Need advise w/8yo DS - school problems

[cart-mom]

Let me just start by saying that up until this year (3rd grade) he has always gotten very good grades - usually O & VG (A's & B's) in every subject. This year has been sooo different. His teacher has sent notes home 4 times already because he's not completing assignments and has his head on his desk ALL the time. DH met with her tonight and she is concerned because it takes him a while to get his thoughts/stories out, slouches in his chair and seems disinterested. She's worried that he may be slow. He knows the work he's given and just has to look at a spelling list once and can spell every word on it. How can he be slow? He studied with DH for a science test and got 6 or 7 wrong (marked a U).
Has anyone else had problems like this before? How did you deal with it? Should I try to tutor him? My problem is that I have 3 other kids (5,3 & 15mos) and I try my best to divide my time fairly & evenly but it's not easy.

Please help! Thanks.

 

[aunt lissa]

I had the same exact problem w/ my dd 8 this year!! Always an A & B honor roll student! This year everything changed. Her teacher says she isn't completing her work and dazes all the time. Everyone seems to believe she is still having trouble dealing w/ my Moms passing! Well I fixed it, I didn't like the school much anyway, so I took her out. We are now home schooling. This remark is in no way to start a debate on whether or not you should home school your children. It is what I felt was best for my dd so that is what I did. She is doing much better now. Personally the teacher had 30 other students to deal w/ and she had the smallest 3rd grade class. So I did what I felt was best for her. Maybe it's something about 3rd grade!!

 

[wdwnutze]

If they think that he is "slow" I would request complete testing to find out if there is something going on academically. Also, is there anything that has gone on at home(death, divorce, etc) that might be contributing to this? Good luck! It's not easy.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

cart-mom,

I used to teach 2nd grade. Third grade is a difficult transition year for children. Elem. teachers always say 1st, 3rd and 5th are hard for students. 2nd grade is basically a review year. We just build upon what they have already learned. 3rd grade has a lot of new material to be covered.

My oldest is LD. I feel guilty a lot about how much time I have to spend working with him. My daughter often gets put on hold. Then the 17 month old won't let me work with my son. When he wants my attention he knows how to get it.

Be sure to ask your son how he feels about 3rd grade. You may find your answer.

Lori

 

[JetMom]

I would also suggest making an appointment for a complete physical for your DS. If he has his head down on the desk all the time, he may be tired or not feeling his best. Also, make sure that his vision has not changed. If he is having trouble with his eyes he may me having trouble doing his school work.

After ruling out the physical, then you can look at other possibilities.

As a teacher, I don't like to see parents try to teach at home. It can be very confusing and frustrating for the child if everyone is focusing solely on his scholwork and usually telling him different things. Continue to supervise his homework and put in some extra time studying for tests.

Third grade is definitely a hard year. Basic reading and math skills are in place and school becomes much more "content driven" Many children find this to be a tough transition year.

Once you determine if there are any physical or other problems, you will know better what steps to take.

 

[mad4themouse]

Believe it or not, 3rd grade can be a very tough year to transition. Children go from "learning to read" to "reading to learn". This can be hard on a child.

Have him checked by his pediatrician for any health problems. Get his eyes checked by an eyecare professional (not the school nurse). Make sure he gets a good, high-protein breakfast before he heads off to school.

If the teacher perceives him to be "slow", do what wdwnutze said and insist that he be tested. Demand a full psychological battery be done as well. Don't let them talk you into "we'll try this first and then test him for that". Get it all done at once and don't waste any time.

Often, a very intelligent child can mask a learning disability through the first couple of years of school. Problems like dyslexia and other perceptual disorders often show up in 2nd and 3rd grade when the demand to quickly process information gets turned up a notch. A child may "shutdown" by not completing assignments that are too confusing, putting their head down and tuning out during a math class that doesn't make sense or they may even become a behavioral problem due to their frustration with the situation.

Good luck in seeking help for your son. Remember that no one is more interested in his success than you. You have to be his advocate and push for any help that he needs. Public schools have a way of trying to put parents off when it comes to expensive testing. Don't let them.

 

[cart-mom]

I started thinking about our home life possibly being an issue. No death or divorce but I work nights and DH works days. Both of our shifts have changed recently and things were strained around her for a few weeks during the transition. DS just had his exam Wed with his DR and everything was just fine. I told her we were having problems in school and she said the same thing you all are saying - it's a hard year. His vision is fine. Went to the eye Dr in July and he said he would watch a very very slight astigmatism which may cause him to be near-sited (like me). I have asked him if he was having trouble seeing the board. He said no.

He's actually reading Harry Potter books so I'm hoping it's just "the grade".

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Cart-mom,

I agree with mad4themouse about requesting testing. From the time a parent does a parent referrel for testing until the I.Q. and Achievement tests are given it can take up to 6 to 8 months. That is almost an entire school year. You want to get on the school psychologist's calendar as soon as possible.

Keep in mind that it is very difficult for a teacher to suggest to a parent that a student may be slow. It is not what parents want to hear. Kudos for that teacher. Some teachers don't want to take the time and extra work for them to get a student tested.

You can get him tested privately by a psychologist but is costs around $700. The school system may be slow but it is free! You have nothing to lose even if it shows he is working up to his potential. Like others have said you have to be an advocate for your child because no one else will. Good luck.

Lori

 

[klmklm]

This does sound familiar to me. You might have a bright kid with no study skills. A child like that can get used to breezing through first and second grade: hear it once and understand it, glance at the study guide and remember it. Around third grade, it gets harder. You run into something that you have to puzzle out, or something you have to learn by rote, and you don't know how to cope. If you've never had to study before, this can be alarming, embarrassing, and discouraging. You might even think, "I guess I'm not smart after all." If you don't get a great score, the other kids will be happy to point it out, too. ("YOU got a C?! Hey, everybody, so-and-so got a C!")

If this sounds like a fit for your situation, your child might just need some encouragment and some practical advice about how to study. (e.g., tape the study guide to the mirror and look at it while you brush your teeth) It would also help to explain that even adults have to read some things over a couple of times before they understand them.

By the way, look out for another road-block around 6th grade, when you can no longer read through a textbook chapter the way you read a novel. "but I read the chapter, and it made sense" -- but you may have to read it a few times, and outline it, and think it over, in order to really understand it.

Good luck!
Kate

 

[Karel]

Originally posted by pirateofthecarolinas
Keep in mind that it is very difficult for a teacher to suggest to a parent that a student may be slow. It is not what parents want to hear. Kudos for that teacher. Some teachers don't want to take the time and extra work for them to get a student tested.

Actually, I was kind of thinking the opposite. Did she give you a more informed opinion? What exactly does 'slow' mean? A good teacher would be able to tell you exactly what she is going to do to help your child. It could just be a personality conflict between teacher and student. Or it could be something bigger.
But to tell a parent she worried he's slow doesn't sound very professional to me.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

My older dd is in third grade too. It's a tough year. There's a <b>lot</b> of new stuff coming at them very quickly. I think it's a huge learning curve for them. I'm working on instilling good study skills in my daughter so she can get through this.

Good luck to you!

 

[shortbun]

I'm wondering why your DS would have his head on his desk.
Maybe some nuturing parental spy work would bring issues to
light you son has not shared. My 8yo DS still feels pretty safe
sharing his troubles but I know many of his friends have already clammed up to their parents.
Also, the teacher seems so ready to place blame on a learning
dissability. Could the teacher be culpable here? Are you able to
sit in or help in the classroom regularly? I go every Friday morning
and assist my son's teacher - I see first hand the techniques and
work being assigned as well as having specific details to discuss
with my son rather than just, "how was school today? What did
you do?" Good luck. I hope you are able to get a resolution
quickly, sounds like your DS is not happy.
mimi

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by cart-mom
. This year has been sooo different. His teacher has sent notes home 4 times already because he's not completing assignments and has his head on his desk ALL the time.

Has anyone else had problems like this before? How did you deal with it? Should I try to tutor him? My problem is that I have 3 other kids (5,3 & 15mos) and I try my best to divide my time fairly & evenly but it's not easy.

Please help! Thanks.

I would say if your son is NOT completing assignments then he is not understanding the work easily. Then what happens they get don't get good grades and then they feel bad & LOST.
After that the attitude goes in the crapper and they start to do bad overall.
(That is my dds profile.)

So YES tutor him. It is the quickest way to get to the bottom of the problem. Been there, done that.

Good Luck

 

[Twigs]

I agree with the mystery machines advice. When my kids were in 3rd grade it was a tough year, they had to be taught how to take the tests they were given. I live in NYS and a lot of their tests were given in the same format as the state ELA's and DBQ's. They cannot take these kind of tests without being taught how to. I got in touch with their teachers and asked them to show me how to help them prepare for tests. Also as said above it can be very discouraging for a child who always got good scores to get low ones. My one DS who always got 100 - 95 on all his tests without studying, is now discovering in 6th grade that he has to study. With his first lower scores, he got so discouraged he did not even want to try to do better at first labeling himself as "I'm stupid so why should I try" I got him over this by sitting with him and helping him study for tests starting several days before them. He is now back to where he was and is learning how to study.
You have described your son as being a very good student in the past, if he were my son, I would not jump into testing within the school district so quick, it will show on his record and he could be labeled. I would get him tested privately if you are in the position to do this. If a problem is discovered then you can present this to the district to get whatever services he needs. I know several people who did this when the teachers were pushing for testing,and they did not agree with this decision. Thier children did not have problems and it showed up later in the year that the teacher had personality conflict s with their kids. One of these children is now in the accelerated program in his grade.
I am not against testing within the school, its just that if your child has not had any problems in the past, I would try to see if it is an adjustment problem with 3rd grade and the required work first.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Karel,

I know for fact that it is difficult for a teacher to have to tell a parent their child is slow (not keeping up with the rest of the class). I taught 2nd grade for 10 years. Parents love when you praise their child but are hurt when you have to tell them that their child is performing poorly. This teacher wrote 4 letters home before getting a parent conference. I say this is a concerned teacher. I worked with teachers who did not care about their students. It's sad to say but they are out there folks.

I hope in the conference this father asked how they could help their son and that the teacher offered ways that they could work together.

Lori

 

[ripleysmom]

You know it is also possible that he is just plain bored.

Send a letter to the district requesting that they test him. Give them the reasons that the teacher has outlined. The results may give you some indication of the problems (if ay) your son is having.

 

[GailT]

Originally posted by wdwnutze
If they think that he is "slow" I would request complete testing to find out if there is something going on academically. Also, is there anything that has gone on at home(death, divorce, etc) that might be contributing to this? Good luck! It's not easy.

Go elsewhere to get him tested if you want to. I say there is nothing wrong with him, he is a typical boy that is being a boy. My son was like that, the school wanted him tested so instead of being labeled I took him to Childrens hospital in Boston, paid $500.oo to have him tested and thee was nothing wrong with him. he is now in his 3rd yr of college with a B+ average and I must say I am so so proud of him. really, if you feel that there is something wrong go outside the sytem and get him tested, I think Kids have so much pressure on them these days they dont know what end is up.

 

[DisneyObsessed]

The same thing happened here. In 4th grade he was diagnosed ADD, depression, high anxiety, etc. Then, last year, in 8th grade, we started thinking about his snoring. Sure enough, he has sleep hyponea and is being scheduled to have his tonsils and adenoids removed. Maybe we should have found it sooner, but it was when we switched to a different pediatrician and he didn't like my sons growth rate. We went for a lot of different tests. Sleep apnea and hypopnea can affect growth too. I'm hoping when this is all said and done, he will be able to concentrate better, have no more mood swings etc. Bring him for a REALLY complete physical. Don't wait as long as I did.