Official support thread for Adults with controlling mothers

[luvdzne]

I decided to start a new thread as we were starting to take over beckmrk04's thread talking about our mothers with bipolar or bipolar like symptoms.

Feel free to talk about your experiences offer words of support and wisdom. Apparently there are a lot of us out there.

 

[lucyanna girl]

I just posted on the OPs thread so I won't repeat myself but may I join your suppot group, please?

Penny

 

[luvdzne]

I just posted on the OPs thread so I won't repeat myself but may I join your suppot group, please?

Penny

Please do, it's good to know I'm not alone

 

[beckmrk04]

I'm not sure if my mom is bi-polar. She fits the definition of "borderline" to a T, though.

But, she wasn't always like this; or if she was, her anger and outbursts weren't directed at me until I was older, so I didn't notice.

And I think she needs help. But, she doesn't. She is fine: everyone else is crazy/has a problem.

 

[luvdzne]

I'm not sure if my mom is bi-polar. She fits the definition of "borderline" to a T, though.

But, she wasn't always like this; or if she was, her anger and outbursts weren't directed at me until I was older, so I didn't notice.

And I think she needs help. But, she doesn't. She is fine: everyone else is crazy/has a problem.

Unfortunately another one of the affects of bipolar is that they don't really see what they are doing as wrong. Whenever I have brought things up to my mom as to what she had done, she will deny ever doing them. Maybe she doesn't really remember doing them or maybe she sees it in a different light than me. I don't know.

I am the oldest so all my mother's anger was taken out on me growing up. She did a lot of playing one against the other with my siblings and I. We grew up hating each other most of our childhood and early adulthood because of it.

I grew up wondering what I did to make her hate me so much and why I could never do anything good enough for her.

I had a wonderful therapist up until we moved that helped me understand a great deal. It took many years before he could get me to understand that she is who she is, she will not change and nothing in the world I did would make her the mother I have always wished she could be. The relationship I had with my mother was very toxic to me the way it was, once I came to realize she is who she is and accept that, our relationship has become much better. It will never be 100% though. I am o.k. with that.

Becky I hope you have a great vacation you deserve it!

 

[Marseeya]

I don't know if my mother is bipolar, but she sure seems like it. She's definitely manipulative and controlling. We have such a love/hate relationship. I don't know what I'd do without her, but at the same time she makes me so miserable.

I'm adopted. What's weird is, my DS is turning out just like my mom. So I had to grow up with a lot of verbal and mental abuse and now I'm a parent to a kid giving me the same kind of abuse.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

My mom's bipolar, has been my whole life. We've been through many psychotic breaks and hospitalizations through the years. Now she's suffering from dementia. Ironically, the nursing home keeps her on her meds, so if we could reach her, she might actually be someone I'd like to get to know. Unfortunately, the dementia is taking over fast. I don't know how much longer she'll live.

I wish I could be more emotional about her illness--if my dad had dementia, I'd be devastated. But it's just one more thing to go through with my mother.

BTW, a friend loaned me the book "Trapped in the Mirror", about borderline personalities. There are definitely similarities to bipolar.

 

[beckmrk04]

It will never be 100% though. I am o.k. with that.
Becky I hope you have a great vacation you deserve it!

This is kind of where I am heading- I know I'm not going to get to have the relationship I want with my mom, and it's just one of those things.

Dh and I are trying to get pregnant right now, and I am absolutely determined to make sure my children never feel this way about ME.

And thanks! I plan on having a wonderful, stress and drama-free vacation!