Discussion in 'Community Board' started by FlyingDumbo, Dec 13, 2012.

  1. FlyingDumbo

    FlyingDumbo DIS Veteran

    Jan 22, 2011
    I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on. :rotfl2:

    Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.
  2. LongLiveDisney

    LongLiveDisney DIS Veteran

    Dec 26, 2011
    That was very rude of her. You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. That is a standard way to address something.
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  4. MakiraMarlena

    MakiraMarlena It's a big black fish to you

    Mar 28, 2005
    she's really rude. If she preferred a method of address other than the traditional method, she should have taken it up with you privately instead of onFacebook.
  5. Li Li

    Li Li DIS Veteran

    Oct 11, 2012
    I wouldn't be offended but maybe I'm not "feminist" enough, lol. Actually, in contrast, I was offended when my stepdad sent me a card recently, which was addressed to my maiden name. I've been married for four years!
  6. LJSquishy

    LJSquishy DIS Veteran

    Sep 12, 2011
    I would say the most formal way to address a couple is indeed Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Most people would just do Mr. and Mrs. Doe, but my favorite way is the way you did it.

    If they are close family or close friends, I sometimes do it informally, such as John and Jane Doe.

    For someone to be offended by you addressing mail THE CORRECT WAY is just stupid. I would scratch them off of my list, too. She should be ashamed of herself for posting something on Facebook about it. I would comment on her post and say something like "I hope you enjoy your last Christmas card from me" -- but that is the witch in me. ;)
  7. GaSleepingBeautyFan

    GaSleepingBeautyFan DIS Veteran

    Aug 12, 2007
    She'd be off my list next year too! I see nothing wrong with the traditional method of addressing christmas cards.

    And good for you for getting your Christmas cards done already. I'll be doing mine this weekend.
  8. Ceila

    Ceila DIS Veteran

    Dec 5, 2009
    Wow! I would have had to respond with something snarky, like "It is 2012, I have my own FB account where you could contact me in private to express your displeasure of my holiday greetings."
  9. ols386

    ols386 I want to live at Disney World!!

    Jan 29, 2008
    Very rude and tacky of the recipient of the card.
  10. Neelloc

    Neelloc In the tiki tiki tiki tiki room!

    Jan 6, 2005
    This is how I would have responded too!
  11. lovin'fl

    lovin'fl DIS Veteran

    Jun 7, 2011
    That was obnoxiously rude of OP's friend. She would most definitely NEVER get a card or anything from me again.

    But I will say that my MIL sends my mom a Xmas card addressed to Mrs. and then adds my dad's first (Joseph) and last name (like OP did), but my dad passed away 12 years ago and my mom does not like that MIL does this. She has been in a new relationship for the past 7-8 years and while she still uses my dad's last name she doesn't really feel like a Mrs. Joseph anymore. She tells me that it bugs her but she would NEVER do like OP's friend did or even mention it to my MIL in any way.

    I address couples as Mr. and Mrs. and just put last name and no first name and I address families as so-and-so family.
  12. kathie859

    kathie859 DIS Veteran

    Jul 19, 2005
    Another tribute to the idiocy one sees all to often on facebook:confused3

    OP--I'd be a tad miffed and would be tempted to email the directions on how to properly address an envelope or a book on manners to the card recipient. But, no doubt, it would be lost on her.
  13. LuvLDM

    LuvLDM DIS Veteran

    Mar 3, 2010
    That was really rude & immature of her to post it on Facebook.
    That said, plenty of women don't change their name after marriage so addressing a married woman as Mrs John Doe isn't necessarily "correct" as another poster noted.
    Op, you obviously did not mean to offend...sounds like the card recipient is either too sensitive or just a snot.
  14. GS for life

    GS for life Mouseketeer

    Sep 3, 2012
    My sister would be offended, but that is because she didn't change her name. Be warned that if you call her Mrs. F, you will get flamed, especially from a close friend/family who knew that her name was the same. She wouldn't be as upset if it was from a business aquaintance of her husband who may not of known. I don't think her husband gets upset if he is referred to by her name...
  15. Sgt Mickey

    Sgt Mickey <font color=red>I will always remember where I was

    Feb 5, 2009
    ^ this

    I actually kept my maiden name when I got married and have NOOOOO issues with anyone mailing me a card saying Mr and Mrs BananaHammick. :confused3I would be happy they thought of us.

    Did you leave a message???
  16. Ceila

    Ceila DIS Veteran

    Dec 5, 2009
    I know a few women who kept their names after they got married. I can't imagine any of them getting that offended if someone addresses them as Mrs. His-last-name. They might gently correct the person or not, depending on the circumstances. If it was a card, I'm sure they'd just let it go; if it was face-to-face, they'd just say something like, "Oh, it's Ms. Her-last-name." Never would they embarrass someone in public.
  17. sissy_ib

    sissy_ib DIS Veteran

    Feb 23, 2010
    I just got a Christmas card today from my great aunt. It says the same thing "Mr. and Mrs. husbands name, last name". I was so touched she sent us a card.
  18. DebbieB

    DebbieB DIS Veteran

    Aug 24, 1999
    If I send a Christmas or Sympathy card to a married coworker, I usually address it as Mr & Mrs husband's name even though my coworker is the wife.
  19. Duchie

    Duchie "Answers are the easy part, questions raise the do

    Jun 27, 2003
    I'll be the first to disagree and state that I really hate things addresed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I gave up my last name when I got married, but I did keep my first. Stuff address like that goes straight to DH because his name is on it, not mine. I don't mind Mr. and Mrs. Doe though. When addressing cards I usually address it to The Doe Family.

    However, saying something on FB that way really was rude. I agree that she should have said something to you privately. I'm curious to know if anyone of her other friends have commented on or "Liked" what she wrote.
  20. Imzadi

    Imzadi ♥ Saved by an angel in a trench coat!

    Oct 29, 2004
    I would have FBed back a picture of text snipped from one of Emily Post's etiquette books on the proper way to address an envelope AND another one on the etiquette of keeping private issues between the two people involved. :p

    I personally would have just addressed the envelopes "John & Jane Doe & family." Or "John Smith & Jane Doe & family," if she has a different last name.
  21. PrincessShmoo

    PrincessShmoo DIS veteran

    Feb 12, 2009
    On the other hand my mom gets upset when people send her mail addressed to "Mrs. Jane Smith". She says, even though my dad died over 40 years ago, she's still "Mrs. John Smith". Most women (in her opinion) who use the "Mrs. Jane Smith" name are divorced, not widowed.

    I agree, she should have contacted the OP privately and told her what she prefers.


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