Offended

[FlyingDumbo]

I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.

 

[LongLiveDisney]

That was very rude of her. You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. That is a standard way to address something.

 

[MakiraMarlena]

she's really rude. If she preferred a method of address other than the traditional method, she should have taken it up with you privately instead of onFacebook.

 

[Li Li]

I wouldn't be offended but maybe I'm not "feminist" enough, lol. Actually, in contrast, I was offended when my stepdad sent me a card recently, which was addressed to my maiden name. I've been married for four years!

 

[LJSquishy]

I would say the most formal way to address a couple is indeed Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Most people would just do Mr. and Mrs. Doe, but my favorite way is the way you did it.

If they are close family or close friends, I sometimes do it informally, such as John and Jane Doe.

For someone to be offended by you addressing mail THE CORRECT WAY is just stupid. I would scratch them off of my list, too. She should be ashamed of herself for posting something on Facebook about it. I would comment on her post and say something like "I hope you enjoy your last Christmas card from me" -- but that is the witch in me.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

She'd be off my list next year too! I see nothing wrong with the traditional method of addressing christmas cards.

And good for you for getting your Christmas cards done already. I'll be doing mine this weekend.

 

[Ceila]

I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.

Wow! I would have had to respond with something snarky, like "It is 2012, I have my own FB account where you could contact me in private to express your displeasure of my holiday greetings."

 

[ols386]

Very rude and tacky of the recipient of the card.

 

[Neelloc]

Wow! I would have had to respond with something snarky, like "It is 2012, I have my own FB account where you could contact me in private to express your displeasure of my holiday greetings."

This is how I would have responded too!

 

[lovin'fl]

That was obnoxiously rude of OP's friend. She would most definitely NEVER get a card or anything from me again.

But I will say that my MIL sends my mom a Xmas card addressed to Mrs. and then adds my dad's first (Joseph) and last name (like OP did), but my dad passed away 12 years ago and my mom does not like that MIL does this. She has been in a new relationship for the past 7-8 years and while she still uses my dad's last name she doesn't really feel like a Mrs. Joseph anymore. She tells me that it bugs her but she would NEVER do like OP's friend did or even mention it to my MIL in any way.

I address couples as Mr. and Mrs. and just put last name and no first name and I address families as so-and-so family.

 

[kathie859]

Another tribute to the idiocy one sees all to often on facebook

OP--I'd be a tad miffed and would be tempted to email the directions on how to properly address an envelope or a book on manners to the card recipient. But, no doubt, it would be lost on her.

 

[LuvLDM]

That was really rude & immature of her to post it on Facebook.
That said, plenty of women don't change their name after marriage so addressing a married woman as Mrs John Doe isn't necessarily "correct" as another poster noted.
Op, you obviously did not mean to offend...sounds like the card recipient is either too sensitive or just a snot.

 

[GS for life]

My sister would be offended, but that is because she didn't change her name. Be warned that if you call her Mrs. F, you will get flamed, especially from a close friend/family who knew that her name was the same. She wouldn't be as upset if it was from a business aquaintance of her husband who may not of known. I don't think her husband gets upset if he is referred to by her name...

 

[Sgt Mickey]

That was very rude of her. You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. That is a standard way to address something.

^ this


I actually kept my maiden name when I got married and have NOOOOO issues with anyone mailing me a card saying Mr and Mrs BananaHammick. I would be happy they thought of us.

Did you leave a message???

 

[Ceila]

That was really rude & immature of her to post it on Facebook.
That said, plenty of women don't change their name after marriage so addressing a married woman as Mrs John Doe isn't necessarily "correct" as another poster noted.
Op, you obviously did not mean to offend...sounds like the card recipient is either too sensitive or just a snot.

I know a few women who kept their names after they got married. I can't imagine any of them getting that offended if someone addresses them as Mrs. His-last-name. They might gently correct the person or not, depending on the circumstances. If it was a card, I'm sure they'd just let it go; if it was face-to-face, they'd just say something like, "Oh, it's Ms. Her-last-name." Never would they embarrass someone in public.

 

[sissy_ib]

I just got a Christmas card today from my great aunt. It says the same thing "Mr. and Mrs. husbands name, last name". I was so touched she sent us a card.

 

[DebbieB]

If I send a Christmas or Sympathy card to a married coworker, I usually address it as Mr & Mrs husband's name even though my coworker is the wife.

 

[Duchie]

I'll be the first to disagree and state that I really hate things addresed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I gave up my last name when I got married, but I did keep my first. Stuff address like that goes straight to DH because his name is on it, not mine. I don't mind Mr. and Mrs. Doe though. When addressing cards I usually address it to The Doe Family.

However, saying something on FB that way really was rude. I agree that she should have said something to you privately. I'm curious to know if anyone of her other friends have commented on or "Liked" what she wrote.

 

[Imzadi]

Wow! I would have had to respond with something snarky, like "It is 2012, I have my own FB account where you could contact me in private to express your displeasure of my holiday greetings."

I would have FBed back a picture of text snipped from one of Emily Post's etiquette books on the proper way to address an envelope AND another one on the etiquette of keeping private issues between the two people involved.

I personally would have just addressed the envelopes "John & Jane Doe & family." Or "John Smith & Jane Doe & family," if she has a different last name.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

That was obnoxiously rude of OP's friend. She would most definitely NEVER get a card or anything from me again.

But I will say that my MIL sends my mom a Xmas card addressed to Mrs. and then adds my dad's first (Joseph) and last name (like OP did), but my dad passed away 12 years ago and my mom does not like that MIL does this. She has been in a new relationship for the past 7-8 years and while she still uses my dad's last name she doesn't really feel like a Mrs. Joseph anymore. She tells me that it bugs her but she would NEVER do like OP's friend did or even mention it to my MIL in any way.

I address couples as Mr. and Mrs. and just put last name and no first name and I address families as so-and-so family.

On the other hand my mom gets upset when people send her mail addressed to "Mrs. Jane Smith". She says, even though my dad died over 40 years ago, she's still "Mrs. John Smith". Most women (in her opinion) who use the "Mrs. Jane Smith" name are divorced, not widowed.

I agree, she should have contacted the OP privately and told her what she prefers.