Need advice... custody problems in Florida

[CinderellasSister]

Hey all! I know the DIS is such a vast community, that I'm coming here for some advice for my best friend. Her husband has an 11 year old son who spends most of his time in Florida with the mother. They have a court order specifically regarding visitation that states the father will get the child "5 days from when school lets out until 2 weeks before it begins again." They also have to notify her 45 days prior of the plane arrangements (dad lives here in another state) Well, this past Sunday, mom never put the kid on the plane. No phone call, no communication, just a text message from the kid's phone saying that he "didn't want to come". They are now going on a week with no communication at all. Short of flying down there and spending up to two weeks sifting through the legal system, dad seems to have no recourse to help him to see his son. He has always been paid up on child support as well, so this is certainly not a dead beat dad situation. But these days in this uncertain economy, who has the ability to pick up and leave their job for approximately 2 weeks? and the money to pay for emergency plane tickets, hotels, etc?

So I turn to you.... my DIS'ers..... and the vast community that we have here, to see if anyone might have any advice, insight, ideas, etc to help this dad see his son. Thanks to you all!!

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like he needs an attorney's advice.

 

[pyrxtc]

He just needs to contact the police in her town, may need to fax them a copy of custody order, and they will talk with her and let her know she can be arrested for not complying. It can be that easy. 11 is not old enough to decide for himself.

 

[fireflymedic]

Hey all! I know the DIS is such a vast community, that I'm coming here for some advice for my best friend. Her husband has an 11 year old son who spends most of his time in Florida with the mother. They have a court order specifically regarding visitation that states the father will get the child "5 days from when school lets out until 2 weeks before it begins again." They also have to notify her 45 days prior of the plane arrangements (dad lives here in another state) Well, this past Sunday, mom never put the kid on the plane. No phone call, no communication, just a text message from the kid's phone saying that he "didn't want to come". They are now going on a week with no communication at all. Short of flying down there and spending up to two weeks sifting through the legal system, dad seems to have no recourse to help him to see his son. He has always been paid up on child support as well, so this is certainly not a dead beat dad situation. But these days in this uncertain economy, who has the ability to pick up and leave their job for approximately 2 weeks? and the money to pay for emergency plane tickets, hotels, etc?

So I turn to you.... my DIS'ers..... and the vast community that we have here, to see if anyone might have any advice, insight, ideas, etc to help this dad see his son. Thanks to you all!!

I'm afraid he needs an antorney one in Fla, he (the father) needs to stay out of fla. thats not going to help.

 

[fireflymedic]

what part of fla. are we talking about anyway

 

[tomthebarncat]

I would contact the Florida State Attorney office and inquire about who would have governing authority over this situation. Good luck to the Dad, it sucks when parents use children to punish each other!

 

[Pakey]

I've been the custodial parent in this situation. It's very hard when you have a child (my son was 12 when it started; we had divorced when he was 3) who doesn't want to go and they are crying and crying and you have to put them on a plane and send them anyway. It wasn't that my son didn't love his father, he just didn't want to spend the summer in another state, away from his friends, missing camp, little league, yada yada.

It's unfortunate that the mom can't at least call the dad and discuss it and try to make alternate plans. That's what we did. We shortened the vacation to 3 weeks (scheduling it around camp and sports), next year it went down to 2, the following year it was done because my ex-husband could see that my son just didn't want to be there.

My ex-husband and I have always had a good relationship but this was one of the toughest situations we dealt with.

 

[MsPeggySue911]

In regards to what a previous poster said, in most states police won't have anything to do with a custody situation and they sure don't arrest ppl for not sending the kid to see the other parent. That's totally a civil matter for the family court. In my state they tell you right over the phone that the police nor the Sheriff will go out on a custody matter.

If the kid doesn't want to go then I wouldn't make them go. Like the mom just said, her child didn't want to go. Nobody wants to leave their home, their friends, camp, activities to stay the whole summer in another state.

The reason the father probably got a text message from the son's phone is, the mom probably told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to go but that HE had to be the one to tell the dad. That's what I would do with my kids. I would make them stand up and be honest and say they just didn't want to go.

What kind of parent wants to force a kid to come if they don't wanna come anyway?

 

[livie1205]

He just needs to contact the police in her town, may need to fax them a copy of custody order, and they will talk with her and let her know she can be arrested for not complying. It can be that easy. 11 is not old enough to decide for himself.

The dad has to go through the court, the cops will not get involved unless there is a pick up order from a judge, this is a family court issue.They will not arrest her for not making the child go.The dad has to file for contempt and go from there.I went through the same thing last year but my case was my 13 yr old did not want to go to dads house again and come to find out his dad was being abusive,we went to court and his dad lost ALL custody but they did not arrest me for not turning him over.The police here will not get involved in custody disputes.

 

[ameraumi]

In regards to what a previous poster said, in most states police won't have anything to do with a custody situation and they sure don't arrest ppl for not sending the kid to see the other parent. That's totally a civil matter for the family court. In my state they tell you right over the phone that the police nor the Sheriff will go out on a custody matter.

If the kid doesn't want to go then I wouldn't make them go. Like the mom just said, her child didn't want to go. Nobody wants to leave their home, their friends, camp, activities to stay the whole summer in another state.

The reason the father probably got a text message from the son's phone is, the mom probably told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to go but that HE had to be the one to tell the dad. That's what I would do with my kids. I would make them stand up and be honest and say they just didn't want to go.

What kind of parent wants to force a kid to come if they don't wanna come anyway?

Because it is in the best interest of the child to actually spend time with both parents. And until a CO is changed, contempt can be filed against the other parent. The CP should be thankful there is a NCP who actually WANTS to spend time with their child.

 

[Darcy03231]

I used to work for a lawyer that did almost exclusively divorce/custody work and this is one of those things that comes up frequently, especially as children start to get older and involved with friends and activities.

The attorney I worked for would first recommend that the parents and the child try to work out a reasonable compromise. Since the child is 11 this is going to become an issue every year going forward, especially once the child starts working/driving and becoming more independent.

If they can't work something out, before going to court, I recommend a mediation service. It can be much less expensive (for all parties) and they are usually pretty good at helping people resolve issues.

If that doesn't work, then court intervention may be the only answer. I would only do this as a last resort. First of all, it gets expensive and secondly it can really ruin relationships, both for the parents and between the parents and the child.

 

[Mkrop]

In regards to what a previous poster said, in most states police won't have anything to do with a custody situation and they sure don't arrest ppl for not sending the kid to see the other parent. That's totally a civil matter for the family court. In my state they tell you right over the phone that the police nor the Sheriff will go out on a custody matter.

If the kid doesn't want to go then I wouldn't make them go. Like the mom just said, her child didn't want to go. Nobody wants to leave their home, their friends, camp, activities to stay the whole summer in another state.

The reason the father probably got a text message from the son's phone is, the mom probably told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to go but that HE had to be the one to tell the dad. That's what I would do with my kids. I would make them stand up and be honest and say they just didn't want to go.

What kind of parent wants to force a kid to come if they don't wanna come anyway?

I can understand the child not wanting to go, but I would get on the phone as well to explain things. I would also not have my child cut off contact after that just because they did not want to go. I am sympathetic to the child but more of an explanation is owed the father by both child and the mother. It is called parenting!

 

[torinsmom]

My son didn't give me any trouble going to his dad's until a little later(around 13), but then again, he didn't have to spend the majority of his summer away from his friends. I can imagine how hard that is for a child that age. And yes, I know that it is sad that the dad doesn't get to see him as much as well. It's a hard situation for everyone involved.

There were times DS's dad had to come and basically make him come to his house for the weekend. I can't imagine dragging an 11 year old to the airport and forcing them onto a plane. Would they even let a child who was screaming, flailing, etc. onto the plane? I agree the mom should be more communicative, but maybe the dad was yelling and demanding and she didn't want to deal with it That's how my ex got when my son didn't want to go to the beach with him, his gf and her family last year. He was basically accusing me of making DS not want to go. Truth is, its a nice break for me when I have the house to myself, and I also don't say negative things to my kid about my ex, because that's his dad.

It sounds like they need another type of plan for the summer. Maybe the kid would like to spend 2 weeks with his dad instead of basically the whole summer. I hope someone is asking the child what the problem is and what he sees as a solution. I do think 11 is old enough to have some input.

 

[fireflymedic]

In regards to what a previous poster said, in most states police won't have anything to do with a custody situation and they sure don't arrest ppl for not sending the kid to see the other parent. That's totally a civil matter for the family court. In my state they tell you right over the phone that the police nor the Sheriff will go out on a custody matter.

If the kid doesn't want to go then I wouldn't make them go. Like the mom just said, her child didn't want to go. Nobody wants to leave their home, their friends, camp, activities to stay the whole summer in another state.

The reason the father probably got a text message from the son's phone is, the mom probably told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to go but that HE had to be the one to tell the dad. That's what I would do with my kids. I would make them stand up and be honest and say they just didn't want to go.

What kind of parent wants to force a kid to come if they don't wanna come anyway?

this thread is starting to p## me off. It does not matter if the kids wants to go, the father is keeping up his end of the bargen paying child saport every month he has a court order saying his son will see him only one time a year by=god he would be comming to see me. yes we could talk about how long he stays but I'v paid for the plain ticket and moma dont put him on the plane!

 

[torinsmom]

this thread is starting to p## me off. It does not matter if the kids wants to go, the father is keeping up his end of the bargen paying child saport every month he has a court order saying his son will see him only one time a year by=god he would be comming to see me. yes we could talk about how long he stays but I'v paid for the plain ticket and moma dont put him on the plane!

Child support and visitation are two separate things, and one does not guarantee another.

I don't know how a mom is supposed to get a kid on the plane if he is adamant he isn't going. I know my son was as big as me and stronger than me when he was 11, and it would have been impossible to force him into the car, drag him through the airport and force him onto the airplane. Yes, the mom should have communicated with the dad about this before the day of departure, but we are hearing the story third hand here. Who knows the relationship they have? I don't call or take calls from my ex when he has his panties in a wad. I communicate with him by text at times like that, b/c I don't like being screamed at, and I also like to be able to read over what I have written before I send it(talking I might say something I will regret) We also don't know that the child only sees the dad once a year, just that he sees him during the summer. It sounds like they need to meet with a mediator and figure out if the visitation needs to be tweaked. I feel for all three people involved, but I would be most concerned about the child and what is going on with him.

 

[Poohforyou]

Has the dad thought about taking a 2 weeks vacation and going to FL to spend time with his son? See where he lives, meet his friends, do some day trips etc? I can't imagine making my child do this and I can't imagine DH either if we were divorced.

I think the dad will have a much better relationship with his child in the end if he bends a little with regard to custody. Kids live for summer vacation to run around their neighborhood with their friends. I can't imagine taking that away from my child.

 

[pyrxtc]

In regards to what a previous poster said, in most states police won't have anything to do with a custody situation and they sure don't arrest ppl for not sending the kid to see the other parent. That's totally a civil matter for the family court. In my state they tell you right over the phone that the police nor the Sheriff will go out on a custody matter.

If the kid doesn't want to go then I wouldn't make them go. Like the mom just said, her child didn't want to go. Nobody wants to leave their home, their friends, camp, activities to stay the whole summer in another state.

The reason the father probably got a text message from the son's phone is, the mom probably told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to go but that HE had to be the one to tell the dad. That's what I would do with my kids. I would make them stand up and be honest and say they just didn't want to go.

What kind of parent wants to force a kid to come if they don't wanna come anyway?

The dad has to go through the court, the cops will not get involved unless there is a pick up order from a judge, this is a family court issue.They will not arrest her for not making the child go.The dad has to file for contempt and go from there.I went through the same thing last year but my case was my 13 yr old did not want to go to dads house again and come to find out his dad was being abusive,we went to court and his dad lost ALL custody but they did not arrest me for not turning him over.The police here will not get involved in custody disputes.

Not true, the police have helped me out with that situation more than once and told my ex he would be going to jail if he did not bring my DD back per custody agreement. They have also reminded me that I cannot keep her from him if the agreement says it is his time for her.

I guess it just depends on the state and how great your police department is.

 

[fireflymedic]

Child support and visitation are two separate things, and one does not guarantee another.

I don't know how a mom is supposed to get a kid on the plane if he is adamant he isn't going. I know my son was as big as me and stronger than me when he was 11, and it would have been impossible to force him into the car, drag him through the airport and force him onto the airplane. Yes, the mom should have communicated with the dad about this before the day of departure, but we are hearing the story third hand here. Who knows the relationship they have? I don't call or take calls from my ex when he has his panties in a wad. I communicate with him by text at times like that, b/c I don't like being screamed at, and I also like to be able to read over what I have written before I send it(talking I might say something I will regret) We also don't know that the child only sees the dad once a year, just that he sees him during the summer. It sounds like they need to meet with a mediator and figure out if the visitation needs to be tweaked. I feel for all three people involved, but I would be most concerned about the child and what is going on with him.

they are both court orders I like how the mom's dont like to hear any excuse why one cant pay the child support will have huby put in jail no problem because of that court order, but all the other stuff (in the court oder)aparently is up for discution

if the mom has cut off all phone calls I'm thinking she is not that real saportive of the dad getting his court ordered visit

Yes and I care about the kid too, and the brain washing that may be happening

 

[torinsmom]

they are both court orders I like how the mom's dont like to hear any excuse why one cant pay the child support will have huby put in jail no problem because of that court order, but all the other stuff (in the court oder)aparently is up for discution

if the mom has cut off all phone calls I'm thinking she is not that real saportive of the dad getting his court ordered visit

Yes and I care about the kid too, and the brain washing that may be happening

That is what I was saying, that they are two separate orders. The dad will need to take her to court or mediation to get it straightened out, just like the mom would have to take him to court if he stopped paying CS. Men have to be several months behind before anything can be done, so I don't see it as a double standard. Besides, we really don't know the details of the situation, just what the poster has been told by the wife of the dad involved.

Just b/c a child does not want to do something one parent wants them to do(even something that is in a court order)does not mean the other parent is brainwashing the kid(s). Most of us custodial moms would never do that to our kids, not because we care about our ex's, but because the ex is a part of our kids. Doing something like that damages the child's self esteem. I vent to people I trust, but my son can form his own opinions of his dad.

 

[luvmythree]

this thread is starting to p## me off. It does not matter if the kids wants to go, the father is keeping up his end of the bargen paying child saport every month he has a court order saying his son will see him only one time a year by=god he would be comming to see me. yes we could talk about how long he stays but I'v paid for the plain ticket and moma dont put him on the plane!

First of all let me fix your post (teacher in me)


This thread is starting to p## me off. It does not matter if the kids *kid* wants to go, the father is keeping up his end of the bargen *bargain* paying child saport *support* every month *and* he has a court order saying his son will see him only one time a year by=god *take out the equal sign* he would be comming *coming* to see me. yes *Y* we could talk about how long he stays but I'v *I've* paid for the plain *plane* ticket and moma *momma* dont *doesn't* put him on the plane!

After that I can say that I am divorced, I have 3 kids, only one who wants to see his dad but I can tell you the judge told the kids and both my ex and myself that the KIDS make the decision on what they want to do. My wants/my ex's wants don't matter...........the kids and their decisions are the only thing we take into consideration. My kids are almost adults except my youngest who is almost 13 but in our agreement the kids make the decisions and we as ADULTS deal with their decisions. Making them go is NOT an option and one we know we don't have to deal with thanks to the judge!!!

Obviously you either are not divorced, don't have a child or don't have a child old enough to know you do NOT force them to go see a parent they don't want to go see. If you are a parent and your child doesn't want to leave and come and see you....it's time to put on your big boy/girl panties and deal with it. Make arrangements to see them how THEY want you to see them.

I am thankful my ex and I live in the same city/town/neighborhood and it's a non issue. If either of us were to move both of us have enough respect for our kids to let THEM decide what they want to do at the ages they are. I cannot imagine FORCING my child to go see their dad if they didn't want to and my ex feels the same way. I think the parents need to grow up and realize it isn't about them anymore.