Need opinions from parents of teens

[Wishing on a star]

I see both sides of this.

How old is your daughter?

If she is a Junior or younger, then I would definately not want to be too permissive.

However, if this is an 18 year old senior, (or will be 18 all too soon) then I think that it becomes counter-productive to control them like a child. If this is what all the friends are doing, and it is somewhat supervised, then I would hate to make it a big control issue. Goodness gracious, are parents supposed to follow their kids to college and see that they are tucked back in by midnight??????

This has nothing to do with 'extravaganza' or $1,000.00 gowns. This is not just any old weekend, where this kind of thing would probably not be allowed.. It is a once in a lifetime event. Celebrating all into the night is commonplace now. Kids these days are very comfortable in their own skin, and have no problem with the rumpled morning-after look.

Yep, there are many kids who will be renting the hotel rooms, large vacation condo/houses, unchaperoned, drinking, and worse.
This is what would be the problem, not just the fact that it is an over-night.

Heck, don't churches have teen lock-ins?

If this is a senior who is becoming an adult, then there comes a time where we have to let go.

There has to be some middle ground here between complete permissiveness and trying to lock them in their rooms wearing chastity belts!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

If you want her home, have her home. You are still in charge, she's still under your roof...entirely your decision.

But in a manner of months she'll be off to college, right? She's going to be all on her own, doing whatever she wants. You might let her go and see what happens. Consider it a trial run.

 

[antmaril]

Nope, wouldn't allow it. There are so many things that can go wrong, it just isn't worth the risk.

 

[aprilgail2]

IHeck, don't churches have teen lock-ins?

What the heck is a teen lock in?? I have never heard of that.
If it is the senior prom then I don't see what the big deal is...these kids will be goign awayto college 2 months after that and unless mommy and daddy are going to go sleep in their dorm with them they had better start loosening up the strings on these kids and letting them learn to make the right decisions on their own.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I agree with those who say it's your decision. There are pros and cons, but I'd rather have my DD at a supervised party than renting a condo or hotel room.

I allowed my DD to go to a friend's house for a coed sleepover after the prom. Before the prom (during the picture-taking extravaganza), all the parents got together and set the ground rules, and made clear what was expected of all parties involved, including the supervising parents. Keys were confiscated, cars locked, bodies and bags checked for contraband liquor, etc. Perfectly safe, and although no sleep was gotten that night (parents or teens), no babies arrived 9 months later.

By the time they're upper teens, you've already (I hope) pounded your values into their heads, and they'll either behave, or they won't. All you can do is your best. Plenty of kids get knocked up on nights other than the prom, remember. Apply your values to this night as you would any other night.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I haven't been involved with church kids and teen activities lately. I do not know if this is common anymore? But when I was a teen I can remember our Church having what they called a Lock-in. It is an overnight, mini-camp, type affair. Food, drinks, movies, music, activities, etc...

I know my son's scout district had an overnight scout Lock-in not too long ago.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

Nope, wouldn't allow it. There are so many things that can go wrong, it just isn't worth the risk.

There's things that can go wrong in all aspects of a child's life. Would you have them forgo the privilege of a driver's license? Car crashes kill more kids than after-prom coed parties. Of all the reasons to forbid attendance, I'd have to give the least credence to this one.

 

[Wishing on a star]

There's things that can go wrong in all aspects of a child's life. Would you have them forgo the privilege of a driver's license? Car crashes kill more kids than after-prom coed parties. Of all the reasons to forbid attendance, I'd have to give the least credence to this one.

ITA

That post cracked me up...
Lock 'em up in their rooms wearing chastity belts, I tell ya...

 

[va32h]

This is not just any old weekend, where this kind of thing would probably not be allowed.. It is a once in a lifetime event. Celebrating all into the night is commonplace now.

I know it's commonplace. I just think it's silly to make a high school dance into a once-in-a-lifetime event.

I am not obsessively worried about my kids having sex as teens. I'm not going to lock them up with chastity belts or follow them to college. But I do want them to grow up having a sense of perspective, and a little humbleness. I'm not anti-fun. I just don't think people need to party for 24-48 hours in order to have fun.

And I sure as heck hope that my kids grow up to have far more significant once-in-a-lifetime events than a party.

 

[Banzai]

It happened at my school around prom and homecomming. I've slept over girls houses before, nothing happened...and it was a ton of people at a graduation party. Also, after prom there is normally college. I don't know how many times I've crashed in different girls rooms, or they've crashed with me and my roomie.

It is totally your choice, but I don't see the big deal, personally (and I am class of 05.) My mother may feel the oppsosite way however

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Okay, I haven't been involved with church kids and teen activities lately. I do not know if this is common anymore? But when I was a teen I can remember our Church having what they called a Lock-in. It is an overnight, mini-camp, type affair. Food, drinks, movies, music, activities, etc...

Ditto when I was a kid. BUT we had adults sitting there with us at all times, not asleep somewhere like these parents are likely to be.

 

[disneylizzy]

As a mom who has made it thru 2 senior proms (DS & DD) and lived to tell about it, only you know your child and his/her group of friends. I would draw the line at a hotel room, but both my kids spent prom night at friend's houses with boys & girls (with the parents present) and had an absolute blast.

It IS an important time in their lives. They will be leaving for college at the end of the summer and this is really the last time they will be with this particular group of friends, all together, making memories that will last their whole lives. Its not about expensive dresses, limos, etc., although that's fun. Its about their FRIENDS.

As a mom, you have to talk to them about your expectations and your worries. Like I said, I think you get a sense of the group of kids and if you know the other parents and talk to them that can go a long way to help alleviate fears. I can't tell you what to do, but it is possible that a group of senior boys and girls can stay up all night, eat a ton of food (one Italian mom went completely overboard with the goodies), laugh, dance, party, take tons of pictures and not do drugs or have sex.

Good luck, whatever you decide. If you think prom season is tough, wait til you have to drive away after leaving them at college!!

 

[azgal81]

If you trust your daughter why not let her go?? I mean what is the worst that could happen. Alcohol your said she doesn't drink so you don't have to worry about that. A kid in nine months?? If they wanted to do that they would do that regardless if you let her go to the coed sleepover or not.

Honestly I think they are harmless. Normally they are just a bunch of friends sitting around having fun and watching movies!

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree that you need to be comfortable about whatever decision you make.

The co-ed sleep overs after prom are common here. With my DD, their group all split up and the guys went to one house and the girls all went to another house. But, most of the couples went as friends and not as dates (including my DD). I think only 2 couples of the group were actual 'couples'. So, they really weren't pushing the issue of all being at one home, kwim?

I think what sounds like a good compromise, for you, would be hosting the party. Take their keys and let it be known that you will check on them randomly. And then have designated sleeping arrangements that you feel comfortable with. I would have no issue with having my DD and her friends here and I would make it clear that if anyone disrespected the rules of my family/home, I would not hesitate to call their parents (or the police if necessary) immediately, no matter what time of night it was.

That is what I would do. I would have no problem hosting such an event, it just never came up with my DD. I also would have no problem with my DD going to another home under the same circumstances, as long as I trusted the parents and they had the same idea of supervision.

I would have no issue with having my DD and her friends here and I would make it clear that if anyone disrespected the rules of my family/home, I would not hesitate to call their parents (or the police if necessary) immediately, no matter what time of night it was.

It sounds like you have done a good job raising your DD!

 

[Carys]

Trust your own judgement - there are good reasons for and against, but only you know the people your daughter associates with and that's a big key here.

I'm 24 - here sex is legal at 16, drinking at 18. It's unusual to Not go to what we'd call an 'afterball', than it is to go. The ones I went to had some level of alcohol, were coed without any seggregation of sleeping areas, and the sky didn't fall down. We had a good time, didn't have 'That' good a time (because it's not very respectful to your friends here to use their home for those kinds of activities) and went home the next day with happy memories.

I'm not saying all functions are like that - what it really comes down to is your daughter's personality, and the personality of the crowd she rolls with. The way they've behaved in the past (as previous behavior is the best predictor of future behavior) and your gut feeling - I think those will be enough to stand you in good stead.

Good on you for caring so much about your daughter that you're both wanting to keep her safe from the world and trying to give her the best experiences that life can offer. She's very lucky And I hope whatever you decide, she has a fabulous time.

 

[ceiligh1]

Okay, I haven't been involved with church kids and teen activities lately. I do not know if this is common anymore? But when I was a teen I can remember our Church having what they called a Lock-in. It is an overnight, mini-camp, type affair. Food, drinks, movies, music, activities, etc...

QUOTE]
My church had lock-ins. I think it depends on the church how well supervised they are. THe grownups would go to sleep around and we were on our own all over the church the rest of the night. No rules were everl laid out. Nothing bad happened to any of the kids while at the lock in or after. We were all friends, some of my best memories of growing up are of those nights. We would pull our sleeping bags together and tell stories, or play reverse hide and seek in the dark. Not to say it was all innocent, plenty of otherstuff went on, but nothing hard core. However family camp, that is when all the kids snuck out of the cabins and got drunk. I always found that funny.

TO the OP, I would talk with your kids, it really comes down to do you trust your kids and their SO or not. If you do then you have nothing to worry about, if not then maybe it wouldnt be such a good idea. If this is the senior prom then remember they will be leaving for college soon, a place without any rules. A trial run on a coed party might be a good idea so they can learn how to handle themselves and think about their actions before they go to a party/sleepover without parental suppervision.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

I didnt allow my DD who is almost 20 go to one when she graduated and I wont be letting my DS go next month when he graduates.
My DD was mad at first but now she sees why I didnt let her . I trust both my kids but it is not them I worry about : )

 

[2nd childhood]

I really feel you should follow your first instinct on this. If you feel uncomfortable with the idea then it's probably wise to say no. I would rather be the "mean uncool mom" than the one who stays up all night worrying if she did the right thing by allowing her to go.

 

[disykat]

Prom night - no way! However, I don't really have a problem with well supervised all night grad parties. IMO, prom is a date - meaning a curfew will be enforced.

 

[shortbun]

One question. Why IS this necessary? Our parents sponsored an all night "after prom" party at a hotel. We had to stay once we got there or a parent had to pick us up. We had gambling tables, great food, an auction, more dancing and lots of fun. No one needed to say they'd been to a co-ed "sleepover." My kid's not doing it. If Dad's feel they need to sleep on the steps between boys and girls-why the heck don't these parent realize they've made a mistake and say-nevermind, girls only. I mean really-don't they realize there are windows and sneaky kids there? Good grief, my friends were climbing in and out windows in the 60's, I'm sure kids today have that one figured out.