. If it was so important for you to be there, they would have let you know they changed their date. I would send them a nice gift, however. Have fun on your cruise!

 

[branv]

Why is your sister's family more important than your own? It's a wedding, you are only going to see the bride and groom for a few minutes at most and the rest of the time will be spent chatting with other family members, wishing you were on your cruise.

This! I think most of us can look back at our weddings and admit that there were only a small handful of people we really spent anymore than a few minutes with. Things are too crazy, too much going on. Everyone thinks before they have a wedding they will get these big moments with everyone in their life, but it just doesn't happen. And you're not even that close to him?If that's really the case, this isn't about family, this is about family politics. So which is more important: your immediate family or caving into someone who might bully/guilt you over a completely understandable situation.

When it really comes down to it, if it were really SO important that you were there, they would have checked with you when deciding on the exact date for the change. But you weren't consulted, so apparently your attendance is not vital.

I loved my wedding, but really...besides the officiant, the only people that really mattered in this scenario were me and DH. A person simply being present didn't assure they really cared nor did their absence mean they didn't love us. The fluff of guest lists, parties, etc can be fun, but that's all it is. Fluff. Turning it into angst and drama is focusing on the wrong thing. Period. And that's your family's choice (and problem) -- not yours.

 

[disykat]

I didn't have a single one of my 10 aunts or uncles at my wedding. We got married very close to Christmas and lived far from family. We knew that with that combo we'd get few relatives. If it hadn't been Christmas,realistically ONE set may have been able to come. One of dh's uncles and aunts were coming, but were kept home by a winter storm.

I love all my aunts and uncles, but the wedding wasn't a family reunion. It was about having the wedding when it was convenient for the key players - bride, groom, parents, siblings.

So far two of my neices/nephews have gotten married. One was very small and we weren't invited. The other fell on the weekend of our son's confirmation and we couldn't go - we would have otherwise.

I think you should send your love and best wishes, attend as many of the other wedding festivities you can, and enjoy your cruise.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm so torn, when does my family come first?

When you make the decision to put you guys first.

Personally it sounds like your family kind of has their nose too far into your personal life as it is. If they would look down upon you taking a cruise anyway because they think you don't have the finances.

I agree.

My husband's family is too involved in who is doing what and how, and what they should be doing instead, and it makes me crazy. DH knows that, but as soon as his mom asks him a $ question, he answers! Augh! None of her business.




I'm different, because I did notice who was there and who was not, BUT I was in charge of my wedding. I didn't have anyone planning it for me. So ALL of the invitations were through me (and DH), and I was very hand's on. When my friends, who married young, were doing that, their moms got the responses and they sometimes didn't even know who had been invited. Very different when you're the one doing it all, which is probably why I remember all of it.

But even I, a person that did know and still holds tiny grudges over a few people who didn't come, say GO. You will have to pay an extra $3000 to change your dates! Will you even be *able* to do that? I know that for me $4000 for a vacation requires something special to happen, but at this time, $7000 will not happen.

They set the date, you set your vacation, they changed the date. Just not worth it to cancel when *guilt* and *lack of arguments with sister* are the only reasons.... I know that I certainly didn't want someone to come to my wedding if those were the reasons!

 

[LindyN]

That cruise has been booked for a long time, and pricing has pretty much doubled for those summer sailings, if you can find one. Plenty of people book summer vacations a year in advance, and this wedding date changed.

Send your regrets and do something nice for the couple, but take your family vacation.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I couldn't miss my nephew's wedding because it would hurt me to miss it. I can take vacations any time -- maybe not the exact one planned but it's not something I would miss his wedding over.

If I didn't have a close relationship with him and my sister, I would go on the vacation.

 

[burnurcomputer]

Go on the cruise, send a nice gift. Throw a party for them or maybe a donation to the wedding.

 

[Kies99]

I would NOT change the cruise - because YOUR family comes first. Maybe its because we aren't super close with all of our extended family, but I was always raised that the most important relationship to worry about is your immediate family. If this cruise is important to you and your immediate family, then your extended family will just have to deal. Life is TOO short to change your life around for their convenience.

BINGO! Hit the nail on the head! I totally agree with this. I have two brothers and my parents. I'm married with two daughters. My wife and daughters take precendence over my brothers and parents now.

OP...you've already stated you're not that close with the nephew. If your sister has a problem with you not attending, it's your sisters problem. You had your cruise planned with the understanding that the wedding was a year away. While I completely understand the date moving and would have no issue with that, your immediate family now takes precedence.

Send a nicer gift than perhaps you might have planned and include a nice note saying sorry you couldn't make. Then enjoy your cruise!

 

[littlezar]

Go on your cruise!

My husband is active duty Marine Corps. Deployment dates can (and have) changed in a heartbeat. This year he was supposed to leave in July and they left 3 1/2 months early and are still gone. 2009 had a scheduled deployment, 2010 had 3 months in Haiti for Humanitarian Assistance, followed by 4 months deployed in late summer. I suppose it's different when I say "Our family comes first" since DH misses a lot being deployed and mostly everyone understands that. I do understand the feeling that the kids are growing up and wondering how many family vacations do we really have left.