no response to a birthday invitation

[Cindy's Mom]

This is a frequent topic here. Here is my BTDT advice - send out the invitations 1 1/2 weeks before the party, and include a telphone number and an email. Put the RSVP date 5 days before the party. Be prepared to call those who don't RSVP - 1/2 will say they are coming, 1/2 will decline. Then go buy the favors.

If you send out the invitations too far out, they will be forgotten. Sometimes kids don't show them to the parents. Just call.

Edited to add, a few weeks?! There is no way I'm responding to a childs birthday party more than a week in advance! Seriously, we get several invitations every month, and although we know how much children look forward to their parties, they are low on the ladder of our priorities, and there is no way I can say that one of our children will be free that far in advance. For example, lets say one of my bff's decides to have a family bbq next Saturday. I'd hate to have to decline because one of my 7 year olds has a 2 hour party we already RSVP'd yes to last month.

You are way too early to be depressed, and you did make the mistake of sending them out way too early. Again, you will have to make phone calls the week of the party.

This is exactly how I feel about the children's social committements and I love your example of the your bff having a bbq.....I would have used the same example.

In my neighborhood, a week's notice is about all we give for the b-day party. Just this past Friday DD9 attended a birthday party, she got the invite on Wed at school and all but one out of the 22 invited came.

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

This is my biggest pet peeve. I am DONE with kids' parties. The worst was when I didn't put the location but someone found out what it was somehow and showed up unexpectedly! Luckily I had an extra gift bag. That was it for me. Now I call 2 or 3 of the kids' friends and put them on the spot... "We are having pizza at our house on x date at x time... can you make it?" I STILL had 2 of my DS's 4 friends say they would be there but they did not show up or call. At least it was only a couple of slices of pizza.

 

[Hoodie]

See, I would prefer to receive them early so that I can get them on my calendar. That way if we get another invite later to a family thing, I can say "That sounds great, my dd has a party from 2-4, so can we do it afterward? or We'll be over right after we pick her up.!"

I agree. If I got an invite within 2 weeks of the party, chances are pretty good that we wouldn't be attending. We're pretty much booked by that time. Also, since OP's party is at a location, chances are pretty good that she has to give a final number much sooner than a couple of days before. Anything shorter than a week before the party to RSVP is rude.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't think it's very nice to diminish someone's feelings.

I agree. That terminology is commonly used and I'm sure not meant to insult anyone.

 

[CapeMayMommy]

When I said "depression" perhaps I was being a bit strong. I know the people of Haiti have real problems.

I do get blue. I moved down here and was able to find a fabulous job. My finances are best they have been in my life. My house is beautiful. etc., etc.

But socially, it's been a dud. I tried reaching out to other moms and feel held at arms length. I feel that I don't belong, and am not a "local".

Going to American Girl in New York would be the easiest thing for me to do---afterall, New York is my comfort zone. I could call up my friends, and with my daughter, we could make a weekend of it.

But under that would be the feeling that I am just not adjusting here, and the concern that my children might not adjust and be accepted also. So, it's more than just being anxious and depressed about a birthday party.

 

[kaytieeldr]

But socially, it's been a dud. I tried reaching out to other moms and feel held at arms length. I feel that I don't belong, and am not a "local".

You know, there have to be other (relatively) newly-arrived families/parents in your area. I'm not exactly sure how you'd find these new friends, but there's gotta be something.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree. If I got an invite within 2 weeks of the party, chances are pretty good that we wouldn't be attending. We're pretty much booked by that time. Also, since OP's party is at a location, chances are pretty good that she has to give a final number much sooner than a couple of days before. Anything shorter than a week before the party to RSVP is rude.

Exactly - and one can just RSVP no, because they have other plans. I've hosted dozens of parties out, and I've always been able to change to number a few days out, if not the actual day (bowling, skating, dancing, swimming, indoor soccer, CEC, hair salon, etc. - we always have them out). Most people here put the RSVP date about 5 days before the actualy party, and I always RSVP by that date.

Most people here also send out invitations within 2 weeks of the actual party.

 

[dawson5]

When I said "depression" perhaps I was being a bit strong. I know the people of Haiti have real problems.

I do get blue. I moved down here and was able to find a fabulous job. My finances are best they have been in my life. My house is beautiful. etc., etc.

But socially, it's been a dud. I tried reaching out to other moms and feel held at arms length. I feel that I don't belong, and am not a "local".

Going to American Girl in New York would be the easiest thing for me to do---afterall, New York is my comfort zone. I could call up my friends, and with my daughter, we could make a weekend of it.

But under that would be the feeling that I am just not adjusting here, and the concern that my children might not adjust and be accepted also. So, it's more than just being anxious and depressed about a birthday party.

We've been in this situation more times than I like. I've found smaller parties with the kids that they know are way better than larger ones. I know it's hard to resist the big parties. We're in a very transient area, small part of the population are born and bred here. They do tend to be a bit standoffish with the new people.

Have you had playdates for her? Is she involved in anything outside of school? Sometimes when you get outside of school, you get a chance to sit down with a parent and find out if you get along, as well as your children. I think besides my neighbor, the parents of my kids that I've gotten to know the best are the ones from sports. We all have the same interest and have the time to talk while watching our kids play.

I wish you luck. I know it's hard, especially when it's your baby's feelings they are hurting.

 

[TanyaLovesPooh]

I too wish more people would be considerate enough to respond one way or another to an invitation. We make it a point to call and accept or decline and always thank them for the invitation. It only takes 2 minutes.

 

[Hoodie]

Exactly - and one can just RSVP no, because they have other plans. I've hosted dozens of parties out, and I've always been able to change to number a few days out, if not the actual day (bowling, skating, dancing, swimming, indoor soccer, CEC, hair salon, etc. - we always have them out). Most people here put the RSVP date about 5 days before the actualy party, and I always RSVP by that date.

Most people here also send out invitations within 2 weeks of the actual party.

We'd never go to any. It needs to be on the calendar at least 3 weeks ahead. The last couple of parties have been on the calendar almost 6 weeks ahead of time - and even that required some juggling.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I can understand that, buy why not respond?

Because as soon as they got the invite they threw it away.

 

[tzolkin]

As others have stated, the fact that this birthday is still a few weeks away is probably the biggest reason no one has responded.

Birthday parties are not a big deal around here, so I'm sure that has some influence... but I have never received an invitation two weeks in advance. Usually we get one Thurs for a party that is the next weekend. Some have been Monday of the same week the party is scheduled for.

Honestly, if I got an invitation a month in advance I would want to wait a bit to make sure our family didn't have something else to conflict with that date. Probably by the time people are ready to respond they may have forgotten or lost the invitation.



It's certainly rude for people to not respond to an invitation, but that's just how people are. I've lived in my area for almost 10 years and still feel like an outsider with parents at my kids' school, but that has not had any affect on what parties they're invited to or who responds to our invitations.

My oldest just had a birthday two weeks ago. She's in 6th grade and just invited 4 friends to sleep over. I did not get a response from any of the parents. One girl lives next door and just told me she was coming when they were waiting for the bus on our front porch. One girl called a day or so before to RSVP, but she only talked to DD. I asked if the mom needed to talk to me and she said no. Despite not hearing from any of the parents, all 4 girls got off the bus at my house that Friday.

 

[KandD]

Ugh.

I got married last summer, and seriously, I only had 40 people RSVP-ed out of 140 invited. I mean, how much effort does it take to write your name and a number on a card and put it in the mail in an addressed stamped envelope? And when you're looking at $80+ per guest, well.... I kind of need to know how many are coming. I was still chasing people down the week of the wedding.

All and all, I found that people who were planning a wedding or who had just gotten married in the past few months were the fastest (I'm in that category now - still traumatized by my own RSVP crisis, but I'm sure it'll pass quickly if our friends are any indication ), followed by my grandparent's generation. People in the 30-50 age range.... just didn't reply. I don't know if it's a generational thing, or they were just too busy with their own lives, but it's definitely not just limited to children's birthday parties.

One of my DH's coworkers recently declared in frustration that he's done with planning parties, because no one RSVPs. He always uses Evites, but apparently clicking on the link and clicking "coming" or "not coming" is too much stress and bother for most.

This is unbelievable! I see threads all the time about parents not responding to kids parties but to a WEDDING? Don't people know how expensive weddings are and how much goes into them? Geesh.

OP, I am sorry you are feeling blue. It really stinks to not have close family or friends around. Like another PP said, maybe you can try an out of school activity for your DD and you might find some people there? My nephew used to live with me and the parents in his class never really seemed to include me and I wasn't close to any of them. He then started on a rec sports team and the parents there were great! They included me, talked to me, invited me places. I always thought that maybe I wasn't included because I was a lot younger than a lot of the parents but I was a lot younger than the sports teams parents too and we hit it off just great!
I do think it is early for the RSVPs but as I said, from reading other threads on this topic, I don't think it will get much better as the day nears.