New Jungle Cruise jokes

[wtg2000]

Last week on JC I heard two new jokes. One was that the butterflies could be purchased at Wal-Mart for five dollars, or here at the Magic Kingdom for $29.95 (heard this from two different skippers). Second was heading into the temple, it could be danger, it could be excitement, it could be another Disney gift shop.

Are these lines approved by management? I guess they could be construed as poking fun at themselves, or the CMs poking fun at management. People laughed, but a little uneasily I thought.

 

[ironz]

Oh, I think it's all part of the fun.

Best JC joke at DL last fall:

After the rhino scene, where the boat captain said the 'guy on the bottom was his friend Hontas...make that Poke a Hontas.' Then he said, "OK, no more Disney jokes....(boat turning a corner)...just around the river bend, we see..." My brother (who is a CM) and I just busted a gut laughing. That, and the "amazing" wildlife along the way.

 

[EmmasGrammy]

I love the corny jokes on the Jungle Cruise! I do agree they need some new material. It really depends on the skipper on your boat if the lines are funny. One trip we had this older gentleman skippering our boat and he told the jokes we had always heard but in the dryest, monotone, "I'm read off of cue cards" voice. At first we thought he was doing it to be funny, but we soon realize this is this guys actual speil. Then it became hilarious. Where did they get this CM.? My DH and I were splitting a gut at this skipper and he just looked at us as if we had lost our minds. I think he was annoyed that we found his delivery funny. They were supposed to be jokes, right? It turned out to be our favorite trip on the JC. We mimiced him all week long!!

 

[NotUrsula]

My favorite is at DL, where the rides are so close together that you can see a large part of the Indiana Jones queue from about halfway into the JC. So you come around the corner, and you get, "And to your right, the famous Temple of the Endless Line."

 

[magictrickboy71]

My favorite line was by the butterflies. The guide said the were also know as "Plasticus Mechanicus" and the grow to be 12 inches to 1 foot in legnth.

I also thought it was great when he told us to get our camera's ready and he showed us the Back Side of Water when we went under the waterfall.

Very funny stuff!
Frank

 

[anotherboardnposter]

I haven't been on the Jungle Cruise in years...This year I start again. Time for some cheesy quips!

Sincerely,

John "anotherboardnposter" Kilduff...

LESS THAN 48 HOURS! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

[time101]

At DL Jungle Cruise, our skipper said at the end of the cruise:

"Make sure to gather all your belongings and your children before stepping off the boat. If you do not claim your children, they will be rounded up and taken to It's a Small World, where their feet will be nailed to the floor and will be forced to sing that hideous song over, and over, and over....I know...That's how I got here!"

 

[CamColt]

When we rode JC on Christmas morning we had a family of first timers on our boat. There was an older couple and the DSs were probably in their 20s. I loved seeing their reaction to the jokes knowing they had no idea what was coming. The best was when the elephant squirts water and the skipper said something like "We thought it was water, but itsnot", the older woman let out a huge laugh. It was hysterical!
I also like the one about the statues doing the Macarena.

 

[HaleyB]

Yep I have heard all of those. Love the JC, do you guys know the one about the "Head" salesman? Or the joke about same thing that they are not allowed to tell?

 

[LibertyBelle]

Originally posted by wtg2000
Last week on JC I heard two new jokes. One was that the butterflies could be purchased at Wal-Mart for five dollars, or here at the Magic Kingdom for $29.95 (heard this from two different skippers). Second was heading into the temple, it could be danger, it could be excitement, it could be another Disney gift shop.

Are these lines approved by management? I guess they could be construed as poking fun at themselves, or the CMs poking fun at management. People laughed, but a little uneasily I thought.

No they are not approved lines (neither is "Plasticus Mechanicus"). A lot of skippers add stuff to their speil that if the managers were around they would get in lots of trouble for. I used to be a Jungle Skipper and the managers have a tendency of sitting in the trees or somewhere near by that they can hear and checking on the speils. I agree the script could use an upgrade, but keep in mind when you hear things like this that the Skipper is not following the apporved speil and don't hold it againt those that do...

PS EmmasGrammy: That is so funny.... That could have been one of two skippers and reading your remarks from it made me laugh hysterically because I can vision both of them doing their trip

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by wtg2000
Second was heading into the temple, it could be danger, it could be excitement, it could be another Disney gift shop.

who cares if they are 'approved' lines - that is hilarious! hehehe

come on - what about the imagineer who put "i love disco" into the "warriors" speil? (there are a bunch of 'warriors' or natives off to your right that say things...one of them says "i love disco")

 

[myboysmom]

The Jungle Cruise is way to much fun. 10 of us did it Christmas Eve two years ago. I think there were a lot of first timers on the boat. They weren't laughing along with the skipper. Our family really got into it, and started a quirky conversation with the skipper to see who could add the worst puns. I am not sure if the rest of the boat got it, but we had fun

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

These are hilarious! I just love corny jokes.