Need opinions

[Mrs.Toad]

Technically you're right, but who cares? I've heard lots of people refer to long-time partners as husband or wife. I've bought "sister" cards for my best friend, because that's how I feel about her. So what?

 

[wendyt_ca]

Technically you're right, but who cares? I've heard lots of people refer to long-time partners as husband or wife. I've bought "sister" cards for my best friend, because that's how I feel about her. So what?

No I completely agree there. I have bought my best friend sister cards too that I don't see as a big deal at all. And referring to them is kind of different but she is argueing that they are husband/wife which was what she did in her original email she sent. I just didn't want to post a big long convo although that may have made it less confusing lol.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can't even imagine having an argument with someone over something like this.

 

[RadioNate]

is there a who cares option???? I can't believe you had an argument or whatever about this over a card.

Your mad she is using your "wife/husband" title without the actual religious (or civil, I guess) ceremony. Sorry, it just seems so silly to me.

 

[harleyquinn]

Yeah I just noticed how the original post must have been read and it looks like I was saying my relationship was more special now but I was talking about getting a card that says wife on it.
Lol sorry if they actually are husband and wife. not if husband and wife are titles lol

I figured that, but I was an English major and I tend to read things too carefully...well some things!

 

[GJM]

Honestly, who cares. If she considers him her husband, why do you care, and if she wants to get a husband card, why do you care.

 

[wendyt_ca]

I couldn't believe she started argueing about it either. The original conversation was just me telling her about a card I saw that said husband on it and she said she saw the same one and almost bought it and I asked her if it was the same one because this one said husband on it so it wouldn't have been one she would have been getting then she replied with a long message about how they are husband and wife and basically said because they have kids together are more husband and wife then me and my husband. And said they buy each other cards with husband and wife on them all the time. Which is when I replied that we never did until we were married because we weren't husband and wife and it's really special now(the wife cards). I think getting cards that say husband/wife on them whether you are or not is a personal thing. But she is telling me that they are husband and wife.

 

[doxdogy]

Why would you honestly care that she wanted to buy her soon to be husband a husband card? So what if they have lived together for years, but never had the piece of paper that stated someone actually married them? I honestly don't see the point in getting all worked up over it.

 

[crashbb]

You honestly don't see why your friend was upset by you telling her that she shouldn't have thought about buying that card? Obviously, she thinks of her husband as her husband (I'm also in Canada and know many people who refer to their common law partner/husband as husband), or she wouldn't have been looking at a husband card. For you to then tell her that she didn't "qualify" for that card is hugely rude and uncalled for. I don't think that she is one the "started the argument".

 

[phorsenuf]

Ok I know this is completely ridiculous but me and my best friend just got into an arguement. It started with me telling her about a husband card I saw that was funny that I had considered buying for my husband and she saw the same one but didn't get it either. She isn't married yet (she is engaged and getting married next year) so I said that it was a husband card though so she couldn't really get it. She sent back this long email saying how they always buy those cards for each other which is fine and I told her that it's a personal choice some ppl do that when they have been together a long time. They have been together for about 7 years and have 2 kids. But now she is argueing that they are husband and wife because of that and because they are each others netx of kins???? I do not think you are husband and wife until you are actually married. She is saying the government considers them common law husband and wife so they are but it's common law partners. I am going to post part of the convo because she got offended also by something that I do not see as off topic at all. Can I please get opinions on this as dumb as it is.

Me
Yeah we never did until we were married. Cause it's still not husband/wife and it's really special now that we can finally buy those since we are officially. We lived together from the moment we dated but we weren't actually husband and wife. I don't look at the common law thing as husband and wife it takes the sacredness out of marriage.

Her
You also weren't with pat for almost 7 years, and had 2 kids with him. I believe in the common law thing as long as the couple agrees and wants it. I don't think the government should be able to say hey, you have been living together for over a year.... you are now common law husband/wife....more taxes please....lol. I think it should be a persons decision. As for the sacredness of marriage. That is a belief thing. Everyone is different, with different beliefs. I am more of a sacredness of love person.

Me
It doesn`t matter how long I was with Pat that doesn`t make you and Paul any more husband and wife then we would have been since it is after a year and we have been living together for 4. I don`t think that the card thing is to do with sacredness that`s a personal thing but to say you are husband and wife is cause you aren`t, you will be next year but you aren`t yet. Marriage is about love I don`t see a wedding as a big party it`s about becoming married to the person you love which is the most sacred thing in the world when it comes to love.

Her
So you are saying I think that a wedding is a big party? You must or you wouldn't have seen a need to include something so off topic.

Rules people....rules!

While I think the whole argument was just silly the bolded part above stood out to me. If you are so concerned about the sacredness of marriage I find it odd you would live together before marriage.

 

[crashbb]

Rules people....rules!

While I think the whole argument was just silly the bolded part above stood out to me. If you are so concerned about the sacredness of marriage I find it odd you would live together before marriage.

Not only before marriage, but their first date was moving day. Must have been if they lived together from "the moment we dated"

 

[Bluestars]

The entire argument sounds a little silly. If your friend feels like her partner is a husband to her, it doesn't hurt anyone else. Sometimes being more focused on being right can hurt a friendship. I think this is one of those times you could have let it go.

As far as your question, I agree with you. I think marriage makes a husband and wife. But I would never argue with a friend about it who views her partner as a husband. If it makes her happy, let it make her happy.

 

[wendyt_ca]

I am not a religious person so as for living together before marriage I think that's something that should be done because you do not know who a person is until you live with them. But I think marriage is something very sacred. I think if ppl are going to say that anyone is husband and wife then it is taking away from what the point of getting married is which is to officially become husband/wife with the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life together. As for when me and my husband lived together you have no right to attack me for that. I don't care about the card which I have said multiple times in this post and to her that is something is a personal choice I just found by not doing it, the cards I get now that say wife are more special to me then if I had been getting them all along. If she feels like he is like a husband to her is one thing (which I doubt she does seeing as she was going to leave him 6 mths ago and then told him a couple of mths ago she wants to get married because she wants attention for the next couple of years and wants to have a wedding so she can get attention then I doubt it). You have to know her to understand this.

People may feel like husband and wife but to say they are husband and wife is something different. As for us living together we had been good friends for 6 years and I went through a very bad breakup and needed a place to stay so he let me stay with him and things developed from there and I certainly don't think I should be attacked on here because of when I moved in with my husband!

And I did not tell my friend she shouldn't have bought a card she didn't even buy the card I thought she was looking at a different card because I figured she wouldn't be looking at the husband ones I never told her she shouldn't buy the card. She then sent me a long email saying that they are husband and wife and that they are more husband and wife then me and my husband because they have a child together. Meanwhile her and her fiance barely want to be with each other and she is always talking about wanting to leave him and how she doesn't think she loves him and now suddenly changes to this when she is only saying it to compete because now I am married (she competes with everything). I don't know how I started it by asking her if she was looking at the same card because this was a husband card. And I don't think she doesn't "qualify" for the card I told her that was something that is a personal choice. I deleted most of the card conversation out of the convo I posted because it isn't about the card which I posted many times, it isn't about how important the relationship is, it isn't about them bein considered common law, it isn't about them feeling like husband and wife. I was simply asking is someone actually husband and wife if they have not gotten married not like husband and wife actually husband and wife.....I feel like a mother to my cat but I am not actually a mother or the cats mother same idea.

The only reason it became an argument because the email she sent me before my first response was saying that they were more like husband/wife because they have kids together and me and DH don't. And that was all because I asked her if she was sure it was the same card cause it was a husband card so she wouldn't have been buying that one(and I made this comment with nothing intended it was just my natural response I never thought of her buying it anyway) When she said they did I didn't care I only argued because she said they are actually husband/wife and said they are more husband/wife then me and my husband. Me and my husband we like husband/wife before getting married but I never said we were because we weren't.

Sorry for the long response but I did not post this originally to be so outright attacked, some ppl were just giving their opinion like I asked and that is fine and I thank you for that but a couple were attacking for example attacking when I moved in with my husband which is completely irrelevant...

 

[crashbb]

Ok I know this is completely ridiculous but me and my best friend just got into an arguement. It started with me telling her about a husband card I saw that was funny that I had considered buying for my husband and she saw the same one but didn't get it either. She isn't married yet (she is engaged and getting married next year) so I said that it was a husband card though so she couldn't really get it.

How is this (the bolded bit) different from saying that she shouldn't have bought the card (which you keep stating you didn't think or say)?

 

[wendyt_ca]

How is this (the bolded bit) different from saying that she shouldn't have bought the card (which you keep stating you didn't think or say)?

When I typed it to her I said she wouldn't I didn't say couldn't. I was trying to sum up what I said on here and didn't remember word for word but when I checked my emails I said wouldn't. It was a typo when I typed couldn't on here. And she never actually bought the card she looked at the card. She didn't buy a card that said husband at all I was just telling her about one I saw that I thought was funny.

 

[lulugirl]

My opinion is that you owe your friend an apology.

 

[crashbb]

Never mind. The OP is going to change her mind and I cannot be bothered to read any more of the posts.

 

[disykat]

I'm with you OP. I would have just assumed she wouldn't be getting him a "husband" card and would've been surprised that she got all offended about it.

If he's already her husband, why are they getting married?
I'm thinking one way or the other you may be out of a gift obligation.

 

[wendyt_ca]

I'm with you OP. I would have just assumed she wouldn't be getting him a "husband" card and would've been surprised that she got all offended about it.

If he's already her husband, why are they getting married?
I'm thinking one way or the other you may be out of a gift obligation.

Lol thank you that was exactly it I just assumed she wouldn't and was surprised she got offended. At the time I just didn't think of how some ppl do still buy these whether married or not.

Lol well exactly since she apparently doesn't see a wedding as a party and they are already husband/wife so I am not sure what it is.

 

[rie'smom]

It is very hard to comment to a thread that has bits and pieces and add ons as it progresses.
Bottom line, who cares if they call each other husband and wife? My BIL and his boyfriend call each other husband and they're not married in the traditional sense but who the heck cares? If it makes them happy and you care about them, let it go.