Need opinions from parents of teens

[Jeafl]

My daughter is going to the prom May 6 with her boyfriend of 14 months. He is a fantastic kid and we trust him and her completely.

Here is the problem. Apparently, it is tradition here that there is a co-ed sleepover after prom. It would appear that everyone they know will be going to be spending the night at one friend's house. The parents will be home, the boys will be one floor and the girls on another floor (supposedly). My husband is dead set against this, and I tend to agree with him. Is this really as common as they tell us it is? She is my oldest and all of this is new to me.

Also, she said she would be willing to have the sleepover here instead so that WE can supervise if that makes us feel better. One major problem with this is that I am deathly afraid someone would smuggle alcohol in and there could be problems. Six weeks ago an ex boyfriend and another friend of my daughters were killed as a result of having a couple of beers at a party. The people who hosted that party are now in jail on $3 million bond. I do NOT want to ever take a chance of anything like that happening again to the students or to us for that matter.

What is the current protocol for all of this? There is no school sponsored post prom party at all, although all students will be bused to and from the actual dance. Am I just paranoid?

 

[LindsayDunn228]

You are not paranoid. Don't do it. Sounds like a train wreck in progress.

 

[ozarkmom]

I wouldn't let my daughter or son go either. I don't believe in these co-ed sleepovers like these kids need anymore opportunities and ideas. I keep seeing things on tv and in advice columns about these co-ed sleepovers and to the best of my knowledge it's not going on here. Now don't get me wrong I'm fully aware that we have underage drinking, sex and all of the other things that are going on everywhere else I just have not heard of any parent supervised co-ed sleepovers. On a side note when one of my boys was 11 or 12 two of his friends were renting our church family life center for a birthday party/sleepover there was probably 30 -40 kids and one of the moms decided to make it a coed sleepover the rest of us said have all of the kids until 8:00 and then have the girls go home no it'll be fine and several moms are staying too. Well some of the moms who stayed said it was a nightmare. They caught one little girl (12) showing her bra to some boys in one of the classes, a couple were caught kissing now these are 12 yr. olds can you imagine 16-18 yr. olds?

 

[lulugirl]

I don't think you are paranoid at all, just a concerned parent.
I would talk w/ the other girls parents (the hosts) before making a decision. If you are still uncomfortable w/ it have Dd make other plans.

 

[janette]

One of my niece's went to an all night party after prom. My great-niece arrived 9mths later. I don't think my girls will be going. Too many emotions and teen angst in those situations.

I think I'd be okay for the limo ride with friends type stuff but they need to come home after.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I do not believe in co-ed sleepovers. It's been clear to my kids from an early age and is actually a joke in the family. They have told me before that they are going to sleep at a co-ed sleepover and then start laughing, knowing that I won't allow it. I may trust the kids, but I do NOT trust teenage hormones, plain and simple. I've told my kids that they should not put themselves into situations where they will be tempted to do things that they might regret, whether it be alcohol and other drugs or sex.

 

[EthansMom]

I don't see any reason to have co-ed sleepovers for teens. It seems like there's just too much room for trouble.

Would you be willing to have an after-prom party at your house? We did that my senior year. My friend's Mom bought a whole lot of supplies and had lots of kids over for a "Make Your Own Sundae" party. We ate ice cream, had fun, and wound down from prom, then went home after a couple hours. I would do something like that in a heartbeat, if it were me.

Another option might be to let your daughter go to the sleepover for an hour or two after prom and then have her come home.

 

[Stephanie218]

We did coed sleepovers both jr. and senior prom. Jr year I had only been dating my date for around 2 months, so I wasn't allowed to sleep over since my parents didn't know any of his friends. I hung out till around 2 and then went home. Senior year, I had been dating my date (different guy) for almost a year, and the sleepover was at my mom's friend's house that she knew from church. The parents took everyone's keys and we had a pretty good time, safely.

Do your daughter's friends drink a lot? That would probably affect my advice on your answer.

 

[froglady]

They have been going on here for about 15 years. I've even had discussions where a mom was defending them, and was planning on having one for her son.

I spoke about it with my daughter (she was only 12 at the time) so she knew that there was no use in even asking me when the time came. If it were up to her dad, she probably wouldn't even have been allowed to go on a date.

Unless there are enough parents (at least a 1:6 ratio) who are willing to stay awake all night and make rounds every 10-20 minutes, no way is DS (13) going to be allowed to go to one when he's prom age.

 

[Jeafl]

One of my niece's went to an all night party after prom. My great-niece arrived 9mths later.

Dear God. That might just be the wakeup call I needed!

My daughter and her boyfriend do not drink, they are both very against it because they are both hard core athletes and do not want to risk getting kicked off their teams. BUT, they are very upfront that a lot of their friends have been known to drink.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

I'm going to be the complete opposite opinion here . . .and believe me, I am not as easy going as this is going to sound . . .

My DD is going to Junior Prom May 6th with her boyfriend and 3 other couples who will be sharing a limo. After the prom, they are going to my DD's friend's beach house where the parents will be there. The next day they are all going to a local amusement park. I've already spoken to DD friend's mom and asked about a ton of questions and I feel totally comfortable with DD keeping her plans.

My DD is trustworthy and doesn't engage in drinking activities. I know they will be supervised.

I rather have it this way, rather than what I did for prom. My boyfriend, (who is now my DH) and I rented a hotel room. I never told my parents. I'd much rather know where my DD is, than wonder if she was doing the same thing I did.

I say if you talk to the parent who is holding the sleepover and if you trust your daughter completely, then let her go.

 

[Muffy]

I'm against coed sleepovers. I think your concern is right on target. My DD will be coming HOME after the prom.

 

[Disney Doll]

My niece and nephew went to them after thier proms a few years back (they are in college now) and they did fine. But my DSIL knew the parents very well and knew the father would be up literally all night. The boys slept on the first floor of the house, the girls slept on the second floor and I think the father slept on the stairs in between the 2 floors!!!!!!!

 

[vettechick99]

I did this in high school (13 years ago). My junior year it was a group thing, then my senior year my boyfriend and I (later my first husband) camped out in the living room at his parent's house. Did we mess around? Of course! Try and stop two teenagers from making out.

I should also mention that my parents were pretty strict. I couldn't be alone in my own house with a boyfriend. I knew not to even try. They were ok with all this..I never lied about my whereabouts.

Now I'd never say any parent has to do anything, and I'm not saying your child will be having sex, but at least this way they're supervised and they aren't on the road. If you've already taught your daughter about abstinence and/or safe sex, and know the other boys and girls, I don't think you have much to worry about.

JMO.

 

[Megster]

I'm not sure if this is a senior prom or junior prom, but this is my opinion. After my senior prom my mom let me go with about 10 of my closest friends to a condo that we had rented for two nights. It was coed. Nothing bad happened, no one had a kid 9 months later. Sometimes I wonder how I convinced her to let me go, but I can say that that was probably the best memory of I high school that I have. I think that if all of my friends had gone and I wasn't allowed to I would have been devistated. In my area though this is what most kids do; chip in and rent a house or condo. Our school doesn't sponsor an after prom party so that also is part of why going away is a popular choice.
In the end though its your child that you have to protect. If you don't feel comfortable then just say no. She will live, I promise.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

My junior prom we did this...After prom, we all went to my house (i think it was about 7 guys and 7 girls) and some of the parents brought over desserts and stuff like that...my parents stayed home the entire time,,,most of us werent dating, just have been friends for awhile..we just watched movies til 3 or 4 in the morning then brought down a ton of blankets and pillows and went to sleep--there was no alcohol at all--we had a blast!

 

[janette]

Just wanted to add, that baby is now 15yo. Her mom is very strict, it's been interesting to see her turn from wild child to a responsible parent. She tends to be stricter with her girls than I am with mine and they are about the same age.

They were staying in a hotel with friends, I think a situation where you know there is supervision would be different like the ones that went to a theme park the next day. Really depends on the situation and probably how well you know the hosting parents.

 

[sue1013]

You need to be comfortable with whatever decision you make. I will tell you that the tradition around here is everyone goes down the shore for the weekend after prom. It's been that way since I was in school way back in the early 70's, maybe even before. Both my kids did the same after both junior and senior prom. My kids had a good group of friends I didn't have any problem with it neither did my parents.

 

[mamajoan]

As a mom who has been thru this several times and with one teen left to go I shall tell you how we handled the Prom thing.

I let the kids spend the night at our house after eldest son's proms. 8 kids max. I took the car keys, spoke to the parents, made breakfast and snacks for the kids. It was appreciated by all parents/kids. The first year it was just the guys. The second year it was a couple of girls and the guys.
You know what they did when they got to our house? Put on sweats, ate junk food, watch video's til early in the morning... and Laughed.. and Laughed and Laughed. Did they make out on my couch?.. ya.. but we kept checking on them.. I was exhausted the next day.. but I still remember their laughter.


They had wanted to rent a suite at a hotel... "all the other kids do it"... and I was the evil mom who said no way.. so our house was second choice for them... but it worked out well for everyone. My house, My control issues.. LOL

Now.. I have to tell you my kids are absolutely NOT angels.. hec, some of the things they have done scare the bejeebers outta me.

 

[va32h]

When did an end of the year dance turn into a 48 hour party extravanganza?

The whole prom thing has gotten completely out of control, IMO. Not just the all night parties, hotel rooms and sleepovers, but the limos, spa days, thousand dollar gowns and expensive restaurants.

I gotta say - at my prom, we went to the dance, had a great time, and came home. It seemed much more "magical" to kiss my date goodnight at the door, when we were still dressed up and starry-eyed than my friends, who said goodbye to their dates the next morning, bleary-eyed, hungover, and in their rumpled, slept-in tuxedos.

If you aren't comfortable with the coed sleepover, by all means say no. I certainly would. Teenagers aren't going to be ruined for life if they can't have a sleepover on prom night. It might seem like the end of the world at the time, but they have their whole lives to have all-night fun with their friends.

When they are adults.