Need opinons-daughter going through ugly duckling stage

[missypie]

One more thing...Is the birthmark really noticable, or just to her? If it is a legitimate issue, consider taking her to the dermatologist and having it "zapped" off. Depending on the size, you may be able to have it done for $75-100 dollars.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Assuming that is you in the photograph, you are extremely pretty. Perhaps it is possible that she is trying to measure up to a mum she no doubt sees as very beautiful. I think it really could help if you could show her picture of yourself at her age, and try to find the most awkward ones you can, so she can see with her own eyes that going through the preteen awkward stage doesn't mean much in the long term! She's an adorable little girl and I can't imagine that she is ugly at all! But kids can feel so vulnerable to their peers at that age. It sure is tough being a kid.

Good luck to you! This will pass, but I'm sure it is heartbreaking to go through now. Amazing how much we as parents earn those gray hairs!

 

[Buckalew11]

She IS beautiful!

Some mean girl at school has probably said something. Ugh! I hear your 2 points (see both sides). Just build her up in both areas, I guess. Good luck, I have an almost 12yo and this age is tricky!

 

[Dan Murphy]

It can be so tough at those young, formative ages, Siouxi. I posted this http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1022761 some days back, it rings so true.

'I see your true colors shining through, you ARE beautiful, like a rainbow.'

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I just had another thought.

In the pic, it looks like your daughter has long hair pulled back in a ponytail. If your daughter decides she wants to cut her hair shorter, and if she decides she wants at least 10 inches cut off, she might want to consider donating the hair to a charity which uses real hair to make wigs for kids who need them.

Sometimes doing something to help others can be a great way to gain a little self-esteem. A friend of my daughter's did this, and she got so much recognition from others about doing it, it felt so good for her, she is growing her hair out long again to donate it again.

I didn't include the name of the charity that I know of that does this, because I didn't want to turn this into a solicitation for them, but if you haven't heard of them before and you want their name, let me know, and I'll give it to you.

Good luck.

 

[Sparx]

I had a horrible ugly duckling stage at that age. And to this day I still have low self esteem. I was picked on virtually every day by someone or another. I think its just part of being that age. They're so suspetable(sp) to what everyone around them says. I say let her change some NON PERMINATE things about herself. maybe a 'makeover' at the local mall, or a hair cut. Shes very beautiful and she needs to be told that. Sometimes a compliment is all it takes to put some people into a good mood.

 

[CathrynRose]

The closer summer comes the bigger the knot in my stomach because I know what is coming with my DD.



Don't really have any advice just a .

If that is your daughter in your siggy-pic - she's gorgeous! Absolutely stunning!

 

[Brier Rose]

If that is your daughter in your siggy-pic - she's gorgeous! Absolutely stunning!

Yes, that's her! Thank you very much for the compliment!

 

[siouxi31]

Thank you so much everyone for your tips and words of kindness.
I like the idea of showing her photos of past celebrities. When she complained about her cheeks, the one who came to mind right away was Christy Brinkley. She is beautiful and has a round face which makes her eyes crinkle when she smiles (just like my daughter). I think it will help her identify that these are the years that she feels awkward but will have a lot going for her in the "looks" category as she ages.
I also like the tip that other kids are more worried about how they look than about how someone else looks so she's just being tough on herself. I never really thought of it that way.
Not that anyone has made me feel as if your suggestions were to focus more on beauty (I brought it up first right), but I do get afraid of focusing too much on it. It's so important to her right now. Maybe I shy away from telling her too often that she's a beautiful girl because I don't want her to be shallow. I do tell her, but I think I'll have to say it more often.
You're right about her not believing me though since I'm her mother and I'm supposed to think that she's beautiful.
We didn't do beauty stuff today but we did clean/organize her room, got rid of old clothes to make room for some new ones, and we went to IKEA to pick out a new dresser (we were in the market for one). Hopefully we can pick up the dresser later today.
I tell ya, just to make matters worse, her fish died this morning. She was pretty much of a trooper about it and we gave him a burial at sea (toilet).

 

[Megster]

You could also look into getting her into a sport of some kind. I did horseback riding from when i was about 7 till 17. I know that I always felt so much better about myself when I was riding. Not only was I confident in my body because I was exercising, but I knew that I was good at something and that translated over into every day life. Good luck!

 

[Judy from Boise]

I think that you have recieved some great advice.....but i do think your other track of "get over yourself" is also valuable. I really help my DD maximise her stregnths, minimise her flaws, and also discuss the social implications of put narrow definition of "beauty".....but i also take her to the "World Vision" web site and show her what REAL problems are, and we discuss how rich and blessed she is on her worst day than most of the children of the world.
I think a two pronged approach, when done delicately, can be the best.