# of kids?!?!

[maslex]

While I didn't go through the medical issues that you had to endure I did miscarry my first pregnancy. I got pregnant with my first son 4 months after that. Then I found out we were pregnant again when DS#1 was 10months old. I was PRAYING it was a girl (at the time I thought the "perfect" family was mom, dad, brother, sister---hey, I was young) Then I found out that the baby was another boy. I admit I was upset at first but then realized that I didn't have control over these things and got over it.

My DH and I had decided that two was enough for us and I got my tubes tied. I had many people (including my doctor & a couple nurses along with family & friends) say that I would regret getting them tied so early (I was 25) because I just MIGHT want to try for a girl later on down the line. NOPE, we want two kids and that's it.

Then my sister and brother go ahead and each have three kids---two boys, then a girl. So my boys are now 13 & 15 and I STILL have people asking me, that since my brother and sister each have three kids (with two boys and their last one a girl) am I going to do the same?

I just don't get it either. I mean, what business is it of anyone's, besides you and your husband how many kids you have? Just ignore their comments and be happy with two happy, healthy boys!!! I know that's what I do!!!

 

[lizzyb]

I can't believe how rude people can be!

I have three girls. The entire time I was pregnant with number 3 people often made comments/jokes about how we must be trying for the boy, dh must want a boy this time, etc. I found that rude. By the way, we weren't trying for the boy and we were not at all "disappointed"

Now as far as the "four pack" for vacations etc. I actually have heard people often cite that here on the dis as a determining factor in family size. I was surprised to hear that because that is the last thing that would enter my mind in deciding whether to have another child. However, apparently a lot of people do take that into account.

Same thing here except I have 3 boys. I am more than content with my boys and we are done but still get the comments about trying for that girl.

 

[AndreaDM]

We have 3 daughters and constantly hear comments about trying for a boy. First of all, I don't want any more kids whether they're boys, girls or Martians! Plus, I wouldn't have a clue what to do with a boy at this stage LOL! It never ceases to amaze me what people feel they're entitled to say to other people, whether it be close friends and family or perfect strangers.

 

[Momto4boys]

We have 5 boys so we get tons of comments about having such a big family and about having a girl. Our family is complete now and I'm perfectly happy with having all boys. Someday we may have granddaughters we can do girly things with!

No matter what you have or don't have people are going to shove their noses in where they don't belong.

 

[shellyfive]

they are all blessings-----1, 10 , 100 whatever you are sent to love, Love them!!!
and I say 100 because I know a teacher who has no children of her own, but watches her classes like a mom for each day she has them-----calls each one "her blessings"
If everyone had the idea that every child that is here deserved to be loved as our own......what a nice place to be!!!!

There are plenty of ignorant people on this planet, trick is not to let them into your wellbeing.

 

[alikat99]

Well, we're in the same boat too. We have 2 DDs, 9 and 6. I constantly get people asking if we're going to try for the boy. Uh, NO!!

My husband was offended once when someone was "disappointed" when we said that DD#2 was a girl. He finally answers people with "I have 2 happy, healthy little girls, why would I be disappointed about that!". And, I think that's the perfect answer!! And, even funnier is that both of my girls are into competitive cheerleading, and he's the best Cheer Dad around!!! He wouldn't imagine not attending one of their competitions!!

 

[Minnie J]

I had my princess first and I had a boy second and I was sooo hoping for another girl but I had another boy and had a tubal after him. I dont want anyone kids and if I cant afford anymore and just can't deal with the stresses, I wouldn't let those people get to me. I say the next time they start giving you a hard time tell them to pay for your treatment to have another one then make them selves available for a years worth of free babysitting. If they can't achieve this then they have nothing else to say

 

[A Mickeyfan]

Personally I do not think it is anyone's business how many children one decides to have.. when asked that insensitive question, just tell them that your life is fulfilled right now and they will be the first to know if you decide to have another. It may make them realize what they are doing/saying.... and it is none of their business...

 

[hffmnheidi]

I feel your frustration. I recently discovered that I can't have children because of medical reasons and people just don't seem to get that you can be happy without having children. I have a niece and 2 nephews and I am very happy being who I am right now.

Even my own parents don't get it with all their little 'comments' about only having 3 grandchildren. I guess you have to work at being happy for yourself and the kind of family you make for yourself.

 

[Colleen27]

No matter how many you have there will be stupid comments. We got it about #3 from family and strangers alike, because with a boy & a girl apparently we were supposed to be done. From strangers/casual aquaintances I also got comments about blended families, because with the older pair fairly close in age and then a 7 year gap to the baby people assume they have different dads. They don't; it just took us that long to successfully have our youngest. Now that she is two, we're getting questions about when we're going to have a playmate for her. I guess the older kids don't count.

The ones that bother me the most are the comments we sometimes get from family about trying again for a boy. DS12 isn't DH's biological child, but DH has been raising him with me since DS was 1 and as far as he's concerned they are father & son, DS calls DH 'dad', etc. But some people still have this idea that DH is pining for a "real" son.

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

OP...I hear ya!

When I announced my 3rd pregnancy (I am almost 29 weeks)...which was slightly unplanned (not preventing, not trying)...my family was mad at me. My boys are 9 and 3, and my youngest is autistic. My family thought it was selfish of me to have another one, when one of mine is special needs. Now my son's therapists...all 3...SP, PT, and OT...thought it would be wonderful for him. Sometimes with family...you just can't win.

Family has changed their tune a little bit since this one is a girl (after 2 boys). I was just happy the baby is healthy...since I am 37. I actually am terrified of having a girl...I know NOTHING about girls, lol.

 

[jennilynn510]

do what makes you happy...if your two boys have done that then ignore them all. tell them how grateful you are to have 2 wonderful children and if you ever consider more you'll let them know. in other words...shut up

 

[21yankees]

I come from a huge family. DH is also from a large family. It was very difficult (lots of $ and medical help) for us to get preg with both our boys (it took us nearly 4 years to concieve child #1 and we started process for child #2 when Child # 1 was 6 weeks and it still took nearly 2.5 years to concieve)~ I am so grateful that God blessed me with two beautiful healthy boys. Due to expense and the mental and physical trials we went through, and then a miscarrage after #2, we deceided to be done. Neither DH nor I have regretted this for a second.

Lots of people, friends (close enough to know what we went through both times before) family (mostly MIL), coworkers all constantly give DH & I a hard time about
1. not having more kids AND/OR
2. not "trying for that girl" I get comments constantly that you are going to regret not trying for that girl...etc

now, I have *Nothing* against large or small families. If circumstances had been different for us, I am sure our family would be larger. HOWEVER it isnt and it won't be so why constantly harass us about it? Not to mention....I really get annoyed about comment #2 above because that implies that my son's are not "enough". Funny thing is when I got Preg w/ #2, I immediately said I hope it's another boy. Yes, I know I am going to miss the "girl times" that would have been with a daughter (I do get my girl fixes with my youngest sister who is 10 now, or one of my nieces that range in age from 4 years to 17 years) but I am also very happy being the "princess" in my house with my three men (DH and both sons)

I just don't understand why people who know your history and care about you are not more sensitive about what they say. and why do so many people feel that you are not making the right choice if you only have 1 or 2 babies. again nothing against larger familes (I myself am one of Eight kids and I love having that many siblings) I feel like I constantly get snarky comments about having that "family four pack" and how I must have only had 2 kids so that the ideal american family would fit.(vacation &/or entertaiment packags tend to be aimed to 4 person families)e??!?!?!?! I have been know to reply that no, there are other reasons I have 2, but that the family 4 pack is just a nice side effect.

Thanks for letting me VENT

*HUGS*

My husband and I have been blessed with 3 healthy kids. Our oldest 2 are girls and our son is the 'baby'. Because our son is the youngest we hear comments a lot about how we finally got our boy, and would we have had another child if he had not been a boy. We lost our very first daughter and they couldn't figure out the cause. With each of our subsequent kids all we have cared about is that they are healthy. My dh was in disbelief that we were having a boy (he asked the techinician at least 3 times that day and asked everytime there after when I had an ultrasound).

I think it's just a people thing, they're curious and sometimes they forget to filter themselves.

 

[mrsltg]

*HUGS*

We lost our very first daughter and they couldn't figure out the cause. With each of our subsequent kids all we have cared about is that they are healthy.

Hugs to you . We lost our son (our second child) and after that, when we announced our next two were girls, people would act weird and say, "Well, as long as it's healthy, right?" and I would respond, "We don't even need healthy, we'll take living." Your perspective definitely changes and the girl/boy thing really doesn't matter anymore.

 

[crisi]

I think some people need to be reminded how hurtful thoughtless comments can be. Let them know..."gee, that is an incredibly hurtful and thoughtless comment. I really am disappointed in you, I thought you cared about me more than that."

Its a shame when we have to treat our friends and relatives like children because they don't know how to behave.

 

[kmwek]

Some people have absolutely no filter, they say what they think and never consider how the other person feels. I had two boys and the youngest was about 7-8 months old when I miscarried. The miscarriage came as a suprise to my family as we had not even told them I was pregnant. A couple of weeks later my grandma said surely your not going to get pregnant again, why in the world would you do that you already have two. Definetly not a good thing to say. Less than two months later I was pregnant with DS #3. I love my grandma to death, and she would do anything for her family, but I have came to realize that she is one of those people that does not really have a nice thing to say, ever.

 

[JandJ]

I hate the comments. We get a lot of comments from family and "friends." DH and I cannot have children and after years of trying and two failed attempts at adoption we're realizing we will be a family of two. I hear from people, "why don't you try adopting from China?" or my favorite, "I have a friend whose cousin's sister's hairdresser's dog walker adopted from Kansas in just 6 weeks, you should try that" or another one I love, "once you stop trying you'll get pregnant." These people have NO clue. Depending on the person I may try to explain all that we've been through. I try to remind myself that they don't understand what we've been through. They don't understand I'm still hurting and still grieving. They are not in my shoes. But, rather than tell them that, I find it's easier all the way around to just smile and nod and ignore them. In my personal experience, those you are closest to will understand and won't make the comments, and the others don't matter.

 

[Swimalie]

I haven't read all the responses but I can relate and I just don't get it. My son is a one and only. The way I explain it, it took us 5 years, 7 surgeries and 4 pregnancies to have 1 child. I couldn't go through that again. Plus, my husband was 42 when our son was born. If we tried for a second one, well... he'd need a walker But I get the comments that we should try for a girl or our son needs a sister or brother. Um, nope. He was born full term at 4 lbs 15 oz because I wasn't feeding him because of all my surgeries just so I could have him originally. I couldn't risk something like that again and the doctors said it could happen and could end up badly. Not worth it to me and not something I share to people on the street. So I just tell them "nope" and smile when they tell me my son needs "such and such". All he needs is our love and he gets that.

 

[rumrunnergirl]

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[ProudMomTo3Boys]

I have 3 boys as you can see in my signature and at the age of 38, almost 39, still get asked if I am going to try for a girl. Um no thanks, 3 is enough and I wouldn't trade my boys for girls any day. I grew up with 2 sisters, I know how girls can be ( no offense to those with girls). People just can't keep comments to themselves. It seems to get worse and worse what people will say.