Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[Southernmiss]

I can't be the only person on this thread that's been wondering about this, and between the baby nurse, nanny and car services, wondering how much of your income must have to go directly towards these expenses. As Moms** each of us reaches a point where we have to make decisions balancing the value of our salary (minus expenses for childcare and domestic help) against the overall well-being of our family and ourselves. Many find the math makes the decisions for them.

ETA: **and increasingly more often, Dads.

Yes. A few pages back I suggested that perhaps Op needed to evaluate if it was worth it for both she and Dh to work. Or if maybe they needed to move to a lower cost of living area.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I both need and want to work outside the home in my career field.

Not getting into stay at home mom vs. working mom

 

[roseaster]

I can't be the only person on this thread that's been wondering about this, and between the baby nurse, nanny and car services, wondering how much of your income must have to go directly towards these expenses. As Moms** each of us reaches a point where we have to make decisions balancing the value of our salary (minus expenses for childcare and domestic help) against the overall well-being of our family and ourselves. Many find the math makes the decisions for them.

ETA: **and increasingly more often, Dads.

I doubt that the "baby nurse" was an actual nurse. Registered nurses salaries in NYC average about $35ish an hour. Which I would guess make an LPN's salary in the $25ish and hour range. This was more likely some sort of nanny person who specializes in newborns, but I could be wrong.

Actually by hiring illegal in home help the OP is probably paying the same as she would if she payed a licensed day care and she is getting housework as a bonus.

I had 2 diapered children in daycare at once and was paying $1000 a week and I still had to do my own dishes.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

OP, I'm glad the baby nurse helped you. I imagine there were circumstances we're unaware of like perhaps your starting medications that could have made you groggy and whatnot (hearing you say you were falling asleep during feedings, that's not safe if you drop the baby). It sounds like your anxiety was pretty high also, and that can go along with depression. I hope you're feeling better now. There is no shame in a chemical imbalance and finding ways that help you through it. I agree with a pp poster, though, that it sounded initially like you had used the baby nurse just because everyone else was. But now we know differently.

 

[mommysaurus]

Just because something is "the norm" -there ARE exceptions

My brother had his first child "W" late in life (it was his wife's 5th)..she always had childcare as a divorced Mom of 4 with 2 biznesses
They had a nanny for W...mostly 8-6pm ( she was 40ish married-no kids)
when he got older-like 2, the 4 oldest went to their Dad's on Wednesday night....so Nanny took "W" home to her house to "his room " at her house-so Mom and dad had one night "child free"

My sis & I thought it was the WEIRDEST thing ever...and she became MUCH closer to him than was normal-IMO. It was VERY hard when they no longer needed her-like he was 7....she didn't want to "let go"...she was ALWAYS invited to his Birthday parties for years

I fear this is going to be my son and I with our sitter. Not that extreme but my son is very bonded to her and I consider her a family member. Please tell me the child ended up normal and well adjusted haha.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I doubt that the "baby nurse" was an actual nurse. Registered nurses salaries in NYC average about $35ish an hour. Which I would guess make an LPN's salary in the $25ish and hour range. This was more likely some sort of nanny person who specializes in newborns, but I could be wrong.

Just coming to address this very thing.

You are probably right about the average RN wage in NYC (though some will make more and some, less) but remember this will have to be a very experienced nurse, whose salary would likely be higher, and working overnights generally yields a few extra dollars per hour. And don't forget the certifications one would have to be an RN Lactation Consultant, etc. It all adds up, and typically, agencies cost the client more.

That said, I did a quick bit of research and "baby nurses" in NYC are apparently not licensed nurses at all. They are nannies. Or doulas. Unlicensed personnel. Cost runs about $150/day. I would post a link but I don't want to fan the flames again here, but there are lots of articles if you google.

Again, I don't think the OP should be criticized for getting help when she needed it.

Also, it wasn't the OP that posted the inflammatory comments about NYC, it was another poster.

As much as we may not agree with some of the things posted here, there is a person sitting behind the keyboard here who may be hurting, so let's maybe all put our maternal instincts together, take a deep breath, and see if we can help her move forward from here.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

And I do apologize if my above post came across as scolding. I'm just getting worried about the OP.

 

[roseaster]

Just coming to address this very thing.

You are probably right about the average RN wage in NYC (though some will make more and some, less) but remember this will have to be a very experienced nurse, whose salary would likely be higher, and working overnights generally yields a few extra dollars per hour. And don't forget the certifications one would have to be an RN Lactation Consultant, etc. It all adds up, and typically, agencies cost the client more.

That said, I did a quick bit of research and "baby nurses" in NYC are apparently not licensed nurses at all. They are nannies. Or doulas. Unlicensed personnel. Cost runs about $150/day. I would post a link but I don't want to fan the flames again here, but there are lots of articles if you google.

Again, I don't think the OP should be criticized for getting help when she needed it.

Also, it wasn't the OP that posted the inflammatory comments about NYC, it was another poster.

As much as we may not agree with some of the things posted here, there is a person sitting behind the keyboard here who may be hurting, so let's maybe all put our maternal instincts together, take a deep breath, and see if we can help her move forward from here.

I'm a nurse. That's why I'm familiar with the salary.

No one is criticizing the OP for getting help when she needed it, she was very fortunate to have the means to do so. It was probably the best for the baby. I think that the point was that the OP is coming across as very nitpicky and elitist regarding THIS nanny.

It was one issue when she thought the nanny wasn't physically able to care for the baby (though I disagree) but when she started harping on the nanny not being able to fold the stroller on the 1st try or get the rain cover on (and I have a lot of kids, those things are not always intuitive) calling them "tradecraft" and saying that all the other mommies in the neighborhood have the same stroller, it then sounded like snobbery.

When she threw in the thing about the humidifier it became ridiculous. It came across as if she couldn't be bothered with such mundane tasks, even if it was something that could benefit her own child. It now sounds as if it has become a pile on to justify finding a new nanny.

 

[gwynne]

And I do apologize if my above post came across as scolding. I'm just getting worried about the OP.

OP has gotten quite a bit of kind, practical advice, mindful that she is a new mom. Things veered a tad recently on this thread, but overall I think posters have tried to be helpful. I hope OP finds a new nanny that is a better fit soon. I wish her the best going forward.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm a nurse. That's why I'm familiar with the salary.

As am I. Which is why I'm concerned.

I quoted your post, but all of my words were not directed at you specifically, just the beginning part of the post. I'm sorry if it appeared I was singling you out.

It was one issue when she thought the nanny wasn't physically able to care for the baby (though I disagree) but when she started harping on the nanny not being able to fold the stroller on the 1st try or get the rain cover on (and I have a lot of kids, those things are not always intuitive) calling them "tradecraft" and saying that all the other mommies in the neighborhood have the same stroller, it then sounded like snobbery.

My first post in this thread was also giving the nanny the benefit of the doubt.

When she threw in the thing about the humidifier it became ridiculous. It came across as if she couldn't be bothered with such mundane tasks, even if it was something that could benefit her own child. It now sounds as if it has become a pile on to justify finding a new nanny.

I agree this seems to be where things went south. I just feel like this is a person who purportedly has PPD and it seemed to be a bit of a pile on over the last few pages. I suspect there's a lot the OP hasn't shared, and that's her prerogative. Things may not be as they seem. She may be from a background different than one we're imagining. There are a lot of other "may be's". And those are what I'm worried about. OP do you want to address any of these? (You don't have to.) If you're ok the way things are going, just say the word and I'll shut my trap.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

OP has gotten quite a bit of kind, practical advice, mindful that she is a new mom. Things veered a tad recently on this thread, but overall I think posters have tried to be helpful. I hope OP finds a new nanny that is a better fit soon. I wish her the best going forward.

I agree lots have tried to be helpful.

 

[frndshpcptn]

As am I. Which is why I'm concerned.

I quoted your post, but all of my words were not directed at you specifically, just the beginning part of the post. I'm sorry if it appeared I was singling you out.


My first post in this thread was also giving the nanny the benefit of the doubt.


I agree this seems to be where things went south. I just feel like this is a person who purportedly has PPD and it seemed to be a bit of a pile on over the last few pages. I suspect there's a lot the OP hasn't shared, and that's her prerogative. Things may not be as they seem. She may be from a background different than one we're imagining. There are a lot of other "may be's". And those are what I'm worried about. OP do you want to address any of these? (You don't have to.) If you're ok the way things are going, just say the word and I'll shut my trap.

Thank you.

I love my DD more than words and the medication (in combination with other things) is helping tremendously.

Yes, the baby nurse is technically a nanny-type who specializes in newborns.

Yes, many friends have had a baby nurse. Not because of ppd, but just because.

I tried to do it without one and failed miserably.

So I hired one. She was my Mary Poppins.

Maybe that's part of my problem. She was so great I wish she could have stayed and been our full time nanny.

But she loves being a baby nurse (we asked).

 

[ronandannette]

I both need and want to work outside the home in my career field.

Not getting into stay at home mom vs. working mom

No value judgement from me either way - I've unapologetically been both. But at heart I'm a pragmatist and most of us come to a point where we objectively evaluate what will "work best" for the season we're in.

 

[mom2grace]

I doubt that the "baby nurse" was an actual nurse. Registered nurses salaries in NYC average about $35ish an hour.

I posted a few pages back about salary across the country. I live in a major midwestern city (not Chicago, Chocago is more like NYC than my city).

I've been a nurse for 4 years & I make $35/hr. How in the world does a nurse afford to live in Manhattan?

 

[wilkeliza]

I posted a few pages back about salary across the country. I live in a major midwestern city (not Chicago, Chocago is more like NYC than my city).

I've been a nurse for 4 years & I make $35/hr. How in the world does a nurse afford to live in Manhattan?

Most nurses that work in Manhattan don't live here as well. Many live in the other boroughs and commute in.

 

[roseaster]

Thank you.

I love my DD more than words and the medication (in combination with other things) is helping tremendously.

Yes, the baby nurse is technically a nanny-type who specializes in newborns.

Yes, many friends have had a baby nurse. Not because of ppd, but just because.

I tried to do it without one and failed miserably.

So I hired one. She was my Mary Poppins.

Maybe that's part of my problem. She was so great I wish she could have stayed and been our full time nanny.

But she loves being a baby nurse (we asked).

Okay, that's so much more honest. This woman was there for you during a very bad time and you had a bond with her. It is very understandable.

Some practical advice from someone who has done this many times over:

Stop comparing. Don't compare your new help to her. She did you an invaluable service and you are extremely grateful, and no one can ever measure up. No one is ever going to be her. That doesn't mean other people are bad, or incompetent, they are just different.

Stop comparing your situation to other people's. 1) You have to do what is right for you. 2) People lie. A lot.

People are going to make it seem as if their situation/help/kid/stroller is perfect, or at least better than yours. It's

I posted a few pages back about salary across the country. I live in a major midwestern city (not Chicago, Chocago is more like NYC than my city).

I've been a nurse for 4 years & I make $35/hr. How in the world does a nurse afford to live in Manhattan?

That is the average salary, taking in all specialties, areas of practice, educational levels, and experience. I don't live in NY, actually in NJ. My cost of living is ridiculously high, too. It isn't only major cities which have high living costs.

 

[minniecarousel]

hang in there OP!

 

[maddiel]

Stop comparing. Don't compare your new help to her. She did you an invaluable service and you are extremely grateful, and no one can ever measure up. No one is ever going to be her. That doesn't mean other people are bad, or incompetent, they are just different.

Stop comparing your situation to other people's. 1) You have to do what is right for you. 2) People lie. A lot.

People are going to make it seem as if their situation/help/kid/stroller is perfect, or at least better than yours.

Some things are so true they need to be repeated. Seriously OP - print this out and stick it on your fridge. Or else you will most likely find yourself here or somewhere else in a few months complaining about Nanny #2, or #3.....

M.

 

[NewRVLady]

&

I fear this is going to be my son and I with our sitter. Not that extreme but my son is very bonded to her and I consider her a family member.
Please tell me the child ended up normal and well adjusted haha.

My brother & SIL ended up hiring her almost immediately for her older DD who had a baby and was still in college/working part time (I also thought that this young lady having a nanny, NOT being a career woman was nuts-haha)
He is Fabulous! He is my "Brainiac" nephew studying Computer Robotics at Carnegie-Mellon and has a summer Internship at NASA;s Jet Propulsion Lab in CA for the 2020 MARS Rover!

 

[sunshinehighway]

Thank you.

I love my DD more than words and the medication (in combination with other things) is helping tremendously.

Yes, the baby nurse is technically a nanny-type who specializes in newborns.

Yes, many friends have had a baby nurse. Not because of ppd, but just because.

I tried to do it without one and failed miserably.

So I hired one. She was my Mary Poppins.

Maybe that's part of my problem. She was so great I wish she could have stayed and been our full time nanny.

But she loves being a baby nurse (we asked).

If you are looking for Mary Poppins your expectations are too high.
Besides, you'd be here complaining about Mary Poppins. She did things her own way.