Obsessive WDW planning

[nilla]

My approach would be to let him keep planning like this, and after a day or so of following the plans, it might become evident to him that being more flexible AND still getting to do all he wants to do is possible.

 

[Accident]

Something that may help and fit into his need to plan is tell him you want an afternoon block from lunch to dinner for "anything can happen friday".. Let him plan when this block is but request it early in the trip. He gets to plan when it happens, you get to have a big block of time for whatever you feel like doing. he may love it and it may ripple into more spontaneous time the rest of the trip.. A really crowded trip is when we got forced to smell the roses and it completely changed how we visit the parks now. Sometimes you just need to experience disney different to break your habit.

As a father with a daughter that struggles with anxiety, I think it's worth mentioning that this might be a sign of something medical and maybe a discussion with the family doctor might be worthwhile.

 

[EVE700]

My wife and I sound like you-- two more mature visitors who frequent WDW. I am the planner knowing that if you don't plan, you may miss out on a lot. We travel, just the 2 of us, at Christmas time and have a great time even with the super crowded parks. Hopefully your husband accepts that a plan is just that-- something one hopes to do-- and not a command that has to be done exactly when and how it is planned. From your pots, it sounds like your husband views plans more as commands. Talking to him might help or taking responsibility for a 50/50 split on the "planning" may give you a chance to get in what you want/need. He could plan every other day or you could divide the parks and have him plan for two and you for two......
We are going this October with a son and daughter in law with their 6 children. That sure is going to change the way we plan for the parks with a total of 10 people with five of them below the age of 8!
We have 4 days there before the family arrives so we can do Disney our way and then five days with all of us and probably a very different touring plan!
Best of luck discussing with your uber planner husband!

Yes, they are like commands! He doesn't ever like any of the suggestions I make, so I think the alone time will be the best way for me to get to do what I want to do. Sometimes he goes on a ride that I don't like and I love having those precious minutes to relax or shop.

 

[NancyIL]

Yes, they are like commands! He doesn't ever like any of the suggestions I make, so I think the alone time will be the best way for me to get to do what I want to do. Sometimes he goes on a ride that I don't like and I love having those precious minutes to relax or shop.

There's a reason I love my SOLO trips! Definitely plan a few hours, a day, or a trip by yourself.

 

[redsbe]

Anyone who plans a WDW visit down to the minute (or even hour) is going to end up disappointed as there is no way it will go perfectly to plan as weather, closures, crowds and the plain unexpected are bound to occur messing up plans and having a cascading impact on the rest of the day's plan. Best to stick with key plans in terms of days, key times for events, FP+ , ADRs, key attractions and meal plans/times - what you need or want to do and priorities, but leave hour by hour and minute by minute timing for flexibility.

 

[Dreamport]

I deal with this all the time .... even within my own head! Since we're bringing along first-timers next trip, Butch wants them to experience everything in one go even with knowing it's impossible. We got him to slow down a bit on the last trip two years ago and he's already forgotten about how much he enjoyed the lighter pace. Sometimes half of the fun is planning that non-stop, hit them all, "perfect" day in advance. What I've taken to doing is making Plans A-E, with A being the rope-drop-to-close know-it-will-fall-apart-somewhere concept; B & C cover contingencies when it does fall apart; D is a lighter pace with breaks fitted in; and E has the bare bones of FP+, meal reservations, and a must-do for each person with everything else left up to chance. You've said hubby doesn't like suggestions, but maybe asking for a lighter Plan B "in case an attraction is down" or some argument couldn't hurt. Part of his attitude could be in that he doesn't want to admit he's aging and still wants to prove he can do it all. (I mean no offense; you did say you were middle aged and Butch has recently admitted this was the reason he still wants to keep up with the 'old pace'.)

Other than that, here's another vote for alone time. Sanity time. He can "eat a Snickers" while you enjoy yourself time. Just remember "My Big Fat Greek Wedding": the man may be the head but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants!

 

[Poppybeach]

On our first trip, I was obsessive about planning. I read a certain guide book that had touring plans and made me feel that if I didn't have it all planned....we wouldn't be able to do anything. Shortly into our first trip, reality (courtesy of my 2 yr old son) set in and we adjusted our plans to include more "down time". Now, going back for our 5th trip in 7 years this fall, we have learned to slow down and really enjoy the shops, other resorts, Disney Springs and the like. We have even not set that alarm clock on some days and simply chilled out at the pool. We agree that our trips are so much more enjoyable this way. We only go a week as well....we don't have long in the world but if I miss doing a ride, oh well.....I gained a great moment relaxing with my family instead.

 

[Merx]

Yes, they are like commands! He doesn't ever like any of the suggestions I make, so I think the alone time will be the best way for me to get to do what I want to do. Sometimes he goes on a ride that I don't like and I love having those precious minutes to relax or shop.

Sounds like this is what you think is best for your situation. Maybe split up for a few hours before meeting up for dinner or something. Then you can share your stories for what you did for the day. And he'll be happy to be able to get to more attractions done or something, and you'll be able to have some down time.

 

[soniam]

Is he just going over board with touringplans.com? I get that way sometimes. However, when we are at the park, I don't complain when we are 2 minutes behind schedule and someone wants to stop for the bathroom, a drink, or a treat. I like the idea of alone days. You do your thing; he does his. DH and I are doing our first adults-only trip in July. I have the plans on touringplans.com. I told him if he wants to do the plans with me great, and if not, have a great time. I do get his input about the attractions and meals though.

I had to dish up tough love to DS on our trip in March. He was complaining about waking up too early. I said that we would leave Epcot early and then sleep in the next day, our MK day. We were supposed to do rope drop. Well, by the time we got there, the crowds were thick. We did our FP+ and a bunch of rides that don't have lines. I also got extra FP+. He wanted to do Splash, but we couldn't get an FP+ and were supposed to do it in the morning. The wait was over an hour. I said he could ride, and we would see him later. Well, he didn't like that. Later that day, he begged that we hit rope drop on the next day I guess it was nice to at least show him that much less gets done if we don't hit rope drop. However, as a family, we have to stick together. Two adults can have their own space

 

[vinotinto]

Pretend you stepped down from the curb wrong and you hurt your ankle. Then, proceed to sit down, grab an ice cream, do some people watching and go for a long Signature meal! #completelypassiveaggressive

 

[pa. dad]

if you really dislike this then tell him you won't go under these circumstances. I would never put up with someone who would disregard my opinions in that way. That's the only way you will get him to change it. You said it yourself, you've done all the attractions.

OR, tell him you will agree to his way for only half of each day then you do it your way. We tend to go semi-commando in the mornings and wander around the rest of the day unless we have fastpasses.

That is exactly how we do it now. Mornings are planned but after that, other than fastpasses and ADRs, it is flexible.
the first time we went to DW as a family, it was a disaster. We spent all day standing in lines and experiencing very few attractions. A friend told me to get a guidebook next time and follow a touring plan religiously. We got to do double and triple what we had before.
As time went on and we returned more times, there was less of a need to follow the plans after lunch. We got to do many of the things we wanted by then and could use the rest of the day to explore and tour in a more leisurely pace.

I'd try to come to a similar arrangement where some of the day is his call and some your call.

 

[sturner324]

I asked my husband if this is how he feels about me. I'm the excessive planner in the family. In my defense, I know how things would go if I didn't plan...

"What do you want to do now?"
"I don't know, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know"
"Well I could probably eat"
"What are you in the mood for?"
"I don't know I'm just hungry"
"Well..."
"..."

We would waste a lot of time being indecisive, so needless to say we are bad at spontaneous. Planning helps. It provides structure so I'm not forced to make too many on the spot decisions, and my husband doesn't like making decisions either so I usually have to. So, I plan and over-plan. I do try to plan breaks for flex time, so while it is very structured it isn't crammed full at all times.

Disney has somewhat forced this behavior, but I kinda like it...

 

[DaisyDuck001]

Like many on this forum, I am that thorough planner. But I also find that some of my best memories from each trip are things I didn't plan. The best of both worlds is to have a plan but to view it as a guideline rather than as a rulebook. Have a plan but be willing to change it if circumstances lead to a better option. I don't know how you can persuade your husband to discover the joy of being in the moment and seeing what it holds, if he is not open to this. But if he ever has even one occasion where he likes something that was unplanned (and it doesn't have to be at WDW) then you can build on that, and encourage him to be open to more such moments.

The Fastpass+ system is forcing almost everyone to overplan. On my last trip I found that due to various unforeseen circumstances, I missed almost half of my fastpasses. But it was still a great trip.

 

[Merx]

Pretend you stepped down from the curb wrong and you hurt your ankle. Then, proceed to sit down, grab an ice cream, do some people watching and go for a long Signature meal! #completelypassiveaggressive

"Sorry, #completelypassiveaggressive is not on the plan. We're running 30 seconds behind, get up now and we'll need to move onto the next attraction on my list!"

 

[NuttyDisneyDad]

Yes I have to deal with a person like that too... Myself lol.

 

[Tomh]

I am that planner, BUT . .. . I only plan the first few hours in the park each day. After lunch, it is a free for all The first few hours, I have pretty well planned out so that I am sure we get to everything we want to do, then the afternoons we spend being spontaneous, hitting up attractions with short waits, doing shows, shopping, playing checkers in town square etc.

 

[Amore Disney]

I am definitely that commando planner, especially after discovering how much more I can do with a plan. Otherwise, the sheer number of attractions becomes overwhelming for my family. My basic strategy is to plan out all the rides in order (location based, don't want to walk across the park too often) and even approximate times for those surrounding ADRs and FPs.

However, I am completely open to having breaks as needed in between rides at any point to snack, sit down, drink water, etc. These organic breaks prevent any meltdowns from little kids to adults! If we need to skip a ride for these breaks, we can always come back to them later in the evening. The only thing that I ask of my party is to go all out for the first two hours of rope drop - prime ride time. They definitely understand, and even enjoy taking advantage of short lines and many rides to kick off their day.

It seems like your planner husband understands that thinking ahead will be helpful for the trip, but temporarily forgot that this is the trip, time, memories that BOTH of you will share. I hope your husband will be open to negotiations with the tips/suggestions on this thread and learn to share the experience and magic with you.

 

[Planogirl]

Your husband is exactly the kind of visitor Disney likes. I'm more like you though and I kind of ignore all of the planning others might do around me. That's not to say that I don't plan but it's looser with some down time in between adr's and FP+. I refuse to run a marathon while I'm supposed to be enjoying a themepark.

I like the idea of some block of time set aside to just shop or wander or sit down with a treat. He can work that in.

 

[mshanson3121]

My DH is planning every single minute of our upcoming WDW trip this coming June. We go to WDW at least two times a year and have been on almost every attraction at least more than once and some of them dozens of times, the very few we haven't gone on are the ones that we are not interested in, but now his obsessive planning is really getting out of hand and taking the fun out of the vacation. It is so bad that the most spontaneous thing left on the trip is bathroom breaks! We travel without children, it is just the two of us and we are middle aged. He is spending hours figuring out exactly where we will be at any given moment of the day and when I try to tell him I'd like to have some spontaneity and down time to relax and watch people, he gets annoyed at me and tells me "Then we won't be able to go on (insert attraction here)" and if I say that's alright, he gets even more annoyed at me and says that I am no fun. Does anyone else have to deal with someone like this and what do you do about it? It is getting to the point that I don't even want to go, and that is so sad.

Switch the roles and that was me last year with our trip. My planning was seriously stressing DH (and me, honestly) out. Part of it was from reading these boards and being told all the time how much we HAD to have a detailed, minute to minute touring plan - otherwise a "good" trip in the crowds and heat of summer was just not possible.

Guess what happened when we got there? Touring plans flew to you-know-what, and by day 2 or 3 (I forget which) I threw my neatly printed (and laminated) touring plans in the garbage, never to be looked at again. Instead - we went with the flow. If we made our FP+ great, if we didn't - whatever. We largely followed the kids lead - if there was something they wanted to stop and see, we stopped to see it. If they wanted to ride Aladdin's Carpets or the Speedway ride in Fantasyland twice in a row, we did. If they decided they wanted to spend 30 (or was it 45? oie) minutes standing in the blazing Florida sun to meet Jessie and Woody... we did. And we had a BLAST. Did we get on all the rides we originally wanted/planned to? No. And that's okay. We got on what they wanted to that day. And we did so many other wonderful things that had not been on the plan. The rides we didn't get to do last time, we'll do them next time.

We're already planning our next trip (T-13 months!). And I can tell you that next time, it will be a very different planning approach - FP+ and ADRs only. Whatever else happens in between those, great! I've learned my idea of vacation is not running from planned ride to planned ride. Many people on here feel like they have to see and do it all. THOSE people need the detailed plans. But for those who are content to experience what they can, who are more "stop and smell the roses" people, uber plans are NOT even close to necessary to have a good time. I really, really hope that our experience will turn out to be yours. Have hope. He might be a planning maniac now, but maybe once he gets there, in the park, he'll be more relaxed and apt to go with the flow.


All this said, I am curious: did he plan like this with all the other trips? If he didn't... I'm curious why he's suddenly so frantic this time? Is it possible he's planning something special? Or could he be stressed out about something at work, at home, with his health? So this is his way of feeling in control of something? Has he suddenly joined this group and been brainwashed into an uber planner? lol.

As far as how to deal with it - I would sit him down and have a serious talk about how you feel. That he is ruining this vacation for you before it's even begun. Compromise - tell him you are okay with scheduling the ADRs and FP+, but after that, you want the rest of it to be spontaneous. Remind him that you have been there many times, and on all the rides, so there really is not a worry of missing something. Or, another compromise could be that (if you're using the rope drop strategy), that he gets to plan the first 2-3 hours of your day, and that the rest be left free.

I hope you guys can figure it out, and that most of all, once you get there, you have a great trip!