My sister just called me and is freaking out - **small update**

[MAGICX2]

She didnt stay with me last night, and I talked to her this morning and she sounded exhausted. She said that she didnt sleep well - I imagine I wouldnt have either.

I CAN NOT BELIEVE SHE STAYED THERE!
As freaked out as you say she was, and to be in fear of her life, and to stay there!?!?!?!? How is she going to defend herself if the crazy soon-to-be EX shows up, let alone if it was anyone else?!?!

Sorry if this is a repeat question, but has anyone contacted the ex to find out what he knows about it all? Not that he'd tell the truth even if he was involved in this mess.

I agree. Even when he does lie about it, there are indicators you may be able to pick up on in his voice, word patterns, etc. ( I have been watching to much of that new show Lie To Me!)

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded

With all due respect, obviously the OP and her sister know the man well enough to be scared. I agree, but it's also easy to get caught up in the drama. I am advising a step back, and a cool head to handle this. So while there is a possibility that this is all just a big misunderstanding, I still think that her sister is best served erring on the side of caution. They know the man better than any of us.
Even if, as you said, he just stopped by to pick up some things, why did he leave a brand new, unused cell phone at the top of her stairs. If I had to guess, I'd guess he dropped it. Why a brand new one?? Maybe his old one broke. Maybe he wants to have a separate phone for work vs. personal. maybe he wants a separate phone for STB-exW & child to call as opposed to girlfriend and other friends. I would think that if he had accidentally left a phone, it would have been his own, well-used cell phone. That would make sense. Maybe, maybe not....And everyone here could be totally right that he is playing with her head. I guess my advice should have started with "everybody stop freaking out and try and think rationally about what the next stpes should be. Keeping a cool head will be more helpful in the long run"
The rest of your post was full of really good advice... Thanks
Anyhow, OP...Hopefully things are OK, and I hope you all can get some closure on this soon. So do I!

 

[dchi]

Maybe she needs to play with his mind a little. Have not thought of what exactly yet...

 

[Jenvenza]

Thanks for the update.

I was just thinking that the most logical explanation is it being her ex. He was there looking for papers and whatnot and he left the phone there accidentally - fell out of his pocket? Then he called it trying to find it and it rang when she was at home. That makes the most sense, compared to him trying to scare her or an intruder leaving the phone and not taking anything of value. JMO.

Sorry if this is a repeat question, but has anyone contacted the ex to find out what he knows about it all? Not that he'd tell the truth even if he was involved in this mess.

Can't wait to hear more on this!

We havent contacted him about it. I wanted to, but in all actuality, he will just lie about it if it was him, so I think we are just going ot leave it up to the police.

And I think you are right about him being there looking for something, rather than trying to scare her or it being an intruder. That doesnt make much sense to me.

He did contact her a few minutes ago and said he wanted visitation rights with his son now. He left in October and has seen his son twice and told my sister she could have full custody and he didnt need visitation. Now he is changing his tune - I wonder why? Just another thing to upset my sister.

 

[ilovejack02]

We havent contacted him about it. I wanted to, but in all actuality, he will just lie about it if it was him, so I think we are just going ot leave it up to the police.

And I think you are right about him being there looking for something, rather than trying to scare her or it being an intruder. That doesnt make much sense to me.

He did contact her a few minutes ago and said he wanted visitation rights with his son now. He left in October and has seen his son twice and told my sister she could have full custody and he didnt need visitation. Now he is changing his tune - I wonder why? Just another thing to upset my sister.

I hope she has a lawyer.. if not she needs to get one FAST and when he calls etc.. she needs to just say speak to my attorney. If he has only seen child twice and said he didnt want visitation heck why even answer the phone?

 

[wdwmom0f3]

OMG, I can't believe this. I would freak out if I found a phone like that in my house. I hope that she is getting an alarm system put in, like today.

 

[wall*e2008]

We havent contacted him about it. I wanted to, but in all actuality, he will just lie about it if it was him, so I think we are just going ot leave it up to the police.

And I think you are right about him being there looking for something, rather than trying to scare her or it being an intruder. That doesnt make much sense to me.

He did contact her a few minutes ago and said he wanted visitation rights with his son now. He left in October and has seen his son twice and told my sister she could have full custody and he didnt need visitation. Now he is changing his tune - I wonder why? Just another thing to upset my sister.

This one is easy. The more time he has with his son the less he pays in support.

 

[jmpurdy]

Having just gone thru this with my daughter, have her document every conversation, date/time. There is no such thing as too much documentation. Save every e-mail and voice mail. (both sent and received. She keeps one set and the lawyer gets a set. She should speak to no one but her lawyer. His lawyer talks to her lawyer. End of story. This saves alot of grief and stress. Really hope all is well.

 

[ols386]

Maybe she needs to play with his mind a little. Have not thought of what exactly yet...

I wouldn't recommend playing mind games with this guy. That sounds dangerous. He already sounds unstable, no need to aggrevate him.

 

[Jenvenza]

I hope she has a lawyer.. if not she needs to get one FAST and when he calls etc.. she needs to just say speak to my attorney. If he has only seen child twice and said he didnt want visitation heck why even answer the phone?

Did I say he called?? I might have...he emailed her. Sorry! No, she doesnt speak with him or email him back. She called her lawyer right away and is waiting for her to return her call.

Having just gone thru this with my daughter, have her document every conversation, date/time. There is no such thing as too much documentation. Save every e-mail and voice mail. (both sent and received. She keeps one set and the lawyer gets a set. She should speak to no one but her lawyer. His lawyer talks to her lawyer. End of story. This saves alot of grief and stress. Really hope all is well.

Yes, she has every email and text he has sent over the past few months and has already given them to her lawyer. They really show how unstable he is. Thanks for the advice!

I wouldn't recommend playing mind games with this guy. That sounds dangerous. He already sounds unstable, no need to aggrevate him.

No, no, no. We arent going to play mind games with him. Not even worth it.

 

[jmpurdy]

Did I say he called?? I might have...he emailed her. Sorry! No, she doesnt speak with him or email him back. She called her lawyer right away and is waiting for her to return her call.



Yes, she has every email and text he has sent over the past few months and has already given them to her lawyer. They really show how unstable he is. Thanks for the advice!



No, no, no. We arent going to play mind games with him. Not even worth it.

You are all doing the right thing. The court is interested in the whole picture of this guy to establish what is in the best interest of the child when establishing visitation (if any). The court needs to see everything to make the best decision possible. If he is worried about money, this could be used to her advantage. Some, not all, will go away if given the opportunity to walk away scott free (no child support if they agree to give up their rights). Sounds drastic, but in some cases, the best option and sometimes if given the bait, they'll take it.....as I said, we have been there...

 

[SereneOne]

Did I say he called?? I might have...he emailed her. Sorry! No, she doesnt speak with him or email him back. She called her lawyer right away and is waiting for her to return her call.



Yes, she has every email and text he has sent over the past few months and has already given them to her lawyer. They really show how unstable he is. Thanks for the advice!



No, no, no. We arent going to play mind games with him. Not even worth it.

Glad to hear it, it just fans the flames.

Praying all goes well for your family, that this ends as peacefully and painlessly as possible.

 

[momrek06]

He did contact her a few minutes ago and said he wanted visitation rights with his son now. He left in October and has seen his son twice and told my sister she could have full custody and he didnt need visitation. Now he is changing his tune - I wonder why? Just another thing to upset my sister.

Did he happen to mention by any chance that he had a NEW CELLPHONE #...because as you stated this cell phone that was found did not have the voice mail set up yet!

 

[horseshowmom]

And why does it bother you that the officer gave her his personal cell number? I am sure it was his work cell number. He said to call that because he could be there within 3 minutes. Nothing wrong or strange about that.

Just came across this thread and wanted to add that when my daughter had some problems with an ex-BF about a year and a half ago, the lieutenant that we dealt with gave DD his cell phone number (in our presence) and told her to call him immediately if she heard from the ex-BF again. He said that he could get someone to her much quicker than if she went through regular phone channels.

He also said that just because the BF had never done anything to hurt her in the past didn't mean it couldn't happen now (based on some of what we told him). Similar to what the officer told your sister, our officer said that ex-BF's have been known to do some unexpected things, and it's much better to be safe than sorry.

I hope things work out for your sister, and they find something out soon.

 

[ilovejack02]

Did I say he called?? I might have...he emailed her. Sorry! No, she doesnt speak with him or email him back. She called her lawyer right away and is waiting for her to return her call.



Yes, she has every email and text he has sent over the past few months and has already given them to her lawyer. They really show how unstable he is. Thanks for the advice!



No, no, no. We arent going to play mind games with him. Not even worth it.

Good glad to hear she has a lawyer!
Some woman just dont want to deal with things so will not get one to try to play nice .

I just figured it was a call since you said contact.

Oh wait he cant call.. he dropped his phone

 

[Jenvenza]

Good glad to hear she has a lawyer!
Some woman just dont want to deal with things so will not get one to try to play nice .

I just figured it was a call since you said contact.

Oh wait he cant call.. he dropped his phone

After everything he has done, we would kill her if she didnt get a lawyer!

 

[Jenvenza]

Did he happen to mention by any chance that he had a NEW CELLPHONE #...because as you stated this cell phone that was found did not have the voice mail set up yet!

Wouldnt that have been a lucky break?

No, he sent her an email.

 

[Imzadi]

He did contact her a few minutes ago and said he wanted visitation rights with his son now.

I wonder if this was before or after the Police may have visited him, or after a visit with a lawyer who told him to ask for visitation rights.

have her document every conversation, date/time. There is no such thing as too much documentation. Save every e-mail and voice mail. (both sent and received.

Yes, she has every email and text he has sent over the past few months

I'm wondering if these were the things he was trying to get into the house to delete?

Especially in light of:

The court is interested in the whole picture of this guy to establish what is in the best interest of the child when establishing visitation (if any). The court needs to see everything to make the best decision possible. If he is worried about money, this could be used to her advantage.

Since he had emailed several times the day before about not being able to afford custody payments, he may have realized, or was told by his lawyer, that was NOT a good thing to do. So he went into the house to delete the record of all his emails from the day before and previously.

 

[Singleminnie]

Don't put anything past the ex or his atty. I am going through this myself, and my ex's atty told him to "steal" my personal planner b/c they needed to know everything there is about the kids, scheduals etc. I filed a bar complaint against the atty and in the atty's response he admitted he told my ex to take it, claiming it is marital property. The bar did not punish him but told him to give it back. It had work related information and notes I had written for my atty, etc. Needless to say, I don't have it still and that was almost 2 months ago. There is so much more going on here, be suspicious of everthing your ex does. I don't even know who my ex is anymore, after 15 years (sorry OT).

Please take care and keep us updated. I too would feel better if she stayed with you.

 

[Rora]

Glad to see you updated and that your sister is okay!

Hm.. now wanting visitation rights seems strange- it looks like things are pointing to him.. could he have been in the house looking for the son? That sounds really scary, but if he's unstable.. you never know.

Regardless, keep us updated. Good thoughts sent your family's way!!