Need parenting advice- laundry mess

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It means nothing now that they are adults but it sure made a difference in getting scholarships and jobs after college. That is my point.

Perhaps that is what you were going for but in terms of the topic about laundry and household tasks saying the below is like tooting one's own horn if you will.

They didn't need to be taught a lesson that you have to juggle work, school, household chores in real life because they actively helped when they saw something needed to be done. School was their number one priority in our eyes and them being in Honor Society and graduating with honors in HS and college proved to us that we did it right....for them.

Scholarships don't always lead to jobs (they really don't) and not all jobs are born from scholarships (they really aren't). And neither are something that relates to household tasks.

Kids deserve more credit than they get sometimes, sometimes they are held back for concern over something that realistically won't likely amount to an issue. Your (general your) kid doing their own laundry doesn't mean they are destined to fail in school or not be able to do honors society or not be able to get a scholarship but the last two aren't going to prove to the world that a parent did right for them in absolving them of expectations in doing laundry.

Without a doubt you can and should be proud of your children

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

it’s not exactly rocket science.

Apologies here but clearly to some posters they (or their children) cannot touch the machine or it will fall apart or their kids apparently will mess it up beyond usage. I guess to some it's a bit more complicated than it is to the rest of us.

**Please note I say this in jest but it made me laugh being compared to the phrase of rocket science when there was a side conversation about the complexities of the machine and putting soap or fabric softener in the wrong slot.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I agree with this. If you look into the backgrounds of successful, rich people, many of them did not even go to college. There are many, highly intelligent people who did poorly in school and there are also plenty of people that were honor society, etc but are dumb as bricks because they lack street smarts. I think that this situation is too diverse to say that, someone who does well in school, equates being a successful adult.

I agree with all of your comment but I think your last comment that I bolded is a really good point and a good description to say too diverse.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Perhaps that is what you were going for but in terms of the topic about laundry and household tasks saying the below is like tooting one's own horn if you will.



Scholarships don't always lead to jobs (they really don't) and not all jobs are born from scholarships (they really aren't). And neither are something that relates to household tasks.

Kids deserve more credit than they get sometimes, sometimes they are held back for concern over something that realistically won't likely amount to an issue. Your (general your) kid doing their own laundry doesn't mean they are destined to fail in school or not be able to do honors society or not be able to get a scholarship but the last two aren't going to prove to the world that a parent did right for them in absolving them of expectations in doing laundry.

Without a doubt you can and should be proud of your children

Last I have to say to you. You know what I meant. No, scholarships do not lead to jobs. I wasn't born yesterday. I, also, stated that perhaps we were lucky that our girls didn't leave clothing all over the floor. Sheesh. Please go debate with someone else.

 

[wenrob]

I don’t think that the person who originally posted about school being their kids’ job is saying that the only route to success is via higher education. However, I somewhat agree with them that the job of a kid is being a kid and going to school. My kids don’t have a whole list of chores because I want them doing schoolwork, their after school activities, or “being kids”. They will have, quite literally, their entire adult lives to do laundry. I’m not overly concerned that they will somehow get to adulthood and not know how to use a washer and dryer - it’s not exactly rocket science. They are expected to help out if something needs doing, and they know the basics of running a house from that, including cooking. One of my sons brings me coffee in bed every morning, so I wouldn’t say I’m raising thoughtless, selfish kids.

That being said, my husband and I do all the laundry. I do mine and the kids’, and he does his and the towels/sheets. I am flabbergasted that some people wash their towels after every shower. Ours get done once a week, and same with the sheets. I wash the boys’ laundry together in a couple of loads and mine usually takes one.

OP, it sounds like you don’t mind doing laundry. Your kids need organization. The baskets in room have already been suggested. Also try to find them an old quilt rack or something equivalent that they can lay ”cleanish” clothes on. If they keep making the place a pit, then that’s when you stop doing their laundry, throw it all into one big pile in the tub and tell the two of them to sort it out.

For those saying that wanting to keep the machine working is a lame excuse - no, it isn’t. Our machine is huge, 20yrs old, and they don’t make them like that anymore. Now they are all “high efficiency” - in other words, bad. Even our repair guy has encouraged us to keep them (and now he doesn’t do it to continue to get work... they’ve only needed fixing twice that I can remember - once for washer, once for dryer). So no, I don’t want them worn out by being used multiple times a week for smaller loads just to prove some point about my kids knowing how to do laundry.

It’s already out of hand which is why the OP posted and why most of us have said make it their responsibility.

As far as wanting them to focus on school and not worry about chores, basic chores takes maybe an hour or so combined out of their week. For the record my older DD graduated with High Honors with add ons to her diploma, got scholarships, was StuCo President, competed at State and Nationals, worked and did all the social things teenagers do AND did her own laundry.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Last I have to say to you. You know what I meant. No, scholarships do not lead to jobs. I wasn't born yesterday. I, also, stated that perhaps we were lucky that our girls didn't leave clothing all over the floor. Sheesh. Please go debate with someone else.

Okay

Ironically I'm off to do some laundry all this talk on this thread reminded me I started a load late this morning

 

[Ellie008]

Could I have done my own laundry as a child? Absolutely. Am I somehow worse off as an adult because I didn't? Nope.
My children put their dirty clothes in a laundry basket in their own rooms. If I see clothes lying about the rest of the house (a problem for my youngest, not usually my oldest) I will tell them to go pick it up and put it in their basket. They each have a spot to put "I could wear it again" clothes, which again the oldest does better with than the youngest, but so be it. When my own basket fills up, I tell the kids to bring their laundry to the washer and I will sort it all and run it through. Usually twice a week. If I don't have time to fold it, the folding becomes a family chore near bedtime as I will dump the dry clothes on my bed to be folded. The kids have no issue helping fold as needed.
If they don't put their clothes in their basket and bring it down to the washer, it doesn't get washed. That isn't usually much of an issue around here though, since they know that if they want it washed it needs to be in the right spot.
I WFH and running the laundry through during my workday is fairly easy. I don't see any reason to try to have everyone else scrunch that chore into their limited evening times when it really isn't a big deal for me. And the bonus is that we aren't wasting water/electricity running multiple tiny loads of laundry all the time.

My suggestion to OP is to work with the kids on keeping their laundry in their own rooms. Honestly, if I had to run my dirty clothes to the washer/laundry room every time I took them off it would drive me nuts. I would let them pile up in random places too. Give them somewhere easy and convenient to pile it up (a laundry basket in their room) and I bet you have more success.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

The picture in the OP gives me nightmares. Bathrooms are a common area and your mess should be cleaned up when you are done in them.

I would take those clothes and put them on their beds but I'm kind of vengeful like that.

My suggestion to OP is to work with the kids on keeping their laundry in their own rooms. Honestly, if I had to run my dirty clothes to the washer/laundry room every time I took them off it would drive me nuts. I would let them pile up in random places too. Give them somewhere easy and convenient to pile it up (a laundry basket in their room) and I bet you have more success.

Same but I hope the people suggesting that have locations that are convenient. Our washing machine is in the basement so the idea of going down 2 flights of stairs every time you have dirty clothes is a non-starter.

 

[AuntieMe3]

Have them start doing their own and maybe they'll be a little more aware of how much laundry they are producing. All three of us(DH, DD and myself) do our own laundry and yes, sometimes we have to coordinate who's doing it when, but its not that big of a deal. If laundry is in the wash when I need to use it, I'll toss it on the dryer(or back into their hamper from the dryer) for whomever it is and they take it from there but generally it's not left in either by someone very often.

As for the clothing mess in the bathroom, is it their own bathrooms or communal bathroom? If its a bathroom others have to use, make a rule clothes or towels, etc are not allowed to be left in there. When you leave the bathroom, everything you brought in with you comes out. DD has to use the hall bathroom which guests use when they are here....she's not allowed to leave her clothes on the floor in there. If she leaves something in there, I make her take it out and if she isn't home, I scoop it up and throw it in her room.

 

[AndreaA]

It’s already out of hand which is why the OP posted and why most of us have said make it their responsibility.

As far as wanting them to focus on school and not worry about chores, basic chores takes maybe an hour or so combined out of their week. For the record my older DD graduated with High Honors with add ons to her diploma, got scholarships, was StuCo President, competed at State and Nationals, worked and did all the social things teenagers do AND did her own laundry.

Goodie for you and your daughter. Not sure why it’s a competition? I absolutely couldn’t care less who has their kids do what chores and when. I’m merely stating that it’s possible to have DIFFERENT IDEAS ABOUT IT. I don’t think kids aren’t CAPABLE of doing all of what you mention, I simply don’t want my kids to have to do so. They have their whole adult lives to do that stuff, and I’m happy to carry the load for now. Lordy, people can argue about anything here...

The OP says it’s out of hand not because she herself can’t do the laundry or doesn’t want to do the laundry but because THE KIDS ARE DISORGANIZED and putting clean stuff in with the dirty, etc.. She doesn’t need the kids to do the laundry - in fact that will lead to MORE loads, which is exactly what her husband is peeved about. She needs the kids to get with the program in terms of putting laundry where it belongs and not putting clean clothes in with dirty - or worse yet, on the bathroom floor.

 

[wenrob]

Goodie for you and your daughter. Not sure why it’s a competition? I absolutely couldn’t care less who has their kids do what chores and when. I’m merely stating that it’s possible to have DIFFERENT IDEAS ABOUT IT. I don’t think kids aren’t CAPABLE of doing all of what you mention, I simply don’t want my kids to have to do so. They have their whole adult lives to do that stuff, and I’m happy to carry the load for now. Lordy, people can argue about anything here...

The OP says it’s out of hand not because she herself can’t do the laundry or doesn’t want to do the laundry but because THE KIDS ARE DISORGANIZED and putting clean stuff in with the dirty, etc.. She doesn’t need the kids to do the laundry - in fact that will lead to MORE loads, which is exactly what her husband is peeved about. She needs the kids to get with the program in terms of putting laundry where it belongs and not putting clean clothes in with dirty - or worse yet, on the bathroom floor.

“Goody for you” was my point. The OP asked for help and *most* of us were saying make the problem theirs and it will get solved. Somehow this got turned into if your kids are doing anything but school focused things it’s not a good thing. Not said directly but definitely implied. Kids are capable of more than we give them credit for. IMO the OP’s kids are taking advantage of “mom will do it.”

 

[AndreaA]

“Goody for you” was my point. The OP asked for help and *most* of us were saying make the problem theirs and it will get solved. Somehow this got turned into if your kids are doing anything but school focused things it’s not a good thing. Not said directly but definitely implied. Kids are capable of more than we give them credit for. IMO the OP’s kids are taking advantage of “mom will do it.”

Kids are definitely taking advantage, but most people here are trying to solve a problem that mom didn’t present, and making out that the mom is “bad” because she hasn’t been making her kids do laundry since they could walk - which was more than implied, it was outright stated!

She doesn’t have a problem doing laundry. She has a problem doing TOO MUCH laundry - as in too many loads being run - and with the mess the kids leave. Having the kids do their own laundry might solve one of those issues, but not both. Not everyone wants their washer/dryer going constantly. It uses water, power, detergent, etc., to say nothing of the wear and tear on the machines.

 

[wenrob]

Kids are definitely taking advantage, but most people here are trying to solve a problem that mom didn’t present, and making out that the mom is “bad” because she hasn’t been making her kids do laundry since they could walk - which was more than implied, it was outright stated!

She doesn’t have a problem doing laundry. She has a problem doing TOO MUCH laundry - as in too many loads being run - and with the mess the kids leave. Having the kids do their own laundry might solve one of those issues, but not both. Not everyone wants their washer/dryer going constantly. It uses water, power, detergent, etc., to say nothing of the wear and tear on the machines.

Well I hope I didn’t come off that way because it’s not what I intended when I replied originally. What I do see is that what’s happening now is not working. Even if she just left their stuff where is was and did the rest of the laundry and left them out to dry for clothes might work. In fact she could tell them the laundry room is closed, they CAN’T do their own because they didn’t do as requested so she’ll do it next week provided their laundry is where it’s supposed to be. They’re 15 and 16 so keeping their clothes off the bathroom floor at minimum is not a big ask and it’s not something she should let slide IMO.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Kids are definitely taking advantage, but most people here are trying to solve a problem that mom didn’t present, and making out that the mom is “bad” because she hasn’t been making her kids do laundry since they could walk - which was more than implied, it was outright stated!

She doesn’t have a problem doing laundry. She has a problem doing TOO MUCH laundry - as in too many loads being run - and with the mess the kids leave. Having the kids do their own laundry might solve one of those issues, but not both. Not everyone wants their washer/dryer going constantly. It uses water, power, detergent, etc., to say nothing of the wear and tear on the machines.

After an initial adjustment period for everyone it should reduce stress and annoyances although part of that is on the OP having the openness to allow others to do the laundry. And the OP even mentioned a possible idea of just not doing the laundry anymore for them.

The OP doesn't actually know it will lead to more loads but that is a concern they have. The husband is peeved because they do 8 loads, no one knows how it would be if everyone took up the task of doing their own laundry and IMO in combination of separating out just tried on, lightly worn, dirty and clothing not thrown haphazardly in the tub. Maybe it's that one kid is great the other not so much. Don't know til you try. And it's entirely possible the loads actually get reduced. Kinda hard to say an issue won't be fixed if it's not attempted in the first place.

Some of that wear and tear depends directly on the units itself. Ours we've been using for over 8 1/2 years. I do stay pretty good at the clean washer cycle every 50 cycles with bleach (as per directed by my machine) As far as water we use like dollars worth of water for our house (anywhere between $5-8/$9) excluding the lawn (the months where we're not watering is where I can see the better average of the rest of the household's usage) and it's not like we're shying away from usage. The main cost of water is watering our lawn and annoying on our bill our service charge can be. It's certainly not coming from washing the dishes, running the dishwater, running the washer, the toilets, the showers, the washing of the hands. Washing machines don't really use a ton of water these days but if you had an older model might be different. Of course the cost for one's water varies just trying to explain the main usage of water isn't from the washing machine in our household.

People are offering up solutions to the OP's issue presented, just like you are. Some of the issues are just cascading ones that people are suggesting a bigger picture outlook might be better, the bigger picture is the kids doing their own laundry and not just in a purely "you're old enough to do it" way

And for clarity sake please do not read anything above as a means of an argument.

 

[MrsPete]

dh and I do it twice a week I fail to see the problem just the 2 of us and we do laundry twice a week

The key words here are "just the two of us". When my kids were smaller and I did all their laundry, I was ALWAYS doing laundry. Now that my kids are grown, and I'm just doing laundry for two again, it feels like NOTHING.

I agree with this. If you look into the backgrounds of successful, rich people, many of them did not even go to college. There are many, highly intelligent people who did poorly in school and there are also plenty of people that were honor society, etc but are dumb as bricks because they lack street smarts. I think that this situation is too diverse to say that, someone who does well in school, equates being a successful adult.

Eh, if we change the adjectives we'll have a truthful statement: SOME people become rich and successful without higher education. SOME people lack common sense, even though they have book smarts. That is, SOME people don't fall into the expected path, but they are the exceptions: but in my experience, education tends to produce smarter people with common sense. Occam's razor. And off-topic.

Kids are definitely taking advantage ...

And that's the issue. So many people said essentially the same thing: The kids are doing what kids will do -- as I said, I did the same thing when I was a kid. Having them take over the chore will help them realize the effort that goes into laundry, and they will appreciate what's given to them.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I get what @MrsPete was trying to say about helping kids learn to multitask.

I also get that there’s a lot of pressure on kids today, so it is good to keep the priority and focus on schoolwork.

I guess it’s good to try to find a middle ground.

My kids were neither slackers nor honors type kids. They were just normal, average kids. It was important to me, though, that they were well-rounded and knew how to do things. Admittedly this was more of a challenge with DS than it was with DD, because he wasn’t always “engaged“. For example, I’d start to teach him to cook, and I‘d turn around and he’d be gone! Currently his girlfriend tells me she taught him this and taught him that, which sometimes makes me feel bad, like I didn’t teach him things or something, so I make sure she knows that *I tried*, lol. She gets it now, though, that they’ve been together for several years - she sees that he tends to “forget” things he actually did, even with her! (Boys! )

When I met my husband, he had never had to do laundry, and his mother ironed his clothes, etc. She was a stay at home Mom and she loved doing it. When we moved in together I was a full time college student and working two jobs, so he knew he was pretty much on his own in terms of laundry, and he never disappointed. He often did my laundry (although he’s, to this day, never learned to do it exactly “right”, and I have to accept that or do it myself), and I do his; I’d say we’re about 50/50 right now, it just depends who feels like doing it. (We also had a deal from early on that I do toilets while he vacuums.)

But back to the original post. I think the thing that bothers me most is kids just throwing multiple clean things on the floor. Dirty things on the floor bother me, too, but it just seems really obnoxious and unappreciative to throw clean things on the floor and expect someone else to deal with them. That is the thing I would react to most. Maybe they need a lesson in humility like working in a food bank or homeless shelter to appreciate more what it feels like to not have food, shelter or clothing. I’ve mentioned before that I was raised by Depression era parents, and my mother wore nothing but hand me downs; her feet were misshapen because she never had shoes of her own, etc. That became part of who I am, too. But it can be a constant struggle to try to keep this appreciation alive in generations that haven’t grown up with poverty.

 

[mylilnikita]

No dang way would I be washing their laundry at that age.
15/16 you can’t manage to put dirty clothes in a basket or pick up clean clothes you just wore for a little bit?
Well you get to do this:


their chore will be to get the others clothes and figure out which is really dirty or which is still wearable.


Hey kids you are now responsible for the other kids clothes to see which are acts dirty and which ones were just worn for a brief time.

no whining, no moaning y’all figure it out until y’all can get your act together.
And if you can’t (yard sale! )You can work to get all new clothes cause it wouldn’t be me. Lol

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

My step-daughter is, was so bad about leaving her clothes turned inside out.

I just got to the point where I just stopped fixing that for her. I would pull her stuff out of the dryer and hang it up, or fold it up just as she put it in the hamper. It only took a couple years for her to get the point.

Thankfully she never would leave stuff laying around, it always finds its way into the hamper.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

DH is starting to throw a fit because he just can’t understand how a family of four has almost 8 loads of laundry a week. That is a lot.

That's not a lot. We're a family of 5 (kids are all little) and we do AT LEAST two loads of laundry every day.

Why is your husband throwing a fit? I agree that the kids' inability to use the hamper is a problem, but what's your husband's complaint about the quantity of laundry?

 

[SirDuff]

I don’t think that kids, necessarily have to to do their own laundry if that isn’t the best system for your family (I didn’t do my own laundry at home and still became a fully functioning adult. However, I would have lost my head if I dared leave my clothing lying around like the OP's kids are doing or if I made life difficult for the person who was doing laundry.