offensive word

[Goobergal99]

I didn't read through all the posts... but honestly it is a word and yes my DH has a close family member who is mentally challenged and while I wouldn't refer to her that way... I wouldn't get so upset if the word was used either... That is the problem with words... we allow them to invoke a certain emotion in us... if we didn't then there would be no reason to ban them

 

[ChrisandDon'sMommy]

Have any of you seen the movie? The word isn't used to hurt anyone. It was used to describe actual roles by Hollywood actors, like "Forrest Gump" or "I am Sam".

But, wait!

Where was the outrage and concern when those movies were shown? Is it selective concern being showcased here? Do yourself a favor and don't jump at anything deemed controversial until you've seen what is being deemed so. To be quite honest, those that set up the protests didn't do their research (i.e., watch the movie). It hurt their cause.

 

[Camno's Mama]

As a close family member of someone with Down's syndrome, I have to say that I am disappointed with some of the responses on this thread. I'm sure that I'll probably be slammed for this, but I am somewhat confused (though I did get almost a 30 on my ACT, and I also have a Master's degree -- so it's not for lack of intelligence ).

I understand that calling people "fat" or "stupid," for example, can be offensive. Personally, as someone who is more overweight than I would like to be, in addition to also being blonde, I often find myself in situations where I can be easily offended. However, I am able to defend myself (if I so choose).

My family member, however, is not capable of speaking up for or defending herself. Although, from what I gather from some of these posts, this is just fine. We loved ones are only making things worse for her by trying to protect her from being hurt by thoughtless people who use her genetic abnormality as a way of insulting others.

Seriously?

Please don't insult this sweet girl even more by placing her on the same level as a s***. I agree that the "r" word and the "s" word can both be considered offensive, and the usage of both (specifically in the classroom) should be dealt with APPROPRIATELY, but not necessarily EQUALLY. Can you seriously tell me that my family member's GIVEN way of life equates with the CHOSEN way of life of another?

I'm sorry (not really), but my family member did not "decide" to become "********" sick: I cringe at the sight/sound of this word). On the other hand, a s*** was not born that way -- (s)he made decisions that made her/him to become considered in that way. Plus, I assume that just because someone acts promiscuously at some point in their life, they are not confined to a life of promiscuity. Likewise, people who are overweight (or even blonde) have the opportunity to change themselves if they feel so inclined.

Though the use of each of these "conditions" as a means to insult could be potentially disparaging, they are not equal. If I discovered that a teacher did NOT give preferential treatment towards the emotional impact of such insults on my family member (or any other person with an unavoidable "condition"), THEN I would be livid!

Yes, teachers should instruct their students on the inappropriateness of such words, but please don't punish them equally.

BTW - Since this was also mentioned previously, I suppose that I should mention that I do realize that race is not a chosen way of life as well, but I can't say that I have ever seen racial slurs being thrown around in such an (apparently) accepted manner as the "r" word. Neither of these are appropriate!

So, please, don't approve of someone insulting my family member by using the "r" word to insult others. By accepting this, you are just as guilty as doing it.

Oh, and I'm sorry if any s***s were offended by my post. You made the decision to live this way (whether you are happy or not), but you also have the potential to change -- a luxury my family member does not have.

I have to say that I really disagree with some parts of your post...namely the part that is in bold. If you are talking about kids here, then I do not believe that kids choose that kind of behavior. Even in the case of an adult, you have no idea what their life experiences have been or what has made them that way. Many people have talked about self esteem here...well, that is one of the most obvious symptoms of a low one. Maybe someone was busy calling them some of the other names before they got called this one. Who knows?

I think that being judgemental is what gets us in the place where people use these names. Who are we to decide what name is worse? You have no idea where a person's self hatred comes from. Yes, using the "r" word is cruel and ignorant; however, It shows a complete lack of tolerance to say that some people deserve to be called names, though.

This whole thing where we say some names are worse than others or whatever is kind of ridiculous. It's always bad to pick on others, and in the case of children, many just don't know what the words mean. When I was growing up the "f" word was used a lot for gay people. It was sooooo common. After people were educated about what it meant it was used a lot less. That is our job as adults...just teach them. They use what they hear, and I'm not sure why consequences are even necessary unless some of the kids are out of control. As a teacher and a parent, I've learned that the bigger the deal you make of it, the more they want to use it.

And you do have to teach them to have a thick skin because you won't change everyone. You have to teach them that they can be better, and to surround themselves with loving, open-minded and tolerant individuals.

 

[PrincessPAC]

I never said that any child deserves to be call names. I think that calling anyone names calls for some sort of repercussion. The severity of the discipline is where the problem lies. By punishing these words equally, we are sending the message that being mentally challenged is just as bad as being promiscuous. THAT is what I don't agree with.

 

[MickeyMoose]

We have from day one advised our children that word is not acceptable. "But for the Grace of God. . .", and it not only is offensive to the mentally challenged, it makes the user of the word sound ignorant. One more thing for our children to pass on to their children: Respect of others.

 

[Camno's Mama]

I never said that any child deserves to be call names. I think that calling anyone names calls for some sort of repercussion. The severity of the discipline is where the problem lies. By punishing these words equally, we are sending the message that being mentally challenged is just as bad as being promiscuous. THAT is what I don't agree with.

I guess I hope to teach my kids that none of those things are "bad". That it isn't for use to decide. And that all names are hurtful, and that there isn't some kind of scale out there where we determine what is "worse".

I hope that my kids will someday understand that not everyone comes from a good and loving home, and that they learn different lessons than we do. And that people aren't always told that they are special and wonderful, and sometimes they do things that are considered "bad". And that calling them names is no better than using the "r" word.

I guess what I'm saying is that neither is bad, and that teaching kids that they should be punished more for some names than others only teaches them that we consider some names acceptable, but not all names.

 

[Octoberbabiesrus]

You spelled received wrong. Remember, I before E except after C. Also, achievements is spelled incorrectly.
Just thought I would point that out.

My apologies, I am a SAHM/Homeschooling mother of a autistic 5 yo old, and a 10month old whom thinks he is exempt from sleeping, I am lucky to be functioning. My laptop keyboard bites, so excuse me.

 

[Octoberbabiesrus]

Oh, but did you get a FULL Scholarship?

What kind of comment is that? Jealous much?

 

[I_Know_You2!]

What kind of comment is that? Jealous much?

Must be. It couldn't be that I think your bragging to be out of place, and over the top.

 

[Kaler131]

It is very sad how frenquently kids will use it and pick up on it from other kids at school. My DS11 said it a couple of times (and he is an MRDD special needs student ) and thought nothing about it. I told him that it was unaccptable to use it in a derogatory manner and he has NEVER said it again (at least not in froun of me!)

 

[Darcy03231]

No, I don't. Those words are hurtful, but not as offensive. They do receive consequences for using those words, just not detention. And in all my years of teaching, I have never had a parent "livid" at me for this reason. They actually all appreciate it and back me up 100%. Even the few who have had to stay. I don't address it until it becomes a problem, then we discuss it as a class, we come to an understanding, and I inform the parents of the consequences if it is used again.

Sorry, but I find those words just as hurtful and offensive as "retard". If you gave my child a detention for calling another child a name you find offensive and didn't give another child the same punishment for calling my child I name I find offensive, you and I would be having a meeting. If you're going to give a punishment for name calling-whatver the name may be, it needs to be consistent across the board.

 

[kjetjl]

I have read through the first several pages of the thread but did not read all of them.

I just want to say a heartfelt thank you to the OP.

My sister attended special education and came home very upset one day. I was 12 at the time-she was 9. I still tear up when I think of it and I am 38 years old.

She finally was able to express that kids were calling her a retard at school on the playground. I have never seen her as upset as I did that day.

 

[LolaCola]

My typically deveoping 14 year old son has heard the word from his middle school peers, as well as from his childfree aunt (and short bus jokes from her as well... ) and it bothers him. He can't help but think of his beautiful little sister, who also happenes to be non-verbal due to profound autism. We don't know if hearing these things hurt her or not, but we hurt for her.

And, anyone who expects that 13 and 14 year olds in the US won't be seeing a movie because of it's rating, well I would suggest they may be a little sheltered. I am sad that this movie will validate using the word retard to describe people with intellectual disabilities, especially equating it as something funny.

 

[tlbwriter]

Have any of you seen the movie? The word isn't used to hurt anyone. It was used to describe actual roles by Hollywood actors, like "Forrest Gump" or "I am Sam".

Also, the people who used the word were depicted as not-too-intelligent, if you know what I mean. They weren't supposed to be role models for anybody.

 

[LolaCola]

Sorry, but I find those words just as hurtful and offensive as "retard". If you gave my child a detention for calling another child a name you find offensive and didn't give another child the same punishment for calling my child I name I find offensive, you and I would be having a meeting. If you're going to give a punishment for name calling-whatver the name may be, it needs to be consistent across the board.

Actually, that poster did write something that all name calling is treated the same in her very small and parent involoved private school. She wrote she hears retard more than other words, as those in her class are 3rd graders (IIRC) but children are given detention, the exact same punishment for all name calling.

Re-read posts #45, #49, and #52.

 

[Darcy03231]

Actually, that poster did write something that all name calling is treated the same in her very small and parent involoved private school. She wrote she hears retard more than other words, as those in her class are 3rd graders (IIRC) but children are given detention, the exact same punishment for all name calling.

Re-read posts #45, #49, and #52.

Actually in post #45 she says she doesn't give a detention for other name calling. While other words have consequences its not a detention. Go back and re-read it.

 

[Luhts]

The number of words considered to be offensive in our society just keeps growing and growing. Mentally ******** used to just be a term used to describe a medical condition. No one took offense. I wonder when that changed exactly? As someone pointed out, the word '********' just means slower. I don't let my boys use it, and I tell them it hurts people's feelings to be called names; but in this particular case, the word is not being used to name-call...it is being used to describe a medical condition. I don't think it's worth banning a movie over. There are so many worse words in movies these days.

 

[LolaCola]

Actually in post #45 she says she doesn't give a detention for other name calling. While other words have consequences its not a detention. Go back and re-read it.

Huh, not sure how I missed that. You're right.

However, she did say that since she's working with third graders, the words she hears most often are; stupid or retard. In the case of those two words, I do think that school is doing the right thing in making the punishments different.

Should a group of third graders at her school, suddenly start calling one another fat, n words or slut, I'd like to think an appropriate punishment would be found, but it may not be the same one the one handed down for calling one another retard. And, I think that is acceptable, but obviously we disagree.

 

[Goofy'slady]

FWIW, the movie seems to be doing quite well at the box office:

http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/tropic-thunder-82m-clone-wars-65m-friday/

One has to wonder if a movie was made that used the N word in such a manner would do as well.

No, actually there have been several movies where the N word has been used alot and it's made tons of money and even awards. Not for the use of the word but the movie as a whole.

I'm a black woman and when I here the "N" word being used whether it's in a movie, tv show or by someone in passing and I never take the word offensively. I actually find the "N" word one of the most beautiful words in our language. My race has taken the word that makes sooo many people uncomfortable (including other African/Black Americans) and flipped the switch on the original use of the word. It's now a term of endearment like buddy or friend. Everyone in my family and most of all my friends use the word and don't find it offensive when others use it. We do however find it funny when other people from other races use it, only cuz they sound silly.

With that being said I do however understand why other words could be found hurtful to others. I personally haven't heard my kids use the word "retard" to discribe someone mentally handicapped or in any other way. They don't use it because we don't use the word. I have a hard time telling my kids not to use a word if I myself use the word. If I don't want my children using a word I simply don't use the word. Most people I know have a hard time with the fact that I don't find the "N" word hurtful and that I myself use it but at the same time I don't use other words. I guess it's all in how you're raised and a little think called common sense. I don't like when adults say "Shut up" to kids to me that's worse than anything other word; you mind as well tell the child whatever they have to say is not important or worth your time and energy. I don't like saying that Little People are migits(sp?); they people like you and me only smaller; they like to be called Little People therefore I call them Little People. So, I totally understand about words but in regards to the "N" word and I'll say this losely- most, NOT ALL but most black people have been using the word for so long and hearing it that it will always remain apart of our culture and like it or not it's not going anywhere. Doesn't make it right but it is what it is.

T.

 

[Teacher03]

Sorry, but I find those words just as hurtful and offensive as "retard". If you gave my child a detention for calling another child a name you find offensive and didn't give another child the same punishment for calling my child I name I find offensive, you and I would be having a meeting. If you're going to give a punishment for name calling-whatver the name may be, it needs to be consistent across the board.

Once again, the only other word I mentioned was stupid, and I don't find that word as hurtful or offensive as retard or ********. And, once again, it is discussed and the conseqences explained before any detentions are handed out. (Only two detentions have been given in four years. When third graders hear the word detention, it usually does the trick.) I guess we would have a meeting, but I would stand by my classroom rules.