TomKat's Wedding Not Even Legal, Let Alone Palatable
13/11/2006 12:40:00 AM
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With the wedding festivities just three days away, NOW Tom Cruise finds out his vows won't be recognized.
by Ryan Porter
TomKat's Wedding Not Even Legal, Let Alone Palatable
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are set to get their matrimony on in a three-day throw down beginning Thursday, November 16, and the wedding plans sound like a fairy tale, especially because they are reportedly all make believe. The wedding is expected to take place at Odescalchi Castle, a 15th century castle near the lake-side town of Bracciano, but the mayor says she has received no paperwork to render the vows legally binding. "On an Italian level, there are papers and documents that we certainly don't have," Mayor Patrizia Riccioni told Reuters.
Though the mayor has given no confirmation the wedding will be held in the small city of Bracciano, population 15,509, she did drop one eyebrow-jolting clue. "The only thing we have received in the past days is a request to clear the square in front of the castle," she said, and then smiled. "It is a hint, not evidence." As in a HINT, HINT? If they wind up clearing the square to show off local livestock, there are going to be a lot of irate reporters hurling bricks.
Tom's status as a double divorcé is also causing pre-wedding drama. The region's priest, Monsignor Nicola Fiorentini, has flatly refused to conduct a Catholic ceremony for TomKat, and it's not because he thinks the couple is made up of two cats. "Cruise is divorced," the priest said. "Even if he were not, another fundamental requirement would be missing--the authorisation of the parish."
So maybe it won't be a legally binding ceremony but based on reports flowing forth from Italy, the wedding is shaping up to be more fun than 100 silent births. The three-day event is said to be split between some sort of celebrity social thing on Thursday, November 16, that will include Scientologist big shots John Travolta and Kirstie Alley along with Katie's designated BFF, Posh Spice herself, Victoria Beckham.
Friday, November 17, is Catholic day, with a Catholic wedding ceremony planned at the Castle (though the party-pooping priest might ixnay all that). Last but definitly not least, especially for good laughs, is what has been called a "final ritual," held Saturday, November 18--an all-Scientology wed-fest. One of the lines in the vows is, "Girls need clothes/And food and/Tender happiness and frills/A pan, a comb,/perhaps a cat." It's like the priest is reading out the registry.
The depths of luxury Tom is reportedly stooping to for this wedding would be ghastly if they didn't sound so great. One report claims that over 100 limos have been ordered, over 300 bodyguards are on standby and the famous tenor Andrea Bocelli will be singing "Ave Maria" during the ceremony. Posh Spice will be singing "Wannabe," but only after about a dozen cocktails.