Narrowing down college choices

[NotUrsula]

I've got a high-functioning spectrum son as well, a recent college graduate, and while we definitely made some mistakes with his college experience, we did some things very right.

The big mistake? I won't go into gory details, but we really should have insisted on veto power for his major. He chose something that did not come with obvious field-specific skillsets, and has had difficulty with employment after graduation because interviewing is so difficult for him. I would never have insisted on a major of our choosing, but we should have insisted on being able to say no to something we knew would make it really hard to get hired in a full-time job. (We were just so thrilled that he did well after everyone said he'd never finish high school that we let it ride.)

So, what did we do right? For starters, we encouraged him to go rather far away from home, but made sure that he would have on-campus living options for at least 2 years. We know that kid well, and we know that he's timid by nature, and knew that if he had the opportunity to just live at home and stay in his comfort zone, that he would, and he'd expect to live at home forever and never take any risks that way. Going away to school was terrific for him; he has good instincts generally, but often fell back on depending on us when that was the easy way out. We could have reached him by air in 4 hours in the event of a real emergency, but 800 miles was an excellent reason for him to learn to trust his own instincts on routine decisions. When he fell on his skateboard freshman year, got cut, got himself stitched up without panicking, and let us know about it the following day, I knew we were on the right track. He started living off-campus alone in his junior year, and has done fine with his own small place (which we do subsidize somewhat, just as we paid extra to allow him a private bedroom when he was in the dorm; he absolutely needed a private space to decompress when he got overwhelmed. His dorm was a suite with 4 very tiny private bedrooms, 2 shared baths and a full kitchen, so that he could cook simple meals for himself when the dining hall was closed. The one thing we knew would not work was having to share a bedroom, so that was important from the start.)

While we failed to insist on a readily marketable major, we did have the sense to know that the one he chose would not likely allow him to pay back major debt in a timely fashion, so we kept the financial outlay on the lower end of average. He has a very small student loan that makes it imperative that he manage his money carefully, which he has learned to do, and some of his college savings plan is still there, which will allow him to pursue some post-graduate education if he decides to do that.

He went to school at a smaller satellite campus of a large state school, which worked out very well for him; he could go to the main campus if needed to access a broader range of classes, but his own campus was small and walkable, and he easily got to know a lot of people there. The school isn't a big-name place, but it is well-rated and the education he got was very solid. He loves the medium-sized city that he went to school in, and plans to stay put if possible.

 

[dcassetta]

I'd love some advice from those who are navigating this now or have recent experience. I have a high school sophomore who is in the marching band so he has limited time to visit colleges. Since he has some special needs and his high school's college advising program is terrible, I hired a private college counselor. We told him that we wanted some recommendations for schools to visit during Spring Break and he just sent us the list. It's overwhelming. There are 6 potential areas to visit and at least 4 schools at each. While we will definitely be consulting with our counselor about it, I'd love advice from those who have and/or going through it. We're not looking at cost during this go-round. Help!

Admittedly, I have not read the entire thread, where I am sure you’ve gotten some excellent advice. But clearly, he should go to TCU!

 

[KVH]

What's missing from this discussion (although you did mention he didn't like GW) - spending four years of life there - he's gotta be happy with the place regardless of academics. Otherwise, the expectation might be an Ivy Leagure school (IF we're talking Biology). If "the best" isn't part of your criteria, then you should be able to consider any school offering a Biology degree. Face it, in that field, a B.S. isn't going to go far in the career world so you're looking at least for one advanced degree anyway. I'm a strong beliver that being happy at school on a daily basis contributes to academic success in a large way. Which is why I went to a school with 7 girls enrolled for every 2 guys<G>.

Based on what the OP said, William and Mary would seem to fit all the criteria outlined so far. Maybe Virginia Tech. Otherwise, I'd fall back on UCLA or Berkeley. Except for UCLA, all have a more small-town fit and finish, are walkable, have 4 seasons (well, maybe not Berkeley) and are pretty great campuses.

 

[Skippy918]

I have a 9th grader, so we will be headed down this road soon. I have a feeling that getting him motivated to seek out info and be proactive is going to be difficult. So how did you push your child into being proactive without nagging and asking too many questions? I recently encouraged him to look into dual credit summer classes to get ahead cause it’s possible with the program he wants he won’t be able to fit all his classes in his schedule.

 

[georgina]

We visited schools with top rated computer science programs. We bundled west coast schools on one trip, and did a Mass/Pennsylvania/Illinois trip on another (we are in CA). The rest we visited via their websites!

That works if the student is set on a major. My DS was, and he applied directly into his major; my DD2 was not. While she did very well in math and science courses, I was sure she would end up a psychology or philosophy major, but she took her first ever computer science class in college and decide she liked the problem-solving aspects. So computer science major/math minor it was. Fortunately her liberal arts college had a good comp sci program.

 

[sam_gordon]

I have a 9th grader, so we will be headed down this road soon. I have a feeling that getting him motivated to seek out info and be proactive is going to be difficult. So how did you push your child into being proactive without nagging and asking too many questions? I recently encouraged him to look into dual credit summer classes to get ahead cause it’s possible with the program he wants he won’t be able to fit all his classes in his schedule.

You nag and keep asking questions. My son is a college athlete (DIII). He was asked to participate in a podcast about his recruiting journey. It came out in the podcast that I kept "pushing" him to do things and he regrets not doing "more".

I think you let your son know you're going to let him "drive the bus" on his college search. Because, aside from the finances, it really doesn't matter if you like (or don't like) the school, it comes down to him. Let him know you will push him to do things, but if he doesn't get things done, he's the one who will "suffer".

Regarding the dual credit (and AP/IB) classes. There's a "medium" sized college in our town. One of the parents we're friends with works at the college and she was telling us that so many kids are starting college as sophomores (because they have so many DC/AP/IB credits) but they're not adjusting well to college life. They're not "mentally" prepared. I agree that seems strange, it's just eliminating one year, I'm just relying what she told us.

 

[patty57]

Just start with some local schools. Sophomore year is pretty early to be spending a lot of money on travel for college visits. His opinions will change over time too. Start local and try big, small, medium, public, private, rural, city, etc. He'll get some ideas about what he does and doesn't like and you can use those initial impressions to narrow down future visits.

Some schools are better for special needs- I don't have specific knowledge about that. I would suggest joining the College Confidential forums as people there will know more. And when you get down to a few good options, you can contact their disability departments with specific questions.

If marching band is hoped for in college, that will be another thing to check into. If there is one, how likely he would be chosen, etc.

I think this is really solid advice. Just getting an idea of what your son prefers among small, medium, large, rural, suburban, city will go a long way to narrowing down your choices.

 

[Mommb]

Getting back to the original question of where to visit: Since you are early in the process and mentioned 6 different areas with at least 4 schools each, I would pick one of those areas, maybe one that has disparate schools (urban, suburban, rural or large/medium small) or just an area with other sites your family wants to visit. Then visit all the appealing schools in that area. At this stage, you just want to have your son get a sense of what colleges in general are like. Even if he doesn’t end up applying to any of the first schools you visit, you will have started the process.

Keep in mind that the goal of the college search process is to find a school that will work for your son, not necessarily the best school. There is almost certainly more than one school that would be fine, so don’t worry about not visiting, or even researching, every school that might work.

 

[VandVsmama]

One of the more recent "Your College Bound Kid" podcast episodes had a really great Q&A session w/some college admissions subject matter experts who specialize in disabled students/learning disability students/students with autism/students with learning differences. I don't have a kid in any of those categories, but I learned a lot about it from listening to it.

We've only done 2 college tours so far w/ODD (she's in 11th grade), but what I did on those tours was:

• kept my mouth shut before, during, & immediately after the campus tour and info session(s)
• asked the kid ahead of time if there was anything she specifically wanted to get more info on
• once we had left the campus and were driving away, asked ODD to name 2 things she liked and 2 things she didn't like. Basically asked for initial off-the-cuff first impressions.
• I didn't say what *I* thought until AFTER she was done talking about the stuff she liked, didn't like, and other things she was considering re: the college.
• asked after the tour (and after the "name stuff you liked/didn't like" questions) if she thought she could see living there for 4 yr. Got a range of "heck no" to "Mmm...maybe...yeah...it's a possibility."

Honestly, going on 24 college tours is a lot. And that's a lot of $$ to spend on just traveling to go on college tours.

also, keep in mind that the sort of thing that your kid is really interested now as a potential major could totally change by the time high school graduation happens. So a particular "type" of school might sound great now, but might no longer be in the "definitely consider this place" category later on if the other major(s) your kiddo switches to aren't offered there.

In other words, don't get your (the parent, that is) heart set on any one thing right now.

If you don't look at finances and consider where out of the list of 24 colleges you CAN afford to send your kiddo, then if you do take the kid on all 24 tours, you run the risk of the student totally falling in love with a place that you flat out cannot afford to go to. It's kind of like going to test drive a Ferrari when you can't afford a Ferrari.

Every year on college message boards in the spring, there are posts by students and parents totally devastated that the high school senior got into Amazing University Dream School but flat out cannot go because he/she can't afford it.

Just consider that as you're taking in all of the advice here and from the college counselor you've engaged for assistance.

 

[barkley]

Regarding the dual credit (and AP/IB) classes. There's a "medium" sized college in our town. One of the parents we're friends with works at the college and she was telling us that so many kids are starting college as sophomores (because they have so many DC/AP/IB credits) but they're not adjusting well to college life. They're not "mentally" prepared. I agree that seems strange, it's just eliminating one year, I'm just relying what she told us.

this is why the university my oldest graduated from amended their requirement of 'first year students' living on campus to specifically include those students who who are entering above freshman level due to 'running start' and other college credit earning programs high school students utilize. they found that these students have more issues adjusting b/c they are not only adjusting to collegiate life but by virtue of their sophomore (and in many cases-junior) standing are being thrown into academic settings/study group dynamics they just haven't had the preparation for b/c their experiences taking dc/ap and other such structured classes is just not the same as taking them in the traditional manner/in a traditional setting.

 

[disykat]

• kept my mouth shut before, during, & immediately after the campus tour and info session(s)

Such good advice!! My son and I couldn't believe it on a college tour when one of the mom's kept asking questions. She wanted to know about the nutrition and calorie counts of food available in the cafeteria, the gym where her daughter could exercise, etc. My son and I were just dying for the poor girl because not only was she talking and asking tons of questions (we never saw another parent ask more than maybe ONE applicable question, most parents clearly let their child lead the day) but she was clearly weirdly obsessive about the weight and fitness of her daughter. The daughter didn't say a word, except an exasperated "mom!". Sad.

Even my DH, who is very smart but doesn't always get social cues, went on one tour and randomly asked if all kids came with their own computers. (A weird question to ask when even HE took his own computer to college 30 years earlier!) The guide spent the rest of the tour pointing out all the resources for kids without computers. My son and I were dying of the ridiculousness of it all! That confused guide thought this kid is planning on showing up without a laptop or chrome book or anything. We made it a point to ban him from talking at the next tour!

 

[DisneyOma]

I would start with finding the most obvious state school choice and visiting that, then an obvious private option that is reachable by scholarship, etc., then a reach school etc. If you visit any schools, or even happen to be on vacation, visit nearby schools too. Neither of my kids ended up even wanting to pursue their reach school because they had already chosen. (Plus they were looking hard at other student's experiences and suddenly MIT etc. didn't look so good when last year's local class valedictorian/ well known genius got accepted but without enough scholarship backing to actually go there. Many of those schools only offer huge grants to low income, etc. that not everyone qualifies for.) If they have a dream school, look hard at how they offer scholarship help.

I kept telling them they don't want to go to a school where they were on the lower end of that and have to compete from a disadvantage.

MIT gives grant scholarships based on financial need - sounds like the parents didn't want to pay anything for the education? We paid about $6000 a year for our daughter; the rest was covered by grants and a few scholarships from high school.

I get the honor student at a lesser college idea - some schools offer honor program scholarships (other daughter got 20K a year from her smaller, lesser known college) but to avoid being one of the students at the lower end of the acceptance range? That seems counterproductive to me - the school accepted for a reason, thinks the student is an asset and will graduate. It's better to graduate from a college with higher acceptance standards than one with lower ones IMO.

 

[DisneyOma]

we know how much a GOOD well thought out iep makes a difference but while some accommodations can be made at the collegiate level there's no iep or 504 protections so figuring out your son's known and potential needs (and wants) are vital.

While IEPs may not follow students out of high school, 504 is a section of ADA and every college/university that accepts federal funds (Stafford loans, anyone?) must abide by the ADA.

 

[unrequited23]

You've been getting great overall advice on college visits. My very specific advice for the visits you should plan during your son's spring break is to visit colleges that are actually in session at that time to get a feel for the campus environment. Then I would narrow it down to an area that has non-college attractions that your family would be into.

I think for a sophomore your son has a great grasp on what he needs to be successful in college.

 

[kymom99]

I’m just going to say my son looked at 3 schools, 2 state and one private. I can’t imagine stressing us all out by looking at so many schools. We saw several kids get into their dream school only to transfer after a semester.

He started visits in his junior year. He visited the school he chose twice.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It's better to graduate from a college with higher acceptance standards than one with lower ones IMO.

I was just happy my kids graduated, period. I have no idea about higher or lower acceptance standards where they went. If I had to guess I’d say they were higher because a lot of people try to go there. My DS was probably fortunate to get in, I think the baseball coach had something to do with it. And my DD didn’t originally get accepted into the major she wanted as her SAT scores weren’t high enough. She had to fight her way in by getting great grades the first year and reapplying. It helped that she made herself useful in a club she joined, I believe. Thankfully she made it. A lot of the nursing students who got in originally didn’t graduate - they either dropped the major, left, or dropped back.

I think that, for many students, it’s not as cut and dry as it is for others, such as those who are valedictorian level. For the plain old average student, there has to be some level of common sense and sticktoitiveness. It helps when they like where they are, can afford it, and have the motivation to keep going.

A lot of factors have to come together when choosing somewhere to go. We really didn’t analyze everything to the nth degree, we mainly went by intuition and feel, along with fingers crossed that it would all work out. YMMV.

 

[sam_gordon]

It's better to graduate from a college with higher acceptance standards than one with lower ones IMO.

Why? For most degrees, the college you attend really doesn't make a difference, especially after you get your first job. Employers simply want to know if you can do the work.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Why? For most degrees, the college you attend really doesn't make a difference, especially after you get your first job. Employers simply want to know if you can do the work.

I agree - in this day and age, it's actually better to go to a school that has "feeder employers" for fields you want to go into and places you want to work. Some of those have incredibly open admission policies (usually the big schools), some are very strict admissions. So, that quality of the school (tight admission standards and large rejection rates) really doesn't matter.

 

[mrs. magoo]

I have navigated the college search 4 times. My oldest changed his mind on the last day for deposits. We lost the deposit at the local school but he loved his 4 years at St. Joe's in Philadelphia so much that he never returned home. He walked onto the rowing team and rowed in the 1st boat all 4 years. It was an incredible experience. My oldest DD was the one that I thought would go far from home but she is also the least motivated of my children she stayed close to home and now teaches in the district she went to.

My younger DD is on the spectrum but plays a lacrosse. She has struggled the most with her choice of school and major. She chose a school 2.5 hours away that actually has a program for students with Autism. She is not part of that program though. I have fielded many crying phone calls and have almost gotten into my car at all hours of the night to go to school to get her. I have told her repeatedly that she can transfer schools. Most of her issues are with lacrosse. We have also told her that she does not need to play lacrosse, but she wants to play. She is graduating on time this May with a degree in Fashion Merchandising (She started as a physics major and then became a geology major). Not the best major but she did have 2 rounds of interviews for Abercrombie (they did not move her forward but I was quite impressed). Your child is involved in band just be prepared that things may not go smoothly with band.

My youngest DS plays football. He started as a large state school but it was all together a terrible fit. The coaching staff left before he reported and the new coaching staff did not want the first years that were recruited - every single one of the first years who came in with Rowan have either transferred or dropped out. He transferred to a FBS school and things are much better. He is happier and better adjusted.

My advice take them to lots of schools. You don't have to do tours at them just drive through the campus get the feel. Does your child want a city setting, suburbs or rural? These are the questions to answer first and then go from there.

 

[mjkacmom]

MIT gives grant scholarships based on financial need - sounds like the parents didn't want to pay anything for the education? We paid about $6000 a year for our daughter; the rest was covered by grants and a few scholarships from high school.

I get the honor student at a lesser college idea - some schools offer honor program scholarships (other daughter got 20K a year from her smaller, lesser known college) but to avoid being one of the students at the lower end of the acceptance range? That seems counterproductive to me - the school accepted for a reason, thinks the student is an asset and will graduate. It's better to graduate from a college with higher acceptance standards than one with lower ones IMO.

94% of MIT applicants do not get an acceptance, even though most are qualified. I don’t think that’s the best financial strategy for most. If my child was accepted at MIT, the table says we’d be paying $40,000+ a year, not sure if that’s tuition only or room and board included.