Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[frndshpcptn]

It was the reason we went to daycare, too. We tried in home care, initially. The 1st sitter was a college student. She was great, but after 1 semester changed her schedule and wasn't available when we needed her. We had a string of problems after that. One that was always late, one that decided to inform of of her vacation the day before leaving.

Then we tried someone who did child care out of her home. She would call at the last minute and say she was unable to keep the kids that day, or inform us at drop off that we needed to pick them up early because she had some sort of commitment.

After that we just ponied up the extra money and went to daycare. We were aware, barring weather emergencies, what days and what hours they were available. We were aware of what affiliations they had. Plus, instead of just being watched and entertained they learned things.

It was just a better fit for us. The trade off is it is more expensive. Sometimes you have to weigh things and decide what is and isn't a priority. I have a catholic coworker who sends his son to preschool at the Jewish Community Center. The JCC offers the best educational preschool program in the area. He gets a great education, but the trade off is he is taught religious beliefs that don't necessarily jibe with his parents'.

I wish we had a good daycare near us. I've heard of maybe 2, but the waiting lists to get in are scary. Which is strange since the majority of people I know use nannies.

 

[wilkeliza]

I wish we had a good daycare near us. I've heard of maybe 2, but the waiting lists to get in are scary. Which is strange since the majority of people I know use nannies.

Being in NYC you'll soon enough start the daycare and preschool applications. Niece started preschool at 2 and was in interviews just after 12 months. It is insane.

Are you in Manhattan or in one of the outer boroughs?

 

[frndshpcptn]

I had somewhat the same experience with my third child. He was the only child I had that went to one who daycare while I worked. I took him to a Lady that came highly recommended but after a few weeks I was uneasy about things. Nothing bad, just we lived in two different worlds. Her house wasn't the cleanest as time went on, she had a big dog that he seemed scared of (to this day he hates dogs).....just little things like that. At the time, I told myself it was no big deal and to cowboy up, she loved the child and he wasn't in any harm so not to worry about it. He stayed for 2 1/2 years until I just couldn't do it anymore and found different arrangements. He was never in any danger and nothing horrible happened to him and the sitter did love him but that child is now 21 and asks me everyday WHY DID YOU TAKE ME THERE.....and I still wonder what the heck was wrong with me. I knew I didn't want him there and he was uncomfortable there -- it just wasn't a great match. If I had it to do over......she would have been gone the first time I thought about it. Trust your self, you know what's best for your child and the only one you owe is the baby!!!!

Good luck

Thanks. I really appreciate the vote of confidence in the "mom gut"

 

[frndshpcptn]

Being in NYC you'll soon enough start the daycare and preschool applications. Niece started preschool at 2 and was in interviews just after 12 months. It is insane.

Are you in Manhattan or in one of the outer boroughs?

In Manhattan. I'm terrified of the preschool process. Terrified. I have a friend who forgot to sign her son up for preschool early enough and ended up at this strange place because it was the only option available.

I need to research how this new universal pre-K program works

 

[frndshpcptn]

I met with a new nanny candidate today. She seemed good. We clicked (which is how I felt with the other nanny that I really like). Some people you just "click" with and some you don't - I interviewed a ton of baby nurses and chose mine because not only was she qualified but we clicked personally.

I thought about all the points the group here brought up and made sure to cover them in the initial interview.

Going to have her come meet DH and DD next.

 

[wilkeliza]

In Manhattan. I'm terrified of the preschool process. Terrified. I have a friend who forgot to sign her son up for preschool early enough and ended up at this strange place because it was the only option available.

I need to research how this new universal pre-K program works

Universal pre-K basically means your kid is assigned somewhere. So it could be a private school, it could be a charter school, and it could be a public school. It could be religious based and it might not be. It may be in your neighborhood and it could be in the Bronx. Basically all it does is guarantee every pre-school age child a seat in a classroom some where in the city. Not necessarily the best seat but a seat.

My sister in law (the 2 year quickly approaching 3 year old's mom) is a pre-school admissions counselor. The fact that job exists and she makes a killing is what terrified me about preschool here in Manhattan! I want to be in the suburbs before we have kids because it is too cut throat here.

 

[wilkeliza]

I met with a new nanny candidate today. She seemed good. We clicked (which is how I felt with the other nanny that I really like). Some people you just "click" with and some you don't - I interviewed a ton of baby nurses and chose mine because not only was she qualified but we clicked personally.

I thought about all the points the group here brought up and made sure to cover them in the initial interview.

Going to have her come meet DH and DD next.

Based on your needs are you offering full time? I think the issue my other sister in law is having is that she only needs a part time nanny right now so hers keep leaving with no notice once they find a full time job.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Based on your needs are you offering full time? I think the issue my other sister in law is having is that she only needs a part time nanny right now so hers keep leaving with no notice once they find a full time job.

Yes full time - 8:30 - 7pm Monday through Friday. Two weeks vacation, national holidays (plus the religious holidays I take off), sick days, metrocard, access to all food in the home, Uber to get around town with DD.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Universal pre-K basically means your kid is assigned somewhere. So it could be a private school, it could be a charter school, and it could be a public school. It could be religious based and it might not be. It may be in your neighborhood and it could be in the Bronx. Basically all it does is guarantee every pre-school age child a seat in a classroom some where in the city. Not necessarily the best seat but a seat.

My sister in law (the 2 year quickly approaching 3 year old's mom) is a pre-school admissions counselor. The fact that job exists and she makes a killing is what terrified me about preschool here in Manhattan! I want to be in the suburbs before we have kids because it is too cut throat here.

I'm hoping to be in the suburbs by then too.

 

[Baklava]

Stroller manufacturers are constantly coming up with new tricks and techniques to fold up strollers. I've used several different strollers, and all of them seem to have a different trick to fold it. Perhaps she wasn't as skilled with folding your stroller, especially if it is a newer stroller, as others she is more familiar with.

I had to get the bellman at POR to show me how to fold a City Mini. I wonder what that says about my "tradecraft" as a mother. Fortunately, he didn't seem too invested in judging me.

She's clearly made up her mind. That's fine but it seems like she's looking for excuses to make it this woman's fault.

This. Ultimately nobody is going to be happy with this scenario for long and the OP needs to stop coming up with excuses and just hire a new nanny. Hopefully she will do right by the current one but they'll all be better off. It doesn't really matter if the nanny is infirm and deceitful or the OP is paranoid or somewhere in between. The OP does not want this woman watching her baby. Period. This is one of those "only takes one 'no'" situations in parenting. Either of them should be able to veto a caregiver.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I had to get the bellman at POR to show me how to fold a City Mini. I wonder what that says about my "tradecraft" as a mother. Fortunately, he didn't seem too invested in judging me.

This. Ultimately nobody is going to be happy with this scenario for long and the OP needs to stop coming up with excuses and just hire a new nanny. Hopefully she will do right by the current one but they'll all be better off. It doesn't really matter if the nanny is infirm and deceitful or the OP is paranoid or somewhere in between. The OP does not want this woman watching her baby. Period. This is one of those "only takes one 'no'" situations in parenting. Either of them should be able to veto a caregiver.

Only judged because the cabbie figured it out so easily and she had so much trouble.

But again - I know - nitpicky.

She really does seem to care about the baby and takes good care of her indoors. It's unfortunate that overall it's not the right fit.

 

[gwynne]

Only judged because the cabbie figured it out so easily and she had so much trouble.

But again - I know - nitpicky.

She really does seem to care about the baby and takes good care of her indoors. It's unfortunate that overall it's not the right fit.

I don't find high end American strollers particularly intuitive. When I had German strollers, it was entirely different. They were amazingly sturdy, easy to use and pretty obvious as to how to open and close them. Call me a fan.

Becoming a mom, employing help, it's a learning curve. I think you'll feel much better with someone who can easily manage baby and stairs on their own. Since flights of stairs are a part of your current living situation, making sure that issue is addressed is important.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I don't find high end American strollers particularly intuitive. When I had German strollers, it was entirely different. They were amazingly sturdy, easy to use and pretty obvious as to how to open and close them. Call me a fan.

Becoming a mom, employing help, it's a learning curve. I think you'll feel much better with someone who can easily manage baby and stairs on their own. Since flights of stairs are a part of your current living situation, making sure that issue is addressed is important.

Agreed! That's why we went with a European company for most of our baby gear (stroller too!)

 

[gwynne]

Agreed! That's why we went with a European company for most of our baby gear (stroller too!)

Good choice! And you probably realize this, but in the US folks probably expect less user friendly equipment. Often not intuitive, sometimes easily broken, I can see why folks are cautious when it comes to opening and closing an unfamiliar stroller.

 

[Baklava]

Only judged because the cabbie figured it out so easily and she had so much trouble.

Yeah, the bellman got it in about half a second and we'd had three adults staring at it for several minutes. Fortunately he was super nice about the whole thing.

 

[roseaster]

The OP is a 1st time mom. I think we have all been there. She has certain ideas in her head about how things should be and also is comparing other people's situations to hers. As a PP said, OP, be very wary of what other mothers tell you. The mommy wars are strong and a lot of mothers are less than candid about what is really happening. You are going to hear a lot about "My nanny is the best!" "Our pre-school is the best!" "Our school is the best!" "My kid gifted!" "A competitive athlete!" Just read the DIS, you will see.

As the OP gets more experience and/or has more kids she will realize that there is no such thing as an ideal situation (in anything really) and that certain compromises will have to be made, and not to sweat the small stuff.

With the 1st kid I was maniacal about perfect little matching outfit with matching hair accessories, socks, and shoes. By #5 I was happy with weather appropriate clothing and 2 shoes.

It's like those hand sanitizer commercials where the show 1st kid & 2nd kid.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Ok, throwing this out there to see if this falls under "nit-picky"

It's cold here in NYC and the heat is on. Baby's skin has felt dry, so I asked the nanny to take out the new humidifier (a kid's one from Crane's) and set it up.

She took it out of the box and put it on a central table, but didn't set it up or turn it on because "she couldn't figure out how." So she told me (I ran into her in the hallway as I was coming home and she was leaving) she left it on the table with the instruction book next to it for us to set up.

Am I wrong to think she could have (or should have) read the instruction book herself and filled it with water and plugged it in?

Or is that unreasonable? Need to really know, as I am in the midst of figuring out this whole situation and securing a long term solution.

 

[cabanafrau]

Ok, throwing this out there to see if this falls under "nit-picky"

It's cold here in NYC and the heat is on. Baby's skin has felt dry, so I asked the nanny to take out the new humidifier (a kid's one from Crane's) and set it up.

She took it out of the box and put it on a central table, but didn't set it up or turn it on because "she couldn't figure out how." So she told me (I ran into her in the hallway as I was coming home and she was leaving) she left it on the table with the instruction book next to it for us to set up.

Am I wrong to think she could have (or should have) read the instruction book herself and filled it with water and plugged it in?

Or is that unreasonable? Need to really know, as I am in the midst of figuring out this whole situation and securing a long term solution.

Sorry, I've got to give you a vote of nitpicky on that one. Simply because you knew your child's needs and yet didn't make the time to address it yourself.

 

[gwynne]

Ok, throwing this out there to see if this falls under "nit-picky"

It's cold here in NYC and the heat is on. Baby's skin has felt dry, so I asked the nanny to take out the new humidifier (a kid's one from Crane's) and set it up.

She took it out of the box and put it on a central table, but didn't set it up or turn it on because "she couldn't figure out how." So she told me (I ran into her in the hallway as I was coming home and she was leaving) she left it on the table with the instruction book next to it for us to set up.

Am I wrong to think she could have (or should have) read the instruction book herself and filled it with water and plugged it in?

Or is that unreasonable? Need to really know, as I am in the midst of figuring out this whole situation and securing a long term solution.

It's probably safer for her to have you set it up, give her instructions. She didn't buy it.
Hopefully you'll be settled with someone else in the near future.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Sorry, I've got to give you a vote of nitpicky on that one. Simply because you knew your child's needs and yet didn't make the time to address it yourself.

Well, I hear you but isn't that part of the point of having the nanny? To take care of things like this while I'm at the office so it's done when I get home?