Need ideas about dealing with "Christian only request"

[CarolA]

I am working on this idea, but wanted some suggestions...

I am a Girl Scout Volunteer and we are taking a group to Europe next June.

One girl is having trouble with her parents since they are worried that she will not be on a Christian only trip. (I have no idea what the religious preference of the other 7 girls is?) I do know that we will be staying at Girl Scout Girl Guide centers in London and Swizterland and a hostel in Paris. I somehow doubt that everyone we will meet will be Christian.

I am going to have to talk to the girls parents and to be honest I have a feeling I am going to flunk their test and the girl won't get to go. I am an Episcopalian and I have this feeling the parents won't think that is "Christian" enough. (See the gay Bishop and female priests issues)

So... any suggestions on what to say to these parents? This girl really wants to go so I feel very bad, but I can't promise the parents that I can control everything she sees.

I dealt with this before and a mother refused to let me take her daughter to Miami Beach since I could not assure her that all resturants we ate in would not be licensed to serve drinks. (NOTE: I don't let the girls drink and would NOT drink in front of a girl, but I don't care what the rest of the resturant is doing!)

These girls are in high school so.... if they haven't learned what their parents wanted to teach them by now....

 

[Disney Doll]

I think you need to answer the questions honestly and to the best of your ability and let the parents explain to their high school aged child why she will not be going on the trip.

The pray for the girl, because when she goes to college and is out from under these ridiculously overprotective wings, she's gonna go wild!

 

[grinningghost]

I think it's sad that a parent would keep their child from visiting such wonderful places because of religious differences.

We don't practice a specific religion in our home and it has, over the years, caused a few problems, but in general, my daughter has been accepted by all of her friends' parents, despite this. I'm thankful for that.

We really need to teach our kids tolerance of everyone, because in real life, that's what they'll encounter.

I wish you luck.

 

[KathyTX]

If you're dealing with bigoted closed minds, I don't think there's a whole lot you can do. And I don't think you should let it bother you, either.

I would simply answer their questions honestly, and make no apologies.

Simply explain what you've said here: you do not know the religious affiliations of the other girls traveling with you, and you expect to encounter people from many different backgrounds on your travels. Then they need to make their own decision.

You won't change their minds, and attempting to will most likely only result in frustration for you.

 

[Beth76]

If the parents are that close-minded I doubt there's anything you can say to them that would change their minds. It's very sad and I feel so sorry for the girl. And, boy, are those parents going to be in for a rude awakening when their daughter becomes an adult.

 

[CarolA]

Thanks everyone. You are validating what I thought.

The worst part is that I am going to have to push them to make a decision. They have been praying about it for over a month and I have another girl on the standby list. I need them to decide what the response to the prayer is and to be honest I don't think I can afford to wait much longer. We are doing fund raising and her non-participation is not fair to the other girls who are out washing cars and doing yard sales.

(And I feel bad since I guess if you are really waiting on a sign from God, he might not be on my timetable.)

The last time this happened the girl moved out at 18 and NEVER went back. Last I heard she had not gone home in two years. (Her parents would not assist her with college since they could not afford the private college and did not want her exposed to "heathens" at the state school. YIKES!)

 

[ripleysmom]

I would also remind them that being a Christian is not a requirement for being a girl scout.

 

[ptcruisermom]

I would be honest and tell them that you don't know what the religious affliations of the other giiiirls are and it not really anyone else's business. They need to make a decision now if she can go-it is not fair to the other girls who are doing the fund raising or to the girl on the waiting llist-she needs to know so she and her parents can plan. To me they are not being very Christian like after all we are all God's children. I am Catholic and to me it doesn't matter what religion someone is as long as you are sincere in your beliefs, I worked with a Baptst and she was always tring to push her church and beliefs on me, and making comments about Catholics. I finally had to tellher you belllieve what you believe and I'll believe what I believe, if I want to change religions then I will ask you about yours but quit trying to push it on me. We got along great after that and still get a Christmas card from her.

 

[Grog]

The pray for the girl, because when she goes to college and is out from under these ridiculously overprotective wings, she's gonna go wild!

I know a girl that was like this. Her parents were overly strict and protective to the extreme. When she finally left home she could have been the poster girl for "Girls Gone Wild". It took her about five or six years to "calm down" and knowing what I do about her, I can say that she's lucky she didn't end up dead before she got it out of her system.

 

[eeyore45]

I was a girl scout thru college, and am currently affliated with the Boy Scouts, and religion is a part of the Boy Scouts. As is diversity. You may have to have a discussion with these parents, if you are going to be responsible for thier daughter, and this is their attitude, please try and protect yourself. What if you have to make a critical descion, will they be supportive, or will they criticize and demand explanations, maybe nothing you do will be to their satisfaction, and they may use their religion as a crutch (not the right word, I'm sorry)

I have seen all kinds of horrors so I just caution you to protect yourself first. Have an open dialogue, and see where there fears and concerns are, get them to talk about it, and you may be ok, or you may be better off with out them....

Dr Timothy Johnson from Good Morning America has just put out a great book and has talked about his experiences, he likes to say he is a follower of Jesus, and that organized religions have major problems, but he finds like followers in a church...

Also, I'm familiar with the Amish/Mennonite, and they are very protective of their religion/ church...

 

[arminnie]

I think I'm about as Christian as one can be, but my very, very best friend in the whole world is Jewish. I'm very close to her entire family, and she is to mine. She and I are both very active in our faith and don't feel like being with someone of a different faith is "contaminating." Another close friend is married to a Muslim from Iran who is one of the kindest and nicest men I've ever known.

I think it's very, very sad when someone misuses the work "Christian" when they mean something like cleancut and wholesome.

 

[Laura]

Poor girl; not to be able to go to Europe because there are non-Christians in the world? Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to go to these places. How sad. (And I thought my parents were overprotective when I was a kid.) I don't know this girl's age, but they can't keep her "protected" for much longer. You can't keep your kids in a bubble like that, it's not right. And I'm sure there are many non-Christians in Nashville; I wonder if they'll let her leave the house alone.

CarolA, I too hope you can resolve this soon so the girl in question isn't left hanging any longer. I think the other posters have given great advice; I agree with ptcruisermom that the religions of the other girls aren't anyone's business.

 

[sk!mom]

I would just be very honest with them. There is absolutely no way that you can be sure that she will only be surrounded by Christians on this trip. While I would feel very sorry for the young girl who will most likely not be able to go on the trip, I would be reluctant to take on the responsibility of taking her. There is no way that you can shield her.

I would offer a personal example- My DH and I were in Paris two summers ago. On our first afternoon, we went out walking the city. To our delight we stumbled upon a Gay Pride Parade. We enjoyed this unexpected celebration that added even more excitement to our first day. I have a feeling though that this young ladies parents would not have the same view of this situation. They would probably blame you for allowing her to experience something that is against their beliefs.

The beauty of a trip like this is to meet many different people and experience the many customs in our world. That is precisely what her parents want to avoid.

 

[jimmiej]

The worst part is that I am going to have to push them to make a decision. They have been praying about it for over a month and I have another girl on the standby list. I need them to decide what the response to the prayer is and to be honest I don't think I can afford to wait much longer. We are doing fund raising and her non-participation is not fair to the other girls who are out washing cars and doing yard sales.

Be upfront & honest with them about the time frame & other issues. Give them as clear a picture as you can about what will take place. And then...

Respect their decision. I know you will & don't mean to imply otherwise. I guess I'm saying don't judge their decision as right or wrong. They obviously take their religion quite seriously. It is their daughter & until she is eighteen, they're in charge. I'm not saying I would agree with not letting the girl go. But it is their child.

While DW & I haven't gone to this length, we do not allow our children to go certain places we deem unacceptable for Christians. Other parents in our own church may allow their kids to go, but we try to make the best decision we can for our family based on our beliefs.

It bothers me that so many of you bash the parents for their decision. Just MHO.

 

[bumcat]

It's probably just an excuse to use. They are probably afraid to "let go" especially if they have always controlled all her moves in life which is so non christian to do to a child...
You can probably talk to them until you're blue in the face and it still is not going to matter so why bother

 

[DebbieB]

I went on a trip sponsored by a Catholic Church when I was 15 to Wildwood NJ and New York City (mid 1970's). Believe me, it was the most unchristian trip you ever wanted to see! Boys got caught drinking in the hotel basement in NYC, one of the young adult male chaparones was sleeping with one of the 16 year old girls - her roommates could not get in the room, my chaparone got drunk on wine one afternoon and we ended up in Times Square buying an adult magazine (she wasn't much older than us, probably early 20's), my parents were upset when I got home and told them we went to see "Once is not Enough" which was R rated. Being surrounding by Christians does not guarantee a "Christian trip". Hopefully they have raised their daughter to handle it.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

I agree that you need to protect your own interests, as well as the interests of all the rest of the girls who will be going on the trip. It is your job to see that all the girls are safe and in a environment suitable for young girls, but you can't possibly predict exactly what they will see and experience at every moment. Isn't that part of the fun of travel? As an example, how sad it would be if you have to shepherd them all away from an interesting conversation with a Hindu girl in London, because one set of parents might find that inappropriate. Spending all your time worrying about the possibility that one girl might be exposed to something her parents might not approve of could ruin your trip, not to mention limiting the fun for all the other girls. Perhaps if this girl's parents have the money to send their daughter on this trip, but decide not to because you cannot realistically make a promise to honor their request, they might want to take their daughter to Europe themselves. That way she could at least have the fun of traveling, even if she couldn't go with her friends.

 

[LScot]

I hate that she will probably not be able to go for her sake BUT

I really believe you, as a chaperone, will be better off if she stays home.

 

[shortbun]

Gosh, this IS a tough one. I really think your responsibility is
to ALL the girls and to focus so much energy on this one when
her parents seem to be giving it all of theirs is probably
not efficient. Call them and tell them it's time to decide. This is
just NOT about you. This young woman will have to resolve these
issues for herself and if she's in high school, she's old enough
to start now. I don't mean to be harsh and you are such a kind
and considerate person but to these people, that means nothing,
Their issues are much deeper than who you are. Good luck and
now that you can not be all things to all people.
Have a great trip!

 

[WDWHound]

I woud set a deadline. Tell them that if you don't have a decision by X date, you will be forced to give her spot to the the first person on the stand-by list.