Need opinions

[Piecey]

I'm with OP.... people who use terms like that that aren't "correct" bother me.

I have a friend who calls everyone he's close to his 'brothers' and 'sisters'

Drives me nuts, because they're not.

I'm all about using the correct titles.
Until the moment DH and I said "I do" we weren't husband and wife, even though we lived together. Before we were just partners.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Rules people....rules!

While I think the whole argument was just silly the bolded part above stood out to me. If you are so concerned about the sacredness of marriage I find it odd you would live together before marriage.

Yep. I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning.

 

[disneychrista]

I have a friend who calls everyone he's close to his 'brothers' and 'sisters'.

Do they happen to go to Church with these people? My BF calls everyone she goes to church with Brother Frank, Sister Suzy, etc. Not being religous I just think that it is silly but that is here thing not mine.

 

[Piecey]

Do they happen to go to Church with these people? My BF calls everyone she goes to church with Brother Frank, Sister Suzy, etc. Not being religous I just think that it is silly but that is here thing not mine.

Oh heck no. He's the furthest thing from religious I've ever seen.

(I do get the religion, thing, and don't care about that involving brothers/sisters)

 

[declansdad]

Laws for common law relationships vary by province, including what happens on seperation. This couple is a husband and wife in everyway except for the marriage license.

You owe your friend an apology.

 

[disykat]

For some reason people are assuming the OP set out with some sort of agenda to keep unmarried people from buying married people's cards.

I would assume this started out innocently with the OP assuming the friend was looking at a different card since the one I saw was a husband card and she thought her friend was not married. Only then did the debate immerge.

Why do people like to think the worst of people? It's like people sit at home and think "there's this crazy lady on the computer who goes to card stores trying to keep unmarried people from buying married people cards and starting fights with people who try to."

 

[disykat]

Yep. I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning.

How is it hypocritical to not consider yourself or anyone else married until they get married? You are treating yourself and others the same. It would only be hypocritical if she considered herself married before her marriage but not her friend.

 

[Magic Mom]

Why was it so important to you to point out they aren't really husband and wife? If she wants to think that, who cares?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How is it hypocritical to not consider yourself or anyone else married until they get married? You are treating yourself and others the same. It would only be hypocritical if she considered herself married before her marriage but not her friend.

It is hypocritical to talk of the sacredness of marriage and then live together before marriage.

 

[disykat]

It is hypocritical to talk of the sacredness of marriage and then live together before marriage.

Wow. It seems like I'd be the last person to disagree with you since I don't believe in living together before marriage. However, many people do. And many of those see a difference between living together and being married. Even the friend in question must see a difference between being married and living together - why else would she be planning a wedding?

 

[scrump]

I think she should get whatever card she wants. If they consider themselves husband and wife, that would be ok with me.

 

[Liann]

I say let her believe whatever she wants to if it gets her through her day. Why do you feel the need to change her mind or "enlighten" her?

Blow it off, say okie doke and remember you're right- she will do the same

 

[wendyt_ca]

Thank you Disykat you seem to be one of few who actually understand what I am trying to say. I know it is a lengthy and I have added a lot of responses but I am trying to clear up what it was actually about and everyone still thinks it's about the card when it isn't that is just to give a history of where the conversation originated. And I do find living together and marriage completely different. I personally do not think living together has anything to do with the sacredness of marriage. But it isn't sacred if people are saying they are husband/wife when they aren't married yet because then what is marriage at that point? Living together before marriage is a personal decision that is to do with what a person believes in.

 

[crashbb]

Why bother asking for opinions if you really just want everyone to pat you on the back and tell you that you are right? You have an answer for everyone who doesn't agree with you, so why bother?

BTW - even Stats Canada (and the census) refer to people in common law marriages as husband and wife.

http://www.statcan.gc.ca/bsolc/olc-cel/olc-cel?catno=11-008-X19860022436&lang=eng

As do mainstream media (first two articles that came up - I apologise that they are both about violence):

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Crime/2009/01/22/8108336-sun.html

http://www.thestar.com/article/544346

 

[disykat]

This thread has been really interesting.

Prior to reading this, the only people I've ever known or known of who call themselves married that aren't officially married are same sex partners who have made that commitment but are unable to legally marry. Every couple I've known who made the choice to live together without getting married have done so specifically and would have corrected anyone who referred to them as husband/wife regardless of any legal commonlaw business.

I'm really surprised that people think that this is so common that the OP or anyone else should have known better than to call them unmarried - when I've never heard of anyone who wasn't married refer to themselves as married before.

 

[themarquis]

to my knowledge, when it's called "common law marriage" it means one of two things:

1) according to the state/country, you ARE actually married (from a legal perspective, no different than regular marriage) or

2) according to the state/country, you have some kind of legal union that may not be exactly the same as a legal marriage but that gives you certain benefits like a legal marriage would.

Either way, you can call it marriage and you can call the person your spouse or common-law spouse. Legally. (of course, outside of legality, you can call the person you love whatever the heck you want )

I didn't think it was really that complex.

I used to work in health insurance, and we had to do a lot with setting up clients' systems so that "common law" spouses could be recognized as per the legal requirements of the state (often times, legally, they would get the same benefits and be recognized the same way as a "regular" spouse). Of course, this may work differently in Canada.

 

[rie'smom]

STATES THAT RECOGNIZE COMMON LAW MARRIAGE:
Only a few states recognize common law marriages:

Alabama
Colorado
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma (possibly only if created before 11/1/98. Oklahoma's laws and court decisions may be in conflict about whether common law marriages formed in that state after 11/1/98 will be recognized.)
Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
Washington, D.C.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thank you Disykat you seem to be one of few who actually understand what I am trying to say. I know it is a lengthy and I have added a lot of responses but I am trying to clear up what it was actually about and everyone still thinks it's about the card when it isn't that is just to give a history of where the conversation originated. And I do find living together and marriage completely different. I personally do not think living together has anything to do with the sacredness of marriage. But it isn't sacred if people are saying they are husband/wife when they aren't married yet because then what is marriage at that point? Living together before marriage is a personal decision that is to do with what a person believes in.

As I said this girl is competitive and it's not like she has never made rude comments to me and she has made many recently. I got married in June and as soon as she started planning her wedding she started attacking mine (without me even bringing mine up) for example she called my dress plain, my wedding simple, I had a signature frame which she said was overdone, she said my reception hall was bland, my honeymoon (disney world) would have been boring and she has never been to Disney World. She has made rude comments about my husband....so really I think me just correcting her that she is not yet married is pretty mild in comparison to things she has been saying in which I have been ignoring.

Whay ar eyou even friends with her? Are you both vying to be the "right" person? Seriously, if someone was that nasty to me I would write them off. What kind of friend is she anyway? It seems like you are playing tit-for-tat. My advice- move on. You're just not that into each other.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Geez. This is your BEST friend? Who cares if she wants to use the terms "husband" and "wife"? Why does someone have to be "right" here?

 

[NMAmy]

But it isn't sacred if people are saying they are husband/wife when they aren't married yet because then what is marriage at that point? Living together before marriage is a personal decision that is to do with what a person believes in.

It isn't sacred TO YOU. How in the world does it effect your marriage or the "sacredness" of your marriage if another couple refers to each other as husband and wife? It appears as though according to the law, as a common law marriage, they ARE married--just not by an officiant.

And to quote you, surely that would be a "personal decision that is to do with what a person believes in"? Why do you think you get to decide what they call each other instead of your friend and her partner deciding for themselves?

It just seems like a whole lot of drama over nothing.