Not Sure Why I'm Sharing This... *Yet Another UPDATE Post #93*

[CindysFriend]

First, let me say that I am sorry that the results did not turn out as you had all wished. That being said, biology isn't all that important. It really sounds like Shawn could use a father figure. It seems that your DH was excited about the idea of being that figure to Shawn. There is really nothing to stop that if they both still want it. So, your DH isn't Shawn's biological father. How about being his friend instead?

I understand what you're saying, but my DH being Shawn's friend will not help Shawn to resolve the issue of who his real father is. His mother now needs to do that.

Shawn's older friend who I mentioned in my previous post is a father-figure as well as a close friend to him. That's why DH called him tonight, to be sure that there would be emotional support when he got the news.

I would like to add that if my DH wanted to be a part of Shawn's life, I'd fully support that. However, I do not think that he has any obligation to do so. The fact is, that while it was an idea that Shawn was his son, the reality is that he is not. That is not my fault or my DH's fault. We were more than willing to do the right thing; we were looking forward to it.

And I'm trying hard to deal with the anger that I feel towards his mother.


I apologise if I'm sounding angry and defensive, and I absolutely don't intend it to direct it towards you FeralPeg, because I've always admired you, but honestly it's the way I'm feeling right now. Very emotionally confused.

Thanks again to everyone.

 

[CindysFriend]

It would be nice if something good could come from the experience.

I agree, but you know what actually DID come from this? Two men feeling very disappointed tonight, and it's the fault of neither.


You know, in my first post, I said that I wasn't sure why I was sharing this... I know why now...

AS A LESSON TO ANY WOMAN WHO MAY FIND THEMSELVES IN THIS POSITION.

YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO WITHHOLD BIRTH INFORMATION FROM YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


First this witch LIED to her son AND to the man she was with, leading them both to believe they were father/son, THEN she again lied to her DS AND RECENTLY TO MY DH, leading THEM to believe they were father/son.

 

[chell]

Goodness, this isn't at all what I was hoping to read. I really feel sorry for Shawn. I feel for you and your husband as well but I wonder if he will ever find his father. What his "mother" did is beyond despicable. It's a shame what she has put all of you through. I hope your son in the hospital gets to come home soon.

 

[Liberty Belle]

First, let me say that I am sorry that the results did not turn out as you had all wished. That being said, biology isn't all that important. It really sounds like Shawn could use a father figure. It seems that your DH was excited about the idea of being that figure to Shawn. There is really nothing to stop that if they both still want it. So, your DH isn't Shawn's biological father. How about being his friend instead?

I, too, hope he can at least be friends with Shawn. I feel so bad for all of you.

 

[Sandy321]

Cindy

you are so right, no one should have to go thru this carp!! Not Shawn, not your DH and not you!


and prayers for your DS 21 - glad your DD is doing ok!

Do take time for your dh - tell him "stress is not good" (like in a *duh way, find something to lighten the mood, to laugh - laughter is good medicine -

someone tell a joke! (a line from a movie I love - MoonStruck with Cher!)

Thanks for the update!

Hoping for the time in the very near future you'll post an update on your DS21 - you will be in my thoughts and prayers - believe! Miracles do happen! We dont know the reasons, we dont know the cause, but do believe God is with you!! (Stupid humans, like mother's who withhold names and lie!)

 

[Sandy321]

Cindy'sfriend - I just re read your post -

you know you cant let go of that anger - in a way it seems like you need someone safe to be angry with - and she's a safe bet!!

When you are ready to let go of the anger - Let God!! (so much easier said than done!) but you cant change that mother - you can only change you - and your reaction-

and you know your family needs you - you are being an AWESOME role model to those kids!! and hug your dh - he must be so confused!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

The test shuts down the possibility for Shawn's mother to play any more games with you. She must have some extreme issues to keep this kind of thing going off and on for so many years.

 

[surfergirl602]

I agree, but you know what actually DID come from this? Two men feeling very disappointed tonight, and it's the fault of neither.


You know, in my first post, I said that I wasn't sure why I was sharing this... I know why now...

AS A LESSON TO ANY WOMAN WHO MAY FIND THEMSELVES IN THIS POSITION.

YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO WITHHOLD BIRTH INFORMATION FROM YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


First this witch LIED to her son AND to the man she was with, leading them both to believe they were father/son, THEN she again lied to her DS AND RECENTLY TO MY DH, leading THEM to believe they were father/son.

I wonder who is listed as the father on his birth certificate.....

 

[Disney Doll]

What a terrible thing for all concerned....

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm so sorry about what has happened. It's easy to see why the young man has had some of the problems he's had. I know it's hard to understand why any woman would behave this way, but I know women who I would like to throttle for their irresponsible behavior that directly affected their children.

My condolences to your family and Shawn as well.

 

[Feralpeg]

I understand what you're saying, but my DH being Shawn's friend will not help Shawn to resolve the issue of who his real father is. His mother now needs to do that.

Shawn's older friend who I mentioned in my previous post is a father-figure as well as a close friend to him. That's why DH called him tonight, to be sure that there would be emotional support when he got the news.

I would like to add that if my DH wanted to be a part of Shawn's life, I'd fully support that. However, I do not think that he has any obligation to do so. The fact is, that while it was an idea that Shawn was his son, the reality is that he is not. That is not my fault or my DH's fault. We were more than willing to do the right thing; we were looking forward to it.

And I'm trying hard to deal with the anger that I feel towards his mother.


I apologise if I'm sounding angry and defensive, and I absolutely don't intend it to direct it towards you FeralPeg, because I've always admired you, but honestly it's the way I'm feeling right now. Very emotionally confused.

Thanks again to everyone.

Don't worry about me. You have not upset me at all. Of course, your DH is not in any way obligated. You both just sounded so excited about the prospect of having Shawn as a part of your lives. I thought maybe there could be a way for something good for all of you to come out of this. In a way, I guess it has. At least now, your DH knows for sure that he did not father a child that has been kept from him for so many years.

You both sound like wonderful people. I'm sure whatever decision you make in regard to a relationship with Shawn will be the right one. Sadly, I don't know that Shawn will ever get the closure he wants. His mother does not seem to think it is important for him. Unfortunate.

 

[keenercam]

I just want you to know I am thinking of you today. And I truly admire you and your husband for wanting to do the right thing, and for pursuing this to an answer. You must both be feeling a terrible loss right now, a loss of hope for a future with Shawn. I can't imagine what you must feel like after the roller coaster you have been on. I hope that Shawn will be okay, and that he will get the answers he deserves. Someday, it could be critical for him to know his paternal family medical history. Maybe now his mother will be forced to be honest with him. Sending all of you a hug.

 

[CindysFriend]

DH received this email message from Shawn's mother this afternoon. I guess she's going to the do the right and mature thing (finally!). This makes DH and I feel somewhat better, that maybe Shawn really will finally get the answers he deserves, and I do give her credit for owning up to things now. I really did not expect it. Here it is (names changed, of course):


I talked to Shawn, I am very sorry for all of this. You have always been a great guy and I am glad that you and your family were so respectful to Shawn. Again I am very sorry. All i can say is that my mistakes in my past have come to haunt me- Lookin for Love in all the wrong places. I no it I own it and regret it, but I will do what ever it takes to help my son no matter how bad I look. I am blessed with boy's that understand people are not perfect and that helps alittle but I cant shake the feeling of letting my son down. I wish you and your family the best. I new you would find a good woman- She's great- tell her thank you for being so kind to Shawn...
-Carrie

 

[CindysFriend]

At lunch today I wanted to send Shawn a message on Facebook (I did not have his home email with me at work), but when I went to find his name on my "Friends" list, I saw that it wasn't there. Sure enough, today Shawn must've deleted DH and I from his Friends List. I totally understand this, from his perspective.

I plan on sending him a brief message tonight to his regular email. I can't just let the results of the DNA test be the last communication with him.




Again, thanks to everyone for the good wishes for all of us.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP,

Can you still call him? I can't imagine how devastating this was to Shawn. That was a kind thing you and your DH did, making sure Shawn was with someone when he got the news.

I hope his mother can finally give him the information he rightfully deserves.

TC

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. This is unbelievable to me. I didn't think it was possible to have so much respect for two people I have met before, but that is exactly what I'm feeling for you and your husband.

And my lack of respect for Shawn's mother is staggering.

I am so very sorry.

 

[chell]

I hate that he deleted you from Facebook. I was hoping he could keep the lines of communication open and at least be friends.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I have been following this thread but hadn't posted until now. I am sorry that you and your DH didn't receive the answer that you wanted. You both are a great couple as well as good people trying to do the right thing. You did do the right thing, it just didn't turn out the way you were hoping for. Keep the great communication that you both have for each other.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

Cindy, DH and Shawn

 

[horseshowmom]

DH received this email message from Shawn's mother this afternoon. I guess she's going to the do the right and mature thing (finally!). This makes DH and I feel somewhat better, that maybe Shawn really will finally get the answers he deserves, and I do give her credit for owning up to things now. I really did not expect it. Here it is (names changed, of course):


I talked to Shawn, I am very sorry for all of this. You have always been a great guy and I am glad that you and your family were so respectful to Shawn. Again I am very sorry. All i can say is that my mistakes in my past have come to haunt me- Lookin for Love in all the wrong places. I no it I own it and regret it, but I will do what ever it takes to help my son no matter how bad I look. I am blessed with boy's that understand people are not perfect and that helps alittle but I cant shake the feeling of letting my son down. I wish you and your family the best. I new you would find a good woman- She's great- tell her thank you for being so kind to Shawn...
-Carrie

I've got to tell you that I'm ready to go throttle this woman myself. She let your husband/family and Shawn go through an emotional roller coaster (not to mention the costs involved for the DNA tests, shipping, etc.) when she knew perfectly well that your husband was not the father. The son that she has been "blessed with" has every right to be hurt and angry. If I were him, she probably wouldn't enjoy the conversation we would have.