no response to a birthday invitation

[CapeMayMommy]

My daughter's birthday is in a few weeks. She'll be turning 6, and currently is in kindergarten.

Last year, I sent out several invitations to her 5th birthday party, and received only one call back out of 15. I specifically asked the children's parents to RSVP. I was depressed and anxious. I swore I'd never plan another party again and put myself and my child through this.

We moved from NewYork a few years ago, and parents there are very interested in having their young children attend birthday parties. Not even receiving a response from any of the parents in our new town made me regret that we moved here. I even thought that maybe we were being shunned for being "New Yorkers".

I went to two other birthday parties this year, and both times, I was the only parent who called back (people suplimented with family). The mothers were also not "locals". (one from California, the other from Phil.) They were
confused as to why their invitation was ignored by the other parents.

Well, fast forward to this year. My mother got my daughter all hyped up on a party. I told her "you don't understand,these people don't think like us." My mother told me that I was wrong.

So, I planned a party, sent out invitations to all her classmates and guess what!?!? We've gotten no response! Not even a polite decline.

I wish I had followed my original plan of taking my daughter to American Girl in New York. I may have to after this disaster.

I won't plan another party next year.

What would make parents just ignore a child's birthday party invitation?

I don't understand

 

[CapeMayMommy]

Oh, yeah...

and my mother conceded tonight that these people aren't like us when it comes to birthday parties.

 

[Planogirl]

I never liked the birthday party nonsense. Some people do take the trouble to respond here but too many don't and even if they do, you never know if they'll show up.

I preferred to take DS somewhere very special instead. We had a good time. Sorry that you have to deal with this.

 

[formill]

I don't know why people don't reply either but I have found the same thing. I used to think if they did not reply they were not coming......then surprise they all do that has been our experience they just don't tell us the ARE coming. Now I don't bother putting that I want a reply at all - the kids will usually have an idea of who says they can come by asking at school. We have even tried putting our email address thinking anyone can send an email....that did not work either. My older daughter sent out text message invites on her cell phone for a pool party......same thing even though they would text other regular stuff they did not reply if they were coming......and most did show up. I am glad I have never planned anything that really mattered how many came. I have always made sure to reply to any invite that asks me to. I just can't do that to people.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I have never heard of "not a single response!"
Did you send them thru the mail or at school?
As far as the situation goes, every invitation deserves a response, it does not matter where you live, or who you are, it is simply common courtesy. Sorry you're dealing with this.
If it were me, I'd give a polite call to the parents that did not respond....saying, just wanted to make sure "Susie" got the invitation and would like to know whether she could attend.
As far as getting depressed and stressed, perhaps party giving is not a good mix for you Parties/planning should be FUN!
Good Luck, how rude Not to RSVP!

 

[Bluestars]

Since your daughter's party is still a couple of weeks away, maybe you'll get some responses. I always find that people tend to respond very close to the date of the party. Maybe because they are undecided until then or because they put it off to the last minute.

I hope you get some responses by the time her party comes. It is very frustrating when people don't respond one way or the other.

 

[jekajekalynn]

My daughter's birthday is in a few weeks. She'll be turning 6, and currently is in kindergarten.

Last year, I sent out several invitations to her 5th birthday party, and received only one call back out of 15. I specifically asked the children's parents to RSVP. I was depressed and anxious. I swore I'd never plan another party again and put myself and my child through this.

We moved from NewYork a few years ago, and parents there are very interested in having their young children attend birthday parties. Not even receiving a response from any of the parents in our new town made me regret that we moved here. I even thought that maybe we were being shunned for being "New Yorkers".

I went to two other birthday parties this year, and both times, I was the only parent who called back (people suplimented with family). The mothers were also not "locals". (one from California, the other from Phil.) They were
confused as to why their invitation was ignored by the other parents.

Well, fast forward to this year. My mother got my daughter all hyped up on a party. I told her "you don't understand,these people don't think like us." My mother told me that I was wrong.

So, I planned a party, sent out invitations to all her classmates and guess what!?!? We've gotten no response! Not even a polite decline.

I wish I had followed my original plan of taking my daughter to American Girl in New York. I may have to after this disaster.

I won't plan another party next year.

What would make parents just ignore a child's birthday party invitation?

I don't understand

I went through a similar situation with my ds7.. I honestly don't get it.. It isn't like I didn't provide ANY contact info. I included our phone and email... I sent out about 10 invites to my ds's party and only ONE girl came and her parents responded.. Well I should say only 2 ppl responded, I found out that one boys mom who said yes lied, and they didnt show up.. I say "lie" because I found out from 2 other moms she did the same thing to them, and even said she would bring punch or something to one. When they didn't show up and the parents called, the woman wouldn't even answer the phone ..

 

[CapeMayMommy]

Thanks for the responses.

I hope I do get more calls back.

Next year, I am going to plan some special weekend (her birthday is near presidents weekend) to NYC or the Poconos.

 

[RangerPooh]

I also think that sometimes it's based on whether you are "local" or not. For DD birthday a few years ago we had a pretty decent response from her classmates, whether they were coming or not. But I think it had ot do with it being a university town and everyone being transplants. I do not want to plana party this year as we are in a new town, don't know the families/friends, and don't want to get her excited for nothing. DD birthday is also near President's weekend so we're planning something special then.

But I have seen kids in my class send b-day invites and receive very few RSVPs/attendee (according to the parents). Perhaps it's based on how or where you were raised

 

[christiane]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I haven't experienced this bad behaviour & hadn't even heard of this happening until I read a few previous threads about it on this board.

The best recommendation I saw on this board was to not include the location of the party on the invitation. You then include a line about contacting you about the location & then the people who want to come will have to call you. A backdoor RSVP!!

Hope you get a good turn out for your daughter's party.

 

[laurie31]

If the search function weren't disabled I could point you to LOTS of threads about this very issue. You aren't alone, and I don't think anyone is specifically being mean or doing it because you are "outsiders." This happens to everyone everywhere.

My children are *7th generation* residents of the city where we live, and still no one RSVPs, even here in the South where manners are supposed to be important.

I had a horrible experience when my DD#1 turend 6; she wanted a big party and we invited her entire class. She talked a lot about the party at school and all the kids told her they were coming, yet no one RSVP'd. So I made all those goodie bags and prepared for 25. We had 5 kids show up. DD was bitterly disappointed.

I hit upon the solution when DD turned 8. I stopped putting the location of the party on the invites. Lots of contact info, but no location. By gosh darn it, if they were coming, they had to call to find out WHERE they were coming to! No more oodles of extra goodie bags, and EVERYONE RSVP'd that year. (Everyone pointed out my "error" and I acted like I was embarrassed and said "Yeah, silly me" or something, but secretly I was all, Bwahahahahaha!!! I made you RSVP didn't I! Heh!)

Don't give up on parties if your DD wants them, but don't take it personally. I think people have good intentions, but get busy and forget. Or the invite gets lost in the kid's backpack or something. It doesn't excuse bad manners (seriously, it takes all of 30 seconds to call or email and say, "Yes DD's coming, she's looking forward to it," or "Sorry she can't make it, but thank you for inviting her.") but I think people are just so wrapped up in their own lives, they forget.

Oh and DD is 13 now- you'd think people would have caught on to my ploy, but they still call every year like it's the first time it's happened! LOL!!

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

same thing happened last year to us with dd's first actual party. she turned 4 and we had a bowling party for her preschool friends. all were invited, so were talking 15-20 kids. i think i heard back from maybe 7 max. i dont get it. invites went to thier cubbies, so i know they rec'd them. i gave my number and email. and still more than half didnt respond. one family actually moved back to their home island the day before the party(which i had no idea about!) so i crossed them off the list. one mom called me the day off saying shes horrible with that kind of stuff- i mean atleast she called!

but i just dont understand it! i mean parties are so stressful as it is, esp with planing loot bags and food. we ordered way more pizzas than we needed and took 5 home! then we had tons of treat bags left over. it was awful. she was happy to have some of her friends there and didnt really care. but i just kept scratching my head. this years will be the same. im worried about next years as she starts big school in september- but her bday is 4 days before it starts and we dont know any of the classmates yet. how am i going to get ahold of everyone in the summer to have a party? sorry venting here. lol but i feel your pain!

 

[CapeMayMommy]

I'm sorry... I didn't realize this issue has been visited before.

The problem with parties in New York is often they were fill with parental competition----you had to do something bigger, better and more elaborate than the next parent. You should see what many people do for their daughter's 16th birthday!!! (It's like a wedding)

In my old neighborhood, there was an unspoken deal:your child goes to my child's party and my child will go to yours.



My daughters party is going to be a bowling party with pizza and french fries and cake and ice cream. What kid wouldn't like that?. Most of the parties are house parties here. In that regard, I am glad to be off the hook for having to come up with something spectacular.

So, I am thinking that a lot of this is geographical---when people do have parties, they invite only a few friends. Maybe people don't want to buy a gift for a strangers' child.

But to not respond at all?

 

[emma'smom]

I sent out 18 invites last week for my dd5's party and I bet I only get a response from half of them. I set the RSVP date early to give me time to follow-up with the one's who don't call and/or send out more invites, if needed (although it looks like I have 9 so far coming--so that's a fun group and more will come in). However, I will end up making a few calls at the end.

....and its ok if some people are busy, I just need to know for refreshments, goodie bags, and hiring some students to help as party assistants.

 

[zalansky]

This is common and yes, there have been lots of threads on this, so don't feel alone OP.

We had a similar situation for my sons 5th birthday. He was new in the school and did have some kids come, but there were plenty who didn't RSVP and a few who did say they were coming and then pulled a no call, no show the day of the party with not even an email to say sorry. It was that day I decided no more parties for my kids. Now, I just let them pick 2 or 3 friends and we go someplace like Chuck E Cheese. End of story. Or we go to Disney for a weekend.

Like someone mentioned, parties are stressful enough, who needs hurt feelings on top of it? Its hard not to take it personally even though we know it isn't. We're human!

I think in school situations when the kids are young, parents dismiss parties of kids they don't know. When parents have to bring the kids and sit there and no one talks to them for 2 hours - it not comfortable at all! And that happened to me at 2 parties already. So I admit, I won't take my kids to parties anymore if I don't know the kids or any parents. BUT, I do always RSVP and decline.

Hugs OP. Take her to American Girl and have a blast.

 

[Imzadi]

I don't understand why you just can't change plans and come do American Girl in New York after all? It's still a couple weeks away. You can present it to DD as a much more exciting thing to do. Wouldn't it be better to plan a nice birthday that you have control over than being at effect to people who may not show up and it's just you DD, and your family at the bowling alley?

 

[disfan07]

The worst is when this happen for something that you HAVE to have responses for adn you have to have a number of guests to give a hotel.

this happened at my Bat Mitzvah. This is not a cheap party to begin with and we invited about 250 people. 60 of my friends, 100 family members and about 90 family friends. Out of the 250 people, we got 180 responses. Unfortunately, we could not just plan for 70 people who might or might not show up.
We had to have tables set up, placecards made, food ordered and favors made. This not a show up if you can event.
So we had to call all 70 people who had not RSVPd. Out of them, 40 of them were planning on coming. The thinig is....for bar/bat mitzvahs, you get the date about 2 years in advance. You send out invites like 7 months before and we gave them 4 months to respond. How do you not respond after 4 months!!!

We ended up having about 175 people and all showed up so anyone who would have showed up without RSVPing would not have been able to stay.

The lesson is: If there is a specific RSVP date on an invitation, ESPECIALLY for an expensive affair, you RSVP on time!!!!

 

[agnes!]

The worst is when this happen for something that you HAVE to have responses for adn you have to have a number of guests to give a hotel.

this happened at my Bat Mitzvah. This is not a cheap party to begin with and we invited about 250 people. 60 of my friends, 100 family members and about 90 family friends. Out of the 250 people, we got 180 responses. Unfortunately, we could not just plan for 70 people who might or might not show up.
We had to have tables set up, placecards made, food ordered and favors made. This not a show up if you can event.
So we had to call all 70 people who had not RSVPd. Out of them, 40 of them were planning on coming. The thinig is....for bar/bat mitzvahs, you get the date about 2 years in advance. You send out invites like 7 months before and we gave them 4 months to respond. How do you not respond after 4 months!!!

We ended up having about 175 people and all showed up so anyone who would have showed up without RSVPing would not have been able to stay.

The lesson is: If there is a specific RSVP date on an invitation, ESPECIALLY for an expensive affair, you RSVP on time!!!!

Hey disfan07,

CONGRATULATIONS on your FABuloss weight loss!! Congratulations on getting healthy!!! How have you done it? How have you stayed on-track?​

agnes!

 

[FireDancer]

With the exception of weddings all of my friends and I use evites for all parties instead of paper ones. It is very easy to just click on a response and most people do reply one way or another. The party for my friend's 3 year old was just a few weeks ago and every person on the evite responded one way or the other. I suspect it wouldn't have been the same with paper invites.

I guess people too lazy or inconsiderate to call and RSVP have the time to click a button.

 

[Sarah_Rose]

Ugh.

I got married last summer, and seriously, I only had 40 people RSVP-ed out of 140 invited. I mean, how much effort does it take to write your name and a number on a card and put it in the mail in an addressed stamped envelope? And when you're looking at $80+ per guest, well.... I kind of need to know how many are coming. I was still chasing people down the week of the wedding.

All and all, I found that people who were planning a wedding or who had just gotten married in the past few months were the fastest (I'm in that category now - still traumatized by my own RSVP crisis, but I'm sure it'll pass quickly if our friends are any indication ), followed by my grandparent's generation. People in the 30-50 age range.... just didn't reply. I don't know if it's a generational thing, or they were just too busy with their own lives, but it's definitely not just limited to children's birthday parties.

One of my DH's coworkers recently declared in frustration that he's done with planning parties, because no one RSVPs. He always uses Evites, but apparently clicking on the link and clicking "coming" or "not coming" is too much stress and bother for most.