Nothing's Going to Ruin This
Despite all of the drama of the previous evening, I awoke extremely excited. My dad is an enormous fan of The Amazing Race
, and today he was going to live it! I had contracted with Gifts of a Lifetime for a two-hour Amazing Birthday Race through Epcot. The proposal sounded wonderful, but the company handles all of the details. I had filled out long questionnaires and shared quite a bit about Dad, so I was confident that the Race would be tailored to our group. But I had absolutely no idea what we would actually be doing. I had told Dad that something was going to happen that day, and we needed to be at Pin Central at 10:45. We would end up in Canada around 1:00.
M was in high spirits as well. She was so excited to see Dad's face when he found out. J didn't get it at all, despite M having explained in detail multiple times. But he was willing to go along, which was good enough.
We took both cars, and actually made it to Epcot by 9:30 am. M paid a lot of extra attention to my dad, telling everyone that it was his birthday celebration and he would be the center of attention all day. We didn't necessarily believe her, but appreciated the sentiment.
Spaceship Earth was at a walk-on, so we hit that first. M was thrilled, J thought it was okay. Good enough. Moving on. Next up was Soarin', which M and J both absolutely adored. I was surprised how much he loved it, but they both said they wanted to ride again if there was time later. Shockingly, M didn't insist on riding again NOW!
By this point, it was around 10:30. Supposed to be at Pin Central at 10:45. The event was to officially start at 11:00. Suddenly J wanted iced mocha. Dad suggested we swing through Club Cool, and then grab the mocha. Nope, uh-uh, no way. J wanted iced mocha NOW! So we went to Fountainview. Oops, it doesn't open until 11:00. See the dilemma?
M tried to explain to J that the event couldn't be delayed. I told him we would be more than happy to get anything he wanted to drink that was obtainable at the moment, and then get an iced mocha after the Race. That's when he came out with, "I'm not on a schedule." I was beyond mad, but determined that nothing was going to ruin Dad's Race. So I kept my mouth shut. M and J started arguing.
At 10:43, they were still going at it, so I said, "(expletive) both of you. I paid $400 for this, it's a huge deal to me and my dad, and we're going to do it. You do whatever you like." Dad and I headed to Pin Central and watched the Fountain of Nations show. M followed, and within a couple of minutes, so did J. I vowed to ignore them if necessary and focus on giving my father a wonderful birthday present.
A bit of history. Dad and I are both hugely into surprises, both giving and receiving. So every holiday, we constantly try to one-up each other (in a fun way, not a mean-spirited way). I was pretty sure that this one would trump everything.
An Amazing Birthday Race
***Spoilers Ahead***
***Skip to the next section if you don't want details on the event***
At 10:55, we were approached by a red-headed woman wearing jean shorts and flip flops. She walked up to my father and asked, "Are you Andy?" She then introduced herself as Pat, and asked if he was familiar with The Amazing Race, and explained that he was on an Amazing Birthday Race. There would be clues to find, tasks to perform, and puzzles to solve. The Race would cover 11 countries and he would have exactly two hours to complete it, or she would get his present!!
She handed us an autograph book and pen, and the first clue. It took a few moments for Dad to pick his jaw up off the ground. He was literally in shock, but managed to focus on the task at hand. On your mark, get set, go! And we were off.
The first task was to collect autographs from two Cast Members in different locations in Future World, and then find the planter outside Monorail Pylon 206 for our next clue. After getting autographs at MouseGear and Pin Central, we got lost looking for the monorail pylon, but eventually located the planter and the next clue.
The Race was simply incredible! There were a surprising number of tasks packed into the two hours, which kept us moving fast and made the whole thing legitimately feel like a race. Besides the "talk to Cast Members and locate clues" tasks, they also included a Roadblock and a Detour. For the Roadblock, I had to belly dance for a full 60 seconds inside the Fez House in Morocco! I drew a bit of a crowd, and at precisely 60 seconds, a woman with a shopping bag approached me with the next clue!
In Germany, the clue hidden behind a green pickle ornament had $2 taped to the back. The clue said to go to Italy, find out what a "dolce" was, and use the money to purchase one and consume it. It turns out that a "dolce" is a sweet, so we ran to the counter and told the Cast Member we needed a sweet for less than $2. We ended up with a chocolate gold coin that we all shared.
In Japan, we had to stop and sit with Pat, the pixie in charge of our event. Since Dad's diabetic, she had thoughtfully brought a green tea with no sugar added for a refresher. We then had to answer a bunch of trivia questions before we could proceed! She had warned us at the beginning that throughout the Race, people would try to delay us. During this stop, she did her best, chatting about rides and things. We caught on pretty quickly, said our goodbyes and took off again.
All of the tasks were extremely well-thought out and very engaging. A few things were specifically addressed to myself, M, or J, making us all an actual part of the Race. I couldn't be happier with Pat and all the pixies that made it happen!
M did a great job taking photos and documenting everything in the autograph book as it happened. That book became a great souvenir, and I really appreciate all of her hard work.
The very last clue sent us to Canada. The task was to race up the stairs or the ramp to the phone booth, get inside and shut the door to stop the clock. We were literally down to the wire on time. Unfortunately, there was a food stall just inside Canada, which sold mocha. Remember that iced mocha J wanted? Yep, you guessed it. He stopped. Dad, M and I ran up the stairs and saw Pat. She said, "Where's J?" We said, "Getting a freaking mocha." She said, "Everyone has to be in the phone booth with the door closed to stop the clock. You have two minutes left."
So M and I bolted back down the stairs and screamed for J, who had just finished paying for the mocha. She grabbed his hand and we all bolted back up the stairs, him dripping mocha the whole way. We packed the phone booth and shut the door just as time was up!
Okay J, I get it. You've wanted iced mocha for two hours. Couldn't you have waited literally another two minutes to get it?!?!?! I was not real thrilled about that, but I let it go since we made it (barely). Anyway, Pat did an awesome recap of our adventures and brought out the other pixies that had made it happen. They presented Dad with a very nice laminated certificate, and told him that his present would be waiting at the condo. Many hugs and cheers were shared.
Epcot for People Who Hate Epcot
We were all hot, sweaty, and wiped out after our adventure. So we decided to head back to The Land to relax in A/C and get some lunch. We had stopped briefly for a pastry at Norway, but had been jokingly chided by Pat for taking a break in the middle of a Race, so we really needed to eat.
Lunch went okay. I thought M and J would want to chat about the Race, which Dad and I were doing nonstop. But they were scrolling through the pictures on their camera, particularly those of their kids. So Dad and I talked, and they went through photos, which was okay. At least nobody was mad. Yet.
I thought we would go back on Soarin' while were literally right there. But first M and J had to smoke. So we hiked ALL the way back out of the pavilion and over to the smoking area near Imagination. Since we were already out, Dad suggested we do a few other things first, then come back to Soarin'. Big mistake. In the first display of clear-cut decision making in nine days, J burst out with, "We're. Riding. Soarin'. NOW!" Okay, no problem. Thanks for speaking up, right? We headed back to Soarin'.
The ride was just as fun the second time around, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. After it ended, I made the suggestion that we take the boat across the lagoon. J is a huge American history buff, or so we had been told by both of them, and he had been amazed by HoP. So I thought he'd really love American Adventure.
M really wanted to see the Chinese acrobats. I suggested we take the boat over and walk back, catching the acrobats on the way by. That was no good. She wanted to see acrobats first. Okay, so we'll walk. No problem, I was just trying to save your legs.
M was overawed by the acrobats. I like them a lot myself. J had no comment, which I was quickly taking as a good sign. At least he didn't complain, even when the broiling sun came out from behind a cloud.
M wanted to see the 3:30 Voices of Liberty, but it was already 3:20 and I didn't want to hear Jonathan (or her, for that matter) complain about a fast walk. So I suggested we hold off until the 4:15, and browse a bit in the shops in China.
How can a shopper hate those stores? I thought she'd be intrigued. Nope, she was too busy stamping her feet, rolling her eyes, and complaining. So we did the fast walk and got her out of there.
We stopped to smoke in Italy. Well, Dad and I went to the smoking area. M and J decided to smoke on a bench in a non-smoking area facing Sergio. Now, I had tried to get M interested in Sergio when we were looking through the Times Guide the night before, and she just rolled her eyes. But now that it was HER idea, she loved him.
After Sergio, we went to the American Adventure. We'd missed the 3:30 Voices of Liberty, but the 3:45 theater show was loading. So we decided to catch the show, and then try to see Voices of Liberty at 4:15.
Like I said earlier, J's supposedly a history buff. I thought he'd love the show. He loved the air conditioning. They both fell sound asleep!
:
Afterwards, we were informed that it was "boring" and "stupid."
At this point, everyone just started wandering. Every single one of us was annoyed, and no one wanted to take the lead. We ended up back in Italy at, where else, the smoking area. They became enthralled by Sergio again, who was doing his next set. I realized it was 4:45 and the World Showcase Players were starting at 5:00. Dad and I both love the show, and frankly didn't care what M and J wanted at that point. So we told them we were sticking around, and they could do whatever they wanted.
While we waited, we discussed that evening's plan. M really wanted to see Fantasmic, which she swears she's never seen (another one that used to be a favorite, but she now has no memory of). So we were going to go back to DHS for the 9:30 Fantasmic. There was also an 8:00, but she still wanted to do a few things at Epcot, so I told her we'd never make it.
Remember last night's fight between M and J because he refused to do ToT and RnRC? Well, for whatever reason, they both agreed that he had promised her at some point that he would do them tonight. So Dad and I offered to hold spots in the Fantasmic line while they went to those two rides (Please don't flame me, I don't agree with holding spots in the Fantasmic line myself, but after the trip from you know where, it was an attempt at keeping the peace).
Everyone agreed that was the plan. At 5:00, Dad and I went to sit at the rope for World Showcase Players. We tried to wave M and J over. The actors tried to wave M and J over. They were sitting in chairs directly behind the performance space. They refused to come over, and spent the entire show talking to each other. Whatever, Dad and I had a great time.
The Final Meltdown
When the show ended, we all got on the boat to Future World. Dad was directed inside with the
ECV. M and J sat outside. I had learned by this point that whenever they withdrew from the group, there was trouble brewing.
Sure enough, we got off the boat and they started speed-walking, completely ignoring Dad and me. When J stopped for another mocha, I pulled M aside and asked what was going on. "Oh, nothing. We're fine." "Are you sure? For nine days, this has generally meant that someone was not happy." "Nope, we're good."
M told me that they were tired and had decided to skip Fantasmic. They wanted to do Test Track and Mission: Space, and then go back to DHS for ToT and RnRC, but not stay for Fantasmic. I reminded M that it was my dad's birthday celebration, and that he would be disappointed if she didn't see Fantasmic with him, but I told her we understood if they were simply too tired.
It then occurred to me that Dad and I see Fantasmic a lot. It was no big deal to us, beyond wanting to share it with them. If we went and they didn't, then we'd be home pretty late. Monica had really, really wanted to be a part of giving my dad his birthday gift (the Horizons Engineering Manual). I didn't want her to either have to wait up, or fall asleep and miss it.
That's when I made my fatal mistake. I suggested that we all just skip Fantasmic, maybe even skip going back to DHS altogether, and head home early. Dad and I had bought porterhouse steaks, intending to have a cookout one night at the condo. We had a couple of videos and a game that everyone had expressed interest in. I thought maybe we could go home, have some family birthday time, and still let them get to bed early to rest up. The next two days were going to be AK and the Wishes Dessert Party, and then Islands of Adventure, so I thought they might appreciate the rest.
In a tone of complete venom and hatred, M spat, "We can't do that." I said, "Why not?" She said, "My husband is taking me to the Olive Garden tonight!"
Um, excuse me, okay, what?!?! First of all, there's an Olive Garden down the street from your house. There are Olive Gardens all over Lakeland, where you're going to spend several days with your father. Tonight's not exactly your only chance to go the Olive Garden, not to mention we were all just there less than a week ago!
Secondly, you made a big point out of today being my father's birthday celebration. You made a big deal out of displaying his present on the table in a nice decorative arrangement after he left the house this morning. You wanted to be involved with the whole birthday, or so you said. Now we have to stay out of the house while you guys go to dinner, so that we can then do birthday when you're ready to do it???
Third and most importantly, you weren't just up front and honest. You didn't say, "Hey Lisa, I know it's your dad's birthday and all, but we're really exhausted and wanting comfort food. How would it be if we took a little time out to go to dinner on our own, and then met back up to finish the birthday?" Instead, you lied and manipulated like you always do, made this Olive Garden thing into your little secret, and then didn't know what to do when your secret got busted.
Needless to say, I was enraged. It wasn't even the Olive Garden per se, it was that on top of everything else that had been going on for over a week. I thanked M for finally being honest and told her that it simply wasn't going to work any longer. She then spat back that they had just been putting on happy faces and allowing us to drag them through the parks, and they weren't going to do it any more. (Have you looked in a mirror? This is a happy face? I'd hate to see an angry face!)
The Second Amazing Race
At this point, Dad and I looked at each other, and locked eyes in silent understanding. There wasn't any more to give. There wasn't any more point to continuing. We had been told in no uncertain terms exactly what they thought of us, and exactly what they expected out of this trip. And we were unwilling to continue being used and taken advantage of any longer.
I told M calmly and quietly, but firmly, that was it. There were two more days left in the trip, both to parks that she had never seen (AK and IOA) that she was really looking forward to. But she was no longer doing it on our dime. I told her that they were welcome to spend the night, but they needed to leave in the morning.
J shot back that they were leaving that night. I told him that was fine. I said, "I'm sorry it has to end this way, but it has to end. None of us can take this any more." They asked for directions to the park exit (we were standing on the main World Showcase bridge), and we gave them. M and J flounced off in entirely the wrong direction, towards The Seas.
That gave me the moment I needed. Remember that Horizons Engineering Manual that M and I split the cost on for Dad's birthday? It had been in her luggage all week, but that morning, just before we left the condo, she and I had laid out on the dining table in a nice display. I knew M would try to take it, so I needed us to beat them home.
I told Dad we needed to leave quickly, so we sprinted (well, he rolled at top speed) out of Epcot. We took the back roads and made it to the condo first. I flipped the book open long enough to show him what it was, and he was thrilled! No time to enjoy it, though, as we loaded it into the car. We also loaded up my computer, our collectible Figment, and a few other things we thought M might steal or destroy.
They came in about ten minutes behind us and starting packing up. We sat on the porch and watched them. They took the Mickey ears we had given them, the pound of fudge that was supposed to be for everyone, and the handful of groceries that they had bought (though they had freely eaten everything we had bought all week). Dad followed J out to the car to get our condo keys back. In hindsight, I wish I had gotten the park tickets back, but at the time I never thought about it.
That was it. Dad told J he was sorry it turned out like this, and J gave no response. M never even looked at either of us. They drove away, Dad closed the door, and we both breathed a huge sigh of relief. We were just so glad it was over.
Coming up: A Retrospective and What We Learned
....If I didn't know better I would swear you went with my sister.....I feel your pain. Here you need this,
I know I need one and I have only been reading it not living it.
I'm thinking that's the only way you could remember all the back-and-forth enough to write it down (I'd be working to block it all from my memory 
)
I understand how you feel and I must say, you are much more patient than me! 
