need advice-- how would you handle this?

[pirateofthecarolinas]

We held our DD9 back for the same reasons as you. Sept. birthday/Oct. cut off. I've NEVER regretted our decision. I just tell people that we gave her the GIFT OF TIME. I could not send a 17 year old to college.

Lori

 

[tnkbl]

I held my DD with an Aug b-day. She is now in 1st grade and I have no regrets. I also have a 16 yr. old Sophomore who is older than most of his classmates and again, no regrets.

When people asked, cuz just like every other parenting decision we make, someone, somewhere has an opinion that they feel the need to share, or they voice their "disapproval" in the form of a question. ie... "Isn't (kid across the street) going to K this year, I thought they were good friends?".

We usually responded with, well you know she is the baby and I am just not ready to let her go.

or

She is ready to learn, but doesn't yet have the social skills to deal with 25 kids and the chaos of K

or this is the best........
This one gets the know it alls every time:

"Oh no, she can't go to school yet, she is still breastfeeding for her morning/afternoon snack"
Seriously, this is the best comeback! Try it!
To all BreastFeeding moms: This is not a slam in any manner, shape or form

Okay, that is a great comeback about the mornig and afternoon snack. I think it serves people right who always stick there nose where it does not belong!!!Let them be shocked!

 

[Barb D]

Without having read the rest of the responses...

We held DD6 back. Her bday was 3 days before the deadline. Her preschool teacher said she wasn't ready and I didn't think she was ready, but just to be sure I took her to the elementary school and had them do their standard K evaluation. They said she would do fine, but would definitely benefit from another year of preschool.

We found a "transitional Kindergarten" class at a private school, and it was perfect for her. They did typical K activities, but at a slower pace and in shorter chunks (for kids with shorter attention spans.)

She's in regular public school K this year and doing great. She's right in the middle of her class academically. If she had gone last year she would definitely have struggled.

As for what to tell people: "We've decided this is what's best for her."

 

[cinmell]

She is your daughter, YOU know her best. Go with your gut!

 

[swilphil]

We decided to wait until our summer birthday son is 6 before sending him to Kindergarten, and it's been the best decision. Around here, it's common for summer birthdays, and even some spring b-days, to wait a year. (I prefer the term "waiting" to "holding back") I work in education and have been talking to people for years about whether to send our oldest son at 5 or 6. I've never heard one person say it's a bad idea to wait, but I 've heard several stories about kids who were sent too early. We are in a wonderful pre-K program for kids who turn 5 before Nov. 1. If your pre-school doesn't have such a program, maybe you can find one.

 

[Nancyg56]

First, I would guess that the people offering their opinions are just trying to help, so I really don't know how to respond. Just telling them that you need to make sure the your child is able to cope with the disparity in ages that he will experience in kindergarden may do the trick.

As to the rest, my DD is going thru this with her DD also. There is only one Pre K in our area, and our school system does not have pre-k or transitional first grade. She is worried that keeping her in preschool, she may back pedal, but sending her on may be stressful by the time she hits first grade. I'm glad that I do not need to make the decision.....I am a Nana, and would just keep her back one year, there is plenty of time in my book.....

 

[In a hurry]

My girlfriend would just smile when people made those comments, and say "Yes, she is bright/or outgoing...next year she will really kick butt!" Slightly offended half the people she talked to!

 

[casey49781]

my ds was 5 this past sept,,,my choice was to put him in kindergarden or young 5s program,,,after alot of thought in it, i decided to put him in the young 5s program,,,he was not ready for kindergarden,,as i seen all the work they have to do in there with my dd 2 yrs ago and just knew he wouldnt make it,,along with that he was very busy as it turned out he has adhd,,,and it was a good thing i didnt put him in there it would be a set up to fall on his face deal,,,go with your gut feeling,,,and good luck,,,,

 

[mickeyboat]

Hannah and Emily are less than a year apart. The cut-off falls right in between their birthdays, putting them in the same grade (one the oldest in the class, one the youngest). I struggled to decide whether I should hold Emily back.

I talked to Emily's pre-K teacher, who recommended sending her. She was more than ready to go emotionally and academically, she wasn't having any trouble being in the same grade as her sister (although they are in separate classrooms), and she had developed a peer group which was important to her. So I sent her.

A lot of people have questioned my decision. I just tell them it is what the school and what I thought would be best for her. It has worked out beautifully, by the way. No one knows your child as well as you do. You know what is best for her, and don't let anyone tell you different. Besides, if anything, you are erring on the side of caution. What harm can come of holding her back?

Denae

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

You are doing the right thing by waiting another year. My DD's bday was right at the cut off date and we decided to wait another year before she started Kindergarten. She is very shy and I just felt she wasn't emotionally ready. It was the best decision! Now she is in 3rd grade and she excells in everything she does. Don't worry about what others think. My SIL started her DS too early and had to hold him back in 1st grade. SHe now tells me she wishes she would have done what I did with DD.

 

[Pooh Crew]

I agree that people are probably only trying to make you feel good by saying, "Oh, she's ready--she's so smart!" But think about it...what are they supposed to say? Anything other than that would seem like an insult, wouldn't it? You should just agree with them--"yes, she is smart!" and then move on. You can add that you want her with you for another year--once kids are in kindergarten, they seem to grow up (and grow away from us) quite a bit. Keep her little as long as you possibly can--it is such a short and precious time. For me, I don't understand the rush to push them out into the world.

On a personal note, I just registered my youngest (March b'day) for K yesterday, and it almost broke my heart. How can that sweet little baby possibly be old enough for school???

 

[jennyl772003]

My son was in Early Childhood when he was 3 and 4 due to vision problems. When it was time for K, he just wasn't mature enough. He was a summer baby as well.

Because of the therapies he was in at the time though, I felt he needed a full day vs half day of school (he was being taken out of class 6 times a week for 1/2 hour each. When school is only 1.5 hours, that is a lot)

The school decided to let him go on to K. We knew that he would more then likely need to repeat K. We were right, and he did repeat.

Now he is in 2nd grade and is doing great.

K is a lot tougher now then it used to be. By the end of the year the kids are expected to be able to read at a certain level. The math is harder also. They do spelling. It's not play time and the alphabet song anymore.

 

[philaround]

Hi Jen

I have not read the replies to your question but since I have some experience on both sides of this question I felt I should tell you my story.
Many years ago, long before pre-school, my kindergarten teacher told my mother that I was not ready for 1st grade emotionally and needed to attend an intermediate class [called readness and readiness] before 1st grade. My mom agreed and I attended that class the next year. My mom had misunderstood what the teacher said about me being ready intellectually for 1st grade but not emotionally so she thought I would move on to 2nd grade after completing the intermediate class. This was not the case. They wanted to put me in 1st grade next so my Mom had me tested at a private school. The private school test was for intelligence only and they said I was ready for 2nd grade so my mom enrolled me and I went to 2nd grade. Well this defeated the whole purpose of the intermediate class and I found myself once again with other children who were more advanced then me emotionally. It took me until I was 19, and in the army, until I truely developed on an emotional level. I was painfully shy for all those years and in fact did not completely get over my shyness until I was 22 or 23. So my advice to you is to listen very carefully to everything you are told about your childs developement level from those who have been in direct contact with your DD during her pre-school time and follow their advice.

My DGS is also 4 and 2 weeks ago my DD was told that he should spend 1 more year in pre-school before starting kindergarten and I told DD to please listen to this advice and she has decided to do so.

 

[Stitchfans]

Just keep in the back of your head. No one knows your child better than you. Let what others say go in one ear and out the other. there really is no need to even respond to them IMO

 

[vetrik]

I think this is a situation where it truly depends on every child individually, and who knows your daughter better than you? If she's not ready, there's not going to be any harm from keeping her back another year. You should do whatever you can to give her the best opportunity at success.

My birthday is Nov. 5, and when I was going to kindergarten the cutoff was Dec. 31st. My parents struggled with the decision of whether or not to send me to kindergarten when I was 4, or to keep me another year in preschool. They had decided to keep me in preschool when I started reading - and knowing me, they made the decision to start kindergarten. They had a feeling it was the right time for me. Fortunately, it worked out extremely well. I was always at the top of my classes, graduated from high school 9th in my class of almost 400, graduated with honors from college, was involved with student government, sports, friends, etc. However, I did feel annoyed by my birthday a lot - I was the last of my friends to get my license, started college at 17, didn't turn 21 until a few months into my senior year of college. I always looked forward to my birthday (even now as I head towards 30) because I finally became the age that my classmates had been for months. I'm glad my parents sent me, since I think I would have been bored a year behind, and I also would have been frustrated knowing that I could have been a year ahead.

 

[DisneyArk]

Just keep in the back of your head. No one knows your child better than you. Let what others say go in one ear and out the other. there really is no need to even respond to them IMO

My son's birthday is in May and we sent him to kindergarten this year. Now we're trying to decide if he needs to repeat. Not a fun decision...

I agree that you should make your decision and stick to it. If people say she is smart then say "Yes, she sure is!" Remember that your daughter may be listening to the conversation. You don't have to justify to other people what you decide to do. I would just say you are doing it because of her late birthday.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

I appreciate this thread. My youngest DS is only 20mths, but I think about this topic. He is a summer baby and will be among the youngest if I send him when the district kindergarten starts.

I had taught pre-k before I had children, and one of the things to take into account is when the birthday of a child is. There can be a year and a half age range in one pre-k. And every month makes a world of difference.

So don't doubt your decision. It's what is best for your child.

 

[EthansMom]

Ethan's Mom-- where do you live? We are in Ohio... here it is September 31st. At my Mom's school (also in Ohio) her class of 18 kindergarters has only one July/August bday. It has changed so much since I went to school!

We're in Connecticut. We just moved here a couple years ago and I think the Dec. cutoff is really too late!

Luckily, DS4 has his birthday in early Aug. and is more than ready for Kindergarten this fall, both socially and academically. And DD2's birthday is in March. So, I don't have to worry about the cutoff dates for either one.

I really feel for those parents who have to worry about the cutoffs so much. Our Kindergarten here tends to hold back 1-2 kids (to repeat Kindergarten) each year out of about 20 kids.

My nephew, who is 7 and has a late Dec. birthday, has had difficulties with school. Predominantly, his problems have been social ones... he just doesn't know how to interact with the other kids. It's taken my nephew the last two years to find a bit of a nitch for himself and to start feeling more comfortable, poor guy.

Likewise, DS's friend at school meets the cutoff to start in Kindergarten this year. But, he's has a Dec. birthday, is slightly built, is cautious around other kids, and doesn't seem ready for the academics quite yet. I think his parents are doing the right thing in holding off on Kindergarten for another year.

I think that it's best to do what you think is best for your child. And if anyone disagrees with you, so what? Not their child, not their decision.

 

[budbeerlady]

You know your DD best.
Our DD was 4 when she started, she is an October birthday. We never really thought about holding her back, we thought beyond a doubt she was ready. And she was (mostly, and totally acedemically) but she is in a class of 19 and MOST of these kids were 6 when they started.

We had no idea untill confrences that this was the case (she is our only) and there is a huge maturilty diff between 4 and 6. DD is doing well but in social areas she needed some work. A 6 years old can sit still much longer and pay attention than the average just 5 years old. So we had to talk alot about raising our hands and waiting quietly, stuff like that, she is quite social and quite the talker. She is doing great with her numbers and letters, but I think if we had known more we would have considered holding her back or even asking more questions of ourselves.

I am also amazed at what she needs to be doing now in her 2nd semeter. Maybe getting a sheet with the requirments for the child's confrences, I asked for one for 1st grade so we can work on it over the summer. She has to know (read) all the colors, basic words like "will, good, bad, go, it, the, we, etc." but harder ones like "mother, father, sister, brother," etc. Counting by 2's to 50 has been a challenge.

 

[jenniferma]

Thank you all so much for your great advice! I was surprised to get 38 posts.. thanks so much again!

There were a few of you out there that are in similar situations. I am amazed at how much kindergarten has changed from when I was a kid (I am 33). My Mom volunteers at a public school in a small town in Ohio and here is a list of what is expected from the kindergarten students at the end of the year:

1. Recognize the alphabet in upper and lower case letters.
2. Know the appropriate sound for each letter of the alphabet.
3. Instant recognition of our 26 kindergarten "popcorn words." (These popcorn words are 2, 3, and 4 letter words that they don't have to think about when they "pop" up--can, cat, what, when, it, is, was, that sort of thing.)
4. Able to read and write simple sentences and stories using our popcorn words and short vowel words, with correct spacing and ending punctuation. (Do you have a cat? That sort of thing.)
5. Retell a story using sequence and details.
6. Listen attentively to a story and respond to questions with adequate comprehension.
7. Write first and last names on writing guidelines. (Writing guidelines are those sets of 3 lines, top and bottom solid and middle dotted so they can make the letters the appropriate height.)
8. Count objects, sequence, and write numbers 1-20.
9. Count aloud to 100.
10. Tell time to the hour.
11. Identify and state the value of a penny, nickel, and dime.
12. Demonstrate simple addition and subtraction using manipulative objects.

In addition- my Mom added: The kids learn to tie their shoes, learn their address and phone numbers, that sort of thing, too. Those things are taken for granted, not listed above. They are also responsible for "ordering" their milk and lunches, getting their stuff to and from their backpacks, generally taking care of themselves. They are reminded of some things, but others, if they screw it up, it's on them. I've heard them wail when the milk comes and they didn't get any because they failed to put their milk ticket into the order slot. It's big kid time.

To me, kindergarten today is what first grade was 25 years ago... a lot of pressure for a kid that is just turning five!

THANKS AGAIN and good luck to everyone else out there that has a summer birthday baby--
jen