My son refuses to use deodorant

[Disney1fan2002]

Will he shower more often? If he showers in the morning and before bed, he should smell fine. Deodorant just makes things easier, but it is not strictly necessary unless he is very physically active.

I completely understands anxiety. I've got a DD with it and it sucks. Good luck.

He is a very sedentary boy. A bookworm who HATES physical activity. Showering is fine for him right now. I am just worried about the weather getting warmer.

I am hoping even when the weather is hot, the two showers a day work out for him.

 

[rszdtrvl]

Poor kid. My son is an Aspie too, and I know all too well the anxiety that they can get.

Luckily, my son (13) uses deodorant on a regular basis, and did not hide his puberty book (in fact, a friend of his was looking at it during a sleepover a half year or so ago). In fact, he is pretty up front about the whole puberty thing. Even about what goes on in health class.

My only advice would be to make sure he gets a daily shower, and maybe the two of you can go to pick out a deodorant (or maybe him & dad) together. Just by smelling them, maybe he will find a scent he really likes, or maybe he will like the unscented.

Or purchase a variety of different types for him - all unscented : gel, stick, spray, roll-on.

Good luck!

 

[Wishing on a star]

This year, I have decided I need to get him to understand the importance of personal hygiene, and deodorant being a part of it. I sat him down, and started explaining to him how bad a person with BO smells, and he will become a serious outcast.

Wow, I see a problem with the approach here.

You need to let it go for a while and let the drama blow over.

Then you need to start again with a very simple... No social-emotional undertones whatsoever, very 'rules based'....

We use this every day...
That is just what we do...
Non-negotiable...

No underlying negative social-emotional connotations at all.

 

[cabanafrau]

Haven't they done maturation/health & hygiene talks at school? I think they generally start around 5th grade. Aren't they required to have & use deodorant after PE?

Maybe do some investigating & see if you can get some back-up through the school. If he's doing it because everyone else is, it might go down easier. It also might help if it's just a black & white rule -- at home & school. Sometimes that helps w/ kids who deal w/ autism/asp.

 

[lovesmurfs]

My DH doesn't use deodorant, but a mineral stone he rubs under his arms while still wet -- It's totally unscented and really lasts all day (and the stone lasts forever!). I got one at Walgreens last time -- it was in a hard-to-find place on the upper shelf. Since he doesn't need one but every couple of years, it's been a while since I've looked.

This is the brand: http://www.thecrystal.com/product_information.cfm

Best wishes. Change is hard for everyone regardless of their challenges! If I could get DD (only 10) to realize why she needs to wear her training bra.....

 

[clgwli]

Have you looked into some of the salt crystal deodorants? They come in liquid roll on, spray and a rock solid. I use them myself because I feel they work best. The rock you put on right after you get out of the shower while you are slightly damp. It can be used on any part of the body that might smell too (including feet).

It would be a smell free step that might not quite as obvious as a scented deodorant. Particularly if you look at the rock styles since it would just be part of the shower really.

This is my favorite brand of deodorant http://www.thecrystal.com/ I have used the rock as well as the roll on. Again totally scent free and it really does an awesome job of keeping the stink away since it works on keeping the bacteria away and not masking a smell. Might make him less self conscious?

I find it at my local grocery stores and a few of the drug stores around. It's getting much easier for me to find than it used to.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Have you looked into some of the salt crystal deodorants? They come in liquid roll on, spray and a rock solid. I use them myself because I feel they work best. The rock you put on right after you get out of the shower while you are slightly damp. It can be used on any part of the body that might smell too (including feet).

It would be a smell free step that might not quite as obvious as a scented deodorant. Particularly if you look at the rock styles since it would just be part of the shower really.

This is my favorite brand of deodorant http://www.thecrystal.com/ I have used the rock as well as the roll on. Again totally scent free and it really does an awesome job of keeping the stink away since it works on keeping the bacteria away and not masking a smell. Might make him less self conscious?

I find it at my local grocery stores and a few of the drug stores around. It's getting much easier for me to find than it used to.

Ooohhh... great minds!!!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Wow, I see a problem with the approach here.

You need to let it go for a while and let the drama blow over.

Then you need to start again with a very simple... No social-emotional undertones whatsoever, very 'rules based'....

We use this every day...
That is just what we do...
Non-negotiable...

No underlying negative social-emotional connotations at all.

I see what you are saying, but I needed to stress the BO being what it is socially, because my son's argument is he will smell in school and all the kids will be able to tell he is wearing deodorant. I was trying to get him to understand it is better to smell like deodorant than BO.

As far as non-negotiable....this is where I am stuck. I can't force this on him, I wouldn't even if I knew how to. He flat out refuses to even talk about it, never mind getting him to go to the store and look at deodorant.

I have explained that every person's body changes. It is natural and nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of. I've explained that I use deodorant, as does dad, and his younger siblings will be soon. He won't have any of it. He doesn't care what I say, he doesn't want this to happen to him, and I think he believes if he can ignore it, it won't happen.

That said, I have stopped talking to him about it. We agreed on the showering and he is doing great with that.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Take him shopping and let him see what is out there. Maybe he will go for something more natural or like you just said soemthing unscented but maybe if he actually looks and picks it out it may be easier.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. My aspie son has lots of anxieties on other subjects (schoolwork is the biggest) but he actually wanted to get deodorant even before he really needed it - around 10, I think. We went shopping, he picked out a scent he really liked, he used it once or twice and there it sat for a year or so until he started needing it (I casually mentioned that he could use his deodorant anytime he wanted ).

So, hopefully, seeing/smelling all the types available to him may help. Maybe take it in short bursts if he gets overcome with emotion.

 

[punkin]

I don't think "non-negotiable" is a good tack to take with this type of kid unless his (or someone else's safety is involved.)

 

[Wishing on a star]

You do need to get an unscented deodorant for him...
Many of these kids have sensory integration issues. And, would simply not be able to handle a strong scent like Axe.

And, now that you have brought out the anxiety and social emotional issues... I really don't know how to reverse that.

It really is to late to ignore the whole debate, never mention 'changes' 'being socially ostracized', etc... That can't be reversed...

It sounds like deodorant and BO are not the main issue, but some major anxiety over adolescence. He could see the physical changes of adolescence as the onset of adulthood and responsibility, which he is probably not prepared to even think or talk about.

Is his anxiety being addressed by his psychologist/therapist???

It sounds like his anxiety might have increased to the point where he is shutting down.

I think I would forget the deodorant for a short while and focus on the anxiety.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't think "non-negotiable" is a good tack to take with this type of kid unless his (or someone else's safety is involved.)

First, that is just a figure of speach....

Secondly, kids like this are most often very rules based, routine based....

They do not understand the underlying and social hows and whys.

Sometimes, 'this is what we do',
Kind of like a rule, can be an effective approach.

 

[happygirl]

Maybe he's embrassed to discuss stuff like that with his mom. Maybe his grandfather or a uncle called speak to him. It might go over better from another guy

 

[cabanafrau]

First, that is just a figure of speach....

Secondly, kids like this are most often very rules based, routine based....

They do not understand the underlying and social hows and whys.

Sometimes, 'this is what we do',
Kind of like a rule, can be an effective approach.

That's why the school approach may be very helpful. Then it becomes a matter of, it is what it is, works that way for everyone -- kind of a "rule of the world" or a "rule of life". That just may give it a context his brain will accept.