Need advice/ support

[jmartinez1895]

A little history before getting to main point- On our last trip we meet up with my BIL and his family ( wife and 2 kids). Our son uses a GAC and at one point they saw us use it asked about it and I told them that it was because of our sons medical issues and it was never brought up again.....until last night.
I got a phone call from him asking if he could have one of my sons doctor notes so that they can get a GAC when they go next week . I asked why they need it and was told " we have paid a lot of money for our tickets and we don't want to stand in lines". Of course I told him that it does not bypass lines and that he might have to wait longer, but he was relentless. I thought I had it all worked our because i told him that I do not have a current doctors note and that because of my sons current health his doctor will not write one because he is not fit for travel. Unfortunately for me they called Disney and found out that you don't need a note. I knew this, but I thought it was my easy way out of this situation. Now they keep texting me wanting to know why I'm being a snob and will not tell them how to get a GAC. They have no need for one and this is causing such a rift in the family, not to mention I will be having to sit at the same table with them for Thanksgiving.
Would it be wrong of me to fib a little on how i get the card and tell them wrong info ( Like " just tell the CM that you can't wait in line and they'll take care of you") or should I stick to my guns and be the bad guy in there eyes. I do not feel right helping them cheat and I will not do that at all, but it is no fun being treated like an outcast for doing right.

 

[Piper]

I would stick to my guns. I would tell them that your conscience won't allow you to help them. I would tell them that you won't help because it is people like them (who don't really need the GAC) that are making it difficult for those who do to get and use them. I would tell them that a good touring plan will help more than a GAC and I would give them several web sites to use. I would ask them to think about what they would do if they had a child who really needed help and were unable to get it because so many people had abused the system that it had been shut down!

 

[babyrich]

A little history before getting to main point- On our last trip we meet up with my BIL and his family ( wife and 2 kids). Our son uses a GAC and at one point they saw us use it asked about it and I told them that it was because of our sons medical issues and it was never brought up again.....until last night.
I got a phone call from him asking if he could have one of my sons doctor notes so that they can get a GAC when they go next week . I asked why they need it and was told " we have paid a lot of money for our tickets and we don't want to stand in lines". Of course I told him that it does not bypass lines and that he might have to wait longer, but he was relentless. I thought I had it all worked our because i told him that I do not have a current doctors note and that because of my sons current health his doctor will not write one because he is not fit for travel. Unfortunately for me they called Disney and found out that you don't need a note. I knew this, but I thought it was my easy way out of this situation. Now they keep texting me wanting to know why I'm being a snob and will not tell them how to get a GAC. They have no need for one and this is causing such a rift in the family, not to mention I will be having to sit at the same table with them for Thanksgiving.
Would it be wrong of me to fib a little on how i get the card and tell them wrong info ( Like " just tell the CM that you can't wait in line and they'll take care of you") or should I stick to my guns and be the bad guy in there eyes. I do not feel right helping them cheat and I will not do that at all, but it is no fun being treated like an outcast for doing right.

I wouldnt fib at all, I would tell them the GAC is not a pass for entitled people, it is medically necessary for your child.

I would turn it on them and say how dare they use your sons issues for their own enjoyment.

 

[katrina1122]

How horrible of them! Tell them if they want to lie their way to the front to figure it out for themselves.

 

[ttintagel]

It's people like him who add fuel to the fire of anti-disability prejudice. When the general public hears about the sort of thing he wants to do, it makes them want to see accommodations taken away from people who really need them, like your son.

 

[peemagg]

I totally agree with the other posters. Stick to your guns!!! If you have to embarrass them in front of everyone for trying to lie and cheat (including their kids) then do it! They deserve it!


Maybe you can turn the whole family on them. Call a family meeting on Thanksgiving (kids and all) and ask the rest of the family what their opinion is.

They should thank their lucky stars that they don't need those type of accommodations and how dare they try to use your son's issues as a way to cheat the system!!! That right there would have me jumping down their throats and telling them where to go! What great parents to set the example of how to cheat others out of things that they need!

 

[clanmcculloch]

Turn this around on them with the truth. Tell them how hurtful they're being by trivializing your son's health issues by asking you to help them lie to take advantage of help and support being offered for people who are unable to the same kind of healthy lives that their family lives. And then to try to bully you? They're further compounding their cruelty.

 

[anonymousegirl]

Turn this around on them with the truth. Tell them how hurtful they're being by trivializing your son's health issues by asking you to help them lie to take advantage of help and support being offered for people who are unable to the same kind of healthy lives that their family lives. And then to try to bully you? They're further compounding their cruelty.

Agree. I know it will be hard, but you should stick to your convictions. You will only feel worse if you cave into their persisent immorality. You have ethics, they do not.

You can choose a public forum (Thanksgiving dinner table) or a more private discussion, but please stick to you convictions!

Good luck!

 

[MulanMom]

I understand how dicey family issues can be. Don't know how the rest of your family will respond and wouldn't leave the final say so to them. Like the others, I'd advise to stick to your guns. Don't allow them to make the issue into you not helping them out. The issue is how much do they care and respect you and your son's situation that they might want to jeopardize that for their own selfish enjoyment. Doesn't need to become an argument. Just be calm, even, stick to the facts...and if they don't want to drop it, walk away. Don't feel badly because THEY are such jerks!!! No matter how much they try to paint you as the bad guy, you are not. It's just a way to bully and manipulate you into giving what they want.

A more diplomatic way out of it, at Thanksgiving, is to claim not remembering the specifics....needing to consult some paperwork...either at home or at work...wherever it would be difficult to get to on the holiday. Then "forget" to ever followup so that the blowup, if there is one, is away from the rest of the family at Thanksgiving!

 

[Mike Bartenhagen]

I would call him out on thanksgiving whrn lots of people were around. I won't be as nice as others suggested, he sounds like a useless bum.

 

[buffettgirl]

me, I'd probably just ignore it. Getting into a fight over something like this is totally pointless. I can't even begin to understand why it's causing a rift in your family. YOU can't give them a GAC. You can't do anything. If they want a GAC they can go to city hall and request one. That's the only way they can get one. I don't even know why they think it's your problem. That's all you have to say to them. Then change the discussion.

People like that aren't worth the time or aggravation.

 

[Mom2six]

Be calm and tell them you hope they have a great time. Be nice, be pleasant, but don't give in. If they ask why you won't help them, simply tell them you don't know how to pretend to have a sick child, your child really has medical problems and tell them how happy you are that their children are healthy. If they persist in talking about it, ask them if they wish their children were indeed sick just so they could get a GAC? Have a good holiday, and don't let their bad behavior cause you guilt or discomfort.

 

[jmartinez1895]

Thanks all. I think I have a more clear head now and I think I have a plan of action, but I'll let you all know later how it goes. I think it is the the lack of compassion that really rubbed me the wrong way, but after all this is the same guy who told me I was lucky that we have a handicap tag.

 

[buffettgirl]

Thanks all. I think I have a more clear head now and I think I have a plan of action, but I'll let you all know later how it goes. I think it is the the lack of compassion that really rubbed me the wrong way, but after all this is the same guy who told me I was lucky that we have a handicap tag.

Believe me, I know how that is. And it's the same - just walk away. You cannot argue with people like this, people who think that you're getting some real huge benefit out of your child having an illness. I get the part where you want to let your feelings be known to him, but you're just going to end up sad and even more hurt when he doesn't understand. I've been there. Repeatedly. You're trusting your feelings about your child and your child's illness to some insensitive clod who thinks there is some benefit that you're getting that he wants. He's not worth those feelings. He doesn't deserve those feelings.

Or maybe I'm wrong and he'll be the one idiot in the world who says, "OMG I was so insensitive" and he'll change his ways and all will be wonderful.

 

[SueM in MN]

Believe me, I know how that is. And it's the same - just walk away. You cannot argue with people like this, people who think that you're getting some real huge benefit out of your child having an illness. I get the part where you want to let your feelings be known to him, but you're just going to end up sad and even more hurt when he doesn't understand. I've been there. Repeatedly. You're trusting your feelings about your child and your child's illness to some insensitive clod who thinks there is some benefit that you're getting that he wants. He's not worth those feelings. He doesn't deserve those feelings.

Or maybe I'm wrong and he'll be the one idiot in the world who says, "OMG I was so insensitive" and he'll change his ways and all will be wonderful.

Just what I was going to write.
If he texts you again, delete it.
If he asks you again, say, "we've already talked about this and I am not discussing it any more." Make that your script.

Short and to the point.

 

[aubriee]

I've posted on here before about a coworker who went with her sister, niece, the niece's husband, and their six kids to WDW several years ago (during the week of July 4th). It was her first trip, but her niece goes every year that week. I told her that any other week would be less crowded. She spoke with her niece, then came back to tell me they never had to wait as long as other people, because they always got a GAC. When I asked which of their kids needed the GAC, she said none of them as they were all as healthy as could be, but once when she went to her family doctor she mentioned they were leaving that week to go to WDW. The doctor laughed, told her with six kids there was no need for her to have to wait in all those lines. He then randomly picked one of the kids and wrote a note, and told her to go to guest services and get a GAC. She asked him if that was legal and he just laughed and said standing in line with six kids in the summer heat would be enough to make anyone handicapped and that people did it all the time. After that, every single trip they'd get a GAC for one of the kids. I was in shock and informed my coworker that not only was that pathetic, but a GAC didn't even give front of the line pass, plus could not be used for large groups. She swore her niece did it every year and always got to skip the long lines. Sure enough when they came back, she said it did shorten waits and that they were able to use it for all ten of them every single time. I told her they were not even supposed to look at a doctor's note and she said what they looked at was that whichever kid got picked that year to be the handicapped one had needs listed. The doctor was smart enough to write what the kid needed and never mentioned any fake diagnosis. What got me is that a doctor not only encouraged this, but was the one that brought it up to the niece, laughing that he never stood in lines down there with his kids when he went either. He always gets a GAC to avoid the crowds even though nothing is wrong with his kids either.

 

[LisaBi]

This is so infuriating. It scares me to think about the possible implications for those who really need it. I'm fortunate in that as DS has gotten older, the GAC isn't needed much, but so many still need it badly. Some people!

 

[ttintagel]

I've posted on here before about a coworker who went with her sister, niece, the niece's husband, and their six kids to WDW several years ago (during the week of July 4th). It was her first trip, but her niece goes every year that week. I told her that any other week would be less crowded. She spoke with her niece, then came back to tell me they never had to wait as long as other people, because they always got a GAC. When I asked which of their kids needed the GAC, she said none of them as they were all as healthy as could be, but once when she went to her family doctor she mentioned they were leaving that week to go to WDW. The doctor laughed, told her with six kids there was no need for her to have to wait in all those lines. He then randomly picked one of the kids and wrote a note, and told her to go to guest services and get a GAC. She asked him if that was legal and he just laughed and said standing in line with six kids in the summer heat would be enough to make anyone handicapped and that people did it all the time. After that, every single trip they'd get a GAC for one of the kids. I was in shock and informed my coworker that not only was that pathetic, but a GAC didn't even give front of the line pass, plus could not be used for large groups. She swore her niece did it every year and always got to skip the long lines. Sure enough when they came back, she said it did shorten waits and that they were able to use it for all ten of them every single time. I told her they were not even supposed to look at a doctor's note and she said what they looked at was that whichever kid got picked that year to be the handicapped one. The doctor was smart enough to write what the kid needed and never mentioned any fake diagnosis. What got me is that a doctor not only encouraged this, but was the one that brought it up to the niece, laughing that he never stood in lines down there with his kids when he went either. He always gets a GAC to avoid the crowds even though nothing is wrong with his kids either.

If that's true, he should be reported for violation of medical ethics.

 

[JeanfromBNA]

I've posted on here before about a coworker who went with her sister, niece, the niece's husband, and their six kids to WDW several years ago (during the week of July 4th). It was her first trip, but her niece goes every year that week. I told her that any other week would be less crowded. She spoke with her niece, then came back to tell me they never had to wait as long as other people, because they always got a GAC. When I asked which of their kids needed the GAC, she said none of them as they were all as healthy as could be, but once when she went to her family doctor she mentioned they were leaving that week to go to WDW. The doctor laughed, told her with six kids there was no need for her to have to wait in all those lines. He then randomly picked one of the kids and wrote a note, and told her to go to guest services and get a GAC. She asked him if that was legal and he just laughed and said standing in line with six kids in the summer heat would be enough to make anyone handicapped and that people did it all the time. After that, every single trip they'd get a GAC for one of the kids. I was in shock and informed my coworker that not only was that pathetic, but a GAC didn't even give front of the line pass, plus could not be used for large groups. She swore her niece did it every year and always got to skip the long lines. Sure enough when they came back, she said it did shorten waits and that they were able to use it for all ten of them every single time. I told her they were not even supposed to look at a doctor's note and she said what they looked at was that whichever kid got picked that year to be the handicapped one. The doctor was smart enough to write what the kid needed and never mentioned any fake diagnosis. What got me is that a doctor not only encouraged this, but was the one that brought it up to the niece, laughing that he never stood in lines down there with his kids when he went either. He always gets a GAC to avoid the crowds even though nothing is wrong with his kids either.

The only disabilities that your coworker and the OP's BIL have are under-developed consciences.

OP, don't let your family members bully you into feeling bad about doing the right thing and being a good example for your kids.

 

[DISNEYWITHCHILDREN]

Why don't you just say-when we get out GAC we go to Guest Relations and show our sons doctor's note. How could this cause a family-that's how you do it. Why would you know a way for them to get one unless someone in their family needed one.