No Christmas

[thomas998]

I shared your pain for years... nothing chapped my hide more than putting thought into getting something for someone and then having them give me something that was clearly just in the bargin gift section of a store and had zero thought in it (pretty certain then you are given fishing stuff and you don't fish).

In my case we found the best way of doing it was to plan a trip to Disney during Christmas, we told everyone at thanksgiving that we weren't going to be around for Christmas... it pretty much solved the problem that year and the next year others started opting out of Christmas... I think it was something a lot of people wanted to do but no one knew how to do it.

Good luck, and if all else fails... start giving crappy gifts... nothing says I don't give a damn like a Hickory Farms gift pack.

 

[fairykin]

*hugs*
That is suckarama to get too little clothes for christmas!

I would call a person from each family you give to and let them know that this year, you will be giving homemade baked goods for christmas as you and your partner are giving each other a vacation for christmas.

Let them know how happy you are to be making things and that you have been collecting recipes. Make it seem like a good thing.... because... it IS.

Here is an easy and pretty holiday thing i make to give.

Buy red plastic plates like 20 for a couple of dollars. Plastic wrap and some pretty holiday ribbon from the dollar store.

Pick up a couple of packages of oreos and some bags of the curled pretzles. Then one bag of generic peppermints.

I'd get 4 packages of white bark. It comes in trays like ice cubes and looks like white chocolate.

Spread out wax paper over your counter with a light spray of pam.
Follow the directions to melt the almond bark, then dip one at a time the oreos and pretzles. They will dry pretty quick so have some of the peppermints broken up to sprinkle over the top.

Let dry well then peel off the wax paper.. lay on a red plastic plate.. 1/2 with the white chocolate dipped oreos..and 1/2 with the white chocolate dipped pretzles.

Wrap in plastic well, tie off with a pretty bow from the holiday ribbon and put a tag with your names on it.

OoooOOohh make some extra for Your trip to Disney...as these are so delicious!

 

[AlleyKat]

This is my advice - but NOT to do it via email. (OP, you said you didn't have all the addresses anyway.) I'd have your boyfriend collaborate with you ASAP on a nice (real) note/letter/card that is mailed. Be firm, but polite... "We love sharing Christmas with all of you but no longer can afford to exchange so many gifts. So, this year, we won't be buying presents but hope to find other ways to share the holiday spirit with you..." No need to go into exhaustive detail or apologize.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

Christmas Gift giving is always difficult for us trying to find something affordable yet something that the recipient will enjoy. I think the whole gift giving idea at Christmas is way overdone especially if you are celebrating the Christian reason for Christmas. In the past few years we have made donations to some charities instead of giving a physical gift to the person. This way the money we "spend" is put to good use it isn't regifted or thrown away and we feel like we have done something worthwhile. Most chraities will send a card to the person you donated for to. Check out your charities some are better than others.

 

[Ephany]

Last year (and the year before actually) I sent out a nice handwritten letter to all of DH's and my siblings saying we weren't going to be buying Christmas gifts for the adults anymore. Of course we certainly didn't expect presents in return, we felt that Christmas should be for the nieces and nephews (all of the kids in our family are 5 and under). None of us adult children live anywhere remotely close to each other, (6 kids, 6 different states), so it's not like we see each other more than once every couple of years anyway.

My sister and brother were totally fine with it, kind of relieved actually. One of DH's brothers thought it was a great idea, the other one and his wife were not happy. They still sent us something (along with veiled barbs about our frugality) even though we had reminded them and my MIL had reminded them that we weren't going to be exchanging gifts anymore. With that pair of in-laws, everything we do is wrong, so it's not like we expected them to be happy.

If they want to complain and moan how cheap we are that's fine. DH and I were very tired of trying to find nice affordable gifts for people that were always ungrateful no matter how hard we tried. Giftcards to their favorite stores and restaurants didn't have enough thought put into them, however if we made something homemade, we were being cheap. We couldn't win. I'd rather spend my time, energy and money into shopping for the babies, they're still little enough I know that whatever DD picks out for her cousins, they'll love.

 

[AlleyKat]

nothing chapped my hide more than putting thought into getting something for someone and then having them give me something that was clearly just in the bargin gift section of a store and had zero thought in it

I've experienced this scenario more times than I care to remember!

nothing says I don't give a damn like a Hickory Farms gift pack.

Lots of folks like Hickory Farms "goodies".

My favorite "I want it all" edible gifts catalog is "The Swiss Colony". They have cornered the market on extravagant delights!

 

[cajunpeach]

We started several years ago doing a name draw with my family between the siblings, although 1 sister wasn't too happy with the idea. Luckily she only pouted but no big fuss. We have a $35.00 limit. We still buy for the kids (2).

Around the same time, with my inlaws, we just did the kids (high school age and younger)

The past 2 years we've added a white elephant gift exchange between my family & DH family. That's been pretty fun, we have age ranges from college kids to 78 year olds. Our "rules" were 1) buy something you would like to receive (no junk-hopefully) & 2) spend around $20-25. Some of DH family (not MrsBert!!!) is cheap and their gifts are usually regifts or from a 5 & dime type store. It's still fun though!

Good luck. I hope there aren't any hard feelings and you get the trip you want!

 

[Jordans_Mommie]

Also, if your children still give you gifts, look at it in a different light. I doubt they do it expecting something in return. They are probably just returning the favor you did by raising them.

I agree. It brings me joy to give my Mom and Granny nice gifts and it really is about acknowledging how much I love and appreciate them. You should not feel bad that your children still give you gifts, it is a gesture of respect and I am sure that your children will understand if you can't give any gifts. I am an only child and only granchild, my son is the only great-grandchild and I still don't expect a gift from my Granny. To me the gift is spending time with her.

 

[diesel]

I come from a big family and we have the nieces/nephews draw names and for the adults we do a Yankee Swap. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. This has worked out great. We have one present from the Yankee Swap that gets reused every year. It's a pair of pink fuzzy slippers with lottery tickets in it. And every year who ever gets it must use it for the next years yankee swap with new lottery tickets in there. It's a fun tradition. My family is roothless with the Yankee Swap. My husbands family is way to nice with their Yankee Swap. Every one usually keeps the gift the got and is very polite.

 

[wickywinn]

In DH's family we do an ornament exchange. Cheap and something the will use!

we do this too on my mom's side. on dad's we have chinese Christmas where each person brings a $20 gift and marks the tag "Boy" or "Girl". You put numbers in a bowl and whatever number you get is your turn to pick. You can either pick an unopened gift or steal one that's been opened. A gift is closed after 3 steals. It's alot of fun!

 

[mrsbert]

We started several years ago doing a name draw with my family between the siblings, although 1 sister wasn't too happy with the idea. Luckily she only pouted but no big fuss. We have a $35.00 limit. We still buy for the kids (2).

Around the same time, with my inlaws, we just did the kids (high school age and younger)

The past 2 years we've added a white elephant gift exchange between my family & DH family. That's been pretty fun, we have age ranges from college kids to 78 year olds. Our "rules" were 1) buy something you would like to receive (no junk-hopefully) & 2) spend around $20-25. Some of DH family (not MrsBert!!!) is cheap and their gifts are usually regifts or from a 5 & dime type store. It's still fun though!

Good luck. I hope there aren't any hard feelings and you get the trip you want!

Thanks for making sure my name is in the clear.

 

[merekc]

Bunny - one of my treasured items is an album my Grandma made for each family a couple Christmas ago. She made copies of her wedding photos and copies of her, grandpa's and her kids' baby photos. This could be done inexpensively by sending them photos without albums. I'm sure they would appreciate the thought.

Another idea is to to send everyone favorite family recipes that they may not have. We started asking for family recipes from Grandma over the years (not too many at once we didn't want to scare her ) We have all her recipes now except one which we didn't get before she passed away. For us, these recipes are priceless. Holidays would not be the same without some of these items.

I see nothing wrong with tellling your kids that you can't afford gifts this year. Times are very tough for a lot of people and they should understand. They may even be relieved. If they still give you gifts, don't be upset. They are doing it because they love you (and you raised them right ).

I don't remember seeing anyone mention a gift exchange for the kids. Growing up, there became so many young ones, that we held a gift exchange for the kids, separate from the one for the adults. It was draw a name. The kids got plenty of gifts at home separate from the extended family gathering. Everyone agreed to get rid of the gift exchange several years ago when it started turning into a gift card exchange. Everyone was happy with getting rid of it. We now only give to the new generation of young ones.

 

[Hannahsmom]

I shared your pain for years... nothing chapped my hide more than putting thought into getting something for someone and then having them give me something that was clearly just in the bargin gift section of a store and had zero thought in it (pretty certain then you are given fishing stuff and you don't fish).

In my case we found the best way of doing it was to plan a trip to Disney during Christmas, we told everyone at thanksgiving that we weren't going to be around for Christmas... it pretty much solved the problem that year and the next year others started opting out of Christmas... I think it was something a lot of people wanted to do but no one knew how to do it.

Good luck, and if all else fails... start giving crappy gifts... nothing says I don't give a damn like a Hickory Farms gift pack.

My husband and I joke every year that I get the "Christmas Shaft" from his family. Some of the highlights from over the years;

*The Ghiradelli Chocolate from TJMAXX with clearance price tag attached. I don't eat chocolate.

*The collapsable, nylon laundry basket.

*The year his mom gave me a coffee mug, two separate sets of note cards, dish towels and candy.

*The carrying case for my husbands video gaming system.

I keep threatening to just get them a bunch of McDonald's gift certificates and call it Christmas. Last year, his whole family went on a cruise over Christmas week (without us ), so we used that as an exit from exchanging gifts. It was a much nicer December, not having to run around like a madwoman.

 

[MoniqueU]

I guess there is an upside to my DH and I being only children. We only buy for our moms and sometimes pictures for my grandparents. DH's grandparents have passed. We get together with our moms and none of the other cousins or something due to my grandparents age.

Honestly I would just say we need our money for a vacation.
We did exchange gifts with my aunt but she is in bad fanancial shape this year due to the mortgage industry. So we called and told her WE couldn't afford it to take the pressure off her in a way that wouldn't make her feel bad.

 

[mkaccountant]

You all have just made me feel soooo much better!

The crap I have gotten from my SIL is laughable. They are finacially well off too. But it's ok! I've just taken to giving her equally thoughtful gifts. . .meaning whatever I grab out of the re-gift closet.

I am so glad I am not the only one with this problem. DH's brother and his wife are not wealthy but could definitely do better. Oh heck, what am I talking about, last year was the first year I was even given a gift!!! BTW DH and I are going to have our third Christmas married this year and ninth as a couple. My gift last year, two of the teeny bottles from Bath & Body Works. What's better, DH got a gift card to Goody's (a clothing store which carries average sizes not sizes for a 6'5" 280lb man!!!). The gift card was $10.

I have told DH he needs to tell them we are not exchanging this year, I spent over $80 between them and their daughter last year for either regifts or the cheapest thing she could think of the day before Christmas! He has not said anything yet, but I am holding my ground this year unlike the last couple when I have caved.

It's not just the money issue, as I mentioned, I never received a gift until last year. It's the fact that I am thoughtful and try to get them something they can use or want. No more wasting my time. Of course DH's parents aren't/weren't too much better. Last year was horrible for several reasons, his mom had come up with an idea for us and was going to get it the first week of December but we had no idea what it was, however, she had a fatal car accident before her plan could pan out. I wanted to boycott all Christmas festivities since she was gone (the only one of his family who gave a crap about me). As it turned out, DH's brother's family was showered with gifts, I received a small dollar gift card, so did DH and some cheap tools. I know last year was tough for everyone, but previous years, DH's brother's family has always gotten more and better gifts than us not to mention things they would actually use.

This year I plan on buying for my sister and her kids and that is it. DH and I are going on vacation for Christmas, so only a few stocking stuffers for him!

Okay sorry for the rant, but I am glad I am not the only one.

 

[Jaycey'smom]

We also do a name "draw" for the adults as well as the kids. Our family has many kids so we let them draw names and they get to buy for who they pick. It works out well and i do not go broke. It has worked well.

 

[disykat]

Whatever you do, don't say you can't afford to buy gifts. That opens your finances and anything you buy in the next year up for scrutiny. Say you want to simplify, focus on the real meaning of Christmas, take away the stress from your holiday, go green, give the money to charity, whatever you want. Just DON'T say you can't afford to buy them presents and then take a vacation!

 

[disykat]

We're big into simple. We don't exchange with my brother and his wife since they are of the same mind. We give to our parents, my sister, and a family gift to his sister and her family. I don't think we've ever spent more than about $40 on each person or couple. (Fortunately all the family members think the same on the budget!) DH and I give to our kids, but generally prefer not to exchange gifts with each other. We do stockings sometimes for each other, but I'd really rather not.

The only reason we give any gifts at all is because we have some family members that really value the gift exchange. If it were up to us, we'd skip it altogether. I do think it's funny though that the family member who totally freaked at the idea of not exchanging and went on and on about how I was ruining Christmas for even suggesting it, is the family member who calls me every other day starting in November whining about how she doesn't know what to buy anyone, doesn't have time to shop, etc. - and She wants ME to decide what she should give to my kids. So basically, despite being the one who dislikes the whole gift thing, I practically have to do HER shopping too! I hate shopping.

 

[LaurieG]

Yes, I have done this. My boyfriend and I of 10+ years no longer exchange gifts and also we do not exchange gifts with the adults in his family. We all buy for the kids and call it good. We do exchange with my family mom/dad and brother, not sure how much long that will be though.

 

[WendyisDarling]

I didn't read all the replies, but seems I will be in the minority with a few exceptions in my explanation.

I have my first IL on "my" side of the family. She said last year that on her side they only buy gifts for the kids in her family. (She met my brother in May and they were married in Oct. and she told my Mom this in Nov.).
Our family has great joy giving each other gifts (however, my side doesn't buy junk just for the sake of buy junk). We don't want to lose one of our few family traditions because this "outsider" (yes, that seems terrible but remember we knew her only months) came in and said we have to stop. BTW, I am the only one with kids. My sis and I both said we don't care if they want to only buy for the kids or not buy at all that is their choice. But, we aren't going to stop doing what we want to do. We won't be mad or upset with them and that was a very true feeling. We aren't all together at Christmas anyway. They went ahead and bought gifts for everyone. Likely they felt they had to, but really they didn't.

Her family is very different than ours. There are a couple of divorces and she and my brother ended up going to three other homes before my parents late Christmas night. They received plenty of gifts along the way (SIL is a very odd bird, she likes to tell the value of everything she gets. Her mom and step-dad gave them $1000. Her dad gave them each $500 GC's. Etc.) Our gifts aren't that extravaggent.

We send BD gifts too. They have said a couple of times, a card would be enough. I explicitly told them "please do not feel like you have to reciprocate". This is just something I WANT to do. They did send me a gift for my BD. I really don't want them to, if they would rather just exchange cards. I am not giving gifts to get a gift.

That being said...previously, the shoe was on the other foot. DH is the baby and he has a grown brother and sis with kids. Oh my, the junk we would get. I wanted to stop the gifts. I wanted to say something. But, I didn't. After having gone through the experience with MY family, I am glad I didn't. A few years ago, DH's sis just stopped sending gifts. She didn't announce it. She just stopped. (We don't have a get together.) We didn't care. We continued to send gifts. Eventually, we started sending a nice family gift. DH's mom now doesn't send gifts (also no announcement; just stopped). Oh well. My kids get enough that they don't even notice. We don't care. We still send her gifts, of course. DH's brother and wife send gifts and talk about bargain bin junk! Everything I unwrap I know is going straight to Goodwill. They send so many presents too. If I could, I would love to say "I would rather have one nice $10 item than 5 bargain bin items" but of course, I can't. We continue to send gifts.

My suggestions to the OP are 1. Let your DH ( or is it DB) handle it. He should tell them and you should stay out of it. 2. Do it soon before shopping is in full force 3. If they want to continue, allow them without issue but let your SO explain you have chosen not to participate. He can state your case, but then let it go. You certainly have a right to do what you want, but so do they.

Good luck.