Need Advice on Guests/Family Members

[Granny]

discrazed...it sounds like everyone is stressed out over this except your sister. It also seems, from the little information you have provided, that she doesn't mind asserting herself and you tend to appease that to smooth the waters.

Maybe I'm reading much, much more into your comments than is really there. But it is obvious that you will have a miserable 6 weeks leading up to vacation and then a rough time at WDW if you don't hash through these things now.


Maybe you should just print out this thread and casually let her "notice" it.

Good luck to you.

 

[forgetyourtroubles!]

She can always stay in the AllStars or Motel 6. Most arilines will allow a change fee and you can use your tickets as a voucher. I would tell your sister that the only way this will work out is for her to be kind and thankful to your husband. If she can't do that, then she needs to get her own room.

 

[disneycrazed139]

Granny and Forgetyourtroubles--I was thinking of these two things too. Printing out the thread specifically and getting her a room at All Stars. She should be thankful, and that was my initial response to it. These along with so many other excellent suggestions. I appreciate all the input here so much. Thanks.

 

[Joe T.]

We have had as many as 24 on a trip, and I am happy to be the planner. It is unreasonable to expect children of all ages to be happy at being at the same at the same time. I sent a list of character meals and shows to each family. From that I chose 3 times for joint activities in the five days. A kickoff character lunch at the Crystal Palace, dinner at the Cape May Buffet, and a cookout on the beach at SAB (back when pool hopping was ok). At other times, each family did their own thing. We usually got together in the evening to share the activities. I accepted input, but I can't imagine anyone being so bossy as your sister. Let her buy a TS and she can dictate. Good Luck

 

[mbb]

everything works out for you...

WDW is a wonderful, magical place...and it can be so hard when there's - already - negative feelings, about what is *supposed* to be family time for making memories...

Our family stayed offsite, had their own car, and I just told them upfront what we had planned for me,Dh and the kids for the day...always followed with, "of course you're welcome to join us whenever you would like...we'll be back at the room at ? time for supper if we just see you then"

We had a great trip.

So did they

...at least that's what they told me!! And we're planning to do it again next year...

Good luck!!

 

[borncinderella]

Disneycrazed139, I agree with Granny.

The point of a vacation is just that. Your husband is correct that this is all sounding too stressful (you DO sound stressed!). Spending good time and money at WDW for the world to revolve around a guest at the expense of your family -- the purpose of your trip, after all -- requires some tough love on your part.
IMHO, your loyalty needs to be to yourself, your DH, and your children.
Also, IMHO, your sister needs to be made aware of this.
If you and your sister are as close as you say, yes this confrontation will be tough but she will (eventually) understand.
This should probably be an interaction confined to just you and your sister, at least with the initial conversation. Maybe, as things get sorted out and some kind of compromise can be reached on her part, a family meeting incorporating some of the great ideas on this thread can be had.
If not -- well, she can find other accomodations on her own terms!

We were on the other end, as guests of my M&Fil, who wanted to keep our group of 11 together for 11 days. I didn't want to be mean (knowing there was no WAY this was going to happen), but I did tell my DH that as a condition of our accepting, we required one day alone with our family at the parks, and at least one "rest" day with nothing scheduled. They were okay with that. After 2 days of trying to negotiate the entire group together (two members of which could not travel faster than a shuffle) -- which was very entertaining to me, they finally got it. The rest of the trip was much smoother. We had three magical gatherings events together and a couple of dinners. The rest was every-disney-goer-for-themselves. Very fun!

Having been where your sister is, though -- if she is laying down the ground rules to her participation and you cannot meet them, feel free to turn her down. I told my DH if his family was going to get tense about our family having alone time, I would bow out -- no hard feelings (my job is stressful enough, thanks). After all, she is your guest and the vacation is your family vacation. You can always meet up with her.

 

[poohj80]

We have had similar problems inviting family to join us at WDW (not staying with us, just spending time during the day) and we always end up wanting to take another WDW vacation just us. The moms don't like the same rides and like to linger. The siblings don't like to eat where we have PS because it's more than they want to spend. BUT, they all want to spend that quality time together. We have come to the following conclusions:

1. When we are sharing time with the family we try to realize this isn't "our" trip but a "family" trip so we make concessions but also let everyone know that there are special things we want to do on our own. They are usually accepting enough to give us at least one evening to ourselves.

2. We've learned not to always tell the family when we're going to WDW so we can have the trip we want.

3. We took friends for the first time in Dec and had a blast! I'll take friends over family to WDW any day!

 

[DVCTiff]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for these great posts (and good luck to the OP). I've started planning a 2006 trip for us and my DH's family and was so caught up in the logistics that I didn't even think about what we'd do once we got there! Now I'm a little anxious but think I can work out a strategy. I hope everyone who has experience with these kinds of situations gets to share.

 

[PamsFam]

Definitely agree on setting the ground rules before the trip. Better than ruining the trip.
We tried a family trip a couple of years ago over Thanksgiving Weekend. We gave each family member a special invitation with some basic details of our plans. We were going to be down there 9 days and they were welcome to join us for Thanksgiving dinner plus Friday-Monday when we had already rented the vacation home. We also spelled out that we were going to take them for a Special Dinner one evening. Aside from that everyone was free to do as they wished, alone or as a group. Before leaving we did make dinner arrangements for Thanksgiving, Friday, and Saturday so as not to be caught unprepared on the busy Holiday Days.
About a month before the trip my mother-in-law kind of assumed that if we were down there the entire week, that she could arrive earlier and make plans with us. We told her "NO" that was our family time and that the invite was never intended to extend beyond the original invitation. Of course this became a little sticky when my DH stepbrother and his family decided to join for the first part of the week and my MIL does not want to admit that this other side of the family exists. While I tried to keep the fact from her, she finally got snotty and asked if anyone else was going to be there that she would rather not see? We had to admit, but it was much better to have had that discussion beforehand, rather than have an awkward situation during the vacation.
Another thing that helped us not to get to upset was the knowledge that we had another trip booked in 4 months, so if this one did not work out, we still had something to look forward too.
Good Luck

 

[gracelrm]

I just a little concerned about our big family trip this summer. DH's extended family is coming along with us. We'll have two 2BR and one studio for a week. My DH's plan is to make an itinerary of what parks we'll be doing on what days and if others want to do the same, that's fine - if not, that's fine too! We would like to do a few meals together, but can't get family to tell us what there specific plans are. One BIL and SIL may not have any park tickets and just "hang-out" at the resort; so that means no big dinners in the parks. One niece and her DH may do Universal and Sea World in addition to WDW - so we can't really make PS for dining until we have a plan. We're supposed to all be together on Mother's Day so maybe we can hash it all out. DH & I would love to have all the family at a waterpark one day - we think that would be a blast - but we'll have to wait and see. If everyone goes their own way - we'll be fine with that too, but it seems a shame to all be there together and not spend some time with everyone. Oh well, good luck to the op and some pixie dust for us too!!!!!

 

[CrzyforPiglet]

I feel for you - I was in a somewhat similar situation. DH and I invited my sister and her daughter (first trip for both) to the world with us December 2002. I had given my sister books (which she didn't read) and took it on faith value that when she told me to plan away that she meant it. On my part I don't think she truly understood what kind of overplanner I am So when we got there she didn't want to do all the things I had planned, didn't understand the concept of PS's and by the end of the trip I felt in the middle between her and my husband. That's the bad - the good is that a little flexibility still made it an awesome trip that I have never regretted and my sister and I are still close.

Now that we are DVC members DH and I are planning an even larger family trip summer 2006 with hopefully a child of our own, my sister, her daugher, her adopted child, and my mother. I plan on communicating more with my sister and mom beforehand about what we absolutely have to plan out - PSs, tea party, etc. and also allow each of us to have our own day where that person decides in general where we go and some "days off" where if we meet up great, if not, that's okay too. I am hoping if I can be more flexible and my sister can plan more that we'll be closer to meeting in the middle.

Good luck!!

 

[dianeschlicht]

I am going to make one other suggestion. We like to invite folks and then keep a couple of days at the end just for US. It really helps take care of the stress of the group travel and helps us unwind a bit before going home.