Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[Mkrop]

I really don't mean to sound snobby or elitist. I'm really the furthest thing from that. We live in a one bedroom apartment and both work full time.

A baby nurse was here only at night. I didn't have the full 24 hour baby nurse - because I wanted to do it on my own as much as possible. A baby nurse is not unusual - she came from 7pm -7am. We paid her very well and got her dinner every night. That's very typical and we still stay in touch and provide her excellent references and recommend her to our friends to help her find more jobs.

While apparently it's not the norm everywhere, when I met with this nanny at first she was the one who suggested the light housekeeping and all. I checked with friends and found that was what they had with their nannies as well. And the ones who offered to make the food -- again that was an offer not an ask. I was planning to buy baby food and they were horrified I was going to give DD jarred food (which I was totally fine with - gerber or beech nut or something).

Maybe it is just different here.

Yes I am afraid it is. I am glad you had this service but this is not the norm.

 

[Nancyg56]

Well, technically she also does DD's laundry, light cleaning / straightening up, empties the dishwasher, etc as part of her job.

But I can see how setting up the humidifier may not really fall under that.

Wait, she is your maid and cleaning lady as well?????????

 

[Mkrop]

I would have killed to have someone there to watch the baby "only at night". I was up and down all night and also had to be up early to have the older 2 at school the next morning. It's not easier or harder in any particular city. People just do what they must to get through. I had to remind myself many times that nobody ever died from lack of sleep.

For DS13 (kid #2) I would have needed a baby nurse for 3 years. He was brutal. He was on the sleep study list when one of the other peds suggested a weighted blanket. It finally worked and I literally read every book and tried everything

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Sorry but it seems like you want everyone else to do the hard work. You didn't want to get up at night? News flash- that's what most new mothers do. You want the nanny to do housework, laundry and childcare and then complain because you couldn't be bothered to set up the humidifier. Couldn't have been that important to you

It really seems like you are just looking for excuses. Good luck getting a perfect nanny who will do everything for $15 an hour!

 

[Mkrop]

And I also am wondering how easy this humidifier was to put together....

 

[NewRVLady]

And the ones who offered to make the food -- again that was an offer not an ask. I was planning to buy baby food and they were horrified I was going to give DD jarred food (which I was totally fine with - gerber or beech nut or something).

Maybe it is just different here.

I'm confused-the Nanny applicants were HORRIFIED?
I cant imagine telling a potential employer that her feeding plans were not "up to snuff"

Majority of babies use commercial foods(nowadays many of the groovy food combos come in pouches-from what I see my DIL use)....altho at 3 MONTHS-I am praying you aren't feeding her Food yet, except cereal?

 

[frndshpcptn]

I was glad someone else asked what a baby nurse was, so I didn't have to guess or profess ignorance, but once I heard the explanation I thought maybe it was someone who helped you establish nursing, set up a household routine, show you how to wash and care for your baby, stuff like that. Now I read that you hired the baby nurse to come stay in your house at night to take care of the baby, should she wake up, so you could sleep through the night? I am pretty sure that for much of the country, and certainly for everyone I know, that is MOST unusual!

she did all the above.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I'm confused-the Nanny applicants were HORRIFIED?
I cant imagine telling a potential employer that her feeding plans were not "up to snuff"

Majority of babies use commercial foods(nowadays many of the groovy food combos come in pouches-from what I see my DIL use)....altho at 3 MONTHS-I am praying you aren't feeding her Food yet, except cereal?

Not even cereal. Formal only. We won't start cereal til maybe 5 months.

I know - I was surprised too but more than one was shocked I wasn't planning to make my own food.

Nannies here can be very judgmental. My friend is interviewing nannies too and one asked her when she was planning to move to a bigger place with more amenities!

 

[YachtClubWoman]

I think it is time to make a decision with your husband and deal with it - I am embarrassed to say I have wasted time reading this thread

 

[frndshpcptn]

Yes I am afraid it is. I am glad you had this service but this is not the norm.

Ok, clarifying that it's not unusual within my work / social circle. These baby nurses are in high demand and paid extraordinarily well.

I wanted to take care of my baby and I did. But going on no sleep was no good for me and led to being put on medication for ppd.

I undestand people judge. I judge people I know who don't work and still have full time help. We all judge based on our own experiences and feelings.

 

[mommysaurus]

Am I the only one who's jaw is on the floor over a nurse staying 12 hours a night to help out? While you also have a husband to team up with?

My son is 8 and I still feel bad leaving him each morning. I wanted to cry the first time he ran to his teacher at daycare and didn't give me a second look. I literally cannot imagine voluntarily outsourcing my kid to someone half of the day while I was home.

OP I am curious how much you paid this person? More than the nanny? Was she also expected to do housework and laundry during her shift?

 

[frndshpcptn]

Wait, she is your maid and cleaning lady as well?????????

Clearly this seems unusual to many but I promise you it's not. She outlined to me what she anticipated doing as part of her job and it included all the above. I didn't ask - she suggested!

And so has everyone I've spoken with. It's the standard.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Am I the only one who's jaw is on the floor over a nurse staying 12 hours a night to help out? While you also have a husband to team up with?

My son is 8 and I still feel bad leaving him each morning. I wanted to cry the first time he ran to his teacher at daycare and didn't give me a second look. I literally cannot imagine voluntarily outsourcing my kid to someone half of the day while I was home.

OP I am curious how much you paid this person? More than the nanny? Was she also expected to do housework and laundry during her shift?

That's ok. My DH drives for a living and I refused to let him go without sleep then get behind the wheel. He helped in other ways and at other times.

 

[mommysaurus]

For DS13 (kid #2) I would have needed a baby nurse for 3 years. He was brutal. He was on the sleep study list when one of the other peds suggested a weighted blanket. It finally worked and I literally read every book and tried everything

Here here....I would have needed that for 4 years with mine. Turned out he had medical problems causing his sleep problems..he needed a weighted blanket and medication and is doing much better. We are still figuring it out. He had a new diagnosis last year and another a few months ago, but he is a good sleeper now. Weighted blankets are miracles..glad it worked for you too!

 

[gwynne]

Am I the only one who's jaw is on the floor over a nurse staying 12 hours a night to help out? While you also have a husband to team up with?

My son is 8 and I still feel bad leaving him each morning. I wanted to cry the first time he ran to his teacher at daycare and didn't give me a second look. I literally cannot imagine voluntarily outsourcing my kid to someone half of the day while I was home.

OP I am curious how much you paid this person? More than the nanny? Was she also expected to do housework and laundry during her shift?

The hired baby nurse has been a thing in NYC for a long time. I knew someone who employed one there in the late 80's.
The nurse (in white uniform) worked for them for a month caring for their baby.

 

[frndshpcptn]

And to add - I know I'll be judged for the baby nurse, but she saved my life.

I had horrible PPD. I was terrified to be alone with the baby. Terrified.

The only way I could get through the day was to know at 7pm Mary Poppins was going to ring my doorbell, give me a hug and help me care for the most important thing in my world.

I would count down the minutes - it was like having a mix of a mom and security blanket here at night. Instead of staying up and staring at DD all night to make sure she was breathing, I could close my eyes and rest for a couple hours.

She helped me get organized, confidant and well. We did the bath together every night so I could learn. She showed me how to more effectively breastfeed (I breastfed for a month). I had been afraid I was going to drop her in the middle of the night because I kept nodding off during feedings and felt so much better knowing there was an experienced set of eyes and hands there to help.

She was worth every penny.

I am a better mom now because I had that help and guidance.

 

[frndshpcptn]

The hired baby nurse has been a thing in NYC for a long time. I knew someone who employed one there in the late 80's.
The nurse (in white uniform) worked for them for a month caring for their baby.
On the other hand, this family thought we were a little odd handling all the care ourselves. We were a military family overseas having a baby. No relatives around, we supported each other. I remember being tired, but we managed.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Thanks

My mom had a baby nurse with me back in the late '70's. So did my husbands mom. It's not that strange here.

 

[Mkrop]

That's ok. My DH drives for a living and I refused to let him go without sleep then get behind the wheel. He helped in other ways and at other times.

My DH drives for a living as well so I understand that part, I took on all the overnight duties until the weekend and then he did it. I still have never heard of ANYONE hiring a baby nurse unless the mom was incredibly ill after birth.

 

[Mkrop]

And to add - I know I'll be judged for the baby nurse, but she saved my life.

I had horrible PPD. I was terrified to be alone with the baby. Terrified.

The only way I could get through the day was to know at 7pm Mary Poppins was going to ring my doorbell, give me a hug and help me care for the most important thing in my world.

I would count down the minutes - it was like having a mix of a mom and security blanket here at night. Instead of staying up and staring at DD all night to make sure she was breathing, I could close my eyes and rest for a couple hours.

She helped me get organized, confidant and well. We did the bath together every night so I could learn. She showed me how to more effectively breastfeed (I breastfed for a month). I had been afraid I was going to drop her in the middle of the night because I kept nodding off during feedings and felt so much better knowing there was an experienced set of eyes and hands there to help.

She was worth every penny.

I am a better mom now because I had that help and guidance.

I am glad she was able to help you, and make you a better mom...BUT once again that is NOT the norm and most people can not afford this type of service.

 

[gwynne]

Thanks

My lmom had a baby nurse with me back in the late '70's. So did my husbands mom. It's not that strange here.

I'm glad the nurse was helpful for you.