Need to Freaking Vent !!!!

[nana2tots]

Ok, Let me start off by saying i think everyone understands what i have been through the last couple of years. Well, my problem is, i introduced my SIL to a lady, that her DH passed away 7 months before my Sandi, . I was okay w/ them seeing each other, so were the girl's, since they danced w/ her (2) daughters, pretty close to my Grandaughters age.
The problem i am having is they have only been out about 6 times, and now they act like they are married., for instance, we have planned this Disney trip, it's going to be hard enough on us w/ Sandi not being there, but now this lady is going, because her oldest Daughter will be dancing there also, but her and my SIL will be glued to each other, and we, me my DH and the oldest Grandaughter are very upset about this.
How would you handle this ????
I need to know, am i being mean about all this, or is it, we just don't want her there. This was suppose to be our Family Vacation, me, papa, both Granddaughters, and SIL.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would be very mad. I would talk to SIL and tell him that the children are upset. He may want a date but the children are coping with the loss of their Mother and that needs to come before anything.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I do not understand your issues so I cannot comment on the distress you are under with regards to having an outsider on your vacation.

I can say as a person who vacations in groups frequently, you cannot put restrictions on how a person is supposed to spend their vacation and with who.

I know that sucks to hear however your SIL and his friend are a package deal from what I read in your post.

If you don't want the outsider you have to ditch the SIL. Sounds like he would only add stress to your vacation anyway. Be honest about it with him.

 

[nana2tots]

I'm sorry, this is my son-in-law i'm talking about

 

[KadysMom]

Are they dating seriously? I ask that because they might have only been on 6 "dates" but they could be in a serious relationship. How long have they been dating. Sandy passed 2 1/2 years ago, and he is probably ready to move into a relationship and wants to include her in the vacation. If her daughter is going to be dancing also, they would be together anyway. I just think that if you say anything it could make matters worse and push him away. He is the father of your grandkids, and I wouldnt want to do anything to upset him and push him away with the kids.

 

[nana2tots]

He does put the Girl's first, but i think this lady, (which i do like very much), are moving way too fast, and it scares me.

 

[Stitchfans]

I can't imagine the pain you are going through. I pray I never have to experience it. Is there some way you can explain your feelings to your son in law? Tell him you aren't handling the situation as well as you thought you could. Not sure what else to suggest. So sorry though.

Hope it all works out well and you all can enjoy your trip.

 

[nana2tots]

It has only been about 18 months since Sandi's passing, I am okay w/ him dating, i introduced them to each other, i think after 6 dates, you should not be that involved, not that seriousely.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm sorry, this is my son-in-law i'm talking about

Yea, I got that.

Have you talked to your SIL about this? What does he say? Who is paying for this trip?

While you are not ready, your SIL is. That has to be very hard to handle.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It has only been about 18 months since Sandi's passing, I am okay w/ him dating, i introduced them to each other, i think after 6 dates, you should not be that involved, not that seriousely.

That is not up for you to decide. I would seriously let that go because that is not a healthy attitude toward your SIL.

Going foward with your SIL's plan might actually be healing for the kids, SIL, you. Then again it might not be. I would try to attempt a positive attitude and have fun at WDW.

As a mother I think you are never going to get over it however learning to live differently is something you may struggle with for awhile.

Again it must hurt like hell.

 

[nana2tots]

Everyone is paying their own way, What i am stressed out about is them two being together at Disney the whole trip, and it not beening our time together, does this make sense ? If they are together at Disney the whole entire time, then this will separate nana and papa from being w/ the Granddaughters, because like i said, i'm going to have a hard time just being there, especially w/ his Girlfriend.

 

[nana2tots]

So you are saying, just go w/ the Flow, just understand, i am not upset w/ him dating, it's just bad timing !!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Everyone is paying their own way, What i am stressed out about is them two being together at Disney the whole trip, and it not beening our time together, does this make sense ? If they are together at Disney the whole entire time, then this will separate nana and papa from being w/ the Granddaughters, because like i said, i'm going to have a hard time just being there, especially w/ his Girlfriend.

Yes, I understand what you are saying however I don't think it is ever going to be "OK", you know?

Creating some new memories and fun is OK. Letting go of some of the pain is also OK.

Yes, you are going thru some changes with the SIL. That has to be very hard to accept.

 

[SundancePass]

Timing in life sometimes sucks, and the SIL's does for you but perhaps not for him.

I cananot imagine your pain at losing Sandi at such a young age, but I can tell you that my DH (we've been married 45 years) and I "knew" we were going to get married after three dates. We started talking about it after the 3rd ones and have been wonderfully happy together ever since.

Who knows, maybe SIL and this lady are just meant to be. I am so sorry it will happen now, but at least at WDW you can get away from them if you need ot. And, here's a thought, why don't you and Grandpa offer to take the girls for a day so the two of them can spend some time together? I bet they'd love it!

Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So you are saying, just go w/ the Flow, just understand, i am not upset w/ him dating, it's just bad timing !!!!

I am a total fan of going with the flow. Esp. don't mess with people's vacations. I have seen alot of strife over vacation mess.

 

[HGD24]

Can you talk with your SIL and let him know how you're feeling? It sounds like you had this trip planned before the girlfriend came into the picture, is that right?

Can you tell him that while you understand that he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend and that you're very happy for them, you were going on this trip to get some quality family time and now you're afraid that you won't get that time. Ask if you can pick a couple of days of the week as family only days. I'm sure he will understand.

 

[lg3]

Yes, I understand what you are saying however I don't think it is ever going to be "OK", you know?
Creating some new memories and fun is OK. Letting go of some of the pain is also OK.
Yes, you are going thru some changes with the SIL. That has to be very hard to accept.

ITA. Not an easy situation for you emotionally, but very important for everyone at this point.

 

[krcit]

Wow, tough situation. I'm sorry. I can't even pretend to understand what you are going through. I think that beacuse your SIL and this girl each lost their spouses, maybe they bonded faster than they would in different circumstances.It must be very difficult for you to see him 'move on' because while he can remarry, you can never replace your dd(not that I'm saying he would be replacing your dd-I hope you understand what I mean) Maybe if you talk to him, you can set aside some time during the trip for just your family. I hope it all works out.

 

[nana2tots]

I understand, We have talked, but guess we need to talk further, he is a very hard person to talk w/, he thinks i am trying to tell him how to raise the Girl's, and maybe w/out realizing it , i am, but i have taken care of these Girl's for over two years, and when Sandi was alive, all he thought about was his WORK and still does.
It will work out, but still this trip has been planned, paid for since last Oct, way way before she came into the picture.
Thanks all

 

[mtemm]

I know it must be hard for you, but I agree with the others and go with the flow. And maybe be happy that the woman he is now involved with it someone you like...it could be much worse, ya know?

Am wondering if maybe you could plan a special activity for you, your dh, and the granddaughters? ask your sil what he thinks about that, and you could have a special time with them, and have a break from the gf.

(((HUGS)))