No Alcohol at a Wedding?

[mumom95]

I've been to a few southern-baptist weddings where there was no alcohol. The reception was in the church following the ceremony, and just had cake and punch. Was it as much "fun" as the big party receptions, probably not, but the wedding was still beautiful and the gathering afterwards was a nice time to celebrate the bride and groom. So I wasn't disappointed at all (of course, I went in knowing what it would be like).

 

[Feralpeg]

Wedding expectations have certainly changed over the past 30 years. When I grew up, the norm for a wedding was having the ceremony at a church with the reception in the church basement. The reception consisted of cake, ice cream and punch. No D.J. or band. Folks simply talked to each other and had a nice time. The reception normally lasted a little over an hour.

Now, people EXPECT to be fed a meal, have alcoholic drinks and entertainment. It's no wonder that most weddings cost more than what I paid for my first house. IMHO, it is a ridiculous waste of money. All that for one day/night. When my daughter gets married, I'm giving her the choice to have a reasonably priced wedding or money for a down payment on a home. She has already said she will be taking the down payment.

 

[John VN]

Our DD's wedding reception at www.bocaroyale.net/ was dry and everyone enjoyed it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I wouldn't look down on anyone but if you had a dry wedding where we live we would all find it very odd. It is definetly not the norm. In fact I have never been to a dry wedding ever. The closest thing was a beer and wine only wedding and, well, there were a lot of odd things about that particular wedding so alcohol was the least of it. Here the caterers include a full top shelf bar in your price. It is standard.

ETA- I think cash bars are super tacky though. Either have no alcohol or pay for it. I think asking guests to foot the bill is rude.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I've never entertained the notion that any event "must" include alcohol in order for people to enjoy themselves.. My late DH and I used to host a huge party every Christmas Eve at our home - as well as several gatherings throughout the summer here at the lake - and alcohol was not served.. It never prevented anyone from accepting our invitations - and certainly never prevented anyone from having a great time..

I'll never forget one time I was visiting home several years ago, and my mom planned a dinner for all of my cousins, etc. The day of the event, she got a terrible migraine, but she didn't want to cancel. My dad and I took care of everything.

When it was all over (and a good time was had by all), she was "mortified" that we forgot to serve the beer and wine. We didn't offer, nobody asked, even though we've never had a family event (save my wedding) where alcohol wasn't served.

 

[RN4Babies]

My first wedding reception was a pig roast/bbq held at a local county park. The special license we would have needed to have half barrels of beer available would have been $750 (and this was over 20 years ago), so we had soda, coffee and milk available. People still talk about what a great time they had at the reception.

For my second wedding, we had a very small family affair at my house (about 40 people total). I hired my next door neighbor to be the bartender for the night. Unfortunately, my new brother in law drank wayyyyyy too much and started pounding on a different neighbor's door. The neighbors called the police (I don't blame them at all), and BIL spent the night in jail for public intoxication (I wasn't about to take care of him on my wedding night).

Give me a dry receptioin anytime. I don't get why people have to drink to enjoy themselves (and yes, I have some wine a few times a week because I enjoy the taste).

 

[Camicar]

Wedding expectations have certainly changed over the past 30 years. When I grew up, the norm for a wedding was having the ceremony at a church with the reception in the church basement. The reception consisted of cake, ice cream and punch. No D.J. or band. Folks simply talked to each other and had a nice time. The reception normally lasted a little over an hour.

Now, people EXPECT to be fed a meal, have alcoholic drinks and entertainment. It's no wonder that most weddings cost more than what I paid for my first house. IMHO, it is a ridiculous waste of money. All that for one day/night. When my daughter gets married, I'm giving her the choice to have a reasonably priced wedding or money for a down payment on a home. She has already said she will be taking the down payment.

Not to beat the dead wedding carriage horse, but while overall weddings in general have gone more formal, the differences are not so much time related as region related.

My family is from the NYC area. When my parents got married nearly 50 years ago, they were fairly poor. However, it never occurred to them that they would have a wedding without serving some sort of sit-down meal with wine. There may have only been 20 people at their wedding, but it was still meal and wine.

When I got married 26 years ago, again there was no question that you would have a sit down meal, drink of all kinds, and a band. My wedding had full appetizers, a sit down full plated meal, a traditional cake, an open bar, wine on the tables, champagne toast, and TWO drink fountains -- this was considered the norm. We spent a grand total of $1500 (for everything). We avoided any problems with drunks by not inviting the drunks. (Hey, we're New Yorkers, we have no problem telling it like it is. What can I say?) The overall idea was that if you weren't going to serve a 'real' meal, then you were eloping and no one was there but your parents and best friends who stood up for you. There was no inbetween. I can also tell you that my parents -- who footed most of the bill -- would have never given me the money for a house downpayment or to pay off my student loans. That money was for my wedding, period.

The thought of a cash bar was absolutely unthinkable. I had never even heard of a cash bar at a wedding until my SIL got married in MA and had the most expensive wedding any of us had ever attended, but had a cash bar (complete with $10 Diet Cokes in 1984). Her cash bar was considered the height of tackiness and 20+ years later, people still talk about it. Her father offered her the money t use instead for a house down payment and he was considered beyond the pale for even making that suggestion.

I had never even heard of a church basement reception with punch and mints until I moved to the midwest 20 years ago.

 

[samefay]

We were over 21 when we married. In fact, I've been married 13 years and never had any alcohol to drink. Here's another kicker - no dancing at the wedding.
We had a beautiful wedding and our reception was also at the Church.
To each his own.
(But very interesting thread!)

 

[lovesmurfs]

Not picking on you, but what happened at your wedding that people are still talking about how great it was two deacades later?

Okay, not feeling completely picked on -- it was totally a family wedding -- with lots of kids. No sit down dinner -- we had it professionally catered with heavy hors d'oevres, no alcohol, no dancing (we had a harp and a flute duo).

Not the grown-ups certainly (nor would I bore them with it ) Actually, it's the little cousin girls who were 7-12 at the time (there were 8-9 of them). They're all having weddings now and several have called asking for input because they had such a great time at our wedding.

So, to think of it, maybe I should be more concerned about what all of the kids were doing during the reception.....

 

[mjkacmom]

Not to beat the dead wedding carriage horse, but while overall weddings in general have gone more formal, the differences are not so much time related as region related.

My family is from the NYC area. When my parents got married nearly 50 years ago, they were fairly poor. However, it never occurred to them that they would have a wedding without serving some sort of sit-down meal with wine. There may have only been 20 people at their wedding, but it was still meal and wine.

When I got married 26 years ago, again there was no question that you would have a sit down meal, drink of all kinds, and a band. My wedding had full appetizers, a sit down full plated meal, a traditional cake, an open bar, wine on the tables, champagne toast, and TWO drink fountains -- this was considered the norm. We spent a grand total of $1500 (for everything). We avoided any problems with drunks by not inviting the drunks. (Hey, we're New Yorkers, we have no problem telling it like it is. What can I say?) The overall idea was that if you weren't going to serve a 'real' meal, then you were eloping and no one was there but your parents and best friends who stood up for you. There was no inbetween. I can also tell you that my parents -- who footed most of the bill -- would have never given me the money for a house downpayment or to pay off my student loans. That money was for my wedding, period.

The thought of a cash bar was absolutely unthinkable. I had never even heard of a cash bar at a wedding until my SIL got married in MA and had the most expensive wedding any of us had ever attended, but had a cash bar (complete with $10 Diet Cokes in 1984). Her cash bar was considered the height of tackiness and 20+ years later, people still talk about it. Her father offered her the money t use instead for a house down payment and he was considered beyond the pale for even making that suggestion.

I had never even heard of a church basement reception with punch and mints until I moved to the midwest 20 years ago.

My parents got married over 40 years ago, didn't have a lot of money, so they had a small reception, with a sit-down dinner and open bar. I didn't have a "traditional" wedding - historic mansion, open bar, DJ, BUT just passed appy's and carving stations - 4 hour cocktail party, with no assigned seating! I wanted to enjoy my wedding, and not spend the whole time going from table to table. I spent most of the time on the dance floor!

 

[MushyMushy]

I wouldn't look down on anyone but if you had a dry wedding where we live we would all find it very odd. It is definetly not the norm. In fact I have never been to a dry wedding ever. The closest thing was a beer and wine only wedding and, well, there were a lot of odd things about that particular wedding so alcohol was the least of it. Here the caterers include a full top shelf bar in your price. It is standard.

ETA- I think cash bars are super tacky though. Either have no alcohol or pay for it. I think asking guests to foot the bill is rude.

Again, it's not tacky everywhere.

Where I live, it's expected if you're going to a wedding, you need to bring cash if there's booze.

Same thing with the bridal dance. I've seen areas where putting a dollar in a bucket would be extremely tacky, and other areas where everybody does it. And even some where you line up for a choice of a dance or a shot of liquor.

 

[Poohlovr]

My first wedding was dry. We were both under age.The reception was a cake and punch affair in the chuch hall.

At my second wedding, we had an open bar. We ran out of champagne (had to send someone out for a second case) but had more of the hard liquor left over than I would have expected.

Both were fine for what they were and the people who attended.

The only way I would not do it would be with a cash bar. You are my guest. I don't charge my guests.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Again, it's not tacky everywhere.

Where I live, it's expected if you're going to a wedding, you need to bring cash if there's booze.

:

It may be customary is certain areas, but it is still TACKY.

NO etiquette book would EVER suggest it is ok to make your guests pay at a party.

 

[RN4Babies]

It may be customary is certain areas, but it is still TACKY.

NO etiquette book would EVER suggest it is ok to make your guests pay at a party.

If it's the norm in the area where the wedding's being held, I don't think it's at all tacky.

In this area, 90% of the weddings I've attended over the last 30 years have had a bottle of champagne on each table, beer and soda provided free of charge for guests, and a cash bar for people who choose to drink something else.

 

[bluesaturn]

It may be customary is certain areas, but it is still TACKY.

NO etiquette book would EVER suggest it is ok to make your guests pay at a party.

It is extremely tacky to point out that you think something is tacky.

 

[ICF]

It may be customary is certain areas, but it is still TACKY.

Just because you don't agree with something doesnt make it TACKY!

Our wedding provide beer & soft drinks. If you wanted any liquor then it was extra via a cash bar. That is not in anyway unusual around here.

We provide choices for drinks....if they wanted something else, they could pay for it.

A cash bar often does not mean that the guest is paying for any beverages they drink....just alcohol or in some cases just hard liquor.

 

[MrsPete]

FEW of the weddings I've attended have included alcohol, and since in the past I worked at weddings, I've attended quite a few weddings (and weddings from a wide variety of social circles and economic backgrounds).

 

[MrsPete]

It is extremely tacky to point out that you think something is tacky.

Well, it's tacky to point it out at the wedding, or to say something to a person who was involved . . . in a discussion like this when it's all hypothetical, it's fine. It insults no one personally.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

We had a champagne toast at our wedding, but that was the only alcohol that was served, since we were on a tight budget.

We had the reception in a beautiful hotel that did have a bar, if people really felt like they needed to drink to have a good time. There was no religious element to that decision.

I've seen too many weddings where people got a few slugs in them and behaved terribly inappropriately. I wasn't going to give anyone that opportunity at our wedding, it was a celebration of a new partnership.

Still is, sixteen years later .

 

[MarkBarbieri]

Well, it's tacky to point it out at the wedding, or to say something to a person who was involved . . . in a discussion like this when it's all hypothetical, it's fine. It insults no one personally.

It's moderataly tacky to point out that, while it is tacky to point out tackiness at a wedding, it is not extremely tacky to point out tackiness in a hypothetical discussion, hypothetically.