Not doing her best?

[leahjade]

Well. I don't think expecting good grades is pushing a child toward suicide. Geez

Not as crazy as it seems - my daughter's seventh grade friend shot himself in the head after being punished for a bad report card. All B's used to be a good report card back in my day! Now parents expect perfection from every child and if every child is receiving all A's then something is wrong with the grading system. A child needs to earn the grades for themselves not to please parents who are never satisfied.

 

[grumpy donald]

I would just like to say that I grew up in a household where anything less than a A was not acceptable and I grew up just fine. I was not tramautized in any way for being punished for not donig what both my parents and I knew i was capable of doing. I knew the score and knew what would happen. I took all of those AP and honors courses including chemistry physics and calculus and had a few B's, but I let my parents know when I was struggling and as long as they saw that I was really putting in the effort they were ok with that. I think what it comes down to is evpecting each child to work to his or hwer potential no matter what that potential is. I teach high school and I see the c's and D's that could of been A's and B's that come form parents who "never punish for grades" these parents want to blame everyone else but thier children for the kid's poor performance. In 99% or more of cases the kids are simplt lazy or rebellious they are capable, just chose not to try. To the OP good for you for taking a stand.

I can't imagine punishing my child for anything less than a sub par grade. Encouraging the joy of learning should be priority. Not scaring the crap out of a kid. My A's were born of stress. I suspect I would have soared had I actually been applauded and cheered on. In our lives our viewpoint has played out with everyone achieving to their highest, including the foster children we've dealt with.

Your negative view on parents and children is a sad state as a teacher. Perhaps you don't know everything that goes on in those homes. Where do you get that 99% statistic, or is just pulled out of your...head? Just sayin'

So, would your birthday party been canceled if you pulled a low grade? Not even psychodad would have done that.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Ok my DD is great but not doing what is expected of her this year!! We have the Fcat in FLA and she got 49 out of 49 in math right so we are NOT dealing with a child that is not smart!! We give her everything but my parents think we are Horrible if we deny her anything!! Well she got all B's last report card and she got her phone and Wii taken away. Now for her progress report she got 2 c's!! So her Phone , laptop and going to "nanas" is gone!! But should we take her b-day party away also?? This will cost about $500 but I love to do it for her... DH says no party!! What do you think?

have you met with her teachers? have you met with the counselor? it sounds as if you are assuming it's all her fault. Does she need glasses? have you had hers eyes checked? how about her hearing? Oh no, I am not joking -- I've seen it happen hundreds of times when kids need something like glasses and they don't have them because no one knows.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I certainly don't think that this child is being pushed to suicide. That's a little over the top to me.

please don't joke about that -- my DD's class (when she was in 7th grade - 1st year on junior high middle school ) had several kids commit suicide.

Knock on wood, none since that I know of.

My son's classes haven't had any yet but it does happen.

 

[Disney8704]

IMHO, I think your over reacting. Sounds like to me your expecting A's from her and anything below that is unacceptable. Taking away all her stuff for B's and C's? I can understand if she is failing, but B's and C's arent failing grades. IMHO, your being a little to harsh on her taking away her stuff for good grades. When I was in school, I brought home A's, B's and C's. Every time I got an A on my report card, I got money for each A. As for B's and C's I didnt get rewarded, but also didnt get punished either. You need to talk to your DD. Both your and your DH. Talk with her and find out where she might need a little help. Just think...would you rather have her bring home B's and C's or D's or worse? She might be smart, but shes not perfect nor a rocket scientist. Lighten up on her. Dont take away her family time and especially dont take away her b-day party. That just plain cruel and mean to her. Oh and also keep in mind, the harder your on your DD, the more they are gonna wanna do their own thing. Such as drugs, hanging out with the bad crowd at school, bring home worse grades, and even become distant towards her parents. B's take it as it is, C's find out where she might need help. The moment she brings home D's or worse, THEN that is the time to start taking away stuff until whatever the problem is has been fixed.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Ok my DD is great but not doing what is expected of her this year!! We have the Fcat in FLA and she got 49 out of 49 in math right so we are NOT dealing with a child that is not smart!! We give her everything but my parents think we are Horrible if we deny her anything!! Well she got all B's last report card and she got her phone and Wii taken away. Now for her progress report she got 2 c's!! So her Phone , laptop and going to "nanas" is gone!! But should we take her b-day party away also?? This will cost about $500 but I love to do it for her... DH says no party!! What do you think?

As tough as it will be..."no party".

As others have mentioned besides being punished you have to find out what is at the core of what's going on with her. Meet with her teachers, coaches, parents of best friends so you can come up with the "issue".

Good Luck

 

[MKCP5]

I may not agree with all of what has been said--but I do understand the OP in the sense of wanting your child to do better. When a child has the intellectual capacity to be at the top of his class and he is content to settle for b's and c's it is frustrating!! How do you motivate him? If motivation doesn't work do you punish? I think everyone has to deal with that as best as they can. It is one thing for a child to pull b's and c's who is working hard and doing their best. It is a whole different thing if the child is not putting in much effort and getting b's and c's.

 

[HamTown]

If this is your DD10 you are discussing, then we need more information before anyone here can give an attempt at a decent opinion. Have you talked with her teacher? Are there home issues that may be distracting her? Are there friend issues? Is she not doing her homework and/or lying to you about it?

FWIW, unless something really major is happening, I don't have a problem with taking away the phone and the Wii until the next report card IF you have a long talk with her about why her grades have dropped and with the understanding that if she works hard she will get them returned if she shows improvement. And the reality of that is, even if her grade doesn't improve but she works as hard as she is capable of, then she has been successful.

I never had anything other than an A until Driver's Ed and I was never rewarded for grades. It was just a given that A's were what were expected for me. My brother, OTOH, had a really rough time with math and his frustration with it carried over into other areas for a while. My parents understood that and encouraged him to do the best he could. He is incredibly talented in other areas, but struggling with math caused his self-esteem to suffer and that lead to other grades suffering. Could your DD have issues with one particular subject that is causing her self-esteem to sink?

I'm not touching the grandma thing...

 

[Bluestars]

Instead of handing down all of these punishments, why not talk to her and her teachers and figure out what's going on? Her teachers could probably make suggestions on how she can bring up her grade.

Maybe she could use some additional uninterrupted study time each day in a place where there aren't distractions. Maybe she needs to make flash cards or something like that to help study for tests. If she's not turning in her homework, then she could use some time each day set aside to do it.

Some teachers offer help to students before or after school.

In other words, I would find out the cause of the low grades and work to make positive changes to help her bring up the grades. I would not isolate her from her friends and family.

 

[happygirl]

OP. You are going overboard on her punishment. She is 10 year old. You are going to make her hate learning

 

[chisnpeke]

Wow. OP, you are way over reacting. I'll just say you are giving her way too harsh of punishments for getting all B's and now 2 C's. Maybe that IS her best. I always had problems getting straight A's in school but I worked hard. My mom told me to do my best. I NEVER got in trouble for a bad grade. And a B and C are NOT bad grades!

I have a friend who was expected to get perfect grades, a C was unacceptable and was punished. She was very rebellious and hates her parents for it. She ended up hurting herself (cutting) because of the pressure her parents put on her. Not saying this will happen but it can. Pressure from parents is a horrible thing to have.

You are being WAY too hard on a child that doesn't deserve it.

About not letting her see her grandmother....I am not even going to mention it because I'm sure it would get me points. How pathetic and sad that you are doing this to your child.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think you are going to make her hate school and learning or be so hard on herself that she has trouble later on. JMHO.

 

[Loverly]

I want to know if $500 birthday parties are the norm nowadays?

 

[chisnpeke]

I turned to alcohol. When I was intoxicated, I didn't have to care what my psycho dad expected of me. This little girl will be in therapy, rehab, or need one or the other by the time she hits puberty at this rate.

No doubt she will. I mentioned before that my friend has had trouble with her parents putting pressure on her for her whole life. She now in college gets drunk to the point of passing out to help take the pressure off. She also cut herself in high school because her parents pressured her so much. She began to hate herself.

 

[bumcat]

I don't get punishing her for 2 C's on her progress report. She still has time to bring that up.

I will never understand parents that go crazy with punishments for grades.

If you take away and take away eventually your daughter wont bother trying especially when she is older. I have found reward systems work much better plus boosts the self esteem when a child is not doing their best.

 

[mumom95]

OP, parenting sure is hard isn't it. It would be so much easier if each child came with an instructional manual that was written specifically for that child.

I do think you are being a tad too tough on her. One quarter of not performing up to her potential doesn't mean she is headed towards a life of underachieving. Everyone goes through phases. I would let her know that you expect more from her and that for the next quarter you will be watching her academics closely and that if at the end of that quarter the grades haven't improved because of lack of trying, she will not be able to _______ (fill in the blank) I don't agree with taking away time from the grandparents, you never know how much longer they will be around. And then make sure during that quarter you really try and figure out what is the problem academically, lack of trying, or even if she is smart, it could be lack of understanding. I'm sure even Einstein got confused on a few things.

I think it's great that you care so much about your dd's education, and I don't think there is anything wrong with having high expectations for a child that has already proven they are capable. But remember, a C at age 10 is not going to keep your daughter out of Harvard someday. And ultimatley, you want your daughter to perform to her fullest potential because she wants to, not because she will punished if she doesn't. That philosophy won't work once she becomes an adult.

Best of luck.

 

[chisnpeke]

Nevermind

 

[sunnyday123]

I understand wanting your child to do well in school, and I expect that of DD. She is an honor roll student, and has only ever received A's and 2 B's. That being said, I have very careful to not put alot of pressure on her about schoolwork. I never have to tell her to do homework or study for a test. She usually shoos me out of the room when she comes home so she has quiet.
That being said, I was actually glad the day she brought home a D. She was devastated, but she used it to learn and that made me happy. Knowing the type of student she is, if her grades suddenly dropped, I would think it was something else besides her not being able to do the work. I would definitely check around before I started grounding. The punishment may be needed but I would make sure there wasn't something else first.

 

[SpecialK]

I think what it comes down to is evpecting each child to work to his or hwer potential no matter what that potential is. I teach high school and I see the c's and D's that could of been A's and B's that come form parents who "never punish for grades" these parents want to blame everyone else but thier children for the kid's poor performance. In 99% or more of cases the kids are simplt lazy or rebellious they are capable, just chose not to try. To the OP good for you for taking a stand.

Have to completely disagree with you on this one. The students I've taught whose parents punished for bad grades were the unhappiest, most stressed out kids I've ever seen. You can encourage achievement without punishment.

 

[hinodis]

My DS17, a high school senior is currently grounded because of his grades. I will not except grades below a B without a consequence. It has certainly inspired him to study more and his grades have improved. He is not suicidal he is learning. He is preparing to go to college. I did not take away his laptop, texting, or wii because he has none of those.

As far as doing there "best"....HA My DS20 told me he didn't really do his best in high school yet managed a 3.77. He always TOLD me he was doing his best. He is a college junior now and is actually doing his best.

OP some comments on here have been way too harsh. Only you know your child and what is best for her.