Need Advice- RE: past relationships and being married

[poohandwendy]

OK, just noticed you have only 3 'anonymous' posts. Interesting that in another thread, you had an intimate dream about a man, you admit being 'extremely attracted to', at work. You are either trolling for an interesting debate or you have underlying marital issues that you need to work out with your DH. I would start with the honesty issue you seem to be struggling with.

 

[LaLa]

OK, just noticed you have only 3 'anonymous' posts. Interesting that in another thread, you had an intimate dream about a man, you admit being 'extremely attracted to', at work. You are either trolling for an interesting debate or you have underlying marital issues that you need to work out with your DH. I would start with the honesty issue you seem to be struggling with.

Very interesting....

 

[sharbear]

I had an old boyfriend do this a long time ago. For lack of a better word, it made me really mad (I was going to say another word but thought that it wouldn't make the sensors).

He didn't call me because he wanted to make me feel better but to make him feel better. It was an ego trip for him and didn't make me feel one iota better.

Just leave it alone.

 

[kristen821]

I think you have closure. You moved on and married your dh. That should be closure enough. It is to late to change that you e-mailed him, but I wouldn't contact or respond to him again unless you want something more to happen between you and in that case you would need to look into your relationship with your dh. I am not going to judge you and your dh's relationship because I don't know you, but I know if was my dh doing that I would really consider ending the relationship. I would think he still had feelings for the girl. Maybe there is more to the story. Did his wife find out he was cheating on her and you want to make sure everything turned out ok because you feel guilty? If that is the case you were 18 and were not the one in the commitment and have no need to feel guilty you were young. What closure are you looking for?

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Tonight I emailed a guy I used to date. I dated this guy for about 3 years when I was 18 and he was married, also about 10 years older than me.

So you dated a guy while he was married??? Why would you want to communicate with him now? I'd say call it the past and never look back on that one.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I wanted to know if you are for real??? It would seem that you are trolling for fun or really confused.
Which is it? Here are your past posts so far....

Speaking of Dreams...NEED HELP
Ok, so obviously I didn't want to post this under my actual dis name. I had a VERY realistic dream last night about my boss. He's not technically my boss, but actually the CEO of our company. Long story short, we were at a work party together (IN THE DREAM) and we were getting quite "close". In the dream DH was just outside and I was trying to hide the situation from him.

In "real" life, I am extremely attracted to this man, but would NEVER do anything about it. Obviously first and fore most because I love Dh and we are married.

I don't know why it is bugging me so much. I can't tell Dh because he knows I find this man attractive and this would really hurt his feelings even though it was only a dream. I just can't get over how realistic it felt.

Need Advice- RE: past relationships and being married

Ok, I need advice, although I think I know the answer.

Tonight I emailed a guy I used to date. I dated this guy for about 3 years when I was 18 and he was married, also about 10 years older than me.

We kinda just ended things ubruptly and I haven't heard from him since. I am 100% over him and very in love with my DH, but have a problem feeling like things were left unfinished. I want to tell him how my life has turned out and thank him for all the things he taught me. I also want to know if he has turned his marriage around.

Dh doesn't know though. I know it's wrong to not share with him that I emailed this guy,but I know he will get the wrong idea. Can anyone shed some light/advice on this situation?

I am happy. Very happy. I just want him to know that us splitting up was a great decision and I realized what a mistake we had made. I also want him to know how good i am doing as well as making sure he is doing good. I know it might not be the smartest thing, but I am truly not trying to start something, I am trying to finish it.

 

[Anony]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I realize now how silly it was. No, there are no children involved and I don't currently know his marital status. I realized that I was making too big a deal about this based on your responses and this email I got back from him...

"Who is this? Do I know you?" I was sure that at the mention of my name he would remember me. I have been known to be a bit dramatic and this was obviously one of those situations. Let me be clear that I was not trying to start something up with this man, not even a friendship. I have been down that road and didn't like it.

As far as my other post, no I am not a troll. I am newly married and I guess just not always sure how to handle my feelings like that. Besides this email, DH knows EVERYTHING about me, my feelings and my actions. I have no desire to stray from him or to lie to him. I love him and am extremely happily married, with no children.

Thank you all for your opinions and advice. I don't know why I posted here after I emailed him. I was thinking about what I had done, and wanted to see what others thought. I am a regular poster on the Dis and value your opinions and advice. Thank you again.

 

[poohandwendy]

As far as my other post, no I am not a troll. I am newly married and I guess just not always sure how to handle my feelings like that.

Just a few friendly words of advice from a woman who has been married almost 20 years, keep past relationships in the past and your focus on your marriage. You can't go wrong if you do that. Good luck to you and your new DH.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just a few friendly words of advice from a woman who has been married almost 20 years, keep past relationships in the past and your focus on your marriage. You can't go wrong if you do that. Good luck to you and your new DH.

Amen P&W...been married 15 years, together almost 20.

The secret is to move forward. When you go backward it is simply a tactic you do to yourself to not move forward...make sense?
The sooner you understand that, the better your marriage will be. I will admit it took a long time for me to "get that", so don't be surprised if you find yourself going backwards occasionally.
Sometimes you hit a really, really rough patch and things have to get worked out to move forward.

 

[AMcaptured]

I don't see the point in sharing that you sent an email to your husband. Nothing good will come out of that, IMO. However, I don't believe she should maintain a relationship via email with the other guy.

Just drop it completely. Don't tell your husband and don't keep on emailing him back.