No Christmas

[AutumnKlassic]

Has anyone ever told their in-laws (boyfriend of 13 years) and extended family that they don't want to do christmas anymore? They have no idea who I am and want a list, like we are 5 of something. We end up spending a fortune and usually get crap in return. It's like we are just trading money. Now I LOVE christmas! I start buying gifts around July. I think about what they other person would want. I listen to conversations and hear what they say they like, but I am a size XXL girl and get Mediums for t-shirts.

My boyfriend and I haven't been on a vacation together since 1999 and really want to go to Disney World in January. If we don't do the usual Christmas gift swap that will save us around $600 this December. That will pay for our airfare and rental car.

The problem is I just don't know how to bring it up. I know I need to do it soon, because if we are still exchanging gifts I need to start now!

 

[CajunDixie]

Are all of you adults? Try doing a hat draw with all the names in the hat then you only buy for the person whose name you draw and set a limit on what to spend.

Or if you have children in the family; ahead of time talk to the in-laws about everyone just buying for the children as you, as adults, don't really need anything.

 

[mousetravel]

This is an idea that I've been trying to get my small family to do for the past few years. Instead of everybody spending $$ on others, let's just all go to Disney World together and have fun and not worry about getting gifts that will be unused, not needed, too costly, etc.

They haven't wanted to do this yet, and I probably will not be able to convince them to do it, so me & DD usually just go by ourselves through the year (usually Spring Break).

 

[AutumnKlassic]

No kids! Everyone is over 25. They only kid is a cousins son and we always buy him something even when we draw names. I think kids should be spoiled rotten. Just kidding.

 

[Crystal0608]

Maybe tell them you just want to do a card exchange this year, since you are planning a vacation. I'm a XXL girl myself, last year was the 1st year in 9 years that everything was the right size from IL, so I know how that is .

 

[hambirg]

All I can say is good luck! I've been trying to do this for years with no luck.

 

[DawnM]

YUP! Same here! It just goes on year after year. And every year we wonder what exactly to get everyone that isn't too expensive and isn't wasting our money with something they don't want/can't use.

UGH!

Dawn

All I can say is good luck! I've been trying to do this for years with no luck.

 

[AutumnKlassic]

Maybe tell them you just want to do a card exchange this year, since you are planning a vacation. I'm a XXL girl myself, last year was the 1st year in 9 years that everything was the right size from IL, so I know how that is .

Doesn't this make you want to pull your hair out. I never buy clothes for anyone unless I am sooooo sure of what size they are. On are 4th christmas I got a medium knit sweater with a giant picture of Santa's face on it. My boyfriend laughed so hard he fell off the couch. I had to make something up for what he was laughing at.
I also don't eat cheese on anything! Every christmas is a lasagna! I haven't had christmas dinner for 13 years. I am thinking about brown bagging it this year if I have to exchange gifts. If they agree with me then I will suck it up and move food across the plate.

 

[kayla87]

This is the season for my DH's families to hash out how Christmas gifts will be given. Maybe you don't want to suggest going from 60 to 0, because people may be uncomfortable with that. We've drawn names, but now that is old, particularly in a small family. We tried white elephant, but it's hard when you have to buy from ages 17-80, and for people who live in different areas of the country. We also do small stocking stuffers, a few 1 dollar gifts for each person. Make sure your boyfriend is on your side before you bring up anything. Also, I suggest email if you think it's appropriate, because it lets everyone fume and ponder in their own homes

 

[wickywinn]

If all else fails here's the "list" we sent everyone:

DISNEY DOLLARS!

 

[GhostLady]

Before my siblings had children, we would all draw names so we each only bought one gift. Now that everyone has children, we just buy for them and don't buy for the adults at all. We do the same thing on my in-law side. Works out great for us and most of the time it's cheaper to buy for kids.

My Mother-in-law has 4 children, plus spouses, and 14 grandchildren. She is disabled and can't afford to buy that many gifts but she likes to give us all something. She usually buys for the little kids but makes the rest of our gifts. She gets great ideas online and makes some really cute stuff.

I'm sure if you explained your situation, your family will understand. They might even give you a Disney related gift like Disney Dollars, a Disney gift card, or maybe pay for a nice meal.

Good Luck

 

[*pixie*dust*]

Good Luck. Chances are unless you get EVERYONE on board then you wont get anyone on board.

 

[Kate and Pete]

We're going to tell my in-laws this year that we're not exchanging gifts. My in-laws (well, DH's step-mom, who I've really wanted to like!) has been very cruel about Christmas. We'll spend $ on very thoughtful gifts, and she'll buy us beef jerky and other crap at a store that buys remnants from other stores when they catch on fire/flood (for Mainers, that's Marden's!). 2 Christmases ago, she "canceled" Christmas altogether when DH and I had plans that wouldn't allow us to be at their home at a very specific time. Instead of rescheduling, she took the gifts back to the store (no beef jerky for us that year!) Last year they invited us over to open stockings, while my step brother in law and his girlfriend had piles of presents under the tree. (Girlfriend got $300 hiking boots from them!). If DH's father was in charge of presents, I know they'd be thoughtful, by he's not - MIL does all the shopping. (Oh, and trust me, they can afford it.)

I found last year to be embarrassing (as we opened a votive candle and had to ooh and ahh over it, while the others knew that as soon as we left there would be gifts) and since it's done with no thought, we're not doing that again.

Again, it is truly the thought behind a gift that we love, not the cost, but since there's none, we're done!

Oooh, sorry, that became a rant. Guess I needed to get that out....

 

[AutumnKlassic]

. Make sure your boyfriend is on your side before you bring up anything.

If it was up to him we would have no christmas, no birthdays, no anniversary's, no everything. He has wanted to do this for years. THe thing is I usually brought it up in November when he thought it was too close, and I was already done shopping.

I don't have any of their email addresses. He only has his parents and brother and sister in law. The extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) already started doing the name drawing thing. I am still into this one because it will only be $50 and something for the only kid.

I just wonder how to bring it up!

 

[RumpleMom]

How many families are you buying for?

How about a restaurant gift card for each family? Pick a restaurant you know they will like.

I hate to buy clothes for adults. I fear they usually end up unworn. Hint, hint that means don't buy me clothes either.

 

[wickywinn]

We're going to tell my in-laws this year that we're not exchanging gifts. My in-laws (well, DH's step-mom, who I've really wanted to like!) has been very cruel about Christmas. We'll spend $ on very thoughtful gifts, and she'll buy us beef jerky and other crap at a store that buys remnants from other stores when they catch on fire/flood (for Mainers, that's Marden's!). 2 Christmases ago, she "canceled" Christmas altogether when DH and I had plans that wouldn't allow us to be at their home at a very specific time. Instead of rescheduling, she took the gifts back to the store (no beef jerky for us that year!) Last year they invited us over to open stockings, while my step brother in law and his girlfriend had piles of presents under the tree. (Girlfriend got $300 hiking boots from them!). If DH's father was in charge of presents, I know they'd be thoughtful, by he's not - MIL does all the shopping. (Oh, and trust me, they can afford it.)

I found last year to be embarrassing (as we opened a votive candle and had to ooh and ahh over it, while the others knew that as soon as we left there would be gifts) and since it's done with no thought, we're not doing that again.

Again, it is truly the thought behind a gift that we love, not the cost, but since there's none, we're done!

Oooh, sorry, that became a rant. Guess I needed to get that out....

I could have written this btw. She has a regift closet for us according to my sil. I received a sample hand lotion tube shorter than my index finger for Xmas last year. I should receive some sort of acting award for having to feign excitment for stuff she finds at garage sales or toiletries from their motel stays. They have Christmas with us separate for a reason. They're not stupid.

But dang if that teeny tiny sample lotion wasn't the best present I've ever received for the fact we can laugh so much about it. It really is hilarious when you think about it.

 

[BarbieGal457]

My family did this last winter when a family member got married in Naples, FL. We exchanged no gifts whatsoever, and instead got a few really nice condos and airfare, meals, spending $$, etc for a week out of it. I had just come back from Disney as well, so this made it a lot easier for me! (I didn't pay for anything but my spending $$, I was 19 at the time, now 20.) Maybe propose your idea and the reasoning behind it? I'm sure if they knew exactly why you felt this way, such as a vacation, etc, they'd understand, especially since you've been together so long!

 

[budbeerlady]

We just stopped doing it. It didn't go over well, they are more than welcome to buy for each other but I am not spending the cash. We stopped last Christmas, I wont do it again this Christmas.

I can handle the drawing names thing but not the $50pp thing. I would rather go on family vacations that buy more crud that no one really needs.

So just send out an email if it is easier saying this year you are opting out of Christmas except for children. I told them in person and it wasnt a nice scene.

 

[JonJor]

We instituted this last year...gave stuff to the kids only.

What made me bring it up to the family ????

I received Japanese Bettle Trap Bait as a gift!!!!! Not even the trap....just the BAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[hambirg]

You all have just made me feel soooo much better!

The crap I have gotten from my SIL is laughable. They are finacially well off too. But it's ok! I've just taken to giving her equally thoughtful gifts. . .meaning whatever I grab out of the re-gift closet.