New Years eve dilemma, need some clarity

[Lucky4me]

We are friends with 3 other couples. The 8 of us socialize, have gone on vacations together and usually spend New Years eve together.
Over the last two years or so, one of the couples has been acting out of line whenever we go out. Mainly getting too drunk, too loud, and being very offensive to the rest of us. (The wife hitting on our husbands and vice versa) We've been slowly excluding them from our get togethers. I know they are aware of this because it was mentioned a time or two.

New Years eve we had planned to spend with just the 6 of us and our kids and not invite them. We were going to have a very low key family night with a nice dinner and some board games.

Today I opened up a Christmas card from the 4th couple. In it was an invitation for a New Years Eve party at their home. I haven't talked to anyone else yet, but this really throws a wrench in our plans. If we all decline, I'm sure they'll know we are planning to spend it together, and they'll be furious. These are life long childhood friends and I know some of us would not want to totally cut them out of our lives.

If we accept I'm sure it will be a big drunk fest. I don't want my child to see that, nor do I want to be a part of it. We'll end up leaving after an hour.

What to do, what to do?

 

[JasonLyons]

this is easy, do your own thing

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like either a crossroads moment or status quo, eh? Well if things really need to be worked out among your group, it is probably not the best idea to do it on a holiday, esp New Years Eve. Kinda sets the mood for the rest of the year.

If you want to get together (just the 6 of you) then I say make a new date for the 6 of you to get together, that sounds like FUN!
Yea it won't be NYE but it sounds like your group isn't ready for change yet. And you all get to spend time together.

 

[browneyes]

Tell them you want to do some celebrating with your kids-a non-alcholic type of party (with maybe a glass of champagne for the grown ups at midnight). Tell them it's important you to keep things fun, but not disruptive for your kids sake. If they can't accept that, tell them to take a flying leap. Good friends would understand.

 

[Disney845]

Originally posted by Lucky4me
These are life long childhood friends

If they are such good friends then why can you not speak with them about how disturbing the 6 of you find their behavior? It reminds me of a joke in a movie about some girl not being close enough to her boyfriend to ask him to use a condom...I know it isn't the same thing. I just think that people you have known for your whole life, and associated with should be close enough friends to be able to openly (and without hostility) discuss these issues. I think it kinda seems a little petty and mean of you that you would rather keep quiet and ignore the problem, and just slowly distance yourselves from them as opposed to being a stand up person and expressing your feelings. If they do not know that their behavior is bothering you, then they probably won't change. I am not suggesting that the 6 of you gang up on them, but maybe a get together, over coffee or lunch one day can help you clear the air. Just be honest and upfront with them. If they do not see a problem after you have discussed this, or get offended and do not wish to carry on the friendship, then that is on them. You would have done your duty as a friend, and can move on from the situation with no regrets.

 

[Lucky4me]

I forgot to add lifelong friends of my husbands. I came into the group much later, about 9 years ago. I've casually mentioned their excessive drinking in the past and it wasn't received very well. This is why I won't say anything to them, and my husband is non confrontational. He would never say anything. He believes they know they have problems and nothing we say would make a difference, so why bother? I'm not sure if the other 2 couples think it's as much of a problem as I do even though they've said they'd rather not spend time with them anymore.

I've decided to stay home. If the others want to come over, fine. If not, that's okay too. I'll understand if they want to go to the party.

Thanks for the input!

 

[Snow White]

Do what you feel good about concerning your children, that is the most important thing. It's better in my opinion to set a good example for your children than try to maintain a friendship that you aren't really comfortable with anymore.

 

[Rajah]

A little late to add my 2-cents, so I'll just say it looks like you decided to do just what I was going to suggest.

 

[SilverLily]

I agree with Disney845. I think it is a shame that no one will tell these childhood friends how offensive they have behaved. I guess the 6 of you have to decide to let the friendship die or to confront them, and from what you said, it sounds like the other couples don't seem to care to continue the friendship. I understand that you have tried and it didn't go over well, but maybe the ones who have been friends with this couple since they were children should talk with them. If nobody is willing to do that, then it doesn't seem like it was a real friendship in the first place, considering nobody wants to try to help this couple see that they could have a serious alcohol problem.

JMO...if I had friends that I used to enjoy being around, I would want to try and work things out.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

If you had already decided to get together at your house to play board games and have dinner, you have a prior commitment that would preclude going to the party. That's all you need to say.
As we have aged the people who drink too much have either stopped doing it or fallen out of our lives--that's what happens when you grow up and other people don't.
Robin M.

 

[dianeschlicht]

You don't say if you or one of the other couples in the group had specifically invited the 6 plus families for NYE. If you invited them, you have an obligation to stand by your invitation. If the other couples chose to go to the other party over yours, that is their choice. It does NOT mean you have to go too. It would look pretty bad if you or DH changed your plans because it appeared that "something better" came along.

 

[Lucky4me]

We really hadn't decided on whose house to go to. We would probably wait until the day before to decide. It doesn't matter because we all pitch in with food and drinks. It's very informal so no one has to worry about having their house perfect...

All of us were invited to the 4th couples party.

We didn't invite the 4th couple to our get together, and they don't know about it.

Deciding to stay home and letting the other 2 couples know they are welcome to come over isn't going to phase them. They'll either come or go to the 4th couples party. It makes no difference to me either. As long as I have my kids and DH there to celebrate, I'll be happy.

I'm having one of those murky thinking/writing days aren't I?

I'm sorry!