Need advice/vent...So mad at DH/Update on page 10

[kmp1191]

I am too but I choose to ignore it.
He IS a good man, doesn't hit or degrade me, is a great father, comes home to me every evening, doesn't drink/smoke/gamble, helps with ALL housework, does little things to me that lets me know he loves me.

keep that in mind.

it's a ticket, it's livable and forgivable. I wouldn't even ask him about it. leave it on the counter so he knows you know about it, you know that he is taking care of it PERIOD. it's a dead issue IMO. by leaving it on the counter, he will know that you know, and he will feel bad. he will also know that he can't hide things from you, and that will make him feel bad as well.

enjoy your weekend....if possible.

don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff!

 

[poohandwendy]

keep that in mind.

it's a ticket, it's livable and forgivable. I wouldn't even ask him about it. leave it on the counter so he knows you know about it, you know that he is taking care of it PERIOD. it's a dead issue IMO. by leaving it on the counter, he will know that you know, and he will feel bad. he will also know that he can't hide things from you, and that will make him feel bad as well.

enjoy your weekend....if possible.

don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff!

well said, ITa. I think that would be the most effective solution. And if he wants to talk about it, just talk. No more arguments or pleading just let him deal with the mistakes he makes.

 

[SoMad]

I have to post this again because I just don't get it???

Read post #53 for the answer

 

[disykat]

I was actually waiting for T&B, but she didn't come through for us.
Just thought I'd bring a smile here...things were getting a little rough.

What you neglect to take into account is that it just irritates the people who don't have the foggiest what you are talking about. and

 

[kmp1191]

it's a long story, and I don't want to get OT...sorry. i don't know how to post links here either....

if you have time....and ALOT of time....check out the Cliques thread...pretty funny stuff over there.

 

[SoMad]

keep that in mind.

it's a ticket, it's livable and forgivable. I wouldn't even ask him about it. leave it on the counter so he knows you know about it, you know that he is taking care of it PERIOD. it's a dead issue IMO. by leaving it on the counter, he will know that you know, and he will feel bad. he will also know that he can't hide things from you, and that will make him feel bad as well.

enjoy your weekend....if possible.

don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff!

I agree with what you said.
But you don't think we should pay my mother back? I have a problem not doing that. Maybe it is a personal issue I have, but I don't like asking for help.
That is why I want to bring a check to my mother's and DH & I will somehow manage to come up with the extra money we need.

Yes a ticket is something I can forgive. Yes, I will be mad/frusrated like I am, but I CAN forgive it. I know it is a small issue in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

SNARKY....as in #11, formerly #10? ....ahhh....nevermind....I think T&B and Miss Jasmine are the only one's that will know what I'm talking about...

sorry, had to go there!!

Or maybe #11 would help the situation!

 

[poohandwendy]

OMG...too funny...but I think you are right T&B, that is one solution no one has offered until now, probably the best one yet

 

[kmp1191]

I agree with what you said.
But you don't think we should pay my mother back? I have a problem not doing that. Maybe it is a personal issue I have, but I don't like asking for help.
That is why I want to bring a check to my mother's and DH & I will somehow manage to come up with the extra money we need.

Yes a ticket is something I can forgive. Yes, I will be mad/frusrated like I am, but I CAN forgive it. I know it is a small issue in the grand scheme of things.

Can your mother afford to help you out in this case? If so, let her and your DH continue on with their arrrangement. He got himself the ticket and he is working it off. She didn't HAVE to give him the $$, did she? Maybe she needed the extra help and was glad to help her SIL out....

trust me....i've been there....if she didn't want to help out, she wouldn't have.
please don't fret about it anymore...life is too short. let him know that you know about it, and leave it at that. he'll make it up to you....just watch.

 

[FreshTressa]

I like this.

I understand your being upset - but it would bother me more, thinking there must be some reason he isnt telling you. Why would he be "scared" to?

People make mistakes...

Yes...I hear the crappy things spouses do to each other all the time...If this is as bad as it gets, I would let him off and tease him about it.

 

[Aidensmom]

First, I just want to say that you can't assume her DH did what he did because of the OP's behavior. Sometimes people just do immature things, and what her husband did was immature. I can understand where the OP is coming from. I go through a similar thing with my husband, but it is with credit card use - he is an impulsive spender.

He hides that he purchases something on the credit card, knowing full well I will find out anyways because I take care of paying the bills. He knows we are on a budget and can't afford to do that. He has a "discretionary" fund to spend on what he wants, as do I. The rest is budgeted down to the penny. He knows it stresses me out because we really can't afford it. Yet he still does this. It is his own behavior, it is not my fault in any way, shape, or form. He doesn't tell me because he knows he should not have done it.

That being said, the way I have dealt with it in the past is to ask him what he thinks we can do to keep the overspending from happening and that's the plan we use. I would suggest that the OP calmly tell her DH the truth - that she ran across the ticket when she was putting the laundry away, and ask him if he wants to tell her about it. I am sure he will tell her everything. Then she can again tell him why it bothers her that he drives like this, and she can ask him if he has suggestions on how they can solve this.

 

[kmp1191]

Or maybe #11 would help the situation!

BACK ON TOPIC T&B, BEFORE YOU GET ME IN TROUBLE!!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

What you neglect to take into account is that it just irritates the people who don't have the foggiest what you are talking about. and

Maybe it irritates you, but it doesn't irritate people as a whole. There are plenty of inside jokes that I don't get, but yet I'm not irritated by them. I either ask if I want to know or I don't ask. My philosophy is that life is way too short to be irritated by something like that. But my goal isn't to be irritating and I am sorry if it irritates you.

 

[Disney Doll]

edit to add: it sounds like to me he didn't want to tell you because he wasn't in the mood for a lecture. So he went around you and found another solution. I've found that when you treat people like children, they often begin to act like children....at work and at home.

This is a very wise statement.

 

[disneyfanz04]

Read post #53 for the answer

OOOPPPPSSSS...sorry missed that one....

So do you really think he would have put it in a drawer that he knows you go in if he were trying to hide it from you???

As far as paying your mother back, her and your DH made the agreement for him to do things to work off the money. He was dealing with it, and I do not think you should pay her back. I think that is the reason that he "didn't tell you" about the ticket, because he knew he was in the wrong and he didn't want to punish you(by having to worry about were the money was going to come from & you having to eat noodles for a week) with his mistake.

Like I said before I wouldn't even bring it up to him.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

OMG...too funny...but I think you are right T&B, that is one solution no one has offered until now, probably the best one yet

I am sitting here trying not to laugh since my son is home from school (I am NOT explaining anything to him ). Maybe I need to go back to washing the dishes since our dishwasher is broken. That should calm me down.

 

[kmp1191]

Maybe it irritates you, but it doesn't irritate people as a whole. There are plenty of inside jokes that I don't get, but yet I'm not irritated by them. I either ask if I want to know or I don't ask. My philosophy is that life is way too short to be irritated by something like that. But my goal isn't to be irritating and I am sorry if it irritates you.

very true....i had to do a WHOLE lot of reading to get there....it's only fair!!
not trying to be "snarky" or anything.

 

[salmoneous]

So right now I am just thinking what I all want to say when I tell him I found the ticket.

A couple of things to think about. In your first post, you came across (to at least one person) as a shrill harpy. In every subsequent post, you've come across as a caring, loving wife. Just be sure when you talk to your husband that you come across as the person your really are.

Second, you may want to think long and hard about exactly what you hope to accomplish by confronting him. If you just want him to not hide things in the future, and to pay back your mother, I doubt you need to do anything more than just tell him you found the ticket and you want to pay back your mom.

In particular, there would be no reason to tell the guy what a dolt he was for getting the ticket, how dangerous it was, how expensive, etc. He knows all that. Pointing it out - again - isn't going to change anything. And there's no need to ask the guy why he hid it if you already know.

On the other hand, if you are angry and just want to wail on the guy, go right ahead. Jusr realize that other than making you feel better, it isn't going to solve any problems.

 

[declansdad]

Maybe it irritates you, but it doesn't irritate people as a whole. There are plenty of inside jokes that I don't get, but yet I'm not irritated by them. I either ask if I want to know or I don't ask. My philosophy is that life is way too short to be irritated by something like that. But my goal isn't to be irritating and I am sorry if it irritates you.

just went and did a little searching and .......

 

[kmp1191]

just went and did a little searching and .......

yeah, that's how I felt!!!


SoMad....let us know how it goes.