No Christmas

[terri01p]

Last year was our first time not doing Christmas with my dh family in 26 years, it was just getting way out of control and the money we spent was crazy.

So last September my dh and I called every single person in his family and gave them a heads up that we weren't going to do the Christmas thing, at first people were taken aback but then it sunk in, and I made sure I sent everyone a Christmas card that December...it went over rather well and I don't regret it..it saved me $$$ in gift buying.

 

[ColoradoMom!!]

We don't exchange gifts with any cousins or adult brothers sisters and in-laws. Both my hubby and I are youngest kids in our families, and I think everyone was pretty over it by the time we starting having kids. We also don't live anywhere near anyone, so that helps.

I am just too practical to not suggest the positive (obvious) benefits to not exchanging across the miles - trying to figure out what to get, etc. Even if you do giftcards, what's the point? You send them one for $25, and they send you one for $25 - for heaven's sake - spare the stamp.

I am not a Humbug, and i LOVE Christmas, but I would rather spend the extra $$ on my kids on what I know they want then send and receive 10 smaller things they will never use.

 

[Kate and Pete]

So many hurtful words here..

The holiday should be about the blessing of family. Not the size or amount of gifts that you receive..

Well, yes, and that's the point of this thread. We all love our families but don't love the fact that they, and we, spend money for "things." This thread is about saving people money, but still celebrating with their families. I think the sad thing about this thread is that it is clear that some other family members still equate gifts with Christmas and balk at our idea of not exchanging gifts (or elaborate gifts!).

 

[zachsmomie]

Well...I guess I am against the majority here. I love Christmas. I really enjoy finding the perfect gift. In my family, siblings don't exchange gifts. We only buy for children. At this point, I have one child, one brother has 2 kids and one brother has 3 kids. We also have a $25 limit and we try to shy away from toys since they get so many from "Santa". It's a pretty good bet that my 15 yr old will get gift cards but that makes him happy!

My brother suggested drawing names but there is no way I am not going to buy my parents and my grandmother a gift. My grandmother is 83 and I don't know how many more Christmases I will have to buy her a gift. I wish my other grandparetns were still here so I could buy them a gift. I know love is not about gifts. I just enjoy looking for something special for them. I did suggest, and it was received well, that my brothers and I combine resources and buy 1 big thing for each parent and grandma. For example, we buy an airline ticket for my grandmother to go to Florida to see her sister or a collectible M&M figurine for mom.

For my brother's families, who are older and spread throughout the U.S., we send 1 family gift. One year we sent Berger Cookie tins, another year Utz chocolate covered potato chips and yet another year movie packs (popcorn bowls and microwave popcorn and chocolate, etc.) You get the idea.

So, I am for the gifts. Maybe you could reach a comprimise and ask for airline credits or disney dollars. In my family, they appreciate knowing what you really want. We've gotten Disney dollars before trips and it's like bonus money!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

good luck. I have a sister in law one year gave me a sweater that was size XXL (I wear a medium/large) and it had no tag so I could not exchange it.

I do think after Christmas every year that we don't need more "stuff." And more "stuff" that we don't use. And how much money was spent on the "stuff" we don't use......and how nice it would have been if they had donated that money instead to families in need........

 

[rentayenta]

How about setting a gift price limit? I find I have to be more creative but I can still give.



DH and I did a no-more-than-$25 one year and it was one of the best holiday seasons ever.

 

[tonilea]

In DH's family we do an ornament exchange. Cheap and something the will use!

 

[Narnia]

My family give the kids money to help buy season passes to amusement parks. My DH's family now does draw the name but this year I think they goofed. My MIL gave out the kids names but the kids don't have names. I haven't talked to her about it but it seems odd. I try to keep christmas gifts cheap I just when to a liquidation world and bought my candle loving sister candle holders which were .50 each because everything was reduced then reduced again ( they were $20 each) I bought my mom a craft stand to keep her scrapbook stuff in which is really nice and was only $5. I bought my dad a sweater in the summer that was regularly $45 for $6. I find gifts that are small for my side that won't break the bank but are useful. My best friend last year got a bonsi tree( ok that's a bit strange but so is she!).

 

[PelletierBears]

Well, yes, and that's the point of this thread. We all love our families but don't love the fact that they, and we, spend money for "things." This thread is about saving people money, but still celebrating with their families. I think the sad thing about this thread is that it is clear that some other family members still equate gifts with Christmas and balk at our idea of not exchanging gifts (or elaborate gifts!).

Very well said!
Too much emphasis is placed on gifts especially with kids who these days have so much! It really started to bother me that each year I'd have to rack my brain trying to figure out what to get all the nieces and nephews when I knew the gift would not be appreciate (you have to know the family- they're spoiled believe me when I say they have everything the day it hits the store! and their mom is my sister who I love dearly).
One year one of my nephews opened our gift to him, yelled "I already have this" tossed it aside and proceeded to whine and sulk to his mom who (did I say I love her dearly?) went to her closet and got one of his x-mas gifts from her and let him open it just to shut him up
Can you imagine how my husband and I felt sitting there watching this. Embarrasment quickly turned to disgust. So can you understand why we don't want to exchange gifts any longer? I'd much rather give to toys for tots and spend time with our extended family enjoying a good meal and each others company. That's invaluable!

 

[C.Ann]

Yes.. We did this when my late DH's medical bills kept climbing higher and higher.. However, that is not the reason that we gave.. None of the givers or receivers were really in a position where they could throw a lot of money around so we all just agreed "immediate family only".. No one had a problem with it and Christmas is no longer the dreaded "what-should-we-buy-this-is-going-to-cost-us-a-fortune" holiday..

Unfortunately, no one would allow me to "slide" on my Christmas cookies - LOL - but that's no big deal because it's a fun (and now a traditional) activity that my DGD and I do together every year..

 

[LovePug]

My family started exchanging names years ago (except for the children) and then, in '05, we went to WDW instead.

After that year, somebody (probably my mom) came up with the idea to "adopt" a needy family through her church. Rather than spend money on things none of us actually need, gifts are given to families that would otherwise not have a Christmas at all. It's fun to do!

 

[Buckleigh]

My family decided years ago that you only buy presents for your own kids. Coming from a big family, when sibs started getting married and having kids it was getting ridiculous. (8 sibs + SO + kids = MANY PRESENTS). Now that I'm in a relationship, 7 years, we decided we don't need anything, present-wise. We like paying off our CCs more than another piece of clothing. Saying this, I do con't my tradition of a Xmas ornament for all my sisters and Mother.

 

[jrasmom]

A few years ago we decide no gifts between the adults between us & the in-laws. My hubby still has 4 sisters at home & 3 nephews, those kids and our three we have a name swap some years, other years just the Grandparents buy for the kids.

Last year we began doing the same thing in my family, I have one nephew. When he was born they began to understand that we couldn't really afford all the gift giving so we all agreed to just keep it between the kids.

It's nice this way, they still get stuff (NOT that they need more some years LOL!)but we're not all going broke to spoil them.

Just tell them if they want to do a gift draw you're in but if not you prefer just saving all that money and taking a family vacation with it.

Good luck!

 

[Crystal0608]

In DH's family we do an ornament exchange. Cheap and something the will use!

That sounds fun. I love ornaments & have no theme, the more the merrier . This sounds like a nice budget gift too.

Bunny- I would have no problems if my grandparents didn't get us anything and I'm sure most grandkids would understand. They give all the kids equal & all the grandkids equal cash + a small gift to open & we multiply every few years which adds up, I ask them to cut back every year, but they never listen. A card would be fine with me. My mawmaw gave me a picture to copy last year of her as a teen, pretty black & white that I made copies of for everyone that everyone loved. Maybe you could dig up some pics of you and applicable family members from back in the day that they don't have & make 4x6 or 5x7 copies & add to a Christmas card. Who doesn't like pictures? Walgreens always has coupons for this & the clerks are nice to help-less than $5 per family. (G-parents & immediate relatives get years worth of 5x7's of my kids every year-or a calendar- snapfish, winkflash, etc has good coupon codes.) If a free shipping code came out, you could do multiple orders & save on shipping.

 

[AutumnKlassic]

The drawing of the names wouldn't be so bad but there is just 6 of us (Boyfriend and I, Mom and Dad, Brother and Sister in law). We used to just spend $50 a person. now it's up to $100-$150. Last year I bought each couple a RCI certificate (timeshare) on skyauction. They talked bad about it at first when they didn't know I could hear, but after taking the trip they always want to know if I know of any other good deals like this. It just seems like at Thanksgiving his mom starts asking for a list then she stresses out about getting these things. His dad keeps saying the perfect present is green (MONEY) but this is just like getting a gift to get one. I actually love to shop. I love thinking about what to get everyone. I start early and get really good deals. I happen to buy toooooo much because I go by a money limit and not a present limit. (EX: two christmas's ago I had to make 5 trips to the car to get everyone's presents and there was only 4 people I was giving presents too. and I still didn't go over my budget)

I just don't want the stress of having to think of things for them to get. The stress of wrapping so many presents. And honestly I don't want to spend between $400 and $600 on people I only see a few times a year and don't really ever take the time to get to know me. If I felt they appreciated the things I do then maybe the money wouldn't be such a problem but with the way I have been treated for the last 13 years. I am over it! My boyfriend works really hard and he deserves a vacation and I really want to give him one. I think he is tired of the calls from his mom asking "what do you think Becca would want?". Believe me he don't know either.

If i am flamed for not being very Christian and not living the meaning of the season then so be it. I think it means more to be there for the people who are there for me. For me to spend time enjoying the holiday get togethers that lead up to christmas and not be worried about the material things.

 

[believe]

What do you do for your family? I wouldn't cut out the in-laws and still do something for my family, even if I didn't care for their gifts.

My family does name exchange for adults (siblings and nieces/nephews 18 and over). You have to opt in, no one is forced. We draw at Thanksgiving. The kids 13-17 get a gift card (siblings each put in $15 towards it). Those under 13 still get a gift from everyone, $15 gift. We all still buy for my Dad and he still buys for everyone. I get to do all his shopping We also do an ornament exchange where you can steal, etc. That is the best part of the day.

For DH's family, the adults do not exchange. His parents do give each of us money as well as the grandkids, no shopping. The nieces/nephews get gifts, only 5 on that side total. This side of the family is not close so we give a list for the kids. What aggravates me is one nephew goes around saying who is giving him what. His Mom tells him. Last year we were tempted to get him something not on his list. If he does it this year I think he is getting socks and underwear

 

[garydeb]

We also had problems with buying christmas gift for both families. It was difficult becuase we both come from a family of five. One year we at 4th of July picnic we just stated to both families that we will not be exchanging gifts because if has gotten too expensive for us. We said we will give to the kids (5) and parents only. They didn't like it and some gave us gifts at Christmas and we just said "Thanks for the gift but we are not exchanging so if you want it back that's okay". They got the picture and we don't gift exchange anymore. The first Christmas was tough but we stood our ground. Two Christmas's later they talked about how Christmas was less stressful and expensive because they weren't buying for everyone. Good Luck and stick to your plan...

-Debbie

 

[Louisianafive]

I always try to convince Dh to go away to the mountains somewhere and have Christmas in a log cabin in the middle of the snow and just have Christmas for our family!

We have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much drama and his family acts like we only give crap for gifts and they try to spend WAY TOO MUCH on our kids - poor Santa can't keep up!

Do want YOU want to do ~ They will get over it!

 

[tinkarooni]

So many hurtful words here..

The holiday should be about the blessing of family. Not the size or amount of gifts that you receive..

Well hello, and welcome to the DIS. I completely agree with you. However, when some of us are looking at the spiritual side of Christmas and willing to forgo gifts to achieve it our families have the "Gimmies". I would be happy to adopt another child from the Angel Tree (we do one now) and bring some happiness to a child that has very little instead of giving to my nephews who toss this years gift on a pile of plenty and don't even mutter a thanks.

Let's be honest, most kids (mine included) just don't need more stuff. It frustrates me to no end that our families don't see that. Why can't we eat a ham dinner and sing Christmas Carols? Why do the holidays have to include at least one member (or more) going into ridiculous credit card debt, they don't tell us but we all know they do. It's just silly and frustrating.

 

[Steelersfan4life]

nevermind...