Not about Disney, need advice from POC - Did I overreact to my kid being called by their race? (AITA)

[Smugpugmug]

You did the right thing. The kid said that in a deliberately derogatory way and rather than correcting the behavior, the dad laughed it off. I wouldn't want to be dating someone that was okay with their kid saying stuff like that either.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My guess is the dad is probably the one to have mentioned it to his kid. I may be far off base here but if your child doesn't at all look like what the slur was then it's probably because mixed heritage was mentioned by you to the dad, if that's not the case I have no idea how they would have known based off of your descriptions.

Dad seems to have prejudices that may not have been found out for a while if not for his kid blurting out what he did. He probably laughed it off because you two are newly dating and he didn't want that side of him to be "found out" so quickly.

I too would not want to date someone like that and think you made the right call.

 

[fly girl]

How do you know it’s a teen?

The last paragraph mentions was the boy being a dumb teen.

 

[mjkacmom]

My guess is the dad is probably the one to have mentioned it to his kid. I may be far off base here but if your child doesn't at all look like what the slur was then it's probably because mixed heritage was mentioned by you to the dad, if that's not the case I have no idea how they would have known based off of your descriptions.

Dad seems to have prejudices that may not have been found out for a while if not for his kid blurting out what he did. He probably laughed it off because you two are newly dating and he didn't want that side of him to be "found out" so quickly.

I too would not want to date someone like that and think you made the right call.

But did the kid even know about the mixed race issue? The slur shouldn’t have happened regardless, but it’s even worse if the kid was aware. I do think it’s a good idea to keep kids out of the picture while dating until one really knows the other person (based on stories from my divorced friends and family).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

But did the kid even know about the mixed race issue? The slur shouldn’t have happened regardless, but it’s even worse if the kid was aware. I do think it’s a good idea to keep kids out of the picture while dating until one really knows the other person (based on stories from my divorced friends and family).

I'm thinking out loud because the OP made sure it was known their kid didn't look like they were anything other than white. So if that's the case how would the other kid even know to say ""That's cause she's half *racename*!"

People say ignorant stuff all the time but in this case the OP described it like it'd be a pretty rare thing for someone to accurately pinpoint their kid as being anything other than white.

It's possible if the kid knew he found out from social media but the lack of correction on the part of the dad makes me think they've had a discussion about it.

I agree with your last statement for sure.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm thinking out loud because the OP made sure it was known their kid didn't look like they were anything other than white. So if that's the case how would the other kid even know to say ""That's cause she's half *racename*!"

People say ignorant stuff all the time but in this case the OP described it like it'd be a pretty rare thing for someone to accurately pinpoint their kid as being anything other than white.

It's possible if the kid knew he found out from social media but the lack of correction on the part of the dad makes me think they've had a discussion about it.

I agree with your last statement for sure.

I’ve obviously not had coffee today, I missed the fact that the remark was referring to the OP’s child, I thought it was towards a character in the game. Yikes.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I’ve obviously not had coffee today, I missed the fact that the remark was referring to the OP’s child, I thought it was towards a character in the game. Yikes.

Honestly re-reading it back I *thought* the OP was referring to an action or comment her kid made while playing the game that the other kid then made that comment about. However, it's completely possible you're correct in that it was a reference made to the video game character instead, but I'm not sure if the OP would make several comments about the appearance of her kid to us if that was the case. Still though I can see the scenario you're picturing be what happened so I guess don't completely take my words as what 100% happened

 

[fly girl]

I’ve obviously not had coffee today, I missed the fact that the remark was referring to the OP’s child, I thought it was towards a character in the game. Yikes.

No biggie! Happens to the best of us.

 

[SirDuff]

Honestly re-reading it back I *thought* the OP was referring to an action or comment her kid made while playing the game that the other kid then made that comment about. However, it's completely possible you're correct in that it was a reference made to the video game character instead, but I'm not sure if the OP would make several comments about the appearance of her kid to us if that was the case. Still though I can see the scenario you're picturing be what happened so I guess don't completely take my words as what 100% happened

No, I think you’re right. The title of the thread says “my kid getting called by their race”. So between that and first post, it would make sense that the boy was referring to the girl (OP’s kid) and, I agree, that only makes sense if he knew her heritage.

Also, post says it was “the first time she was ever called that”. Again, implying that the term was directed at her.

 

[Skywalker]

I can't ask my late husband his opinion, and oddly my mother-in-law has been drinking the Fox news Kool-aid and thinks I'm just being oversensitive.

... Can any POC give me some advice?

Do you want real advice? Or will you dismiss anyone who thinks differently than you, like your mother in law?

 

[SonyaX]

Just wanted to say thank you for the many opinions. That's what I wanted, more perspectives. I'm aware my understanding is limited within this arena of experience. I appreciate your feedback.

To clarify, both kids were teens (13/14). The boy called my kid the name because they didn't like something my kid did.

I had actually been dating this guy for 3 months, and we had been friends beforehand. I hadn't directly told his son about my husband, so y'all are right that this means my now-ex had discussed it with his kid. Thanks for helping me realize this. It feels icky that he felt he had to tell his kid about my kid's racial heritage in advance or something. And *still* chose not to confront the poor behavior when the kid said that.

It was mostly about how the kid said it. It was like the word secretly meant disgusting and immoral.

Yes the white protestant comment was a reference to the WASP term. If someone knows my kiddo's heritage, they might say/think "Oh, that's why their hair/skin/nose is X-characteristic!" But if you don't know the heritage, they just look like one more WASP.

It felt like she would always be *race* first, fellow kid second to that boy.

I'm going to stick with my original instincts. I thank y'all for the support.

(Edited to add my kiddo and I talked about it further. That boy also bragged to her about having a German WW2 nazi officer uniform. I am even more convinced.)

 

[wilkeliza]

Just wanted to say thank you for the many opinions. That's what I wanted, more perspectives. I'm aware my understanding is limited within this arena of experience. I appreciate your feedback.

To clarify, both kids were teens (13/14). The boy called my kid the name because they didn't like something my kid did.

I had actually been dating this guy for 3 months, and we had been friends beforehand. I hadn't directly told his son about my husband, so y'all are right that this means my now-ex had discussed it with his kid. Thanks for helping me realize this. It feels icky that he felt he had to tell his kid about my kid's racial heritage in advance or something. And *still* chose not to confront the poor behavior when the kid said that.

It was mostly about how the kid said it. It was like the word secretly meant disgusting and immoral.

Yes the white protestant comment was a reference to the WASP term. If someone knows my kiddo's heritage, they might say/think "Oh, that's why their hair/skin/nose is X-characteristic!" But if you don't know the heritage, they just look like one more WASP.

It felt like she would always be *race* first, fellow kid second to that boy.

I'm going to stick with my original instincts. I thank y'all for the support.

(Edited to add my kiddo and I talked about it further. That boy also bragged to her about having a German WW2 nazi officer uniform. I am even more convinced.)

Based on what you shared with me privately and that additional tidbit of him having a nazi uniform you did the right thing. If he actually has one at 13/14 I would be very concerned. In a lot of countries that is actually a crime. I know some anime made people think they are ok as costumes but that is not ok.

 

[fly girl]

Just wanted to say thank you for the many opinions. That's what I wanted, more perspectives. I'm aware my understanding is limited within this arena of experience. I appreciate your feedback.

To clarify, both kids were teens (13/14). The boy called my kid the name because they didn't like something my kid did.

I had actually been dating this guy for 3 months, and we had been friends beforehand. I hadn't directly told his son about my husband, so y'all are right that this means my now-ex had discussed it with his kid. Thanks for helping me realize this. It feels icky that he felt he had to tell his kid about my kid's racial heritage in advance or something. And *still* chose not to confront the poor behavior when the kid said that.

It was mostly about how the kid said it. It was like the word secretly meant disgusting and immoral.

Yes the white protestant comment was a reference to the WASP term. If someone knows my kiddo's heritage, they might say/think "Oh, that's why their hair/skin/nose is X-characteristic!" But if you don't know the heritage, they just look like one more WASP.

It felt like she would always be *race* first, fellow kid second to that boy.

I'm going to stick with my original instincts. I thank y'all for the support.

(Edited to add my kiddo and I talked about it further. That boy also bragged to her about having a German WW2 nazi officer uniform. I am even more convinced.)

Wait, what?!?! Bragged about having a nazi uniform.

Hell no. Bye!