So I have a 15-year-old DD and DS 16. I am attaching a picture of what our typical bathroom/laundry situation is. DH is starting to throw a fit because he just can’t understand how a family of four has almost 8 loads of laundry a week. That is a lot. Especially, see below, how the kids treat their clothes ...
To my shame, I used to do the same thing when I was a kid. My mom did my laundry, folded it, and placed it on my bed. All too often I was too lazy to put it into the drawers
(really, how much work was that?) so I'd dump the still-folded clothes back into the hamper. She put a stop to that by having me do my own laundry -- she was right to do so.
I was one of five kids, so mom assigned us each a day of the week when we were allowed to use the washer /dryer. Each of us could run as many loads as we needed, but ONLY on our assigned day. The washer/dryer were my mom's on the weekends. I remember much "trading": If you'll put two pair of my jeans into your load today, I'll clear the dinner table tonight.
STEPS TO FIX THIS PROBLEM -- I'm not straying far from the bandwagon here, but I'm thinking it through step-by-step:
1. Make a massive effort to get this situation under control. The problem has grown beyond what inexperienced laundry-doers can be expected to "fix". Take a day off, dedicate a whole weekend to it -- but go through the whole house, drag every dirty towel and every once-worn shirt into the laundry room. Get EVERYTHING clean and returned to its appropriate storage area. Let the kids start with a clean slate. Fair to you? No, but you want to give them every chance to be successful.
2. With your kids, go through and discard clothing they've outgrown /never wear any more. Reduce the kids' closets. If they have smaller wardrobes, they can't afford to put off laundry -- this will be a big positive. If your kids are average, they could probably cut their wardrobes in half and still have "enough".
3. Teach the kids to sort clothes and use the machines. Do not accept "I'm too busy". Teaching them to juggle school, social work and chores is preparing them for adulthood.
4. Move the kids' hampers to their bedrooms. NO dirty clothing should be in the bathrooms -- dirty towels only.
5. I don't see any point in limiting the number of loads they can do each week. This does mean you're giving up efficiency, but I just don't think they're going to choose to do loads and loads. I think you'll have more trouble with them trying to shove in too much to get their chores done faster.
6. I think my mom had it right when she assigned us each a day of the week when we were allowed to wash. This cuts down on "Johnny's clothes are still in the washing machine!" problems. If they miss their day of the week, they have to figure it out. Don't "save them" from their own mistakes.
7. Don't fuss about the quality of their work. Don't fuss if they have baskets of unfolded clothes in their rooms, but -- at the same time -- don't allow their mess to overflow into the rest of the house.
8. If you find clothing left lying about, confiscate it. Make the kids earn those clothes back by doing extra chores.
8. In the beginning, help ease them into their laundry: remind them the night before, "Tomorrow's Tuesday -- your laundry day. Have you sorted your loads? Be sure to start as soon as you get home from school."
9. Decide how you'll handle bed sheets and towels in a common bathroom. Will you keep doing these, or do you expect the kids to take on that washing as well? Personally, I'd lean towards saying, "Johnny has the machines for washing clothes on Monday. Susie has Tuesdays. You each do your own sheets. You alternate doing the bathroom towels on Wednesday." No right /wrong answers -- but do think this through before you pitch the new rules to the kids. Write down the rules and post them in the laundry room.
They're certainly old enough to do their own laundry. My kids started younger than that, and actually enjoyed taking responsibility for doing their own.
I never "enjoyed" laundry. Still don't. But I was completely old enough to take on the task when my mom handed it to me.
The reason why they don’t do their laundry is because it’s just simply more efficient combining different pieces of clothing together that fit in the same cycle. We have our “family” laundry loads not my person.
I accept that washing everyone's jeans together is more cost-efficient; however, it's driving you mad -- and nothing about that is efficient.
You are just being a control freak. Thats how YOU do laundry, but it may not be how they want to do laundry.
NO. The OP is not a control freak -- not if the problem is stressing her out, making her husband complain, and overflowing into the public areas. The kids aren't making conscious decisions about "how they want to do laundry"; they're just doing whatever's easy in the moment.
You're completely unreasonable to say that to her.
From our experience with our kids, they're going to be how they are and there's not a lot you can do about it. I had a very strict approach (literally stand over them and watch them do every single step of their laundry), while DW preferred to try to cajole them into doing it. Neither worked very well. You should just try to reduce your own stress about it as much as you can.
Kids will get away with what they can get away with. The key isn't so much stict vs. lenient; rather, it's consistency in enforcement. Make the rules strict, make the rules lenient - but whatever you say you're going to do, DO IT.
For the purposes of this discussion, I say the OP should set the rules, then refuse to let the kids break them; that is, she should allow them to reap the consequences of laziness -- let them experience having no clean jeans for school. They will clean up their act. Literally.
