Nowadays, when should teens start dating?

[of the seas]

13? 14? 15? 16? My dd wants to date her "boyfriend", but says it's not dating because neither of them can drive yet. She wants to be dropped off at the movies just him and her. She just started high school and just turned 14, I'm not sure what to do! And it's just starting!!!

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I think 14 and a freshman in high school is old enough for what she wants. I had my first "dropped off at the movies" date when I was 12 and I didn't exactly rush into other things, if you know what I mean.

 

[jaminmd]

13? 14? 15? 16? My dd wants to date her "boyfriend", but says it's not dating because neither of them can drive yet. She wants to be dropped off at the movies just him and her. She just started high school and just turned 14, I'm not sure what to do! And it's just starting!!!

The rule in our house is 16 & DD has known that for years. Currently she is only 12 & is drooling over Jacob from Twilight. I don't know how she'll survive the next 4 years!

ETA: How old is he?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

13? 14? 15? 16? My dd wants to date her "boyfriend", but says it's not dating because neither of them can drive yet. She wants to be dropped off at the movies just him and her. She just started high school and just turned 14, I'm not sure what to do! And it's just starting!!!

Ditto on thinking this scenario is fine for a 14 year old freshman. If the parents are picking up and driving, shouldn't be much of a problem.

Although, only a parent knows how much they can trust that their child or the boyfriend is really planning to go to the movie and not using it as a front for some other activity.

 

[Ember]

Hmm... I first held a boy's hand when I was 11. My mum would drop a friend and I at the roller rink and he would meet us there. I had my first real boyfriend when I was 15 and that was my first kiss, but we were only together for three months. Then my first serious boyfriend was at 17 and I married him.

I would rather be picking up and dropping off for "dates" than having my child sneaking out and lying about it. I have friends who weren't allowed to date and this is what they did.

 

[Serena]

25 is a good age.



Ok, to be dropped off at the movie isn't a bad thing.

 

[of the seas]

He's a freshman, also. I just thought maybe she should start with a parent being there. Her dad thinks it's ok to be droppd off at the movies with dad driving and picking up in 2 hours. I wanted to start smaller like going to a school dance or function with other adults, or taking out to dinner with parents or the mall.

 

[darlak]

Double post....sorry.

 

[of the seas]

I always told her 16 to go on an alone date with the boy driving. No there is this gray area and I'm not sure what to do! I guess I'm just over protective. How am I going to survive this when I'm falling apart at the very first issue I'm faced with! I miss my baby!

 

[darlak]

It's a tough call for parents to make. I have 3 daughters (oldest is 30; youngest is 15) and our rule is 15 for double dating and 16 for couple only dating. Before 15 and as young as 13, I often took them to the movies to meet a guy, but either their father or I, or both of us, stayed at the theater. We usually went into a different movie, but if we stayed in the same one, we didn't sit right beside them. It helps now that my older 2 daughters tell me they feel now that the rules were fair, although they didn't always at the time.

My only real advice is that once you make a decision on the rule...stick to it. Good luck!

 

[ilovejack02]

my oldest is 20. We started at 13 with dropping at the movies, we would pick his "date" up if parents allowed and then would wait at a little burger joint out side of the theater for the movie to end or see another movie at the same time .

My main reason for doing that is because as a 13-14 year old girl I tended not to stay at the movies if I was dropped off by the parents. I liked older boys so I would usually go joy riding with them if I was dropped with a group of girlfriends.

I always trusted my oldest.. but I also trusted him to act just like a teenager, so I tried to keep up with him a bit more than most of my friends did. I always let him have freedom, but I def. was the parent that checked up on things.

Real dating didnt start until he had his own car and even then at 16.5 he could only be out of house until 10.

 

[AshleyW]

I was 14 when I had my first "real" boyfriend, and he was 16. He lived a few blocks away from me, so my parents got to know him pretty fast. He had a car, so he drove me to and from school everyday. We mostly just hung out at each other's houses, but every once in awhile we'd go to a movie or out to dinner, and no parents tagged along. And now almost 8 years later, we're engaged.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think I was 13 or 14 when I went with a boy to a church youth group dance. I want to say his parents picked me up and drove us there, and then they picked us up again and brought me home. I was the type of kid who basically didn't do too much other than what I was supposed to do. It would have never occurred to me to leave the dance and do anything else.

When I was 15 I had a 17 year old BF who drove. I was allowed to drive with him, I had to be home by 11PM I think. He was a nice kid, very respectful and always had me home a little early...my parents loved that!

OP, only you know your DD. Is she trustworthy? Would it occur to her to sneak out of the movie and do something else? Would you feel better if you guys stayed at the theater and just went to a different movie? But then there's the other side of the coin where they have to start to learn how to handle themselves, if you know what I mean?

Basically, I am no help.

 

[mousetravel]

Her dad thinks it's ok to be droppd off at the movies with dad driving and picking up in 2 hours.

My daughter gets dropped off at the movies and she's 14. Some movies are longer than 2 hours, and some are less than 2 hours, so I always go on the movies website and find out the length of the movies, and pick her up then. That doesn't leave a lot of "free" time when the movie is over.

 

[ILoveJack]

My youngest had her first "date" this past week. She is 11 and her friend is 10. His mother and younger sister sat on one side of the movies and I and her older sister sat a few rows behind daughter and "boyfriend". He is a very nice and polite young man and I really don't mind her going to the movies or skating or something with him as long as someone tags along such as her sister or his sister. Group things are a great thing. I just know that if you have a bunch of people together, you are more likely to stay with the group than get into trouble by yourself. Now when they want to go out by themselves alone, that will be a fun day for mom. But I know they grow up so fast now days and want her to have a little of supervised freedom. I wouldn't have any trouble dropping them off and picking them back up at 14. If you think that they are going else where, now days it is so easy to get tracking devices to keep up with them and give you piece of mind.

 

[IDoDis]

My DD is 13 and is "going out" with her first "boyfriend." They call it "going out" but really what does that mean? It means that you say you are going out and that you text and talk on the phone to each other and sit with each other at school. Last year they were both just friends in a larger group. I let DD go to the movies with her friends (drop-off & pick-up) which was pretty harmless in a group. No one was "going out" with anyone in the group last year.

This school year DD is "going out" with one of the boys. They did go to the movies together on a Saturday afternoon, but my 10 year old DS went along. DD was actually glad that her brother was going -- made it feel less uncomfortable for her and more casual. Now the boy wants to take her bowling and jokes with her about bringing along her little brother to chaperone. DD llikes the boy but doesn't want this to go any farther than saying they are "going out" and do a few things together here and there.

If you trust your DD, then let her go to the movies. You have to start slowly. If you don't let her go, she'll find other ways to do it behind your back. Let her know you trust her and hopefully she'll live up to that trust. That's how I was raised, and I ended up having way more freedom as a teenager than my friends who got caught lying to their parents.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I intend to be more...restrictive.


However, I am not sure that if I wasn't going to be that I would be comfortable with a drop off date in a dark movie theater at a young age. I might feel better if they were a group. But IMHO--"dating" in early teen years seems unnecessary to me and asking for trouble.

The rule when I was growing up was 16.

I am contemplating a different approach with my children--but should I decide not to do that, they would not date until they are 16, no ifs ands or buts. There simply isn't a need to date sooner.

 

[SandiH]

Our rule is 16. Our 14 year old has had a girlfriend since last fall. YIKES. With that said, when they do anything together, it always involves parents and friends. If they go to the movie, it's with a group and an adult. They are going to see 9 this afternoon. If it's a school function, parents drop off and pick up. We've even done a few things with both families together. This has allowed them to go slow, become good friends first and not have a lot of alone time. Respect is very important for both of them and it's not totally about the hormones.

Thankfully, she has the same rule about dating.

 

[englishteacha]

As a teacher, I see things a bit differently from a parent. I think doing things with a group or in doubles is the way to go until a child is 15 or 16, then couple dating at 16. I've seen a few too many young teens in situations that are too mature for them. I had "boyfriends" when I was 14-16 who were from my neighborhood. We rode bikes, went for walks, watched TV, but with my parents or his parents fully aware of where we were (and I know for sure my dad checked on us!).

 

[java]

Well last night my 15 year old had his first "real date". He's been asked to dances before and went out in groups of couples in the past.
But last night was him flying solo with a girl from school. I don't know her at all yet. But he seems happy. DH drove them and said she was polite. We'll see what happens.

His last "girlfriend" got too clingy and wanted him to be available to text all the time. He turned off his phone and she went bananas. He wasn't ready for that yet (that was last year)

Now this year who knows?
I was surprised he got up the nerve to ask.