Need advice for potty training a boy!

[tete01830]

I also in the middle of training my DS who is 2.9....I started the day after Christmas with the sticker charts and he is doing so much better than I thought except for the fact he will not and I mean will not do a BM on the potty...I know this is normal but I am really getting fustrated. Any advice would really help...

 

[lpandorf]

My son just turned 3 in January and I'm having the same trouble as poster just above - not doing a BM in the potty. He's been very good about #1 in the potty for a few months. Always tells us he needs to go and even when we are out tells me and uses potty whereever we are. A treat worked with him. Every time he used the potty he'd get a little candy piece. He's used the potty two time this week for BM and I offered him a trip to Build a Bear for three times and he is talking about this because he really wants to go there for a long time. My husband has started being very firm if he goes #2 in pants and putting him in the corner and the only thing that seems to do is that my son now comes to find me when he has gone #2. I'd love some suggestions on how to get him all the way! Thanks,
Lisa

 

[brownsthreesons]

As a mother of three sons, I found that what works with one doesn't always work with the other. With my first born, I bought a small package of M&M's. Each time he was successful, he received one piece of candy. Before the package was gone, he was trained. My middle son wasn't quite that easy, (probably because he had already experienced candy whereas this was a real treat for the first born). I found that using stickers worked with my middle son as well as my youngest. After gaining 10 stickers, I would take them to the store and allow them to pick out a special treat. I also borrowed a "potty" video from a friend for my youngest and he really seemed to catch on after viewing that a few times. Good luck, and just remember to be consistent. You might try the old fashioned training pants with rubber pants on top (helps with the mess). If he is uncomfortable, he may decide it's easier to just go to the bathroom
Tina

 

[RachaelRol]

DS5 was trained at 2 yrs 10 moths.

We first tried when he was 2 1/2 and it was not working. He was just not into it. So we stopped.

We tried again right before hos first Disney trip and it worked. We did the naked thing and also putthe potty in whatever room he was in. It didn't matter if he went in the kitchen, family room etc as long as he went in the potty. It literally took a weekend.

We rewarded him with stickers and things too and also read to him when we successfully got the potty in the bathroom. Entire process took about 3 weeks. A few accidents, but nothing major.

Please just remember he has to be ready. He'll go when he's ready. Have patience and fun too.

 

[mjantz]

I teach 2YOs & we have a few that are potty-trained. I agree about the pull-ups or underwear. One thing that worked for a few kids I know was buying underwear with a favorite character & saying 'Dora doesn't like to be pee-peed or poo-pooed on so we need to keep Dora dry & clean because she likes being dry & clean'.
One thing with boys that I've found in my class is that they need to be naked from the waist down in order to 'go' properly. Most of them straddle the toilet seat which makes it easier because then their ***** points down. I have other who sit backwards for some reason.

Please don't stress so much about it. My DS was 3 1/2 & is doing fine now, 6 years later. He honestly was not ready before that time. We tried several times & it just didn't kick. But once it did, he was fully trained, no going back. One of my professors in college said 'It is a very rare child who enters kindergarten not potty-trained' & I've found that to be true.

 

[abrownfamily]

MJANTZ-

Just wanted to thank you for your caring and thoughtful response. I think that this topic is a "hot" one, and everyone wants to weigh in with their opinion. My daughter was three when she was trained. Most of my family felt that she was just too old. Granted, it seems that years ago children were trained at a much earlier age. And, in my case, I don't blame only the invention of pull-ups. For me, it seems the common thread was that prior generations had stay-at-home-moms. They had the time and the dedication to let their children run around in underwear and clean up any messes. As a working mom (drop my children off at daycare at 6:15 am and return at 4:30 so as I can go teach school age children), I find it much harder to strike a balance. Parenting is the hardest job I have ever had. And, thank goodness those who are the care providers of my children are patient and wonderful people. Personally speaking, my thought is this -- there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder if I am doing an injustice to my children by working. If I was at home, guaranteed they would be potty trained earlier. But, I don't find it fair to be so critical and judgemental because a child isn't potty trained at three. In addition, their doctor was quick to point out that the average age for training girls is 36 months and the average age for boys is 39 months. Potty training is a learned skill. And, just like any other learned skill, there is a range of ability and aquisition of that skill. I would hope that those of you out there who are being so critical wouldn't offer the same advice to parents concerning children who are hesitant readers or who have other delays. For shame.

 

[CampbellScot]

My son just turned 3 in January and I'm having the same trouble as poster just above - not doing a BM in the potty. He's been very good about #1 in the potty for a few months. Always tells us he needs to go and even when we are out tells me and uses potty whereever we are. A treat worked with him. Every time he used the potty he'd get a little candy piece. He's used the potty two time this week for BM and I offered him a trip to Build a Bear for three times and he is talking about this because he really wants to go there for a long time. My husband has started being very firm if he goes #2 in pants and putting him in the corner and the only thing that seems to do is that my son now comes to find me when he has gone #2. I'd love some suggestions on how to get him all the way! Thanks,
Lisa

Your son is still pretty young...but it seems like if he can tell you when he has to pee, he can tell you when he has to poo. The fact that he is finding you when he doesn't use the potty suggests that he is a very bright boy who has learned the game of "Divide and Conquer"! If your husband is firm with him then you should be too. Your little guy KNOWS he has done something wrong. You are only reinforcing his bad choice by being "easier" on him. It seems like he's got all the concepts down, he just needs to understand that messy pants = consequence. Period. On the flip side, when he DOES go poo in the potty Praise him like crazy! The positive reinforcement compared to the time out will win over every time!

I would do what others have suggested for just wet pants. If he doesn't use the potty then all fun stops. Leave him uncomfortable for a few minutes while you "get ready" to clean him up. Make it a long process that he has to be a part of. Let him see that making a mess of himself is a long boring process PLUS he gets a timeout for making a bad choice. This is a power struggle and he is winning. If you make him part of the solution (getting clean undies out of his drawer, helping to put the messy clothes into the wash etc) he will still feel empowered while making the connection that he made a bad choice. I don't believe kids are ever too young to see that there are consequences for bad choices as well as positives for good choices.

Once you and your husband are on the same page I'll bet he figures it out pretty quickly!

 

[Cinderumbrella]

Last year at this time I was in this situation. I didn't know what to do. I knew it was a power struggle and that I wouldn't win. DS was well aware that to go to preschool you had to use the potty. One day while leaving the park district from a Kid Rock class, we walked past the pre-school rooms (where he would be going in the fall). He saw 2 little boys playing with cars. He stopped dead in his tracks and said "Mommy, I can play with cars at pre-school?" I said "Sure, Honey, when the teacher says its OK." Since his whole world revolves around cars he gave up the power struggle that very day and that was the end of pullups and accidents in our house. He even stayed dry at night starting the following week.
In short, it has to be his decision not yours and the more you fight, the more he will resist.

As to another poster, a BM on the potty took some time for us. Ultimately, it was the little potty that he didn't like. We let him pick out his own padded potty seat and then bribed him with matchbox cars for about a week, which led to 5 stickers to earn a matchbox (did this for a couple of weeks), to just stickers (another couple of weeks) to nothing.

Looking back on the experience it seemed like it was taking forever at the time, but in retrospect it really wasn't that long at all.

 

[mom2aredhead]

One thing with boys that I've found in my class is that they need to be naked from the waist down in order to 'go' properly. Most of them straddle the toilet seat which makes it easier because then their ***** points down. I have other who sit backwards for some reason.

That's my son - he turned 3 in November, and was pretty much "trained" by then w.relatively few accidents, BUT the pants and underwear are completely off in a heap on the floor. He can't quite get the standing up thing yet (picture using the lifted cover as a backboard) so he's still sitting, but somehow always manages to pee in that little space between the seat and the actual toilet. Thank God for Clorox wipes.

 

[mjantz]

MJANTZ-

Just wanted to thank you for your caring and thoughtful response. I think that this topic is a "hot" one, and everyone wants to weigh in with their opinion. My daughter was three when she was trained. Most of my family felt that she was just too old. Granted, it seems that years ago children were trained at a much earlier age. And, in my case, I don't blame only the invention of pull-ups. For me, it seems the common thread was that prior generations had stay-at-home-moms. They had the time and the dedication to let their children run around in underwear and clean up any messes. As a working mom (drop my children off at daycare at 6:15 am and return at 4:30 so as I can go teach school age children), I find it much harder to strike a balance. Parenting is the hardest job I have ever had. And, thank goodness those who are the care providers of my children are patient and wonderful people. Personally speaking, my thought is this -- there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder if I am doing an injustice to my children by working. If I was at home, guaranteed they would be potty trained earlier. But, I don't find it fair to be so critical and judgemental because a child isn't potty trained at three. In addition, their doctor was quick to point out that the average age for training girls is 36 months and the average age for boys is 39 months. Potty training is a learned skill. And, just like any other learned skill, there is a range of ability and aquisition of that skill. I would hope that those of you out there who are being so critical wouldn't offer the same advice to parents concerning children who are hesitant readers or who have other delays. For shame.

One thing that helped me stay calm during potty-training (& trust me, it did have its moments!) was something the same college professor told me: There's a lot of child abuse that goes along with potty training. Knowing that & hearing/reading about various cases of neglect & abuse made me a lot calmer during training.
It can be frustrating when one is receiving pressure from friends, family members, child care workers, etc. to 'get that kid potty trained'. However, overall, I've found that when a kid is ready, they just get it. Its amazing to me how quickly it can happen. I had a kid who one day just said 'I want to go potty'. We let him & he did. IIRC, they had been talking & working on it a bit at home but he had shown no signs at school that he was even close to ready. Within a week, he went from wearing diapers at school to wearing 'big boy underwear', even at naptime. I was truly amazed.
I also want to add that I see nothing wrong with positive peer pressure/positive reinforcement. If your child sees you making a big deal about another child using the potty a/o wearing underwear & speaking in positive terms towards that child, that can go a long way towards helping a child decide they are ready to potty-train. You don't have to (& I wouldn't) say to your child 'Why don't you go potty like Katie does?' Simply saying 'Katie, I hear you are wearing big girl panties now. What a big girl you are!!' in your childs presense. We do a lot of positive reinforcement when our students are newly potty-training/potty-trained & I have to believe that even though we never use any negative reinforcement towards a child who has an accident, the other kids in the class hear what we are saying & want to be potty-trained so they can hear those positive words.

In short, it will happen for almost all kids by the time they start Kindergarten. Look at it this way, the average life span is around 80 years. Only 2-4 years of that will be spent in diapers. So, how short of a time span are we talking about in the course of an average human life? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if its 2YO or 4YO before a child is potty-trained?
I will now hop off my soapbox & shut up!


Note: We use positive reinforcement all day long & all of our kids, potty-trained or not, get tons of positive feedback throughout the day.

 

[SmallWorld71]

You've gotten lots of good advice so I will try not to repeat. I will say that there is no set way of training. DS11 and DS8 were very easy but DD4 was a whole other story. It was becoming such a power struggle that I just stopped for a while and then a couple months after her 3rd birthday she said she was ready and off came the diapers and she was trained in a day.
So, if all the good advice and tricks don't work you might have to step back for a while and wait. As frustrating as it is, don't worry. I teach 1st grade and my students are all trained. You will get there. Good luck!

 

[disnutt]

My DDs potty-trained pretty easily. DS was harder. He's now 3 3/4 and doing great.

We did the naked thing at home. He loved it! Full access all the time.

We're holding off on the standing while pottying for awhile. There is a reason men's rooms smell so bad!

It's a lot easier to train him to close the lid when he only has to move one thing down at a time. He's getting good at it and I know my future DD-in-law will thank me some day!

Good luck! This too shall pass.

 

[belle and woody fans]

OK, since I am the OP of this thread, I thought I'd let everyone know what happened this weekend. On Saturday, I decided to take my son to the mall with me. He wore his Diego underwear. I asked him to go potty before we got in the car (he went). As soon as we got to the mall, I asked him to go (he went). He didn't have an accident all day. Each time he goes, I do give him a sticker, but he likes to wear them. Before bed, we take them off so we can start over in the morning. I know it will take time, but I see progress. I don't feel that this is a power struggle as much as a little bit of laziness. He doesn't want to stop whatever he is doing and go. I appreciate everyone's advice, so I hope it works out sooner rather than later.

 

[mom2aredhead]

He doesn't want to stop whatever he is doing and go. I appreciate everyone's advice, so I hope it works out sooner rather than later.

My son is the same way. I really think in the beginning it was more about training me than him.

 

[RachaelRol]

OK, since I am the OP of this thread, I thought I'd let everyone know what happened this weekend. On Saturday, I decided to take my son to the mall with me. He wore his Diego underwear. I asked him to go potty before we got in the car (he went). As soon as we got to the mall, I asked him to go (he went). He didn't have an accident all day. Each time he goes, I do give him a sticker, but he likes to wear them. Before bed, we take them off so we can start over in the morning. I know it will take time, but I see progress. I don't feel that this is a power struggle as much as a little bit of laziness. He doesn't want to stop whatever he is doing and go. I appreciate everyone's advice, so I hope it works out sooner rather than later.

Congrats to you and your son!!! He must be very proud of himself!!! Great job to you for taking him to the mall in underpants!!!

 

[loriandmatt]

a few tips on the standing to pee thing.....

yes, have him watch daddy do it. that does help.

we had to start wtih the standing up thing since DS had a harmless condition where his ...ya know.....was sort of playing hide and seek until he was about mid stream. if he tried peeing sitting down it just went straigt out and got all over the back of his pants.

we only peed standing up from that point on. had to get him a stool or when we were out had to hold him up, but it worked for us.

we also did the target thing.....take one square of TP and float it on the top of the bowl water. he would "shoot it" until he sank it. worked like a charm.

we had the over 3 and still not in underware thing too. i had to do the tough love suggestions that others here noted. he had to clean up after himself. (with parental supervision only...he had to do the dirty work.)

with daycare we did the 3 strikes and your out thing....he wore underware and pants to daycare. he took 2 spares of pants and underware. when he peed his way thru all 3 sets he was done and had to wear a diaper for the rest of the day. he hated diapers.

lastly.....i from my minimal experience (only raised 2 kids) have to say that pull ups are a huge waste of money. a diaper is a diaper is a diaper. if they want pretty/cool designs, stop going in your diaper and you can get big person panites. (my DD would go on the pottie and keep panties clean for me for 2 months...the entire time the babysitter was putting her in pull ups and wondering why she woudn't use a potty when i swore she was doing so at home. it was the pull up thing. to my 2 YO it was this rational: feels like a diaper, looks like a diaper, is a diaper. it is ok to pee/poop in your diaper.

 

[Daydreamer64]

Two words - FOOD COLORING- works like a charm

- I've potty trained over 24 toddlers when I worked in daycare. Put enough food coloring in the potty to taint the water blue for example- when the urine hits the water it turns green- the kids love it- along with the tinkle targets- cereal like fruit loops- it was very easy to train for urine, the food coloring works for girls too!

- I always put my boys on the potty sitting backwards at first- it contains the urine and makes those who are afraid to have their little legs dangeling over the edge feel secure because they could hold on to the "clean" lid for support instead of the ring.

Nakie is the way to go if you can be home- it almost always works in a day or two IF the child has the bladder maturity to control their urine.
Just a tip- when you are traveling and need just a little lift for a standing boys- try letting them stand on your feet while you hold onto them- it keeps their little front parts from touching public toilet seats.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

Get rid of the pull-ups. I trained my boys when the weather was warm, they wore their "big boy" pants , it was less to change and quicker to get on the toilet. Mine wern't in day care. Once the decision was made to start potty training, there were no more diapers. At night, they went potty before bed, and we got them up before we went to bed, they had very few accidents, and neither were bedwetters. They have both been in the hospital for numerous surgeries, and still they were trained for day and nite by age 3. I think consistency is the trick. I worked part time so one of us was always home with them.

 

[Daytona99]

I used to put pull-ups over his underware. He seemed to feel the sensation of being wet more with the cotton underware right next to him - and the pull-ups kept the bed/furniture dry. He started wanting to use the potty more to avoid that wet feeling. It took him about 8 months to be completely trained - one day he just announced "I'm going to the potty like a big boy now" and that was it - Happy Day!

DH :: me DS7

 

[flying_babyb]

datoyna- We do this frequently at the daycare I work at. We also use rubber pants WONDERFUL duren the summer when they get all hot, sweaty and unconfortable. they also pin in the wet feeling which is gaurenteed to make any child feel unconfotable. We leave them wet for awile, then make them clean up the mess (rubber gloves if its BM)