No Gift or Cake for B-day. Would you be upset?

[Pumbaa_]

....For the past 10 years, I have been going to WDW for my Birthday...I go alone, and meet up with my DIS friends who "wish me Happy Birthday" and also get me a card or buy me a drink! My DH never so much as says HB, no gift, card, money, etc...and guess what...he gets the same from me.... nothing! Welcome to the "My DH is an A Club!"

this is one of the saddest things I have read in a long time

 

[Silent1CB]

I'm a grown up. I don't need a cake.
Dinner was nice. Shows he didn't forget.
I don't need a gift and most times don't really want one.
But I do sort of expect a card at least but if I got dinner & a verbal Happy Birthday, I suppose I would forego the card.

One year, my 30th, nothing was said or done until I asked at 8pm. He had not forgotten. He just "didn't know what do to" for my bday. That was the worst & I have not forgotten my 30th bday.

My mother is in her late 70s and no matter what any one does, its never right. She's a hard to please woman, so honestly, you don't even want to try anymore. She EXPECTS cake, cards, gifts, dinners & the entire day to revolve around her.

 

[jekajekalynn]

Heh...for some reason I had a joke Sinbad did in my head..something about buy yourself a real nice car, and I guarantee your husband will remember from now on..

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I'm a grown up and I still enjoy cake. Not sure what being old has to do with that. The bakeries around here have the prettiest mini cakes, perfect for a small family birthday cake.

 

[TeaToo!]

I'd order flowers and a cake and buy a gift. Invite them to share the cake if they want to. I'd be PO'd for sure. Being an adult has nothing to do with it IMO. Its more what is normal or expected or desired at your house or for you.

BTW...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Sorry its belated.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

I would start by assuming that my husband just didn't realize how important this was to me, and sit down and have a quiet discussion about next year's birthday. I would assume he would come through the next year.

If he didn't, I would declare the following day to be my also-birthday day, and do something really special for myself, inviting whoever I wanted to join me.

I would then assume my husband simply wasn't a birthday person, and plan exactly the kind of day I wanted for the following year, including him or not in the celebration, depending on whether his presence would make the day more or less special. Since I would then be sure he was not a birthday person, I would definitely ignore his birthday completely. If that bothered him it might lead to another calm conversation and a change for the better. If it didn't, well at least I would know I had a plan B that would work for me.

Sorry you've been hurt! Good luck next year.

I asked my husband what he thought of my response (above) and he said it didn't go far enough! He suggested that ignoring the guy's birthday probably wouldn't get his attention. He said to pick something to screw up of his that he would really notice! Then talk!!

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

My mom died on my birthday, 13 days ago. She was in the hospital and her doctor said that the best thing for her was to remove all of the machines and let her go. My dad said he wanted to wait 'til the next day, since that day was my birthday; I said no, not if she's suffering. So, she passed on my birthday. My husband said that she waited to go until that day so she'd be around for my 40th birthday... didn't make it hurt less, but that's okay; she's not in pain anymore, and that's what matters.

Somehow, the fact that I didn't get presents and cake isn't all that big a deal to me.

I'm so, so sorry for your recent loss. My dad died on my birthday 3 years ago. Birthdays are very bittersweet for me.

I do try to make others' birthdays extra-special though. Somehow, it makes me feel better about mine.

 

[Disneycrazy!!]

You are not the only one! My husband didn't buy me a birthday gift or a mother's day gift last year. Didn't get a thing for Valentines this year and didn't get a gift for my anniversary either a few days ago! I am hurt and feel unimportant to him. Wish the jerk could just once think about doing something special for me and put some effort into our marriage.

 

[sunlver]

I havent read all the respones yet, but just some of them.

Yes, it would bother me, and it has happened to me. I have had years where my husband has completely forgotten my birthday. I mean not a"happy birthday" said out loud or anything. Now, if anybody knew me well, I dont expect expensive presents or even to be taken out to dinner etc...Like somebody already mentioned, I just wanted to be acknowledged. He claimed he didnt know what date it was. He knows my birthday, but didnt know the date it was that particular day. I dont get it, he is on the computer all day, his office has a HUGE wall calender..yet, when he has a special even tto go to, he can tell you the days and hours until that event

It is always a big joke in our family that, that 2 of my kids have birthdays in the same month before mine. In 11 day span, there is 3 birthdays. So, its not a hush hush thing. Also in the 16 yrs we have been married, he has never once bought me a birthday cake. One year I went out and bought my own> I make big deals about my kids birthday. For me, its not about presents, or expensive meals or heck even a cake, I just want to be acknowledged..

 

[Christine]

"Guys are Guys?!!!!" We're cutting them a break because they have different genitalia??? Give me a big fat break. Because they are MEN, I expect more out of them and the men in my family know they need to act like good men.

YAY!! We didn't cut them a break over on the housework thread earlier in the week.

 

[Christine]

i'd be upset too. i mean even if there was a card involved, that would have been nice. you should probably mention it to him, that you didn't appreciate that.

I know. I don't think the OP was asking for much at all. I totally hate those threads be it Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or birthdays where the guy "tries" but it's still not enough. In those cases, I think the woman is asking for too much. But not in this case.

 

[focusondisney]

My mom died on my birthday, 13 days ago. She was in the hospital and her doctor said that the best thing for her was to remove all of the machines and let her go. My dad said he wanted to wait 'til the next day, since that day was my birthday; I said no, not if she's suffering. So, she passed on my birthday. My husband said that she waited to go until that day so she'd be around for my 40th birthday... didn't make it hurt less, but that's okay; she's not in pain anymore, and that's what matters.

Somehow, the fact that I didn't get presents and cake isn't all that big a deal to me.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mom gave you life on that day, & you gave her eternal peace & rest by letting her go. I'm sure it was the hardest thing you have ever done, but you gave her a beautiful gift on your birthday.


As for the original topic, I'm also sorry to all of you whose husbands/ families disappoint you on your birthdays/ anniversaries/ holidays. What I don't understand is why you are surprized & disappointed every year? Do these husbands suddenly become inconsiderate clods for only 3 days a year: birthday, Christmas, anniversary? The rest of the year they are wonderful, affectionate, considerate, gift giving people? They show you every day that they love, value & treasure you? Or are they cold, distant & inconsiderate all year?

If they are wonderful all year & just drop the ball on gift giving days, why not just casually help them make plans for your day ahead of time? Drop the "poor me" drama & accept that this one thing doesn't mean you're not loved . After helping him for a few times maybe the DH will get it on his own.

It the husband is cold & inconsiderate all the time,I'm very sorry for you. But then I'd think you have bigger problems than not getting birthday presents. And if you are willing to live with that 364 days a year, what's one more?

 

[eeyoremum]

My Birthday was last month. Married 16 yrs 2 sons. I got nothing not even dinner.

So i would say to you...be mad. I have DH parents for cake on his birthday, buy him a gift, go to dinner but for me nothing like I don't rate.

 

[mtemm]

yes, I would be hurt. I love birthdays, and love to make a fuss/make my family feel special on theirs. I love feeling special, too. If money is tight like it is this year, no, I don't want a gift. don't even need a card. but a heartfelt happy birthday, a hug, and a cake would be perfect in my world. my husband knows this and even though birthdays are not a big deal to him, he still gets the kids together to help make my cake for me. they might not be the prettiest cakes in the world, but I love them more than any expensive bakery cake because they put love/thought into it.

I agree with pp who say if you have not discussed this with him...not yelled, sulked, whined, nagged, but sat down and had a heartfelt discussion, then the time to do so is long past, best get going on it now.

I would also say for me, if my dh still did not do anything, that would speak volumes. and it wouldn't happen twice. I would really wonder about the state of my relationship. yes, people can not care about birthdays themselves and have it translate to how they celebrate with others, but if I let my spouse know how important something is...and again, not in a, he should just know kind of way, but in an honest/upfront way, and he still didn't want to meet that need, I'd want to know why.

and if nothing really is amiss, well, I'd take the bull by the horns and make my birthday what I want it to be, not rely on someone else to do it for me. I've btdt. a month before my 40th I found out my dh was having an affair. totally blindsided me. I was emotionally wrecked. but I also knew that I was a birthday person and while I cancelled our originally idea for my birthday (travelling to an island resort), I still knew it would not be healthy for me to sit and sulk or wait for someone else to do something. I planned my own day (actually, a week in florida with one of my best friends). I even sent myself flowers, the most gorgeous bouquet and one that only I would have picked out most likely. and I had a fabulous birthday! in spite of everything it was wonderful, very memorable.

op, I would have a heart to heart talk. and know that while it isn't the same, it can be really wonderful to think about what you want and make it happen for yourself.

(((HUGS)))

 

[happygirl]

No, It wouldn't have bothered me in the least. I'm sorry your feeling were hurt

 

[Darsa]

I do try to make others' birthdays extra-special though. Somehow, it makes me feel better about mine.

Me too; I've always been this way. DH says it makes me wierd, but he likes it

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mom gave you life on that day, & you gave her eternal peace & rest by letting her go. I'm sure it was the hardest thing you have ever done, but you gave her a beautiful gift on your birthday.

Thank you so much for this!

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Birthdays probably are one of the biggest issues that couples should discuss, because, as we've seen in this thread, people have VERY different opinions on them. Some want a big fuss, and others would rather have nothing.

When I was managing retail I actually had an employee question why I had them on the schedule on their birthday. I said, "You didn't request off, so you have to work." She looked at me, puzzled, and responded, "But I thought you always got your birthday off?" I hope I was able to teach her a lesson that day, but I also wonder if she's in an office somewhere wondering, again, why she had to work on her Birthday.

 

[pooh_bear.614]

Oh how funny this thead is I just had this discussion with my bf yesterday. I asked him if he was going to get me a cake for my birthday (at the end of the month). He looked at me like I had 12 heads! I make a big deal out of his birthdays and even arranged to have balloons sent to his apartment at college in another state! He is always very good with gifts and dinner which I appreciate greatly but getting a card is like pulling teeth! I dont get it

 

[wvjules]

You are not the only one! My husband didn't buy me a birthday gift or a mother's day gift last year. Didn't get a thing for Valentines this year and didn't get a gift for my anniversary either a few days ago! I am hurt and feel unimportant to him. Wish the jerk could just once think about doing something special for me and put some effort into our marriage.

Did you kids tell you Happy Mother's Day and acknowledge it? I'm not quite sure what your DH was supposed to do since you are not his mother.


On topic: I agree with MouseHouseMama.

 

[WriteDisney]

As for the original topic, I'm also sorry to all of you whose husbands/ families disappoint you on your birthdays/ anniversaries/ holidays. What I don't understand is why you are surprized & disappointed every year? Do these husbands suddenly become inconsiderate clods for only 3 days a year: birthday, Christmas, anniversary? The rest of the year they are wonderful, affectionate, considerate, gift giving people? They show you every day that they love, value & treasure you? Or are they cold, distant & inconsiderate all year?

If they are wonderful all year & just drop the ball on gift giving days, why not just casually help them make plans for your day ahead of time? Drop the "poor me" drama & accept that this one thing doesn't mean you're not loved . After helping him for a few times maybe the DH will get it on his own.

It the husband is cold & inconsiderate all the time,I'm very sorry for you. But then I'd think you have bigger problems than not getting birthday presents. And if you are willing to live with that 364 days a year, what's one more?

I totally agree! If I have expectations for something I let someone know about it. Maybe it takes away the surprise, but it saves disappointment and hurt feelings over something that could be easily be avoided. If you want a cake and card for your birthday, give DH a little reminder a ahead of time that you're expecting something.