For those who don't know, I use a wheelchair.
I had a virus in late Sept. I was sick with a very high fever and I was in the hospital for five days.
I recently found out that one of my sisters told everyone she knows about this. She even told this guy who always has thought very little of me. I mean, if I was in a room with three people, he would completely act as if I wasn't there (not even saying hello or goodbye to me). He one year mailed a Christmas card to the family, mentioning everyone except me. As you can imagine, he is someone I dislike tremendously. Thankfully he has been out of even the most outside aspect of my life, except for the fact that my sister likes to keep contact with him by phone and email.
Well again, she told him and apparently everyone she knows even marginally. I'm really hurt and furious about it. Yes, I know that there's nothing wrong with being in the hospital, but to me it adds to a bigger issue.
It's become clearer and clearer to me that my sisters like people to know the....I can't find the right words....let's say the difficult side of having me as a sister. I'm an extremely private person and I'd rather not have people know *anything* about me -particularly people who aren't friends of mine and I hardly know. I hate to have people talk about me....but if my sisters will talk, could they talk about the positive in addition to the negative?
Most able-bodied people think that wheelcair users aren't capable of anything.
They seem to not grasp the fact that from one WC user to the next, there can be a world of difference in what they can do, and that some things that are easy for some, are impossible for others, and vice-versa. They just paint us all with this wide brush. They think that all of us need help with everything.
Well, people in my sisters' circle are no different, and there's no doubt in my mind that they(my sisters) never do anything to inform them that that's not the case when it comes to them and me.
The fact is that neither of my sisters help dress me, bathe me, feed me or anything else. I do all of that myself.
I am self-employed and while I don't earn as much as they do, I help with the household expenses.
I know for a fact that neither of my sisters have told anyone that without me neither of them would have a car. They never told anyone that I alone pay for my and my mother's medication. This particular sister never told anyone that I often lent her the money to pay for her college tuition and that without me she would have never graduated. But I get sick and had to go to the hospital, and they can't wait to tell THAT to everyone.
So people think that my sisters are so kind and wonderful to "let" me live with them, supporting me and doing everything for me while I am unable to give back. I can see it in their attitudes. I woudn't mind that much if I never had to see any of those people. But I have to see some of them sometimes.
I hate it. I hate the way they talk to me. Either they are terribly condescending, or the other way around. There was this dentist we used to visit. She was actually nice to me in a normal way at first, but then she chaanged.
She became cold, and later she acted rudely towards me...only me. I didn't understand why, but the only people she knew who knew me were my mom and my sisters. My other sister talked to her a lot. I started suspecting that she saw me as exploiting them.
The last time I went to her office was when I drove my mom to see her. I drove the new car I had helped my sister get. I didn't want to see the dentist, so I stayed in the car while my mom went in. My mom later told me that as soon as the dentist saw me in the car she gasped and said "Oh, they bought her a car!".....Imagine that, I had just shelled out $1,500.00 to help my sister buy the car, and she was shocked because, Heavens, they had gone so far as to buy me a car!
I don't know what to do...it's not like I'm going to be telling people "look, she wouldn't have a car without me!" "She wouldn't have graduated without me!" etc. Like I said, I'm a private and quiet person, while they talk, talk, TALK!
And anyway, who would believe me.
I don't want you to think that my sisters are evil. They are not. I still believe they are good people. But they can be so difficult. I think they have self-esteem issues, and they relish the admiration they get for being my "caregivers". It's an ego booster for them. I hate to be used that way.
I know that I should just shrug it off and need to think that it doesn't matter what people think of me.....it isn't easy. But I guess I have no choice.
I'm so mad....and heartbroken....I also feel so anxious....I just want to up and run, run, run screaming out of here. I feel helpless and hopeless. I'm so agitated that I know I won't be able to sleep tonight
Thanks to anyone who read this far.
I had a virus in late Sept. I was sick with a very high fever and I was in the hospital for five days.
I recently found out that one of my sisters told everyone she knows about this. She even told this guy who always has thought very little of me. I mean, if I was in a room with three people, he would completely act as if I wasn't there (not even saying hello or goodbye to me). He one year mailed a Christmas card to the family, mentioning everyone except me. As you can imagine, he is someone I dislike tremendously. Thankfully he has been out of even the most outside aspect of my life, except for the fact that my sister likes to keep contact with him by phone and email.
Well again, she told him and apparently everyone she knows even marginally. I'm really hurt and furious about it. Yes, I know that there's nothing wrong with being in the hospital, but to me it adds to a bigger issue.
It's become clearer and clearer to me that my sisters like people to know the....I can't find the right words....let's say the difficult side of having me as a sister. I'm an extremely private person and I'd rather not have people know *anything* about me -particularly people who aren't friends of mine and I hardly know. I hate to have people talk about me....but if my sisters will talk, could they talk about the positive in addition to the negative?
Most able-bodied people think that wheelcair users aren't capable of anything.
They seem to not grasp the fact that from one WC user to the next, there can be a world of difference in what they can do, and that some things that are easy for some, are impossible for others, and vice-versa. They just paint us all with this wide brush. They think that all of us need help with everything.
Well, people in my sisters' circle are no different, and there's no doubt in my mind that they(my sisters) never do anything to inform them that that's not the case when it comes to them and me.
The fact is that neither of my sisters help dress me, bathe me, feed me or anything else. I do all of that myself.
I am self-employed and while I don't earn as much as they do, I help with the household expenses.
I know for a fact that neither of my sisters have told anyone that without me neither of them would have a car. They never told anyone that I alone pay for my and my mother's medication. This particular sister never told anyone that I often lent her the money to pay for her college tuition and that without me she would have never graduated. But I get sick and had to go to the hospital, and they can't wait to tell THAT to everyone.
So people think that my sisters are so kind and wonderful to "let" me live with them, supporting me and doing everything for me while I am unable to give back. I can see it in their attitudes. I woudn't mind that much if I never had to see any of those people. But I have to see some of them sometimes.
I hate it. I hate the way they talk to me. Either they are terribly condescending, or the other way around. There was this dentist we used to visit. She was actually nice to me in a normal way at first, but then she chaanged.
She became cold, and later she acted rudely towards me...only me. I didn't understand why, but the only people she knew who knew me were my mom and my sisters. My other sister talked to her a lot. I started suspecting that she saw me as exploiting them.
The last time I went to her office was when I drove my mom to see her. I drove the new car I had helped my sister get. I didn't want to see the dentist, so I stayed in the car while my mom went in. My mom later told me that as soon as the dentist saw me in the car she gasped and said "Oh, they bought her a car!".....Imagine that, I had just shelled out $1,500.00 to help my sister buy the car, and she was shocked because, Heavens, they had gone so far as to buy me a car!
I don't know what to do...it's not like I'm going to be telling people "look, she wouldn't have a car without me!" "She wouldn't have graduated without me!" etc. Like I said, I'm a private and quiet person, while they talk, talk, TALK!
And anyway, who would believe me.
I don't want you to think that my sisters are evil. They are not. I still believe they are good people. But they can be so difficult. I think they have self-esteem issues, and they relish the admiration they get for being my "caregivers". It's an ego booster for them. I hate to be used that way.
I know that I should just shrug it off and need to think that it doesn't matter what people think of me.....it isn't easy. But I guess I have no choice.
I'm so mad....and heartbroken....I also feel so anxious....I just want to up and run, run, run screaming out of here. I feel helpless and hopeless. I'm so agitated that I know I won't be able to sleep tonight
Thanks to anyone who read this far.
I can't really offer advice.... but I hope things will get better for you.
I've spoken to the mother on several occasions but it doesn't help.
