My son's teacher says he lacks poor impulse control

[lunapnp]

LoriX2,
I'm glad you are having time to spend one on one with your son. That will help you get more insight hopefully to his behavior. I can say, though, with my DD she was an "angel" when she had one on one. However, it's almost impossible to do one on one as much as she would like. I have another child and sometimes that's just impossible! Anyway, when my DD first started having problems, she only had outbursts at home...never anywhere else and was never physically aggressive with anyone else. However, as time went on she proceeded to have outbursts with grandparents and other extended family members (still doesn't have these problems at school!). I'm saying this to say that you shouldn't feel like it is all related to the fact that you can't spend one on one time with him all the time. I went down the guilt trip road, too, because I felt like a lot of it was my fault because I didn't have as much patience with my DD as I felt like I should have. Now that she is on medication I can see that some of her problems truly are related to some type of *imbalance* in her brain. I am not faultless, either, but I don't totally blame myself now. Hang in there. Know that we're all thinking about you.

 

[Lorix2]

Hi everyone, OP here....

I feel terrible about abandoning my own thread, (not that you were all hanging around waiting for me ) but I had to come to terms to the fact that my son could benefit from counseling and possibly medication.

After a few outbursts, the last being like this just the other day, I'll set up the "scene" for you.

He took a nasty fall at recess and his scraped skin seemed white and ***** even after it was cleaned, etc...so the pedi suggested coming in to be seen, which he balked at, but he went. The nurse took his temp, but the thing wouldn't work and he did try patiently 3x. She left and returned with another and then he gave her a hard time about doing it again, she did her thing and told us the dr would be in. Before the dr came in, he said "this is stupid, I'm outta here" and tried to leave. I stopped him by standing calmly before the door and told him to stop getting upset and that the dr would be in soon. He just kept carrying on....the dr obviously heard my stern warnings and came in and said, "I can see you don't want to be here, I'll try to make this quick" and he did. He said the wound could use more cleaning, but felt my son wouldn't comply (which I knew) and sent me home with some sponges and guaze to do it myself. I had him apologize to the dr and he did.

After we got the car, I asked him why and what makes him feel the need to be rude and defiant and he said he didn't know why and when I reminded him that I thought counseling might help and told him how many kids sometimes take medicine to help curb those feelings of anger and bad behavior, he said "I would do that". He also told me he didn't care if he died, only because I told him it was important to take care of the wound to prevent infection which could make him sick.

so the whole way home I cried silent tears behind my sunglasses and looking in my rear view watching my son stare blankly out the window and I realized then at that point, it was time, I've wasted too much of it hoping to change my parenting style or hoping he'd grow out of it, but I know it's not to be at this present time. I felt helpless and numb.

If you are still with me now, I have submitted the papers back to the pediatrician, but is was a scoring scale for ADHD and honestly most did not apply to him, but his own answers surprised me a little on his self version.

So I will wait to hear for our appointment. He just entered 4th grade and seems to be doing well, he gets right up and ready for school and says goodbye happily and comes home happily. I'm SO torn about this whole situation...

Thank you everyone for every word of advice and encouragement you have given to me.

 

[Forevryoung]

 

[KirstenB]

Lori, thanks for keeping us updated. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. I'm glad you're pursuing this, and trying to help him. It's amazing how much one child can affect the entire family isn't it?

Our older dd is on Concerta for ADD. It has made a difference in her ability to pay attention (I know that's probably not your main concern, but just wanted to let you know we've had a positive experience with the whole ADD eval/diagnosis/meds thing). Take care and I hope you're able to get some answers.

 

[Lorix2]

Thanks alot Kirsten, it IS amazing how one child can affect the family for sure, even involving the inlaws, that's hard to swallow. I feel like a very tiny weight has been lifted now that the ball is in their court so to speak..

I'm glad to hear of your DD's success and wish you all continued good thoughts and happy times.

 

[momof5boys]

Please hang in there. When I read you first post it was like looking at DSS when he was that age. He has ADHD and ODD. He was so definant it was horrible, if he was alone with a parent and no other kids it wasok but as you can see by my screen name that was a rarity. And no I didn't like the kid! It got so bad that we let him live with his mother even though we questioned her parenting skills. Needless to say 1 1/2years after going to live with her he was back, failed 5th grade. I had to start all over again with meds consueling. He is now 16 and a completly different person(kindof) When he hit puberty he changed for the better, off all meds, still gets argumentive at times (what teenager doesn't) My prayers are with you.