need advice-- how would you handle this?

[mrsg00fy]

My son was born on August 30th and the cutoff here was 10/1. It was clear to me that my son was not mature enough to start kindergarte with his pre k classmates, and we made the very difficult decision to hold him back. It was the best thing we could ever have done for him. He is now 10 and very well adjusted academically and emotionally. When we see the kids who are in the class that he would have been in, it is clear that we made the right decision. He is right where he should be. He does well in school, is well adjusted and the teacher calls him the "diplomat and politician" of the class. I am so glad that we did not push for the wrong thing. His confidence is proof that we did the right thing.
Children are all individuals and each needs to be evaluated that way. As a parent, I think think that you alone know what is best for your child.
Good luck with the decision.
As far as I am concerned, there is no drawback to holding a child out for a year if the child is not ready. However, there could be issues if the child is pushed before he is ready.
BTW, our second son was also a late summer baby...and he was clearly ready and we sent him to kindergarten. THere have been no problems.
Just know your child and make the decision yourself...in your heart, you know what is best.

 

[MI mom of 3]

This is something that we dealt with with DS 14. His birthday is mid-October. We sent him to 3's pre-school and 4's pre-school and while he was fine, he was very quite and shy. I kept asking his pre-school teacher if she thought he was ready for kindergarten and she said she 'thought' he would be fine. I went into kindergarten telling his teacher that I was unsure if he was ready and to let me know if she saw something I needed to know. At the end of the year I asked her if he should do the year over. No she thought he would be fine. In 1st grade he struggled so much. It just wasn't coming easily to him and the frustration he was feeling with the work was sad. At the March P-T conferences his teacher was practically apologizing for his work, when I stopped her and said that we had decided to hold him back. Her response was "wonderful, now don't let the principal talk you out of it."

When we got home I told him right away. I didn't want him to hear us talking about it and think it was a bad thing. So I told him that he was going to do 1st grade again,( we got the school to agree to let him have the same teacher again. It might not work for everyone, but we knew it would be great for him) I explained things and he started to cry. It made me feel terrible until I asked him why he was crying. He said he was just so happy with what I was telling him! Then I felt worse. The stress that this baby was under must have been horrible for him.

He is now in 8th grade and is going great. It really was the best decision and his old teacher has sent other parents in the same position to talk to me.

I only wish I hadn't been so wishy-washy at first in relying on the teachers. I KNEW what was right for my son but wasn't confident enough to do it.

 

[aprilgail2]

Here the cut off is Dec 1st and in my daughters kindergarten class there were EIGHT kids with Oct/Nov birthdays...so 8 kids were 4 years old for the first few months of kindergarten...including my Nov daughter...
I had thought about holding my daughter back but when she went in for the test to see if they could go to kindergarten she passed in the top percent so I ended up sending her...it was the right decision FOR US. On the other hand a little boy in her preschool class also had a Nov. birthday and he was painfully shy and the preschool teachers mentioned to the parents that he would benefit from being held back but the mother said no way was she paying for another year of preschool and she sent him...he was miserable, couldn't adjust to the whole thing, didn't make any friends and he was left back in kindergarten...she now says "gee I should have held him back"....
If YOU feel your child is not ready for a good reason (and I am not tallking about holding them back so they are bigger and better at sports than the other kids in their grade! I HATE that excuse!!) then for sure hold her back...

 

[disneymac]

Some people may feel that they are complimenting your dd for being so smart or mature. They probably don't realize they are creating a dilemna for you! You know your dd better than anyone and you've got good opinions from your mother and friend who would know her well too, go with your gut. When people who don't really know my kids tell me things like that I just smile and nod.

 

[poohandwendy]

I would just respond with "Aw, thanks for the compliments, we think she is great too. But, after much consideration, we have decided this is what is best for her"

No need to explain any further. Good luck to your DD!